scottmax

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Everything posted by scottmax

  1. scottmax

    DC Designs

    This is a good question, I would be interested to hearing the answer from any skiff guys who have been using this rigging for the last few seasons. I was worried about my fat arse hitting the rigging and really never gave this a thought but the point load would be far higher from a boom through the gybe than my body weight.
  2. scottmax

    DC Designs

    Another question to post in regards to rigging- Going through the photos some have lowers other do not. What are peoples thoughts on this? I was told just the other day by a local sailor that the goose neck fitting can be fitted to the king post (with a bit or re-inforcing added first), I I go down this path why would I need the lowers? I am days away from pulling the trigger and ordering a new mast So am curious to peoples ideas and opinions before I order. Thanks for the offer Dan I am in Aus and the shipping may be killer! I am keen for the carbon rigging, will see what the masses think here.
  3. scottmax

    DC Designs

    Hi Steve When you are using rod rigging is this SS or Carbon? I am thinking of going down the carbon route for the new machete but am a bit anxious about it. My main issue is if I get flung off the boat and go through the rigging, I am to sure about the rigging holding up to this. Some contender guys went down this path a few years ago and thought is was the greatest thing since slice bread. But the word I am getting back from the c-tech guy is they have all gone back to SS rigging again as the contender has a minimum weight on the mast and the Carbon rigging was making them carry to much corrector weight. Do you have any thoughts on this?
  4. (727): :(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
  5. (+27): A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
  6. (623): We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night. Fav 0 12 2
  7. scottmax

    Restoration Ron Holland IOR racer Flirt of Paget (2)

    2 years after re-launch hows is it all going?
  8. scottmax

    Joke

    That made me laugh
  9. scottmax

    Joke

    MISSING WIFE A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife: Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet. Inspector :-What is her height? Husband :-I never checked. Inspector :-Slim or healthy?. Husband :-Not slim, can be healthy. Inspector :-Colour of eyes? Husband :-Never noticed. Inspector :-Colour of hair? Husband :-Changes according to season. Inspector :-What was she wearing? Husband :-Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit. Inspector :-Was she driving? Husband :-yes. Inspector :-colour of the car? . . . . . Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door......................and then the husband started crying... Inspector:-Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car.
  10. scottmax

    Joke

    Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond. He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana"). Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the next day; Maybe the day after that; Or perhaps next week; Next month; Next year. Who really cares?" The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe (aboriginal) who was also on the show. She asked him if there was an equivalent term in his native language. "Eh" he replied, "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency."
  11. scottmax

    Joke

    This may well be a true story, I would not be suprised. But its still funny to read people can be this stupid. We live in a would that is crazy beyond belief! BOY OH BOY, HOW INCOMPETENT AND INEFFICIENT ARE THE YOUNGER GENERATION THESE DAYS. WHO DO WE HAVE TO BLAME FOR THIS – OURSELVES – THE PARENTS !!!! Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.' ANZ: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.' ANZ: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' ANZ: 'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' ANZ: 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?' ANZ: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.' ANZ: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' ANZ: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given) ANZ: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member: 'Sure.' ( fax number is given ) After they get the fax: ANZ: 'Our system just isn't set up for death.. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care..' ANZ: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?' ANZ: 'That might help.' Family Member: ' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number 1049.' ANZ: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'Well, what the #*+##* do you do with dead people on your planet?'
  12. scottmax

    Joke

    1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to Canterbury" said the boy. "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer. "No, he went with Mum and Dad" the boy answered. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message" said the boy. "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant". The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
  13. scottmax

    Joke

    David Beckham gets into a London taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear-view mirror. After about 5 minutes the driver says "OK give me a clue". Beckham says "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in the USA and got over 100 caps for England, is that enough?". The driver says: "No you thick clod, where do you want to go?"
  14. scottmax

    Joke

    Fred came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Fred .' Fred was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Fred was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Fred the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. ' Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Fred . 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.' He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard..... " Fred , wake up! You've shit the bed!" Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!
  15. scottmax

    Joke

    HE MUST PAY Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you." Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.” Today's Short Reading from the Bible... From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth." Then He made the earth round... A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados." Water in the carburetor WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car? WIFE: "In the pool"
  16. scottmax

    Older fast Aus multies

    I will add to the blurb above the WAGS record Jacko just missed out on happened in the last 12 months, the boat is still in the exact same condition as it was when this happened. Jacko nose dived twice during the race and that was the reason he missed the record. (he was a bit rusty from not sailing for a while ) The boat is ready to race as is but would be better if a bit of love was thrown over the boat first. If I had the cash and a place to sail it from I would have bought it years ago, it is a crazy fast little 8m Tri.
  17. scottmax

    Older fast Aus multies

    I sailed on Nutz with Jacko in January, the port arma need some love on the front pin that attaches to the main hull, the head-sail is shot and would be a great drop cloth. The mast head kite sheave needs to be replaced. From memory the kite is not in bad nick. The main is getting on but you could sail with it as is. Get in touch with the broker and make a offer I know Jacko wants the boat to be sailed more. He is ready to move onto his next project and does not get out on the boat as much as he would like. It would be a great boat for pittwater especially if you could dry sail it. The rig and de-rig time on the graingers are a bit long for a trailer boat. I did not take a great deal of interest in the trailer but know it was towed to Airlie 4 years ago on the trailer it is on. As I said earlier people are spending a truck load of money to go faster than the nutz and they are but not by much, but bang for buck it would be the best racing tri on the market today.
  18. scottmax

    Older fast Aus multies

    Dux Nuts has been for sale for quite a while, I think the boats scares people. It is a lot of boat for a little money. Need a new set of sails and a small amount of work on the armas, but beside that would be a pointy end boat for very small $$$ compared to the competition it would be around.
  19. scottmax

    Joke

  20. scottmax

    Joke

    Just so I could read it
  21. scottmax

    Joke

    So please explain. How is this a joke? Or is it just your sick fantasy? Mate if you cannot the funny side of this I feel you are a bit tightly wound. Chill out dude, have a spliff and a drink and the world is a whole lot better place.
  22. scottmax

    Joke

    RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me!!
  23. scottmax

    Joke

    This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care) After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..."Ooooh that feels good". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status... So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
  24. (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. (540): Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex. (910): So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
  25. (587): So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes. (403): Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck (813): Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it. (772): How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?