DDW

Looking forward to the invention of cleats in Canada

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Legs, you have got it spot on. What a team.

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DDW, I know you've been here before but things have improved since your last visit.  This is where Salazar spend her summers, when she isn't sailing.  No Bull Rails, in fact no wood at all.  And cleats!   Lots of them!  Ben Eoin, on the East Bay of the Bras d'Or Lake.

20130810_Salazar-at-Ben-Eoin-Marina_0086

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Way up thread I think I proposed using powder actuated fasteners. These will drive a 20 penny spike through the flange of a steel I beam. You could jump off the boat, and have 4 cleats down before the first line got tied off to a bull rail.

The only problem is, in Canada, they are paranoid and averse to powder actuated anything. I'd probably get arrested at the border.

"Anything to declare?"

"Just this semi automatic rapid fire fastener gun with a bump stock,  a thousand rounds of ammo for it, at a pallet of galvanized cleats...."

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1 minute ago, Salazar said:

DDW, I know you've been here before but things have improved since you last visit.  This is where Salazar spend her summers, when she isn't sailing.  No Bull Rails, in fact no wood at all.  And cleats!   Lots of them!

20130810_Salazar-at-Ben-Eoin-Marina_0086

If fact I'm pretty sure I've been in that exact marina! Trying to remember where....I recall a long shallow and narrow channel to get in there.

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14 minutes ago, DDW said:

The only problem is, in Canada, they are paranoid and averse to powder actuated anything. I'd probably get arrested at the border.

The other problem is that a nail, like a lag bolt, is the wrong fastener for a cleat.

You're not ready to go to Canada.

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1 hour ago, Bull City said:

Courtesy of "Ugly Boats Admiration Society" thread, here are bull rails mounted on a boat below the waterline. Comments from the distinguished faculty?

I've got a different theory.  Those aren't meant for underwater at all.  They are above the waterline handholds.  Why and how? Because if people on SA (you ogres, you!) think that it is ugly, then that poor sensitive boat is going to flip itself over in order to hide its face in shame. (You have to give the owner/builder some accolades for having the foresight to prepare for this eventuality). 

Alternatively, this is actually a spy ship, which will try to sneak into Canada upside-down, disguised as a dock.  As an aside, what you think is a mast is not.  Instead, it is actually a keel.  I would note that this 'mast-keel' is actually a foil that is very technologically advanced.  So much so that that all of the next-generation America Cup boats will be using it.

Alternatively to that alternative, maybe 'Death On Two Legs' just didn't carry his 'drag' thinking through far enough.  Isn't there a new type of torpedo that creates its own cavitation envelope?  And that this allows it to achieve hyper-speeds through the water?  Well, maybe this boat is trying to use those bull-rails to create its own cavitational envelope, for the same purpose?

 

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10 minutes ago, Jammer Six said:

The other problem is that a nail, like a lag bolt, is the wrong fastener for a cleat.

You're not ready to go to Canada.

And yet, all the bull rails at this high end marina that I am currently tied to, in Canada, are lag bolted.

The real problem is that a bull rail, like a nail, is the wrong thing to tie a boat to. At least for the last couple of millennium. 

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1 hour ago, Bull City said:

Courtesy of "Ugly Boats Admiration Society" thread, here are bull rails mounted on a boat below the waterline. Comments from the distinguished faculty?

And yet another alternative theory: the prospective owner said 'super in a blow'; the boat designer misheard this (through his/her static-prone hearing-aid) as 'supper down below'; the ship builder misread this (through his/her dusty glasses) as 'scupper down real low''.  Isn't that how the process normally goes?

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@DDW you have the makings here of a great dualistic religion: Worship the cleat, and be fearful of the paths of darkness marked by the bull rail.

Instead of knocking on doors to save souls, your followers could arm themselves with angle-grinders and crowbars and march forth upon a crusade of righteousness to vanquish the evil rails.  

With a little practice on the rhetoric, you could become a televangelist for your path to salvation, exhorting those who have seen the light to call toll-free with their credit cards in support of your holy work.

If donations are slow, you just need to shag a few hookers, make sure to get caught, and then call for more funds to assist your redemption before the cleat god strikes you down.

You may not get as rich as Kenneth Copeland (reportedly $750 million) or even raise enough to buy a new private jet like Jesse Duplantis ... but you should at least make a reasonable dent in the cost of a new mainsail for Anomaly.

 

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I am an evangelist for the cause. I never thought about monetizing it. What a great idea. We could pay a bounty for the ears of each bull rail brought in. Cast stones at any boat tied to them. That sort of good old religious fun. 

My hero in that world was the Reverend Ike. "Thank God for money!" he used to say. "Send me your dollar bills!" 

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14 minutes ago, DDW said:

My hero in that world was the Reverend Ike. "Thank God for money!" he used to say. "Send me your dollar bills!" 

Ike was an early proponent of the Prosperity Gospel

Very Murican.  Your church probably won't have such a big market in Canada, which has never been so big on monetised religion, but that's not a problem.   Saving souls in other countries has long been a feature of religion, so you can recruit in Murica to send people on missions to Canada.

God Bless Cleats.  Amen.

 

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I once heard a Prosperity preacher say "people who say money can't buy happiness don't know where to shop."

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His reindeer are tied to bull rails. North Pole, Canada, HOH OHO:D

 

TJ78nPZ.png

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14 hours ago, Bull City said:

I've been thinking of removing all of the "sissy" cleats on my boat and replacing them with stoutly built bull rails. Thoughts?? :blink:

I must admit I've removed the cleat on the foredeck, and replaced them with a U bolt... Now the jib Sheet doesn't get caught..

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18 minutes ago, The Q said:

I must admit I've removed the cleat on the foredeck, and replaced them with a U bolt... Now the jib Sheet doesn't get caught..

Did you do it properly and make sure that your installation includes slime and splinters? ;) 

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1 minute ago, TwoLegged said:

Did you do it properly and make sure that your installation includes slime and splinters? ;) 

Time will tell....

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7 hours ago, DDW said:

If fact I'm pretty sure I've been in that exact marina! Trying to remember where....I recall a long shallow and narrow channel to get in there.

It opened new in 2013, I think you were here some time before that.  https://www.beneoinmarina.com/

Long, yes, I'll give you that, East Bay is long.  Shallow, don't think so, much of East bay is over 350 feet deep.  Narrow?  East Bay is about a mile across where this new Marina / Yacht club is located.  What do you call narrow?

Oh, and the cleats are large, and are bolted down.

gal03-1140x395.jpg

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Jiminy Christmas, that's a beautiful place to keep a boat.

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Paris, on the Seine.  On the quai de New York, below the Pont d'Iena (Jenna Bridge).  Hmm...

lCHRO4X-GPip6vPjww2UoyWp5JIhisb_cbYM_bcv

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3 hours ago, Salazar said:

Paris, on the Seine.  On the quai de New York, below the Pont d'Iena (Jenna Bridge).  Hmm...

lCHRO4X-GPip6vPjww2UoyWp5JIhisb_cbYM_bcv

now if they just welded a big ass cleat on each of those posts, we'd be in business!

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47 minutes ago, chester said:

now if they just welded a big ass cleat on each of those posts, we'd be in business!

Or periodically cut the pipe. 

#therearecleatsineverybullrail

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1 hour ago, IStream said:

Or periodically cut the pipe. 

#therearecleatsineverybullrail

Why regress in bull rail evolution?

#cleatsgrewintobullrails

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6 hours ago, Salazar said:

It opened new in 2013, I think you were here some time before that.  https://www.beneoinmarina.com/

Long, yes, I'll give you that, East Bay is long.  Shallow, don't think so, much of East bay is over 350 feet deep.  Narrow?  East Bay is about a mile across where this new Marina / Yacht club is located.  What do you call narrow?

Oh, and the cleats are large, and are bolted down.

gal03-1140x395.jpg

We were there in 2010. I went back and looked at the pictures, not the same place but the building and setting reminded me of it. Someplace in New Brunswick I think it was. There was about a 1/2 mile channel into it that was 50' wide and 5' deep, we had to go in and out on the tide. 

In looking through the pictures from NB, NS, PEI, quite a few of the docks there had cleats. More enlightened out there. 

We loved the Bras d'Or area, when we came through it was late in the season and things were shutting up for the year. We sailed in the top from Newfoundland and went out the bottom. Like a good beer. 

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Someone needs to make a Cleat App for phones. Those who abhor rails will be able to find out exactly which dock number to reserve each day, even if the marina is mostly rails. You could call the app "Active Cleat" or "Cleaty"

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37 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:
1 hour ago, IStream said:

Or periodically cut the pipe. 

#therearecleatsineverybullrail

Why regress in bull rail evolution?

#cleatsgrewintobullrails

Is it though?

 

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1 minute ago, IStream said:

Is it though?

 

I see I will have to post the "Canadian History of Bull Rails and their Evolution from Cleats" on this thread tonight.

Meanwhile, I offer up historic Canadian Content in the history of bull rails. This show was syndicated worldwide, so many countries have turned to bull rails now.-_-

 

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21 hours ago, Bull City said:

Ahh.. "the slime and the splinters and the handling difficulties of bull rails."

Here is my new technology that will replace bull rails. It solves the problem of slime, splinters, learning the fancy knots required by a bull rail, and it avoids the high cost of cleats. It provides unlimited placement options and takes no time at all:

nail.JPG.8414e20b5dcadf726f2a0c1a98660d40.JPG

Looks like you killed that there Blue Rope snake.

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7 hours ago, Salazar said:

Paris, on the Seine.  On the quai de New York, below the Pont d'Iena (Jenna Bridge).  Hmm...

lCHRO4X-GPip6vPjww2UoyWp5JIhisb_cbYM_bcv

You can't access that rail anymore, there's a new uritrottoir in the way. 

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17 hours ago, Bull City said:

Courtesy of "Ugly Boats Admiration Society" thread, here are bull rails mounted on a boat below the waterline. Comments from the distinguished faculty?

image.png.baa65f2114cbe3f7344b7d93cf833c30.png

Handrails for scuba divers?

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22 minutes ago, Panoramix said:

Handrails for scuba divers?

Only if they are mutant scuba divers with very very long fingers.  

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1 hour ago, kinardly said:

You can't access that rail anymore, there's a new uritrottoir in the way. 

Are you supposed to aim for the center of the big ring?

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This just in the from "The Zombie Fleet." It's in Canada, neither a cleat nor a bull rail in sight! What is going on up there?

2a As Purchased.JPG

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7 minutes ago, Bull City said:

This just in the from "The Zombie Fleet." It's in Canada, neither a cleat nor a bull rail in sight! What is going on up there?

Partial surrender?

"OK, we'll kill the bull rails.  Happ now? But it's still no to cleats"

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1 hour ago, kinardly said:

You can't access that rail anymore, there's a new uritrottoir in the way. 

That looks like a mailbox you pee in...https://nationalpost.com/news/world/une-invention-de-genie-paris-builds-public-dry-uritrottoirs-to-curb-public-urination-on-city-streets

uritrottoiredited.jpg

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11 minutes ago, Bull City said:

This just in the from "The Zombie Fleet." It's in Canada, neither a cleat nor a bull rail in sight! What is going on up there?

 

Must be a stealth bull rail on the underside.

Is that a record for how many fenders per foot?

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5 minutes ago, TwoLegged said:
13 minutes ago, Bull City said:

This just in the from "The Zombie Fleet." It's in Canada, neither a cleat nor a bull rail in sight! What is going on up there?

Partial surrender?

"OK, we'll kill the bull rails.  Happ now? But it's still no to cleats"

That's some post-US invasion resistance shit right there. 

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7 minutes ago, IStream said:

That's some post-US invasion resistance shit right there. 

It must have started with Kennedy and Diefenbaker...

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3 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:

It must have started with Kennedy and Diefenbaker...

Canada was never going to come well out of its choice of a PM whose name sounds like a suicidal German pastry cook

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6 hours ago, Norse Horse said:

Someone needs to make a Cleat App for phones. Those who abhor rails will be able to find out exactly which dock number to reserve each day, even if the marina is mostly rails. You could call the app "Active Cleat" or "Cleaty"

Well, whatayaknow.

A legitimate task for Active Captain-- recording bullrails vs. cleats. As long as you can turn it off...

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2 hours ago, Norse Horse said:

That is simply not right. If Parisians are satisfied with that, they are simply not civilized.

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3 hours ago, Bull City said:

This just in the from "The Zombie Fleet." It's in Canada, neither a cleat nor a bull rail in sight! What is going on up there?

2a As Purchased.JPG

That was S.F. Bay - San Rafael.

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1 hour ago, Bull City said:

That is simply not right. If Parisians are satisfied with that, they are simply not civilized.

I think it's an interesting way of compromising with the reluctance of some men to go find a toilet.

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1 hour ago, SloopJonB said:

That was S.F. Bay - San Rafael.

So how were the dock lines made fast?

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Give me a break Bull - it was 15 years ago!

All I remember about that place is that it was scruffy and very friendly and cooperative.

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You made a post about something you don't know anything about?

No wonder you like it here.

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Jammer, I have you on ignore, but peeked at your latest post.

Now I recall why I have you ignore. 

Thanks for the reminder

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Is there anyone here who doesn't have Jammer on ignore?

He's always been a gormless space waster.

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Wow. I didn't realize how complete the illusion can be.

Now all you need to do is stick to it, and there's that pesky self discipline issue again.

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23 hours ago, SloopJonB said:

Give me a break Bull - it was 15 years ago!

All I remember about that place is that it was scruffy and very friendly and cooperative.

I know, I know. But this really important. Think. Think. It was scruffy, friendly, and cooperative. You must remember something else!

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Another name for a cleat phone app. Or an athletic sexual preference...

61SCKVvD6bL._UY445_.jpg

61HV1A7IMyL._UX385_.jpg

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14 hours ago, kinardly said:

Or Clete's illiterate girlfriend. Who's Clete, anyway and why is he worth chasing?

Clete just signed a pro contract for 15 mil a season...

Where is DDW now...does he know Telegraph Cove is all cleats, not a bull rail anywhere...does he know what is legal in Canada now?

42871463_10161141588820314_5094261684743176192_n.jpg

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Which Telegraph Cove one you talkin' about?. Never been to the one in the Gulf Islands. Been to the one up by Port McNeill, but only on foot - too shallow for the sailboat. 

But all cleats is the way to go, and the future of Mankind!!!

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1 hour ago, DDW said:

Which Telegraph Cove one you talkin' about?. Never been to the one in the Gulf Islands. Been to the one up by Port McNeill, but only on foot - too shallow for the sailboat. 

But all cleats is the way to go, and the future of Mankind!!!

Don't get too carried away there, people are going to start thinking you're a missionary and next thing you know you're in the pot for dinner. We have cleats. We don't let just anyone see them.

 

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3 hours ago, Ishmael said:

Don't get too carried away there, people are going to start thinking you're a missionary and next thing you know you're in the pot for dinner. We have cleats. We don't let just anyone see them.

 

Secleats?

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10 hours ago, DDW said:

But all cleats is the way to go, and the future of Mankind!!!

Actually, I have it from a very good authority that Bull Rails are superior.  Like really, how can you doubt the word and actions of this irreproachable aficionado?  Surely you’re not a nature-hater, nature-denier are you?  Surely there is a place in your heart for nature?  Look at that sweet, content, whisker-bespoke face.  Come on, I have faith in your goodness, DDW.

<now, how was that for light-hearted arm twisting ;)>

335475181_Otter-bullrailaficionadolaying.jpg.59d7d0312b1e33175a46f1a5ebc12a99.jpg

<P.s., not my photo; wish it were. Full credit goes to the unknown original poster>

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10 hours ago, DDW said:

Which Telegraph Cove one you talkin' about?. Never been to the one in the Gulf Islands. Been to the one up by Port McNeill, but only on foot - too shallow for the sailboat. 

But all cleats is the way to go, and the future of Mankind!!!

How cruel is that when the only fully cleated harbour is too shallow for your boat...

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9 hours ago, Ishmael said:

Don't get too carried away there, people are going to start thinking you're a missionary and next thing you know you're in the pot for dinner. We have cleats. We don't let just anyone see them.

 

A missionary, yes. Dedicated to the Church of the Holy Cleat, or in fact the Holy Trinity of Cleats: Bow, Stern, and Breast. Surely one of y'all can come up with a good picture of a Breast Cleat? Also large and thick cleats, not just 8", but 10" and 12"! (Something for everyone in this church - we are all inclusive - even take reformed bull rails). 

Now I want you to send your contributions to the Church of the Holy Cleat, evangelizing the good word throughout the world (but mainly Canada), bringing enlightenment to the heathens in these remote and backwards provinces. I promise to make good use of the funds and only rarely bend to temptation (and rarer still with the underaged Cleat). Take pitchforks and barrel staves to these cursed bull rails - the Devil Incarnate! - and replace them with polished stainless Cleats,  smooth galvanized cleats, even slightly rust industrial cleats - Oh! so Holy are the lowest of them!!

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27 minutes ago, DDW said:

Now I want you to send your contributions to the Church of the Holy Cleat, evangelizing the good word throughout the world (but mainly Canada), bringing enlightenment to the heathens in these remote and backwards provinces. I promise to make good use of the funds and only rarely bend to temptation (and rarer still with the underaged Cleat).

Great in principle, DDW, but you need television, or at least YouTube.

I want to hear the fervour in your voice and see the fire in your eyes as you bare your soul before God and GoPro, and call the faithful to join your jihad.

Rev DDW.  Church Of The  Cleat, Inc.   Saving souls!

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Our cleat, who art in heaven, pointy be thy ends...

 

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50 minutes ago, DDW said:

... Surely one of y'all can come up with a good picture of a Breast Cleat?  ...

 

Ahem ... may I call your attention to my 'peace offering from a junior member'?  It may, um, fit your criteria (not that I should even admit that this is specifically what it is supposed to do ;)).  It is a bit crass to suggest this, but please adjust the size of this peace offering to the size of your hand or preference (or boat, if you wish to be a bit more literal (and boring?)) :D.

696224918_marinepeaceofferingintraditionalformfromajuniormemberv2.jpg.70fbc651c87c19c201039ea5ed987bf8.jpg

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1 hour ago, DDW said:

A missionary, yes. Dedicated to the Church of the Holy Cleat, or in fact the Holy Trinity of Cleats: Bow, Stern, and Breast. Surely one of y'all can come up with a good picture of a Breast Cleat? Also large and thick cleats, not just 8", but 10" and 12"! (Something for everyone in this church - we are all inclusive - even take reformed bull rails). 

Now I want you to send your contributions to the Church of the Holy Cleat, evangelizing the good word throughout the world (but mainly Canada), bringing enlightenment to the heathens in these remote and backwards provinces. I promise to make good use of the funds and only rarely bend to temptation (and rarer still with the underaged Cleat). Take pitchforks and barrel staves to these cursed bull rails - the Devil Incarnate! - and replace them with polished stainless Cleats,  smooth galvanized cleats, even slightly rust industrial cleats - Oh! so Holy are the lowest of them!!

You will need some of these if you want them to see the light...

https://www.etrailer.com/Boat-Accessories/CIPA/CM12100.html

seethelight.png

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On 10/11/2018 at 11:55 AM, Panoramix said:

Handrails for scuba divers?

Not really - more designed in weak points. If the bilge keel gets trapped on something like a rock, it breaks off easier before hurting the hull. Common practice in bigger workboats.

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1 hour ago, olaf hart said:

Isn’t that a Paraclete?

What do small captive birds have to do with it?

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1 hour ago, SloopJonB said:

What do small captive birds have to do with it?

The connection is that birds would be more securely held captive if cleats were available. 

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49 minutes ago, TwoLegged said:

The connection is that birds would be more securely held captive if cleats were available. 

Are you supposed to put little cleats in their cages, or just epoxy the birds to any handy cleat?

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Only if it's a Norwegian Blue.

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6 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

Only if it's a Norwegian Blue.

It's easy to wire the dead ones on, the live ones take a little more cunning. Krazy glue works best.

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16 hours ago, J the landlocked dreamer said:

Actually, I have it from a very good authority that Bull Rails are superior.  Like really, how can you doubt the word and actions of this irreproachable aficionado?  Surely you’re not a nature-hater, nature-denier are you?  Surely there is a place in your heart for nature?  Look at that sweet, content, whisker-bespoke face.  Come on, I have faith in your goodness, DDW.

<now, how was that for light-hearted arm twisting ;)>

335475181_Otter-bullrailaficionadolaying.jpg.59d7d0312b1e33175a46f1a5ebc12a99.jpg

<P.s., not my photo; wish it were. Full credit goes to the unknown original poster>

Shit, I thought we had big water rats.....

FKT

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7 hours ago, Ishmael said:

Are you supposed to put little cleats in their cages, or just epoxy the birds to any handy cleat?

I was thinking of attaching a painter to their feet, and then cleating it off

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11 hours ago, Zonker said:

Not really - more designed in weak points. If the bilge keel gets trapped on something like a rock, it breaks off easier before hurting the hull. Common practice in bigger workboats.

Makes sense, thanks. Older lifeboats here had this feature.

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Older lifeboats had actual handrails on the bottom. So you can grab the boat when it flips over in storm and maybe re-right it. They were not bilge keels (which reduce roll motions). Kinda look the same to a quick glance.

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