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About svzephyr44

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  • Birthday 11/11/1946

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    Milwaukee, WI at the moment
  1. svzephyr44


    An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like." The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?" "No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."
  2. svzephyr44


    RECTUM STRETCHER While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what?............ A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket $95.00 Court Costs $45.00 Look on the Cop's Face..... PRICELESS For everything else, there's MasterCard.
  3. svzephyr44

    Heller v. DC being heard today

    WSJ Law Blog Summary
  4. svzephyr44

    Heller v. DC being heard today

    Interesting Op-Ed in the WSJ about two weeks ago by Larry Tribe, a very well know, very well respected, very liberal Harvard Law constitutional lawyer. In it he took the position that - even though it went against every bone in his liberal body - the second amendment was an individual right not constrained by militia service. He went on in the op-ed to encourage the Supreme Court to do a "narrow finding" - one that was constrained as possible. I also found it interesting in reading the Court of Appeals decision some months ago that the writers did not tiptoe around suggesting that in some circumstance the finding was "a" and in some other circumstance the finding was "b." The CofA came out flatly that the right to bear arms was an individual right.
  5. svzephyr44


    IDIOT SIGHTING : We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.." We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." IDIOT SIGHTING : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when t he light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" IDIOT SIGHTING : I was at a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. IDIOT SIGHTING : When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side." STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and - and they REPRODUCE
  6. svzephyr44


    Software saleman dies and goes to heaven. Met by St. Peter St Peter: "Since you are a software saleman we have a special procedure. I want you to walk down the hall, you will find two doors, one marked "Heaven" and one marked "Hell." Open the doors, look around, come back and tell me were you would like to go." Somewhat surprised the software salesman goes down the hall and opens the door marked "Heaven." As might expected everything inside is heavenly. Idylic scenes, people praising the Lord, much joy. He closes the door and opens the door marked "Hell." Inside he finds the wildest party he has ever seen in his life - boooze, hot women, great music, etc.) So he goes back to St Peter and says "I know this might be a bit unusual but I think I would prefer "Hell." St. Peter says: "Actually, I am not surprised, we get that reaction from a lot of software salesmen." There is a poof and the software salesman finds himself stark naked being burned by flames, eaten by acid, flogged by all sorts of creatures, in indescribable pain. Just then the devil walks by. The sofware salesman says to the devil "What happened to the great party?" The devil says: "Well, you are a software saleman ... Surely you understand that what you saw in heaven was the demo!"
  7. svzephyr44


    Could not pass up the fact that I was the 120,001 viewer of this thread