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A rant about flying

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, and the "hawt stewardess" was an ex-Jarhead Drill Instructor ?

 

Flew back from the Azores in 79 on TAP, Portugese National Airline. All the Stews were linebacker - fullback material, but the free bread and wine were endless and delicious!! :wub:

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

 

I can't fucking wait-

 

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

 

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

 

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

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I am just curious, I can see springing for business class on a long flight, even better if the company picks up the tab but you have to have some serious fuck you money to justify paying for first class. I mean is it worth that kind of money (difference from business to first) even on a 14 or so hour flight???

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

 

I can't fucking wait-

 

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

 

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

 

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

 

Dude, she left you and took the dog. She took the dog!!! How can you trust this woman? Don't answer, been there done that.

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

 

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

My, how tolerant you've become.

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

Can you get the dog onboard for the return flight?

 

The girl can get the greyhound.

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

My, how tolerant you've become.

 

You have to remember JB was in the Air Force. You know the guys that ride to their plane in an air conditioned van, strap themselves in to an air conditioned cockpit, punch some holes in the sky, come back and go to their air conditioned office and then to their air conditioned room. With color TV and high speed internet. In the meantime the Army guys are sweating their asses off in a tent and MREs. These AF guys are used to comfort.

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

 

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

My, how tolerant you've become.

You have to remember JB was in the Air Force. You know the guys that ride to their plane in an air conditioned van, strap themselves in to an air conditioned cockpit, punch some holes in the sky, come back and go to their air conditioned office and then to their air conditioned room. With color TV and high speed internet. In the meantime the Army guys are sweating their asses off in a tent and MREs. These AF guys are used to comfort.
At least they eat less than the navy guys. :)

 

Jeffs more tolerant than I am, 2 hour flight time max in the cheap seats for me. (Did you miss the slight sarcasm in the post) 😀😃😄

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

Can you get the dog onboard for the return flight?

 

The girl can get the greyhound.

I'm driving back- don't ask- it's as stupid as it seems-

What could possibly go wrong?

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

Can you get the dog onboard for the return flight?

 

The girl can get the greyhound.

Of course he can...

http://forums.sailinganarchy.com/index.php?showtopic=165848#entry4955171

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My heart goes out to those of you as you suffer on your airplane trips

 

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Yeah yeah, I've got a kid in Africa I sponsor- food clothes, etc...for about the cost of a cup of coffee...

 

Way cheaper than it cost to send him there, that's for sure

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I'm flying spirit to fla on Friday-

I can't fucking wait-

I'll try to capture the joy for all here to experience-

It's like stepping on a nail with one foot and stepping in shit with the other- basically ouch, eew, ouch eew, ouch eew...

 

To FL from where? I figure I can do about 3-4 hours in the worst of economy. Any more than that and I will axe murder people around me.

ACY - Atlantic city nj- 2 hours and change- just short enough to keep me out of the news-

It's worth it though- I'm going to get my dog back- possibly my girl too, but definitely my dog-

If spirit wanted to make serious cash- they'd charge you to get off the plane- highest bid gets off first- they'd net 200k every trip-

Dude, she left you and took the dog. She took the dog!!! How can you trust this woman? Don't answer, been there done that.

This^^. I would keep the dog and ditch the chick. Even if you have to trick her into thinking its a package deal, as soon as you have the dog in hand - tell her to fuck off! I don't care how hot she is or how good she is in bed - don't EVER fuck with a man's dog!

It doesn't matter how hot the chick is, you guarantee that somewhere there's a man sick of putting up with her shit.

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So how was the dive trip?

 

Wife catch up before the boat docked out?

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Sometimes a flying fish will just jump right into the cockpit... Whatcha gonna do?

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I hate first world Air Force problems.

3c5500976bfc65719b217bbda72b2845.jpg

 

Saddest thing is, it's true!!

 

 

 

 

 

Unless of course you are hunkered down in a tight spot and you need to call in an air strike, then you hope the dude up there got enough sleep in his air conditioned room at the AF Hilton, and his cable and high speed internet were working to his satisfaction.

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I hate first world Air Force problems.

3c5500976bfc65719b217bbda72b2845.jpg

Saddest thing is, it's true!!

 

 

 

 

 

Unless of course you are hunkered down in a tight spot and you need to call in an air strike, then you hope the dude up there got enough sleep in his air conditioned room at the AF Hilton, and his cable and high speed internet were working to his satisfaction.

 

I'm Canadian. USAF reservists in warpigs always scared the fuck out of me.

 

AirForceHumor.jpg

 

And the funny parts about anything .Mil are always the true ones...

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Well THIS thread gets me all fired up for the upcoming economy class nightmare I embark upon tomorrow.

 

Inexplicably we are leaving Fiji to fly to NY to visit family & friends in NJ & RI for a few weeks. Leaving 930PM local tomorrow (6/9 on this side of the DL) , arriving 0630AM at JFK two mornings after (6/10 with the loss of a day).

 

In Coach. On American Airlines1. In the rain. Alone2.

 

On the plus side my wife is tiny and she doesn't mind opening the arm rest between us and letting me sit all over her, so space isn't generally an issue. At least the flights are long enough so you can get a little drunk, fall asleep, and sober up again before the plane touches down.

 

But yeah this thread has me really, really fired up to spend twenty-something hours on a plane over the next two days. Yippee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Operated by Fiji Air the first leg, but I have no hope it will be better than AA, but I may be cynical.

2 OK, not really alone and its not raining, all four of us are going but that does give this upcoming hell-ride a more Hemingway-esque feel for the sheer human misery of it.

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I haven't flown in economy in several years. I'm about the land in AUS after being stuck in the back for 14 hours. II am continually surprised by the depths of rudeness of humanity. I sometimes think a superbug that wipes out all mankind might not be such a bad thing.

 

To the fuckhead behind me. You do not have to use my fucking seat back as a handle every fucking time you have to get up. Do it again and I will axe murder you!

 

to the egyptian parents of the two twin girls flying between the two of you..... HOW THE FUCK did you ignore them for 14 hours whille they babbled and ran around the cabin and screamed non-stop. Hey heres a fucking clue - the cabin crew and the rest of the pax are not your baby sitters. They are sweet little girls - but if I hear poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa,poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa, poppa one more fucking time while you stare off into oblivion - your girls will be orphans..

 

To the indian guy who left a steamer sitting on the toilet shelf and didn't bother to flush and oh by the way peed all over the floor - I hope your hindu god crushes you with a rotted cow falling from vishnu heaven. You are truly a disgusting MF'er.

 

To the fat greasy dude hitting on the smoking hot Serbian red head stew and I mean she was a stunner..... while it provided some momentary comic relief on this aluminum tube of hell - you really need to find some shame, You have none and you need it,, It was just embarrassing.

 

Hey pakistani guy - have you ever heard of deoderant? Fuck you too! 14 hours of your disgusting BO has forever damaged my nasal cavaties.

 

Part of me wished we would have been taken to DFG just so I could feed all of you to the sharks!

My sister worked at Disney hotel one summer when she was in university. She said they had to give the mid Easters a ' talk' about proper toilet related behavior as theyre kids left shit am over the floors. Wtf.

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Shit...I had forgotten about the red headed Serbian...

 

Rainbows, unicorns, mermaids, red headed Serbian stews...things of myth & legend. I had them on my laminated "pass list" next to Camren Diaz & Brangelina Jolie.

 

On a tube from hell for 14hrs with a Serbian redheaded stew, and all you can do is bitch about the Paki's BO.......

 

Air Farce...fuck.

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Just in case nostalgia was clouding my judgement of your...pass...

 

Google image search of "Redhead Serb"... first hit...

 

gIHsvqz.jpg

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BJ - I feel for you brother. Best advice is that you and your wife make a pact that whatever is said during the trip is non-binding on the marriage.

 

One last rant...... So get to LAX this afternoon after a really pleasant 16 hr trip. Connect on SW to Vegas. I pay for the business select seats so I have a chance of not being crammed down the back (and also for the ability to change at the last minute, long story). Sooo... I am A3. Literally number three in the boarding priority. Life is good and I'm there in plenty of time to take my place in line. First go the wheelchair guys who all magically seem to walk fine down the gate ramp, then this 20 something chick and boyfriend with a FUCKING HUGE Great dane - the mythical "comfort dog". WTF?? Then there are the random pre-boarders who all look young and healthy and they sprint for the door when called. Finally, they get to the priority boarders. I get on the airplane and the first 10 fucking rows are taken by all these douchebags!!! There was maybe one legit old guy who needed pre-boarding and the rest I hope they fucking rot in hell. As I was taking my seat, I was loudly and deliberately remarking out loud to my A1 and A4 mates who are all looking as incredulous as I am: "I wonder what fake story these guys made up to get pre-boarded". "Why did I bother to pay extra money when I could have just lied and walked on first". I was being a bit of a deliberate dick about it and all the young pre-borders just put their heads down and tried to burrow into their seats a bit further. Good! I hope you loose all your money, your clothes and your house at the casinos tonight and you have to sell your loved ones into prostitution to keep Carmine, the loan shark, from burying you in a shallow grave in the desert. I wish that while you're on the shitter tonight in a guilt-fueled meth rage - that a baby alligator lunges up from the sewer and rips your dangling balls off and you die slowly on the motel 6 bathroom floor in a blood and shit soaked writhing agony. Fuck you!

Dude, let it all out, don't hide your feelings.

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BJ - I feel for you brother. Best advice is that you and your wife make a pact that whatever is said during the trip is non-binding on the marriage.

 

One last rant...... So get to LAX this afternoon after a really pleasant 16 hr trip. Connect on SW to Vegas. I pay for the business select seats so I have a chance of not being crammed down the back (and also for the ability to change at the last minute, long story). Sooo... I am A3. Literally number three in the boarding priority. Life is good and I'm there in plenty of time to take my place in line. First go the wheelchair guys who all magically seem to walk fine down the gate ramp, then this 20 something chick and boyfriend with a FUCKING HUGE Great dane - the mythical "comfort dog". WTF?? Then there are the random pre-boarders who all look young and healthy and they sprint for the door when called. Finally, they get to the priority boarders. I get on the airplane and the first 10 fucking rows are taken by all these douchebags!!! There was maybe one legit old guy who needed pre-boarding and the rest I hope they fucking rot in hell. As I was taking my seat, I was loudly and deliberately remarking out loud to my A1 and A4 mates who are all looking as incredulous as I am: "I wonder what fake story these guys made up to get pre-boarded". "Why did I bother to pay extra money when I could have just lied and walked on first". I was being a bit of a deliberate dick about it and all the young pre-borders just put their heads down and tried to burrow into their seats a bit further. Good! I hope you loose all your money, your clothes and your house at the casinos tonight and you have to sell your loved ones into prostitution to keep Carmine, the loan shark, from burying you in a shallow grave in the desert. I wish that while you're on the shitter tonight in a guilt-fueled meth rage - that a baby alligator lunges up from the sewer and rips your dangling balls off and you die slowly on the motel 6 bathroom floor in a blood and shit soaked writhing agony. Fuck you!

Dude, let it all out, don't hide your feelings.

 

 

I know, I know.... I should stop sugar coating it. :D

Did you get the emergency exit isle seat?

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BJ - I feel for you brother. Best advice is that you and your wife make a pact that whatever is said during the trip is non-binding on the marriage.

 

One last rant...... So get to LAX this afternoon after a really pleasant 16 hr trip. Connect on SW to Vegas. I pay for the business select seats so I have a chance of not being crammed down the back (and also for the ability to change at the last minute, long story). Sooo... I am A3. Literally number three in the boarding priority. Life is good and I'm there in plenty of time to take my place in line. First go the wheelchair guys who all magically seem to walk fine down the gate ramp, then this 20 something chick and boyfriend with a FUCKING HUGE Great dane - the mythical "comfort dog". WTF?? Then there are the random pre-boarders who all look young and healthy and they sprint for the door when called. Finally, they get to the priority boarders. I get on the airplane and the first 10 fucking rows are taken by all these douchebags!!! There was maybe one legit old guy who needed pre-boarding and the rest I hope they fucking rot in hell. As I was taking my seat, I was loudly and deliberately remarking out loud to my A1 and A4 mates who are all looking as incredulous as I am: "I wonder what fake story these guys made up to get pre-boarded". "Why did I bother to pay extra money when I could have just lied and walked on first". I was being a bit of a deliberate dick about it and all the young pre-borders just put their heads down and tried to burrow into their seats a bit further. Good! I hope you loose all your money, your clothes and your house at the casinos tonight and you have to sell your loved ones into prostitution to keep Carmine, the loan shark, from burying you in a shallow grave in the desert. I wish that while you're on the shitter tonight in a guilt-fueled meth rage - that a baby alligator lunges up from the sewer and rips your dangling balls off and you die slowly on the motel 6 bathroom floor in a blood and shit soaked writhing agony. Fuck you!

Dude, let it all out, don't hide your feelings.

 

 

I know, I know.... I should stop sugar coating it. :D

Did you get the emergency exit isle seat?

 

 

Nah, I didn't wan to go that far back. Plus there was a hot chick that took a window seat in row 5, so I felt I needed to keep her company.

 

 

You paid for Southwest First Class... and didn't use it...

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Okay so all you airworthy travelers...am going to frankfurt from no-fuck, Va sometime in the next year with the wife...looking at business class as i am twice the man i was in college with a midget wife that does not like the takeoffs.

 

Which airline?

Which class?

 

am willing to put up with economy to get to gateway city..

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Okay so all you airworthy travelers...am going to frankfurt from no-fuck, Va sometime in the next year with the wife...looking at business class as i am twice the man i was in college with a midget wife that does not like the takeoffs.

 

Which airline?

Which class?

 

am willing to put up with economy to get to gateway city..

For US carriers, I like Delta BC. Was not impressed with United. Lufthansa is supposed to be good but can't tell you first hand.

 

 

Direct Dulles to Frankfurt... go Lufthansa. But... stay away from the Basic Economy Plus... does not give you more leg room.

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United has figured how to put economy cramped seats in BC. Take a look at seat guru.com. Look at European carriers if able.

 

Delta seems ok but you have to pay attention to your connections as they won't. Sent an employee to Bahrain a couple of months ago. Good flights but his Bahraini Air flight from Bahrain to Dubai to catch the flight to Atlanta got cancelled and Delta didn't rebook him. Fortunately he noticed before he left and called them. Got a "not our flight so not our problem" althought he bought the trip on delta.com. When he got to Atlanta, he was 1.5 hours late for his delta connection. They didn't rebook him automatically and told him it was his problem. All this on a full fare business ticket.

 

American runs hot and cold.

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Okay so all you airworthy travelers...am going to frankfurt from no-fuck, Va sometime in the next year with the wife...looking at business class as i am twice the man i was in college with a midget wife that does not like the takeoffs.

 

Which airline?

Which class?

 

am willing to put up with economy to get to gateway city..

For US carriers, I like Delta BC. Was not impressed with United. Lufthansa is supposed to be good but can't tell you first hand.

Direct Dulles to Frankfurt... go Lufthansa. But... stay away from the Basic Economy Plus... does not give you more leg room.

Agreed. The single best thing you can do to improve your travel experience is to fly direct and avoid connections. Lufthansa BC is good but even steerage is tolerable for 6 hours if you don't want to pay for BC or Premium Economy.

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Okay so all you airworthy travelers...am going to frankfurt from no-fuck, Va sometime in the next year with the wife...looking at business class as i am twice the man i was in college with a midget wife that does not like the takeoffs.

 

Which airline?

Which class?

 

am willing to put up with economy to get to gateway city..

For US carriers, I like Delta BC. Was not impressed with United. Lufthansa is supposed to be good but can't tell you first hand.

 

Lufthansa is pretty nice, fly on them a lot.

 

Edit: Just be careful you don't get a code share with some shitty American carrier and an LH flight number.

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So, I'm almost through my trip to the far east and I do have a little bit to report. If you're tall, ask for a bulkhead seat or exit row, it makes a world of difference and is often available if you check in long enough ahead of time.

 

Wide-body aircraft are generally passable if you have a bulkhead or at worst an aisle, do not got for a window seat or you'll regret it. In narrow-body toys you're screwed, exit row is basically the only option, they seem to cram more seats per square inch on those flights and it's a bloody nightmare (yes, I got pinned in a window seat in a narrow-body for a 2+ hour flight and I'm bitter, I couldn't hardly walk comfortably afterwards and that's just not right for somebody in their 20's).

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I'm not paying, and the guys I'm travelling with are all cozy up in business, but it does mean that we've managed to sneak me through business class check-in every time, express security (where available) and on almost all occasions into the airline lounge, so up until the point where I have to sit down on the plane I'm living it up. If I'm in a legroom seat it tends to be ok (except the one seat I had that was insanely upright so that it felt like I was on the verge of falling forwards out of it the whole flight). Somebody want to explain to me why the headrests on every seat on every airline don't go high enough for my head? My shoulders have killer support, but I tend to wake up with a kink in my neck after sleeping for an hour or two with my head folded over backwards.

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if you are not crew, you ain't shit at United...

http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2015/06/15/united-airlines-forced-to-put-up-passengers-in-canadian-military-barracks-after/?intcmp=latestnews

 

 

Maybe those pricks ought to learn to fix their fricking airplanes..

 

20 years ago, I only flew United and their alliance throughout the world.

Not anymore.

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if you are not crew, you ain't shit at United...

http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2015/06/15/united-airlines-forced-to-put-up-passengers-in-canadian-military-barracks-after/?intcmp=latestnews

 

 

Maybe those pricks ought to learn to fix their fricking airplanes..

 

20 years ago, I only flew United and their alliance throughout the world.

Not anymore.

All of the major American carriers have gone to hell.

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if you are not crew, you ain't shit at United...

http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2015/06/15/united-airlines-forced-to-put-up-passengers-in-canadian-military-barracks-after/?intcmp=latestnews

 

 

Maybe those pricks ought to learn to fix their fricking airplanes..

 

20 years ago, I only flew United and their alliance throughout the world.

Not anymore.

Not to defend United, but what the hell else were they going to do? Shit happens, airplanes sometimes break. You want them to take a broken plane across the Atlantic so as not to inconvenience you?

 

As for the hotels, I wouldn't put the crews there with the pax either. For one, they might have had to get crew rest by law to fly the airplane out the next day. Two, I wouldn't want them with 200+ irate pax for 12 hours.

 

Sorry, shit happens. If there were not enough hotel rooms there wasn't enough. It was kind of the CAF to put them up in cots.

Its not exactly the first time this has happened (Goose Bay is pretty much the last stop before Ireland). There are plenty of hotel beds there, I suspect it was equal parts a customs issue & equal parts UA saying "can we dump 200 pax in a hangar, yes? Sweet, done!"

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An Australian plane passenger, who claims he suffered back pain after being seated next to an overweight man, is suing Etihad Airways.

James Bassos says he had to contort his body to avoid contact with his fellow passenger during a 14-hour flight from the United Arab Emirates to Sydney.

He said the journey resulted in a back injury and is claiming $227,000 (£106,000) in damages.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-33731642

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Stupid or not, I hope he wins and it sends a clear message to the airlines that they had better clean up their act

when it comes to cattle class seating dimensions.

 

It's gotten way beyond reasonable for even avg. size people and downright painful for us big guys.

 

 

Greedy bastards <_<

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Just got back from colombia.

 

flew direct from Dulles to Bogota. and then returned, Cartagena to Bogota to Dulles.

 

Flew on Avianca. Gotta love the slender south American stews. flew cattle class with my wife and daughter. no hiccups, ok food, free adult beverages so no complaints...until we got back to the states.

 

customs and immigration/emigration from Colombia were fine and with out pain. but once we land at Dulles. I was ready to sell my first born just to get back into the country.

 

2 freaking hours. Stood in one line so I get a computer kiosk to scan my passport which told me to stand in another line for the guy to finally stamp my passport and allow me to collect my luggage. at which point, I get to stand in another line to get permission to leave the airport with my luggage. Glad I was not selected to get my luggage searched it looked like it was another 90 minutes...

 

Sigh...Oh well...

 

First world problems..

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I bet if you were coming from most any other Latin American country (except possibly Venezuela) you'd have gotten through at the first kiosk.

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Yeah well, screw 'em anyway.

 

The human whale conundrum I got no answer for.

 

But current standard seat pitch and width is cruel and unusual punishment for anybody

over 6' tall and that's just unacceptable no matter what the munchkins think.

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I bet if you were coming from most any other Latin American country (except possibly Venezuela) you'd have gotten through at the first kiosk.

Probably right on that.....Couple with the fact that a fucking airbus a380 landed about 30 minutes before us....which really did not help matters any either.

 

AM.

 

the only souvenirs I brought back were pics, coffee and tea*, I did not become a drug mule...

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passenger_1532425c.jpg

AYFKM??? How is that legal??

 

It's almost certainly not. Aren't there laws about how quickly you need to be able to evacuate a fully loaded airplane, because that guy would bring up the average a bit I think.

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passenger_1532425c.jpg

AYFKM??? How is that legal??

It's almost certainly not. Aren't there laws about how quickly you need to be able to evacuate a fully loaded airplane, because that guy would bring up the average a bit I think.

Been trapped in more than once and have spent the whole flight wondering what I'd do if the shit hit the fan.

 

The next time, I will be making a point of raising this with the cabin crew.

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Man I can't stop visualizing how the next passenger to sit in that seat is going to react to the damp butt-sweat smell coming off the arm rest.

 

Gotta fly Thursday. Oh that should be fun. I can deal with the uncomfortable planes and lines, but the average American traveler makes me want to go live in Antarctica. I can only hope that shortly after takeoff the plane explodes and kills everyone of the rude, self-centered, narcissistic, retarded fuck-wits and their children I'm sure to encounter on the flight. Be even better if, during the takeoff run, the plane careened off the runway and plowed into about 5 parked, fully shit-head loaded planes before obliterating the terminal full of Walmart shoppers dressed in sweat pants and "Love Pink" t-shirts. If somehow a main gas pipe could break in the process and completely level the entire airport and BBQ every dip-shit ticket agent, cab driver, luggage handler, and drunk business traveler that thinks golf clubs are a carry-on item, that would go a long way to ensuring that the future of humanity doesn't end up with an average IQ of 48. I F'ing hate flying! May have to have the Mrs hit me with the tranquilizer gun so I don't continuously visualize how great it would be to throw myself into a running turbine.

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Man, I can't stop visualizing a human bowling alley scenario . . .

That would be me.

One option is over the seat tops if needed.

 

I'll wait for the flames for that one.

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Man I can't stop visualizing how the next passenger to sit in that seat is going to react to the damp butt-sweat smell coming off the arm rest.

 

Gotta fly Thursday. Oh that should be fun. I can deal with the uncomfortable planes and lines, but the average American traveler makes me want to go live in Antarctica. I can only hope that shortly after takeoff the plane explodes and kills everyone of the rude, self-centered, narcissistic, retarded fuck-wits and their children I'm sure to encounter on the flight. Be even better if, during the takeoff run, the plane careened off the runway and plowed into about 5 parked, fully shit-head loaded planes before obliterating the terminal full of Walmart shoppers dressed in sweat pants and "Love Pink" t-shirts. If somehow a main gas pipe could break in the process and completely level the entire airport and BBQ every dip-shit ticket agent, cab driver, luggage handler, and drunk business traveler that thinks golf clubs are a carry-on item, that would go a long way to ensuring that the future of humanity doesn't end up with an average IQ of 48. I F'ing hate flying! May have to have the Mrs hit me with the tranquilizer gun so I don't continuously visualize how great it would be to throw myself into a running turbine.

Wow.

 

what he said.

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I've been doing a lot business class flights overseas this year. Nice that I can do it, but it sure makes flying coach domestically suck. I had to head out again today, door to door time flying was about 5 hours, driving myself was 5:30. So I drove. No fatasses sitting next to me, the only stench of humanity is my own, I can live with that.

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I just flew Trans Con on United. If the seats get any thinner they will be made of cardboard. Honestly, whats next? A bench? I know, I should just shut up

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I just flew Trans Con on United. If the seats get any thinner they will be made of cardboard. Honestly, whats next? A bench? I know, I should just shut up

Next they'll chain you to an oar. There be a dude up front pounding on a drum and a big burly smelly dude with a whip providing encouragement should you lose the cadence.

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I get to fly to England next week for fastnet/ 6hrs of talking myself out of killing everyone and everything I lay my eyes upon...

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It seems all things that fly bring out the killer instinct in some people. Between the drone thread and here we have people talking about smashing people's faces with a framing hammer in front of their children, crashing plane loads of people into terminals and other planes, and now killing everything in sight, what a world... :)

 

Oh it's not just things that fly. It's anything that involves large quantities of people. In particular the people, if we can call them that, which are commonly referred to as "The General Public." Been on a train lately? How about a bus? Concert, grocery store, sporting event? Hell, you can't go to a gas station without having to listen to a car load of 20-something tattooed, pierced fuckwads play gang-bangin' kill whitey music load enough that submarines in the Marianas Trench can here it.

 

As a flight attendant once told me about her job. "It's great, except for the passengers."

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I am a pretty laid back guy in general but there's a certain group of people, if you will, that I absolutely abhor. That group is commonly called "others".

 

Don't look at me, don't fucking touch me, don't ooze into my space with your fat flapping falandering ass, don't breathe on me, near me or around me, actually, stop breathing all together- knock it off-

 

I'm pretending you don't exist, don't make me turn a fantasy into a reality...

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"Getting off the plane is just another stress point in the passenger experience, and some people would be willing to pay extra to get to the head of the line."

 

"Could you imagine an airline charging a coach passenger in row 43 an extra $25 to get off the plane before the often-elite flyers up front? It is a fantastic idea — with the emphasis on fantasy"

 

http://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/the-next-great-untapped-airline-fee-is-getting-off-the-plane-first/ar-BBllsHA?ocid=DELLDHP

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My wife and I have developed a really cool little niche business into a decent living that we can earn from anywhere with an internet connection. We've already dropped out of the rat race to a certain extent, but having little kids requires we don't go full "Alaskan Bush People" for awhile more. When circumstances allow, we're sailing away at the first opportunity. I don't like people much either, but Im not driven to kill them either. Much.

So fess up.. Watcha got??? Must share with your sa brethren....

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I am a pretty laid back guy in general but there's a certain group of people, if you will, that I absolutely abhor. That group is commonly called "others".

 

Don't look at me, don't fucking touch me, don't ooze into my space with your fat flapping falandering ass, don't breathe on me, near me or around me, actually, stop breathing all together- knock it off-

 

I'm pretending you don't exist, don't make me turn a fantasy into a reality...

 

"Others," those are the fuckers! I see them all the time!

 

True Story:

Flying back from the east coast one day, I ended up sitting next to the most irritating person on the planet. He was formerly the most irritating person in the terminal. He would not stop talking trying to be the "life of the party", and everything he said made me want to stab him in the face with a fork. After about an hour of "Mister Personality" annoying me, the flight attendants, and every other passenger within hear shot, I finally had enough and snapped. I turned to the guy and said in a very clear and very stern voice, "I will pay you 20 dollars if you SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!" Every person on the plane heard me. He didn't say another word for the rest of the flight. I even think the pilot came on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like thank the passenger in seat 48C for telling the passenger in 48B to shut the fuck up. He was annoying as shit and probably should be lobotomized. We're anticipating the remainder of the flight to be smooth, relaxing and right on-time. Thank you for choosing Delta." Ok, that probably happened in my head, but I did get a few props from other passengers when we got off the plane.

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Here is a solution: from the NZ Herald today


Sir Bob - who famously belted a TV journalist who interrupted him fishing - was unceremoniously ejected from an Air New Zealand flight in May before it left Auckland for Wellington for refusing to follow crew instructions.


The incident unfolded after Sir Bob, who was seated in an exit row, refused to say "yes" when asked if he could open the exit in an emergency, a witness told NZME. News Service.


In his column, the former rich lister said he had travelled for more than half a century all over the world, "but no airline, not even in the worst Soviet Union days, matches the infantile nappy-statism of an Auckland-Wellington Air New Zealand flight"."The incessant and unnecessary hostess babble over the intercom, the utterly childish and pointless screeching safety video, the absurd seat-by-seat check that we're an inch or two upright at exactly 20 minutes before landing, and worst of all, the 'this is your captain speaking'."


He said his long ordered twin-engine Cessna Citation Mustang jet - believed to be valued between $2 million and $2.5 million - finally arrived from abroad last week.


"Oh glory; my self-respect finally regained. No unnecessary 20 minute x-rays queues, no holding pens and more queues to board, no sitting around for five minutes after landing before the doors are opened, nor long baggage waits amidst the sun-glasses topped cell-phone bawlers."


Instead, he drove to the Wellington hangar, threw his bags on board and flew away. The return was equally satisfying.


"We landed and taxied straight into our hangar where my car awaited. Two horrific hours saved."


And he had this advice for Air New Zealand management, whose mindset was "still in the 1970s".


"Auckland-Wellington is simply a commuter flight. There's no need of the palaver, the x-ray queues, the intercom earbashing, the tea and coffee and so on. Just have one uniformed hefty bloke to deal with improbable events and leave the passengers alone."


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I'm polite as hell to anyone at the airport not workibg forbthe tsa and I've found as much as an afro comb in the desert.

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I'm polite as hell to anyone at the airport not workibg forbthe tsa and I've found as much as an afro comb in the desert.

 

WTF is an "afro comb in the desert" ????

 

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I'm polite as hell to anyone at the airport not workibg forbthe tsa and I've found as much as an afro comb in the desert.

 

WTF is an "afro comb in the desert" ????

 

 

 

Let's talk about happy things, like how Mel Brooks is a fucking genius.

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I'm on the aluminium tube of doom right now. Flight attendant just ask if there is a doctor on the plane. This should be interesting. Nothing starts a vacation better than having someone die right in front of you. Why can't people hold their shit together for a few hours? Seriously, how hard is it to just stay alive?

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I just flew Trans Con on United. If the seats get any thinner they will be made of cardboard. Honestly, whats next? A bench? I know, I should just shut up

Next they'll chain you to an oar. There be a dude up front pounding on a drum and a big burly smelly dude with a whip providing encouragement should you lose the cadence.

 

That! is funny shiz!

I'm on the aluminium tube of doom right now. Flight attendant just ask if there is a doctor on the plane. This should be interesting. Nothing starts a vacation better than having someone die right in front of you. Why can't people hold their shit together for a few hours? Seriously, how hard is it to just stay alive?

That is funnier!

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yeah but at least we'll have fun! i mean when's the last time an airliner did an intentional barrel roll, 1963?

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Exactly. What year was that? It's been way too long...

 

it was 1955.

 

I had to check Tex's autobiography for an accurate date.

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Exactly. What year was that? It's been way too long...

Can we just double check our travel arrangements, just in case this occasion could ever arise?

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I'm on the aluminium tube of doom right now. Flight attendant just ask if there is a doctor on the plane. This should be interesting. Nothing starts a vacation better than having someone die right in front of you. Why can't people hold their shit together for a few hours? Seriously, how hard is it to just stay alive?

 

This happened to me recently as well, on a trip from Phoenix.

 

Really was a struggle for the paramedics to get her off in that isle sized wheelchair. Dimentionally challenged individual.

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Exactly. What year was that? It's been way too long...

Can we just double check our travel arrangements, just in case this occasion could ever arise?

 

why, want to be a part of the 2015 flying circus?...

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I'm always hoping they'll ask if there's a pilot onboard...

 

Ha !

 

Secretly, I do too.

 

I'm pretty good at landing the Microsoft Learjet on the Microsoft Golden Gate Bridge.

 

Really now, how hard could it be :)

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Ok, true admission here:

 

I got my seaplane rating in Sausalito. I flew under the GG Bridge with my wife a couple months later.

 

It's illegal except....with a seaplane I can simply say I aborted a landing if anyone asked. Fortunately, no one did.

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Animals should not be allowed in an aircraft passenger area, period! Bunch of over coddled, spoiled, separation anxiety ridden asshats! and I'm not talking about the pets...

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"I'm gonna sue this country". Stupid bitch!

 

I get to fly on the aluminum tube from hell this weekend. 15 hours to LAX. Joy!

 

 

I like the part right at the end where she is screaming hysterically (off camera) and the guy taking the video starts to chuckle. Made me laugh my ass off.

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img_0001.jpg

 

And North of the border isn't any better, possibly worse seeing as literally EVERYONE that works in an airport is part of a unionized monopoly.

 

This weeks gem, retiree with an artificial hip tries to get on a domestic flight out of a regional airport. Hip sets off metal detector. Apparently there are only four security personnel, two men two women (gov't equal hiring quotas), but both guys are off that shift. Our hapless retiree misses his flight and has to cool his heels for 9 hours until the night shift comes on. All pat downs must be performed by same gender screeners.

 

I guess they weren't expecting any Y chromosome types to be flying that day :/

 

http://www.cbc.ca/m/news/canada/british-columbia/terrace-b-c-man-misses-flight-after-female-security-refuse