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      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  

Mysanne Throhppe

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About Mysanne Throhppe

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  1. wouldn't bump they asses
  2. India, naMANsté:
  3. Two nuns are returning to their convent, walking through a rough neighborhood. They pass through an alley, and two thugs assault the nuns and rape them. One nun says loudly, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!" The other nun says, "Speak for yourself, Sister - this one is doing just fine!"
  4. Those of you who don't think Bennett is real have got to be really insulated. He's pretty much the typical Wal-Mart customer you can see anytime you walk in. I just don't want to get old in this country.
  5. “We don’t allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,” says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.
  6. Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen." "No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the hey," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.' Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, sometimes you can be a real jerk." A drunk with a pig under his arm and a parrot on his shoulder; a blonde, a brunette and a redhead; Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky; a farmer, a farmer's daughter and a travelling salesman; a minister, a rabbi and a priest; an Irishman, an Italian and a Pole; a doctor, a lawyer and an engineer; a piano player and a monkey; three nuns; a redneck; God, St. Peter and a second lawyer walk into a bar. (Continued below). The Bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?" A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers! " " I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the heck out of my testicles." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!! A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where -- your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me." The guy raises his eyebrows and says... "No kidding, what law firm do you work for?" A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile. He asks "do you serve catholics?" The bartender replies "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?" The man replies "A pint of Guinness and 2 catholics for the crocodile." A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?" "Certainly sir,"replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business." Three guys are in a bar discussing how much their wives bitch at them. They decide that when they get home, they'll do the first thing that the women ask. The next night, their in the same bar. The first guy says, "Man, I don't think that our idea was so great! I was sitting on the couch watching TV, and I dropped my cigarette on the couch. my wife said why don't you burn the whole house down? That place is still smouldering." The second guy said, "That ain't nothing. I was working on the car, and dropped my wrench and it nicked the fender. She said why don't you tear the whole car apart? It took me all night." The third guy said, "you guys don't have nothing on me. When I walked in the door, my wife was doing the dishes, and I felt a little romantic. I reached down, and she said 'Cut that out!' Ever seen one of these real close?" These three guys are sitting at a bar arguing which one has the ugliest wife. The conversation begins to get heated to the point of the barkeeper telling them to get the hell out or shut up! In fact he says, "why don't you settle it once and for all and just visit each others house and decide for yourselves..." Damn Good idea they agree, finish their drinks and make off for the first guys house. Upon arriving he bangs on his door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two. Not so fast says the second, I got that beat. And off they go to his house... He bangs on the door and his wife comes to answer the door opens and all three step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet but the third guy says sorry I've got you both beat. He goes to his house and walks right in, there's no sign of anyone around. He stomps his foot on the trap door in the floor and they all hear this voice say "Is that you honey?" "Yeah it's me," he says. "Do you want me to come out?" she asks "Yes please," he says. "Should I put the bag on my head?" she asks. He says, "No. I don't want to fuck you, I just want to show you off!" Two buddies were sharing drinks in the local pub, while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. "Well, no, not exactly. She's more into the 'trick dog' aspect of it," his buddy replied. "Oh, I see! Man! Kinky, huh!?" "Well, no, not at all. You see, it's like this... I sit up 'n' beg, then she rolls over and 'plays dead'." A stunningly beautiful woman walked into a bar and sat down. She was followed a few minutes later by a man who took a seat at the end of the bar. He immediately noticed the beauty and, since this was his local hangout, figured the bartender would do him a favor. "Jack, here's a twenty-dollar bill," whispered the man, leaning over the bar, "slip her some Spanish fly." "I don't have any Spanish fly," said the bartender, "but a customer gave me some Jewish fly." "Jewish fly!" exclaimed the man, "what does THAT do?" "I don't know," answered the bartender. "Why don't we try it and find out?" The next time the woman needed a refill, the bartender put the Jewish fly powder in her drink. She finished the drink, and a few minutes later got up and sidled over to the man. She put her arm around his shoulder, put her other hand on his knee, and began to rub the inside of his leg. "You attract me," she purred. "I'd like to do something with you tonight." "Honey, I'll do anything you want," gasped the man. "Great! Take me shopping at Bloomingdale's!"
  7. old joke, actually it's a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer, and the engineer asks the question. Here's something new
  8. How often do you find cops who are that bright?
  9. CHOOT 'EM!
  10. A 20-year-old Jewish girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for 2 months and is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl and tells them, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take responsibility. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami and a $1,000,000 bank account." "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account." "However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?" All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."
  11. I'd say both of her ends match...
  12. Would you believe a liar if he admitted he were a liar? If ignorance is bliss, why isn't Jersey Shore ecstatic? If 2% of the world's oil is cut off because of civil war, why is my gas price jumping 10%? How do they signal the Batman on a clear night? If you build a summer camp for ADHD children and its focus is helping the kids to pay attention, is it a concentration camp? If all Muslims are terrorists, are all Catholics pedophiles? Do African Jews have a Black Sabbath? Since strippers are known as "exotic dancers," are drug dealers "exotic pharmacists?" Do crematoria give discounts to burn victims? Egyptians without internet: Gyptians? ... If actions speak louder than words, why is the pen mightier than the sword?
  13. Each Friday night after work Billy Bob would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Billy Bob's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Billy Bob and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Billy Bob attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Billy Bob's neighbors were greatly relieved until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and as he rushed into Billy Bob's yard clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Billy Bob clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz boan a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
  14. A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' 'I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.' See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse...
  15. As a bagpiper, I have played many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."