Bullfrog

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About Bullfrog

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    Anarchist
  • Birthday 06/09/1984

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    Viaduct, Auckland
  1. both of u look back a page.... that was the funniest time
  2. makes me glad not to be an aussie: Aussie Aussie Aussie... We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's livable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet. Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate. Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel. Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business. The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminum content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way to Bali. And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better. We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leapin joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, swimming, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk. Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it. I am, you are, we are Australian! P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!
  3. You've had a shocker there mate
  4. The Dictionary: what engineers say and what they mean by it Major Technological Breakthrough Back to the drawing board. Developed after years of intensive research It was discovered by accident. The designs are well within allowable limits We just made it, stretching a point or two. Test results were extremely gratifying It works, and are we surprised! Customer satisfaction is believed assured We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all. Close project coordination We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this. Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties We are working on something else. The design will be finalized in the next reporting period We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something. A number of different approaches are being tried We don't know where we're going, but we're moving. Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while. Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. The entire concept will have to be abandoned The only guy who understood the thing quit. Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch. Essentially complete. Half done. We predict... We hope to God! Drawing release is lagging. Not a single drawing exists. Risk is high, but acceptable. 100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we mayhave a 50/50 chance. Serious, but not insurmountable, problems. It will take a miracle. God should be the program manager. Not well defined. Nobody has thought about it. Requires further analysis and management attention. Totally out of control. The project is designed for high availability. Malfunctions will be blamed on the operators mistakes. This project has low maintenance requirements. We wouldn't let the technicians change a light bulb, much less fool around with our baby. The software is being developed without excessive process overhead. The documentation will be written in clear and lucid Chinese. The delivery is scheduled for the last quarter of next year. This leaves us plenty of time to decide who to blame for it being late.
  5. Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.