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almost too perfect

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"You know what to do. You know what to do." - Eric the Midget

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Dip Joe Jibe

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Splitting the uprights...

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The open water synchronized swimming team chose a poor venue for their first competition

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Foredeck on a Freedom, it doesn't get any easier than this!

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Desperate for a new bowman the fleet has resorted to recruiting members from Cirque du Soleil. After a promising start and after turning the top mark the new bowman's old habits were too hard to break. Hanging from his tether, dragging thru the water his fist is raised. You could hear his shout. TABERNAC!!!!

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Picked a strange time to make the bowman walk the plank.

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30 seconds before:

 

Owner: WTF are you guys doing up the bow there? How long does it take to douse a kite?

Bow: (something inaudible yelled back)

Owner: What? WTF? f#ck it, I'm coming up there and I'll do it myself...

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Nothing better than a figurehead with their legs spread

 

Twas on the good ship Venus

By Christ you should have seen us

The figurehead

Was a whore in bed,

Sucking a dead man's penis.

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That's it. Now blow lots of bubbles, it reduces the skin friction.

or

Now I know why the head used to be at the front of the ship. this bloke just shat himself.

or

He could afford a fancy boat. you'd think he could put a depth sounder on it. Bastard.

or

No, no, I still cant quite reach from here, let me just... oh shit!

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Clearly you exaggerated it's size. I am only accustomed to sailing on something larger. I guess it still got me off...

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The afterguard had already decided that nobody would miss him and they weren't turning back.

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Artemis Racing, in a desperate move to catch up, begins surrogate testing an exotic new foil.

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Bowman keelhauled for fluffed takedown - the afterdeck union exacts revenge on the foredeck union..

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"All present and correct, the automatic MOB detection system doesn't show anyone missing, but there was a dull thudding noise when I went down to check..."

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"Oh, look, keel bulb!"

 

"...and I didn't shit right for a week"

 

"If this doesn't get Sailing on ESPN nothing will"

 

"This is still better than World War Z"

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mON nO pROBLEM DARE. eHS GOT A kNIFE!!

 

rAISED RACING IN wARM ISLANDS.

 

bOW KNEW WHAT TO DO AFTER THE LAST ROUNDING BEFORE THE FINISH MON.

 

jUST FORGOT TO UNCLIP!!

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If we had 2 more feet of waterline ...

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Man in the water: I'll go grab the clew of the jib and pull it in a little more.

 

Guy on the deck: NO, DON'T STEP THERE!! Shit, well there goes the new guy.

 

New Guy: SO COLD*Thwack*

BALLS HURT REALLY BAD *Thwack*

PULL ME OUT *Thwack*

 

Guy on deck: Hold on we got to get the jib furled.

 

New Guy: SHIT *BAM*

THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH *Thwack*

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Shrimping?

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Billy the Blind Bowman was actually quite good at the job. He knew where everything was, did it all from memory, made sure everything was in its rightful place so he could find it. He even felt the wind shifts better than the other crewmembers. Part of a winning team for many years.

 

...until they got a shorter boat and forgot to tell Billy...

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Anyone interested in a slightly used bowman with an annoyingly high pitched voice

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Wally finally decided it was high time to jump ship and follow his passion for synchronized swimming.

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I don't know why he jumped doesn't he know they can't hear us in the back anyway

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Degree of Difficulty: 2.0

Form: 10.0

Brains: 0.0

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But as we were going she said unto me

(Way hey blow the man down)

There's a spanking full-rigger just ready for sea.

(Give me some time to blow the man down!)

 

But as soon as that packet was clear of the bar

(Way hey blow the man down)

The mate knocked me down with the end of a spar.

(Give me some time to blow the man down!)

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Okay, all very amusing...so wtf was the result for that poor bugger? Keel end up giving him/her a whack, maybe rudder too?

 

ouch

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From The Dark Side: Inside the War on Terror:

 

In this illustration, we see the use of enhanced interrogation techniques to ascertain "how many lengths to the mark?"

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Bowmen are used to getting the shaft, but today Bob felt like the entire boat was riding his ass.

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"Hey bowguy...keep an eye out for kelp will ya?"

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Billy the Blind Bowman was actually quite good at the job. He knew where everything was, did it all from memory, made sure everything was in its rightful place so he could find it. He even felt the wind shifts better than the other crewmembers. Part of a winning team for many years.

 

...until they got a shorter boat and forgot to tell Billy...

 

By far the best one here!!!

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