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      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  

onephatdiva

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About onephatdiva

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    Leaving a daughters bedroom, is it yours?
  1. Dow 9,000 - or less?

    Already here, equity markets lead employment data by about 6 months so the dip started about 4-6 weeks ago. You won't find to many US companies with large inventories as yet so that implies they don't think there is a surge coming anytime soon. People are still running stock down and buying effectivley on spot rather than long dated cheaper orders. The second coming will really commence when rates start moving up
  2. Dow 9,000 - or less?

    http://www.businessinsider.com/chart-of-the-day-jobs-lost-in-the-bush-and-obama-administration-2010-2 So the number of people losing there jobs is slowing down yet the number of people being employed or re-employed are what?
  3. Sarah Palin…genius

    Who is the average American just out of interest as it is banded around all the time, good old average Joe, but what defines average?
  4. where's the BEER .........

  5. Hey, Phattie :)

    Just wanted to say hi & give you a comment!

    Bella :)

  6. Joke

    An old Maori man lived alone at his family home in Ruatoria. He wanted to dig his kumara garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Hone, who used to help him, was in Paremoremo prison. The man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Kia ora e Hone, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my kumara garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Aroha nui Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. E Pa, For God's sake!, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love Hone At 4am the next morning, Gisborne C.I.B and the local police showed up with a search warrant and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the man received another letter from his son. E Pa Go ahead and plant the Kumara. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Hone
  7. Joke

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Arch-Angel found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said “What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance". Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?" Ah ," said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? you said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them. I call them Australians!!!"
  8. Joke

    Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue: Dear Mr Addison, I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents. Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole. Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system." A couple of technical points arising from direct queries: 1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system; 2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medicallogistics involved would make it financially unviable. I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. Please forward it by Friday. Yours Sincerely, H J Lee Customer Relation
  9. Joke

    I've been drinking too much.... shame on you, and never let those words utterr past your lips.....you can never drink to much
  10. Joke

    Geezus Phats...you didn't say you had a brother m8 Yeah close kept family secret.....why do you want to meet him or something?
  11. Joke

    Your lucky Grumpy , I was winding up the seppo's in PA for shits and giggles, you got away with it this time So what did I miss please
  12. Joke

    An Italian, a Scottsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to: The Italian guy, ''You're in charge of sweeping'' The Scotsman, ''You're in charge of shovelling'' The Chinese guy, ''You're in charge of supplies.'' He then says, ''Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that pile.'' So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and, when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, ''Why didn't you sweep any of it?'' The Italian replies, ''I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he awasa ina charge ofa supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I nocouldafinda him nowhere.'' Then the foreman turns to the Scottsman and says, ''And you; I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'' The Scotsman replies, ''Aye, ye did, lad; boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either.'' The foreman is real angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells... ''SUPPLIES!!
  13. Joke

    Ten Things a Guy Learns From Action Movies 1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends. 3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that wants to go to bed with you, and the type that wants to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. 4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. 5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. 6. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.' 7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me. 8. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly. 9. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly. 10. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
  14. Joke

    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says "Faaaaaaark dude....... how much water did you drink?!!"
  15. Joke

    LETTER FOUND IN A "PERSONAL PROBLEMS" ADVICE COLUMN From Gavin of Wellington, New Zealand. I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the Suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian. My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland,for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible, i.e. when she turns 16 and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancée utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being Australian?