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About Woolsey

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  • Birthday 08/14/1966

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  1. Woolsey


    Three young urbanites have been arrested and charged with trying to break into a car. Brought before the court, the judge asks the first how he pleas. The kid says "yo honor, we wasn't tryin to break into no car. they wuz two people in that car, and we wuz watchin them fuckin!" "CONTEMPT OF COURT! Ten dollar fine" replied the judge, upon hearing the obscenity. He turns to the second child and says "ok, your turn." The second kid says "yo honor, I sho don't know what to say here, cuz you axed us whether we wuz tryin to break into that car, and all I can say is that they wuz two people in that car, and they sho nuff was fuckin." "CONTEMPT OF COURT! Ten dollar fine!" The judge turns to the third kid, who says: "Yo honor, all I saw was ten toes up, ten toes down. Two assholes goin 'round and round.... IF THAT AIN'T FUCKIN, HERE'S MY TEN DOLLARS!"
  2. Woolsey


    A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!" His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
  3. Woolsey


    If you do not wish to read a very sick joke, stop reading now. A guy is screwing his girl doggy style, when he pulls out and starts to give it to her in the butt. She says "That is awfully presumptuous of you, don't you think?" He says "'Presumptuous' is an awfully big word for a five year old, don't you think?"
  4. Woolsey


    Ok this one is obviously outdated (by a few months) given the passing of one of the characters, but here it is anyway: What did Ronald Reagan say to OJ Simpson? I hear you and Nicole are having trouble.
  5. Woolsey


    How does Mary Kate Olson show off? She takes a shit.
  6. Woolsey


    not a joke, but still the funniest thing i've seen in a while....
  7. Woolsey


    Son: "Dad, is it true that in some countries, men do not know their wives until they marry them?" Father: "No son, that is true in ALL countries."