• Announcements

    • Zapata

      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  

meanmachine

Members
  • Content count

    1,117
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

0 Neutral

About meanmachine

  • Rank
    Anarchist
  • Birthday 05/20/1955

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://

Profile Information

  • Location
    chain valley bay

Recent Profile Visitors

3,609 profile views
  1. Joke

    I don't get it ummm...are you blonde by any chance ? cheers,
  2. Joke

    A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."
  3. Joke

    Call Up - Guys Over 60 This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier.... New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing arse -backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry..' We are normally bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some arsehole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.. An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any press-ups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
  4. Joke

    hahaha...that has to be simulatanously the funniest and most revolting mental imagine i've had in a long time ! well done (could only come from FNQ...). cheers,
  5. Joke

    When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah asked, 'Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age I think that is remarkable.' George Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.' Oprah said, 'I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.' George said, 'Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.' Oprah said, 'I have never been with an older man. Would you do it with me?' So they had sex and when they finished, Oprah said, 'I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied. You are a remarkable man!' George said, 'The second time is even better than the first time.' Oprah asked, 'You can really do it again at your age?' George said, 'Just let me sleep for half an hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.' When she woke him up, they had great sex again, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, 'Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be even better than the first time. At your age, Oh my, Oh my!' George told her that the third time would be even better. 'You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.' Oprah asked, 'Does my holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?' George replied, 'No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!' cheers
  6. Joke

    ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) What he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time And sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it.' 'CASE DISMISSED' cheers,
  7. Ben Lexcens designs

    this is (one of) my old boat. was called 'Heavy Duty' when i owned it in sydney. sold to geelong i think. 9.44m / 31' and 2.89m / 9.5' draft. massive rig (note the very high first spreader - a result of lengthing the mast below this). heaps of fun a 31' boat with full standing headroom, potentially 3 x double bunks, and would still beat a lot of quick 36'ers cheers,
  8. Ben Lexcens designs

    I remember racing against it at MHYC as a kid in the early 70s too. Rocketship in its day, didn't realise it was his though. Linky: http://woodenboatblog.com/node/549 Lines are very reminiscent of Apollo 1 thanks for the link. i'll try to track down the owner. have many fond memories of the boat, including the S/H and a lord howe island race. the deck leaked rather badly off-shore and i recall i had to keep my wet weather gear (it was the days of that orange marlin stuff - horrible by todays standards but then the best that money could buy) over the chart table at all times to try to keep the charts from washing away. and yes, you can definitely see the family connection with Apollo I cheers,
  9. Ben Lexcens designs

    Marsude was on eBay a few weeks ago for $5000. Was listed as a Swanson built by Ben Lexcen! Appeared twice before someone bid on it. Cold moulded timber probably scared people off. Obviously needed a coat of paint but all the gear was there and would have been an excellent buy, hope the new owner enjoys her. I was really tempted but I'm trying to keep the number of boats I own to a minimum these days. marsude had a modified swanson 36 fiberglass coachhouse, so looks a little swanson-ish i guess wish i'd seen it on e-bay...great boat and would be fun to see what it would rate on IRC ! cheers,
  10. Ben Lexcens designs

    do boats designed when he was bob miller count ? did a lot of racing in the early 1970's on a lovely 33' called 'marsude' timber cold-moulded. very light displacement for her day. did very well at mhyc, and i recall surfing to class lead in 1975 hobart until weather and gear breakage screwed us. after marsude the owner had one of the first etchells in oz - KA-33 if remember correctly. pretty sure marsude is still afloat somewhere up the parramatta river... cheers,
  11. Joke

    The Parking Officer's Funeral As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!!!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, the paperwork's already done" cheers,
  12. Joke

    DONATION Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the Internal Revenue Service. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan? ' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' ---------------------------------------------------------- CONFESSION An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Then why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'Hey, I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody!' ------------------------------------------------------------------- BROTHEL TRIP An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' ----------------------------------------------------------------- SENILITY An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.' -------------------------------------------------------------------- PEST CONTROL A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!' ------------------------------------------------------------------- MARRIAGE HUMOR Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing? ... You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' -------------------------------------------------------------------- DINNER Wife: 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.' -------------------------------------------------------- Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' ______________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who left you the fortune!' ------------------------------------------------------------ A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!' ___________________________________ Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied: 'Your horse phoned.'
  13. Joke

    pretty funny although ansett went out of business in 2002. paper delivery a bit slow there grumps ? cheers
  14. Joke

    + 1 best in a long time thanks ! cheers,
  15. Italian cruise ship tragedy

    haven't been following this thread all that closely so forgive me if this http://www.navicomdynamics.com/media/sitemedia/screen%20dumps/GroundingCostaConcordia.wmv has been put up before cheers,