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      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  

vsecret

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About vsecret

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  1. Joke

    A bear walks into a bar in Billings , Montana . He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says,'We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings .' The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, 'We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings ' The bear, very angry now, says, 'If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.' The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings .' The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, 'Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.' The bear says, 'I'm NOT on drugs.' The bartender says, 'You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.'
  2. Joke

    A Midget Cowboy in Montana went to the doctor because his testicles ached almost all of the time. The doctor told him to stand on the examining table and drop his pants.The doc put one finger under the midget's left testicle and told himto turn his head and cough - the usual method to check for a hernia. 'Hmmm..', mumbled the doc as he put his finger under the right testicle. He asked the midget to cough again. 'Hmmm, I see the problem,' said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip. Snip on the right side.Then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to hop down off the table, pull hispants up, and then walk around and see if his testicles still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. The midget said, 'That's perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it! Whatdid you do?' The Doctor replied, 'I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots!'
  3. Sailing Anarchists Affected by Cancer

    research: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRh4vwLJAiU lets hope..
  4. Joke

    Relationships Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'
  5. Joke

    One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know..) 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that your daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?'
  6. Joke

    Two old guys are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "Ya know, When I was thirty and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it, even using both Hands. By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried Really hard. By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about twenty degrees, no Problem. I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just One hand." "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!
  7. Joke

    Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: 'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.' His wife is lying in bed and replies: 'I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot.' The man says: 'I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you.'
  8. Joke

    The Kitchen Bitch A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train..but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the b edroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...."
  9. Joke

    How do you get an elephant out of the front door? Take the 'f' out of 'safe', and 'way'.......
  10. Joke

    THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY Good : Your wife is pregnant. Bad : With triplets. Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago. Good : Your wife's not talking to you Bad : She wants a divorce. Ugly : She's a lawyer. Good : Your son is finally maturing. Bad : He's involved with the women next door. Ugly : So are you. Good : Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly : You're in them. Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad : You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them. Good : Your husband understands fashion. Bad : He's a cross-dresser. Ugly : He looks better than you. Good : You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter. Bad : She keeps interrupting. Ugly : With corrections Good : Your son is dating someone new. Bad : It's another man. Ugly : He's your best friend. Good : Your daughter got a new job. Bad : As a hooker. Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients. Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.
  11. Joke

    LITTLE KNOWN FACT ABOUT THE OCEAN A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Children were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the' better' ones. Here are some of the descriptions of "ocean life." 1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher age 7) 3. Oysters' balls are called pearls! (James age 6) 4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7) 5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) 6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 7. My uncle goes out in his boat with pot, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 7) 8. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7) 9. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 7) 10. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) Kids are Quick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
  12. Joke

    : )
  13. Joke

    Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 789