warbird 375 #5501 Posted December 31, 2018 3 hours ago, Snaggletooth said: Funney! Ime am gonig try thet with "Crisco" ....best when it's a party of four or more.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5502 Posted January 3, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grrr... 1,545 #5503 Posted January 3, 2019 On 12/31/2018 at 6:45 AM, Snaggletooth said: Funney! Ime am gonig try thet with "Crisco" Lemon would work too..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5504 Posted January 5, 2019 my neighbor's wife is a famous porn actress, hope she doesn't find out..... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raked Aft\\ 113 #5506 Posted January 8, 2019 With the recent flurry of space travel planned for 2019, The Polish Space Agency, in effort to really raise the bar, has made a bold announcement. They plan to launch two Plastronauts for a round trip journey to the Sun and back, including a brief landing on the surface! This news has rippled through the global space agencies, with obvious concern. In a recent news conference, the head of the PSA made statements to allay the fears and questions facing this monumental effort. In addition to mention of standard safety protocol and high tech engineering of the craft and plastronauts suits, he pulled an Ace out of his hand when stating they would be landing... AT NIGHT!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5507 Posted January 8, 2019 A guy on his honeymoon died in a shark attack. He didn't suffer long, he was only married 6 days. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5508 Posted January 10, 2019 a9Kn6qK_460svvp9.webm Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Junkyard Dog 12 #5509 Posted January 10, 2019 On 12/21/2018 at 9:33 PM, Grande Mastere Dreade said: The guy on the right looks a like Joe Pesci. Would that make those the three wise guys? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5510 Posted January 10, 2019 1 hour ago, Junkyard Dog said: The guy on the right looks a like Joe Pesci. Would that make those the three wise guys? ist acttiualley BM the OxeyCleane man...... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Mays Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Junkyard Dog 12 #5511 Posted January 13, 2019 On 1/10/2019 at 5:45 PM, Snaggletooth said: ist acttiualley BM the OxeyCleane man...... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Mays I know. I was referring to the first picture. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blunderfull 472 #5512 Posted January 14, 2019 Men are boys with cooler toys: 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5513 Posted January 14, 2019 Chico isa pissere! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 1,896 #5514 Posted January 14, 2019 25 minutes ago, blunderfull said: Men are boys with cooler toys: Brian Shul. Such a good man. He was here doing his speech to a sell-out crowd at the Hiller Aviation Museum in San Carlos CA just a couple of weeks ago and I took a couple of buddies. Same speech, same SR-71 speed check story. He spent hours signing his big books, "Sled Driver" and "The Untouchables". A good man - covered with burn scar tissue from his fiery fighter crash into the jungle in Vietnam, and a wildlife photographer now. As he said, "I don't shoot bad people now. I shoot butterflies." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5515 Posted January 16, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billy backstay 968 #5516 Posted January 16, 2019 10 hours ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: Okay, I'll bite; what's an IG account? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glenn McCarthy 200 #5517 Posted January 16, 2019 Instagram, he just erased everyone's IG accounts who are watching that interview. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laurent 1,706 #5518 Posted January 16, 2019 And who is Alexa? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billy backstay 968 #5519 Posted January 16, 2019 34 minutes ago, Laurent said: And who is Alexa? Amazons "Smart Speaker" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Laurent 1,706 #5520 Posted January 16, 2019 Billy, Billy, Billy, That was a joke... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billy backstay 968 #5521 Posted January 16, 2019 18 minutes ago, Laurent said: Billy, Billy, Billy, That was a joke... Laurent, Laurent, Laurent, You forgot purple, italic sarcasm font, mate!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5522 Posted January 16, 2019 9 minutes ago, billy backstay said: You forgot purple, italic sarcasm font, mate!! No, he juste gotte you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d'ranger 2,660 #5523 Posted January 16, 2019 I dunno, the candy gram for Mongo keeps popping up in my brain...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
floating dutchman 52 #5524 Posted January 17, 2019 11 hours ago, Laurent said: Billy, Billy, Billy, That was a joke... Hey, I didn't know who Alexa was. and I had to google IG account.... I guess I'm not tec savvy enough for that joke to work on me, Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJonB 8,316 #5525 Posted January 17, 2019 I'll bet the first time you use Siri or Alexa you'll say "thank you". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lima November 11 #5526 Posted January 17, 2019 2 hours ago, SloopJonB said: I'll bet the first time you use Siri or Alexa you'll say "thank you". As you should. I guess we are not far from the moment where they will start to appreciate it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gissie 947 #5527 Posted January 17, 2019 3 hours ago, floating dutchman said: Hey, I didn't know who Alexa was. and I had to google IG account.... I guess I'm not tec savvy enough for that joke to work on me, Not being tech savvy is not a bad place to be. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmiller 750 #5528 Posted January 17, 2019 18 hours ago, Laurent said: And who is Alexa? A device used by people who are too lazy to turn off the lights that is spying on you in order to sell shit to you. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5529 Posted January 17, 2019 5 hours ago, bmiller said: A device used by people who are too lazy to turn off the lights that is spying on you in order to sell shit to you. we used to worry about the LE spying on us... now we do it for them.. put monitors in every room so they can listen to everything.. oh, they don't do that you say? sure..... I will never have something like that in my house... just fucking why? are people really so lazy... it'll be Wall-E time pretty soon if we don't change.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5530 Posted January 17, 2019 1 hour ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: we used to worry about the LE spying on us... now we do it for them.. put monitors in every room so they can listen to everything.. oh, they don't do that you say? sure..... I will never have something like that in my house... just fucking why? are people really so lazy... it'll be Wall-E time pretty soon if we don't change.. I gifted one to MrsWarBird. She is not tech savvy. Pandora confuses her. She can ask for weather, her radio station, 50s rock and roll, and gets what she wants. She has it on only when she wants it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5531 Posted January 18, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJohnB 245 #5532 Posted January 18, 2019 PONDERISMS I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously . Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted . Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.' Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJohnB 245 #5533 Posted January 18, 2019 T0 MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 5 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbours would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching cricket, rugby, etc. on TV. Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe...! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peejay 1 #5534 Posted January 18, 2019 6 hours ago, SloopJohnB said: 22 times you had a headache If women are so good at multitasking why can't they have a headache and sex at the same time? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 1,896 #5535 Posted January 18, 2019 27 minutes ago, peejay said: If women are so good at multitasking why can't they have a headache and sex at the same time? My girlfriend used to boast about her ability to multitask. So I told her to sit down and shut up. She couldn't do either one, let alone at the same time. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5536 Posted January 20, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5537 Posted January 20, 2019 On 1/18/2019 at 10:57 AM, peejay said: If women are so good at multitasking why can't they have a headache and sex at the same time? i had a girlfriend who said sex helped cure her headaches.. I always played thrash metal real loud.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glenn McCarthy 200 #5538 Posted January 24, 2019 Rant. VERY, VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windward 359 #5539 Posted January 24, 2019 4 hours ago, Glenn McCarthy said: Rant. VERY, VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian. Too soon after that nutcase raped that woman in a coma (who just had a baby). That guy is truly a sick person. Not you Glenn... the male nurse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5540 Posted January 24, 2019 3 hours ago, Windward said: Too soon after that nutcase raped that woman in a coma (who just had a baby). That guy is truly a sick person. Not you Glenn... the male nurse. i guess you didn't read to the end.... what part of veterinarian do you not find funny? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5541 Posted January 24, 2019 1 hour ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: i guess you didn't read to the end.... what part of veterinarian do you not find funny? Who caires abote anny specialle diette the guye is on. Hese a nutte! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d'ranger 2,660 #5542 Posted January 24, 2019 37 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said: Who caires abote anny specialle diette the guye is on. Hese a nutte! Where's The Beef he asked sheepishly. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mustang__1 294 #5543 Posted January 24, 2019 On 1/17/2019 at 10:47 AM, Grande Mastere Dreade said: we used to worry about the LE spying on us... now we do it for them.. put monitors in every room so they can listen to everything.. oh, they don't do that you say? sure..... I will never have something like that in my house... just fucking why? are people really so lazy... it'll be Wall-E time pretty soon if we don't change.. what, you think you're phone isn't doing that anyway? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5544 Posted January 25, 2019 2 hours ago, mustang__1 said: what, you think you're phone isn't doing that anyway? my personal phone is a clamshell.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5545 Posted January 25, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5546 Posted January 25, 2019 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #5547 Posted January 25, 2019 4 hours ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: HA!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mustang__1 294 #5549 Posted January 26, 2019 22 hours ago, Bump-n-Grind said: ugggg. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5550 Posted January 27, 2019 aKxmZPj_460svvp9.webm Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5551 Posted February 1, 2019 women are evil Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5552 Posted February 1, 2019 1 minute ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: women are evil plusse men our stupide. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5553 Posted February 1, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5554 Posted February 3, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5555 Posted February 3, 2019 Friend of mine went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back... Halfway through he said, "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand..." The tattooist said "Give us a chance mate, I've only just finished …. his turban.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5556 Posted February 3, 2019 1 hour ago, warbird said: his turban.... DOOOOHHHHHHH!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldgoatroper 16 #5557 Posted February 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said: 1 hour ago, warbird said: his turban.... DOOOOHHHHHHH!!!! yup, shoulda ascertained ahead of time whether it was the turban kind or the casino kind... ambiguity can bite pretty hard... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 3,041 #5558 Posted February 3, 2019 Adgreeded, "harde" is ussuallitey prettey harde.................... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mainsheetsister 180 #5559 Posted February 4, 2019 I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas. It was motherfucking gold. 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
On The Hard 358 #5560 Posted February 4, 2019 1 hour ago, mainsheetsister said: I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas. It was motherfucking gold. Great joke! and just for the record, I always get a wistful smile when I read those quotes from your sister, particularly the last one.... 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d'ranger 2,660 #5561 Posted February 8, 2019 Another old joke but still makes me smile A truck loaded with a thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the Interstate yesterday, shedding it's load across the highway. You should've seen it, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wristwister 75 #5562 Posted February 9, 2019 7 hours ago, d'ranger said: Another old joke but still makes me smile A truck loaded with a thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the Interstate yesterday, shedding it's load across the highway. You should've seen it, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5563 Posted February 9, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mainsheetsister 180 #5564 Posted February 9, 2019 13 hours ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said: Looks like the same guy I photographed at Denver International Airport back in July! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5565 Posted February 9, 2019 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5566 Posted February 13, 2019 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5567 Posted February 15, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5568 Posted February 15, 2019 I keep having sexual fantasies about a girl I met when I was at school, even though I'm a happily married man Am I a bad husband? Or just a bad teacher? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5569 Posted February 15, 2019 WHY did Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper all retire from the music scene at the same time on February 3rd, 1959? Their vocal chords were damaged in an accident. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5571 Posted February 17, 2019 Doctor: You have a very rare disease... Me: How rare... Doctor: You get to pick the name! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
White Lightnin' 249 #5572 Posted February 17, 2019 Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works; Two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also December 1st, 2nd, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart. So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.) WL 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5573 Posted February 17, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5575 Posted February 21, 2019 Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month-anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a small box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you. I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!" Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are, and I love golf too. However, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 375 #5576 Posted February 21, 2019 It's not so easy as you think to donate a kidney. They ask all sorts of awkward questions, like, " Where did you get it?" and "Whose is it?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justsomeguy! 614 #5577 Posted February 22, 2019 At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?" "Yes, coach", replied the little boy." Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative. The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb ass decision or that the coach is a shithead, is it?" "No, coach." "Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5578 Posted February 24, 2019 or now known as second breakfast Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5579 Posted February 28, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5580 Posted February 28, 2019 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5581 Posted March 1, 2019 2 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said: That's probably more appropriate in the LONQR thread. you sure? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5582 Posted March 3, 2019 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJohnB 245 #5584 Posted March 3, 2019 Sensitivity?!? Outback Mobile Phone Tower Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Bruce, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, "Well, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Bruce says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer. Bluey says, "Where'd you get the beer, Bruce?" "Coot's wife gave it to me," Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?" "Well, not exactly," Bruce says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Coot's widow.' She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'" Aussies are so good at handling the sensitive stuff. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gissie 947 #5585 Posted March 3, 2019 43 minutes ago, SloopJohnB said: Sensitivity?!? Outback Mobile Phone Tower Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Bruce, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, "Well, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Bruce says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer. Bluey says, "Where'd you get the beer, Bruce?" "Coot's wife gave it to me," Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?" "Well, not exactly," Bruce says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Coot's widow.' She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'" Aussies are so good at handling the sensitive stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gissie 947 #5587 Posted March 5, 2019 9 hours ago, SloopJohnB said: Said the Thai bar girl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJohnB 245 #5588 Posted March 5, 2019 Irish Divorce The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" ; "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation. She never got your email!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billy backstay 968 #5589 Posted March 5, 2019 17 minutes ago, SloopJohnB said: Irish Divorce The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" ; "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation. She never got your email!" Good one!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 2,168 #5590 Posted March 8, 2019 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
