Max Rockatansky

never fuckin' mind

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Looks just like a penis only smaller.

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I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hand

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Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker

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With props to Merit 25......"Feed me, I'm hungry!"

 

I know...different Audrey

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I don't know Jack. I don't know Dick. I don't know squat. And I certainly don't know shit. But I do know you're an idiot.

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I liked that....I'd like more.

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If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify, take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die!

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I understand you have taken exception to my calling you whores. I'm sorry. I apologize. I ask you to note that I did not call you callous-ass strumpets, fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts. But I did say "whores." No escaping that. And for that slip of the tongue, I apologize.

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"You think a guy like that comes this close to getting caught and sticks his head out?"

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I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard. But I had never killed a man before. Oh, I had shot at some... in self-defense or blind fright, but I never hit anyone. So God must have directed my bullets. Why, he even sent an angel to deliver this weapon

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I don't deserve this... to die like this. I was building a house.


Deserve's got nothin' to do with it.

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Invisible! I've never been invisible before!

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Sam, it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York?

 

I don't know boss, my watched stopped.

 

I bet they're asleep in New York. I bet they're asleep all over America.

 

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

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By the authority vested in me by Kaiser William II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution.

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One thing in the world I hate: leeches. Filthy little devils.

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Nice Beaver!

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First things first; Where's your shitter, I got a turtle head poking out.

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Who do you think you are ordering me about?

 

I'm the captain, that's what!

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ADRIAN!!!!!

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One of these days Alice .....

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We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

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I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those... moments... will be lost in time, like ...tears... in... rain. Time... to die...

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I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids.

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It is a good day to die

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"Gentlemen!!! You can't fight in here!!! This is the WAR ROOM!!!!!"

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Wives, Grandfather?

Yes, there were three... or four, it was hard to tell. It was very dark in your teepee and they were

under buffalo rugs as you crawled among them. Anyway, it was a great copulation.

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After the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov became the Russian peoples greatest export.

After that came vodka, caviar and suicidal novelists.

One things for sure....nobody was lining up to buy their cars

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White man's always sneakin' up on me.

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"No, I didn't take him to the bloody hospital. Now, tell me this, right? Why would I shoot a bloke... bang... and then put him in the bloody car and whizz him off to the hospital at 100 miles an hour? It defeats the purpose of having shot him in the first place."

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I'm trying to get some work done here. I don't come down to where you work and knock the cocks outta your mouth, do I?

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Look Mac, her leg was broken.

You can see it right there on your plate.

 

Oh yeah Gordon, I guess you're right.

 

But you don't eat things with names!

Her name was Trudy.

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No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

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Peter, looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.

 

 

Fuck me, that's appropriate.

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Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.

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Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing! I will PT you all until you fucking die! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!

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I ordered it three days ago... No, that doesn't work. That's, that's not right. Let me go over it again, alright? Let's see: 3,000 rounds of 9mm sub-sonic. You had that. I gave that to you on the fucking list!... Well I don't give a God-damn where it is, you get it here now!

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Help him! Help him!


Help who?


Help the bombardier!


I'm the bombardier, I'm all right.


Then help HIM, help HIM!


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Do you believe in Jesus?

 

Yes, I do.

 

That's good - you're about to meet him.

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And I will try and be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. Uh, I think - no, I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded. You're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

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PETER


(seen close)


I've even been sucker enough to make


plans.


(a long puff on his cigarette)


I saw an island in the Pacific once.


Never been able to forget it. That's


where I'd like to take her. But she'd


have to be the sort of a girl that'd


jump in the surf with me on moonlight


nights -- and love it as much as I


did.


(he loses himself in his romantic contemplations)


You know, those nights when you and


the moon and the water all become


one -- when something comes over you --


and you feel that you're part of


something big and marvelous.


(sighing)


Those are the only places to live.


Where the stars are so close over


your head that you feel you could


reach right up and stir them around.

 

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Not now Cato!

 

 

NOW!!! Cato!

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Is Orr crazy?

 

He sure is.

 

Can you ground him?

 

I sure can. But first he has to ask me. That's part of the rule.

 

Than why doesn't he ask you?

 

Because he's crazy. He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr, but first he has to ask me to.

 

That's all he has to do to be grounded?

 

That's all. Let him ask me.

 

And then you can ground him?

 

No, Then I can't ground him.

 

You mean there's a catch?

 

Sure there's a catch. Catch 22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy

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Thanks Mav, I really enjoyed that!

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The governor of Louisiana gave me this. Madame Tinkertoy's House of Blue Lights, corner of Bourbon and Toulouse, New Orleans, Louisiana. Now, this is supposed to be the finest whorehouse in the south. These ain't no pork chops! These are U.S. PRIME!

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I do not like the men on this ship. They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities. I have something of value to contribute to this mission if they would only recognize it. Today over lunch I tried to improve morale and build a sense of camaraderie among the men by holding a humorous, round-robin discussion of the early days of the mission. My overtures were brutally rejected. These men do not want a happy ship. They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable. Last week was my birthday. Nobody even said "happy birthday" to me. Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry.

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There are four ways of doing things aboard this ship - the right way, the wrong way, the Navy way and my way. Do things my way and we'll get along.

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I don't lose arguments aboard my ship - that's one of the nice things about being the Captain.

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Nobody goes there anymore - it's too crowded.

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