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About projectmayhem2001

  • Rank
    Super Anarchist
  • Birthday 08/28/1975

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  • Location
    Sandy Eggo
  • Interests
    Beer, sailing. Mostly beer. I also enjoy waffles.

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6,221 profile views
  1. projectmayhem2001

    Bacon Anarchy

    If they ever invent a bacon that can nag us to death, Women, you've had it.
  2. projectmayhem2001

    Bacon Anarchy

    AT-AT made from bacon. Link.
  3. projectmayhem2001

    Bacon Anarchy

  4. projectmayhem2001

    Bacon Anarchy

    Sounds like a more reasonable title would be "Double Bypass."
  5. projectmayhem2001

    Bacon Anarchy

  6. projectmayhem2001


    Was really hoping the punchline would be "AFLAC!"
  7. projectmayhem2001


    A woman visits her gynecologist for a checkup. "Madam, you have the largest vagina I have ever seen." Says the doctor. Intrigued, she goes home to examine it for herself. She takes the full-length mirror off the wall and places it on the floor, strips naked, and stands over it. Just then her husband walks in and finds her naked. "What on earth are you doing?" He asks. "I'm exercising." She says, thinking quickly. "Okay, then, just be careful not to fall through that hole in the floor."
  8. (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
  9. (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
  10. (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
  11. projectmayhem2001


    A schoolteacher gives her class an assignment... get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. So, the next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Katy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess" "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. "Lucy, now you." "Our family are farmers too, Miss. But we raise chickens for the butcher's shop. We had a dozen eggs at one time, but when they hatched we only got five chicks. And the moral of this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "That was a fine story, Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, miss, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Leo. Uncle Leo is a pilot in Afghanistan and he got shot down. He had to bail out into Al Quaida territory, and all he had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and machete. ...Well, he drank the whisky on the way down, so it wouldn't break, and then he landed right in the middle of 100 Al Quaida soldiers armed with AK-47’s. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Don't fuck with Uncle Leo when he's been drinking."