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      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  

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OulaMan

Shit Bowguys say

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Overlap

 

Fuck

 

Ease the fucken Guy

 

Ease the fucken pole topper

 

Could you fellas at the back of the bus wake the fuck up?

 

I'm fucking this chicken, You guys just sit back and watch the feathers fly.

 

 

And groan moan moan groan (while in the forpeck with the owners daughter)

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When the skipper asked if he was going to make the mark - "You couldn't make a fucking ham sandwich."

 

"What the fuck are you doing on my bow?"

 

"Goddamned suits in the crisper."

 

"I'll get on it as soon as I'm done unfucking your shit."

 

"Why don't you just shove a mop up my ass, and I'll swab the deck while I'm at it."

 

"The bastard couldn't trim a hedge"

 

"Do you have this much trouble starting your fucking lawn mower?"

 

"He couldn't trip Hellen Keller."

 

"Am I the only one on this boat with a roll of fucking tape?"

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When the skipper asked if he was going to make the mark - "You couldn't make a fucking ham sandwich."

 

"What the fuck are you doing on my bow?"

 

"Goddamned suits in the crisper."

 

"I'll get on it as soon as I'm done unfucking your shit."

 

"Why don't you just shove a mop up my ass, and I'll swab the deck while I'm at it."

 

"The bastard couldn't trim a hedge"

 

"Do you have this much trouble starting your fucking lawn mower?"

 

"He couldn't trip Hellen Keller."

 

"Am I the only one on this boat with a roll of fucking tape?"

 

+1

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"Look at him back there, that's pure fear. He was screaming that we get the damn thing up and just when we get our cigarettes lit he will be screaming that we should take it back down."

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He was never really hardened CD. Besides, there are no real bowman on sprit boats. If it doesn't have a Sparcraft 'jaw of death' is it really bow?

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"Look at him back there, that's pure fear. He was screaming that we get the damn thing up and just when we get our cigarettes lit he will be screaming that we should take it back down."

 

The chute will come down when God decides to take the fucking thing down.

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tackline!!!

 

Time on sprit boats has softened you.

 

And me too, but I haven't forgotten much. A sprit boat, hiking pads and Depend Undergarments make this ancient bowman pretty comfy, and I'm at the age now where I'm more likely to score with the owner's mother. Teeth are so overrated.

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"What the hell are you guys doing there back in the passenger compartment?"

 

"Mast abeam"

 

Oh yeah,

 

"I am ******, ****** of my *** *******"

 

and" *** I **** this ****"

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Who the fuck packed that kite?

 

They call them chutes for a reason. Pack your own or plummet to a painful death, unless you - as Bowman - can allocate that responsibility to someone else.

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Who the fuck packed that kite?

 

They call them chutes for a reason. Pack your own or plummet to a painful death, unless you - as Bowman - can allocate that responsibility to someone else.

 

Basically, if anything goes wrong... for any reason, on any part of the boat.... the bow guy fucked it up

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Who the fuck packed that kite?

 

They call them chutes for a reason. Pack your own or plummet to a painful death, unless you - as Bowman - can allocate that responsibility to someone else.

 

Basically, if anything goes wrong... for any reason, on any part of the boat.... the bow guy fucked it up

 

 

fantasy land blames the bow, the bow blames the pit, the pit blames the sewer, the sewer blames the bow.

 

 

paraphrased from someone here... "the next fucker that drops the pole on my head is going to have his gyno reading RAMWEL in his colon for the next ten years!"

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When the skipper asked if he was going to make the mark - "You couldn't make a fucking ham sandwich."

 

"What the fuck are you doing on my bow?"

 

"Goddamned suits in the crisper."

 

"I'll get on it as soon as I'm done unfucking your shit."

 

"Why don't you just shove a mop up my ass, and I'll swab the deck while I'm at it."

 

"The bastard couldn't trim a hedge"

 

"Do you have this much trouble starting your fucking lawn mower?"

 

"He couldn't trip Hellen Keller."

 

"Am I the only one on this boat with a roll of fucking tape?"

 

+1

 

Love it!

 

The one I hear most is 'MADE... oh wait... shit shit shit!'

 

FB- Doug

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After tripping backwards over lifeline then flipping back onto the foredeck, "I'm ok!"

 

After catching a shoe that flew out of the loading shoot, "got it!"

 

"It's fucking upside-down!"

"My bad"

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"you're god damn right i did"

 

So fucking typical that some owner/driver would get involved in a conversation where he has no idea what he's talking about.

 

Sailingk8 -- Mast-man Tommy O slips off the boat on a Mum 36 during a broach. My GF down below sees bubbles coming out his nose through the window as I grab his pony tail and arm and pull him up to the rail. She's dumfounded when I say to him -- "That was so fucking slow, Tommy. So fucking slow." His response was singing - "Here's a story, of a man named Brady, who was bringing up three..."

 

I still hate the fucking guy.

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Dark night chute, pole on head stay to Heavy #1.

Trip, Bang! Pole to face!

Below packing the chute.

Bow 'I think my nose is broken'

Dr Driver "Neut would like you on the rail "

It healed almost straight.

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bacon helmet?! where do I get one of those?

 

 

You have to grab it off Bruce's head when he's not paying close attention to his immediate surroundings.

 

 

 

behold-the-skyrim-bacon-helmet-0.jpg?20111213-111202

 

 

Edit - "Tape?"

 

Edit 2 - Hey Wes.

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bacon helmet?! where do I get one of those?

 

 

You have to grab it off Bruce's head when he's not paying close attention to his immediate surroundings.

 

 

 

behold-the-skyrim-bacon-helmet-0.jpg?20111213-111202

 

 

Edit - "Tape?"

 

Edit 2 - Hey Wes.

 

Bruce looks delish

 

Hi Bob!

 

I need to experience the seal this spring. I dunno when but it has to happen.

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bacon helmet?! where do I get one of those?

 

 

You have to grab it off Bruce's head when he's not paying close attention to his immediate surroundings.

 

 

 

behold-the-skyrim-bacon-helmet-0.jpg?20111213-111202

 

 

Edit - "Tape?"

 

Edit 2 - Hey Wes.

 

Bruce looks delish

 

Hi Bob!

 

I need to experience the seal this spring. I dunno when but it has to happen.

 

Any time, Padawan. Your old prof is an officer now, so we might be able to comp you a Fresca at the bar. Come on up for a day. If you want to stay over night, we'll find you nice hardwood floor space next to the comfy sofa that accommodates a single cat. You have to promise not to touch the pussy on the sofa. OK?

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+1

 

A Classic!

 

Yawn. Rusty's post was funny. The video? Not so much (except for the "It's a big boat" line) to start with - and it has not gotten better with all the re-postings...

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"If you want salt on your fries, you can mine it out of my fucking left ear."

He He, I remember doing bow one one particular day when the Waves were going clean over me, and soaking the boy's at the back of the bus. all I could think of was "pay-back time".

 

Sitting at the bar after every one else on that boat (and many others) had to change, I had wet feet (forgot change of shoes), wet hands and wet hair. But I was the only one drinking in the same clothes I was sailing in and was basically dry.

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"If you want salt on your fries, you can mine it out of my fucking left ear."

He He, I remember doing bow one one particular day when the Waves were going clean over me, and soaking the boy's at the back of the bus. all I could think of was "pay-back time".

 

Sitting at the bar after every one else on that boat (and many others) had to change, I had wet feet (forgot change of shoes), wet hands and wet hair. But I was the only one drinking in the same clothes I was sailing in and was basically dry.

 

I'd rather be wet and happy than dry and retarded.

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"If you want salt on your fries, you can mine it out of my fucking left ear."

He He, I remember doing bow one one particular day when the Waves were going clean over me, and soaking the boy's at the back of the bus. all I could think of was "pay-back time".

 

Sitting at the bar after every one else on that boat (and many others) had to change, I had wet feet (forgot change of shoes), wet hands and wet hair. But I was the only one drinking in the same clothes I was sailing in and was basically dry.

 

I'd rather be wet and happy than dry and retarded.

And the need for that reply was... ?

 

If you think I wasn't happy, Your mistaken,

 

If your think for-deck is a place for retards - try doing it your-self.

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"stand by gybe"

 

Don't turn the boat yet!

 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck BOLLOCKS!

 

Gybe back!

 

Gybe back!

 

GYBE BACK!

 

No that's heading up!

 

Right I'm dropping this thing now, pit man blow the halyard!

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"If you want salt on your fries, you can mine it out of my fucking left ear."

He He, I remember doing bow one one particular day when the Waves were going clean over me, and soaking the boy's at the back of the bus. all I could think of was "pay-back time".

 

Sitting at the bar after every one else on that boat (and many others) had to change, I had wet feet (forgot change of shoes), wet hands and wet hair. But I was the only one drinking in the same clothes I was sailing in and was basically dry.

 

I'd rather be wet and happy than dry and retarded.

And the need for that reply was... ?

 

If you think I wasn't happy, Your mistaken,

 

If your think for-deck is a place for retards - try doing it your-self.

 

You misunderstand. I was saying that bowmen are wet and happy, while the back of the boat.....

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"I need an ease on the lazy guy."

 

"FUCK! GET THE POLE OFF THE FORESTAY! GET A WINCH HANDLE IN THERE! MORE!"

 

"OK, now gimme an ease on the guy on the other side of the boat."

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"This is my first time doing the whole foredeck by myself. You fuckers had better not flick me off the boat..."

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Bow says to back of boat... Hey, boats in the next class are gybe-setting...

 

Tactician... Umm, yeah, thanks...

 

4 minutes later, 6 boat lengths from the mark...

 

Tactician..., hey! can you get the gear around it's a gybe set...

 

Bow, no shit...

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"Tack the Chute,Tack the Chute, Trip the pole ease the old sheet. Trim the new one. " Repeat , Repeat louder

Are the halyards free?

bow "Ya"

'Its not wrapped!'

bow "No its not I'm sure! ."

'You sure?' Handed the Binnos Bow looking up .

bow " HOLY SHIT! How did that happen?"

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"Are your arms fucking painted on? Pull the fucking thing in!"

 

"Ease the weather sheet. Arse cleat. Arse cleat! Get you fucking arse off the weaher sheet!"

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Bow says to back of boat... Hey, boats in the next class are gybe-setting...

 

Tactician... Umm, yeah, thanks...

 

4 minutes later, 6 boat lengths from the mark...

 

Tactician..., hey! can you get the gear around it's a gybe set...

 

Bow, no shit...

 

Continued-

 

"It's already done"

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Transcript from an actual Jibe douse

 

Ned reminding some clown aft: Topper TOPPER TOPPER! No response so decision time.

 

 

Trimmer: What's the spinnaker pole doing back here?

 

Ned from hiking away on the rail after the jibe: "You wanted to be clear to jibe, we were". Didn't have another problem with the topper getting forgotten after that.

 

 

Otherwise it's often just the usual routine of the guys in the back of the boat trying to kill the guy on the front of the boat.

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"Tack the Chute,Tack the Chute, Trip the pole ease the old sheet. Trim the new one. " Repeat , Repeat louder

Are the halyards free?

bow "Ya"

'Its not wrapped!'

bow "No its not I'm sure! ."

'You sure?' Handed the Binnos Bow looking up .

bow " HOLY SHIT! How did that happen?"

Fortunately a Farr 30 only has one masthead halyard - tougher to screw up a peel.

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Look upon my works ye mighty, and despair!

 

No matter how fucking well you c##ts sail this shitter, I'm still gettin' there first.

 

Who's fucking this gorilla?

 

And always remember: A good bowman won't necessarily win you a race... but a bad bowman sure can lose you one.

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As a bowman who worked two 80 fters and the whole gammet on down, My personal favorite saying to the brain trust when they could'nt process the move I set up was "WHATS A MATTER YOU DON'T FUCKIN LIKE IT", or WHAT ARE YOUY GONNA FUCKIN DO ABOUT IT" , When clearing the line for a start in a highly cvharged "yachting event" yelling over to the yacht who is infringing on your start sequence a good way of getting their attention is to yell

"YO FUCKING JERK OFF YA YOU GET OFF THE LINE"

When ASKED what you would like for the crew dinner " FREE PUSSY AND BOOZE ALL NIGHT LONG"

 

Of course I only would use this at approiate times, Good sportmanship goes a longway.

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+1

 

A Classic!

 

Yawn. Rusty's post was funny. The video? Not so much (except for the "It's a big boat" line) to start with - and it has not gotten better with all the re-postings...

Yeah, well I've sailed with or against most of the guys in that video and drank with the rest of em and I think they did a damn fine job so until you publish something better, keep your yawns to yourself.

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"If you want salt on your fries, you can mine it out of my fucking left ear."

He He, I remember doing bow one one particular day when the Waves were going clean over me, and soaking the boy's at the back of the bus. all I could think of was "pay-back time".

 

Sitting at the bar after every one else on that boat (and many others) had to change, I had wet feet (forgot change of shoes), wet hands and wet hair. But I was the only one drinking in the same clothes I was sailing in and was basically dry.

 

I'd rather be wet and happy than dry and retarded.

And the need for that reply was... ?

 

If you think I wasn't happy, Your mistaken,

 

If your think for-deck is a place for retards - try doing it your-self.

 

You misunderstand. I was saying that bowmen are wet and happy, while the back of the boat.....

:)

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Ease the topper...not the sheet, the topper...shit, no not the guy either, fuck (ducks head as the pole slams into the forestay), fuck it, (spikes the chute), kite's away, now it's your damned problem.

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"Tack the Chute,Tack the Chute, Trip the pole ease the old sheet. Trim the new one. " Repeat , Repeat louder

Are the halyards free?

bow "Ya"

'Its not wrapped!'

bow "No its not I'm sure! ."

'You sure?' Handed the Binnos Bow looking up .

bow " HOLY SHIT! How did that happen?"

Fortunately a Farr 30 only has one masthead halyard - tougher to screw up a peel.

We were playing with

only

two

halyard

up fount.

After a splashy

cabin washer

broach.

Bow "I lost another shoe. I was swimming hanging on to the low side uppers 5 feet above deck"

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[sNIP]

 

+1

 

A Classic!

 

Yawn. Rusty's post was funny. The video? Not so much (except for the "It's a big boat" line) to start with - and it has not gotten better with all the re-postings...

Yeah, well I've sailed with or against most of the guys in that video and drank with the rest of em and I think they did a damn fine job so until you publish something better, keep your yawns to yourself.

 

Come up here and make me.

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So many shit ____ say videos, should be a sailing one

 

Mcmaster university currently has one being edited!

 

Post it here when it's done.

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Who the fuck packed that kite?

 

They call them chutes for a reason. Pack your own or plummet to a painful death, unless you - as Bowman - can allocate that responsibility to someone else.

 

Basically, if anything goes wrong... for any reason, on any part of the boat.... the bow guy fucked it up

 

 

fantasy land blames the bow, the bow blames the pit, the pit blames the sewer, the sewer blames the bow.

 

 

paraphrased from someone here... "the next fucker that drops the pole on my head is going to have his gyno reading RAMWEL in his colon for the next ten years!"

That sounds familiar, although I believe I was more graphic. someone's got he quote in their signature

 

my most commonly uttered phrases tend to be along the lines of:

 

"Don't touch that!"

"get off of my bow"

"no, I'm not worried about that"

"you do your position and I'll do mine"

"keep up back there, I'm not a mast cleat"

"shut up and drive/trim"

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So many shit ____ say videos, should be a sailing one

 

From the classic Foredeck Union shirts:

 

Good day and thank you for calling the foredeck. Right now, all our friendly foredeck staff are busy packing chutes or helping other crew members. Please press one for a headsail change...two for a spinnaker peel...three for a windward douse...four for leeward douse...five for a hoist...six for a gybe or leave us a message and one of our courteous bow-people will get back to you as soon as possible. In a hurry? No problem. Simply email your request to foredeckgods@thebow.com and we'll respond within twenty-four boat-lengths. For answers to frequently asked questions, please visit www.shutthefuckupbackthere.com. Thanks again and have a great race! - On the front of the shirt: The SA LOGO and Foredeck Union with an emphasis on the "F" and the "U"

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Who the fuck packed that kite?

 

They call them chutes for a reason. Pack your own or plummet to a painful death, unless you - as Bowman - can allocate that responsibility to someone else.

 

Basically, if anything goes wrong... for any reason, on any part of the boat.... the bow guy fucked it up

 

 

fantasy land blames the bow, the bow blames the pit, the pit blames the sewer, the sewer blames the bow.

 

 

paraphrased from someone here... "the next fucker that drops the pole on my head is going to have his gyno reading RAMWEL in his colon for the next ten years!"

That sounds familiar, although I believe I was more graphic. someone's got he quote in their signature

 

Was it this one?

 

"The fucker who did it will be raped so hard with a winch handle that his proctologist will be reading RAMWEL on the inside of his colon for the next 20 years"

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Hmm, from the winter series this year:

 

Back of the boat "hoist"

Front of the boat "there's a wrap"

From the back of the boat in unison "it's sideways'

Back of the boat "get it down"

Pit "now hold on just a minute"

Front of the boat "I have never done that before"

 

Well no wonder you didn't notice the spinnaker was sideways, perhaps we should practice that one!

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