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Crikey!!

 

With all the godzilla spiders and snakes I'm surprised there are any rodents left. Spiders probably ate all the cats.

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Pffft. We've always got one or two of them wandering around the walls or ceilings. The missus didn't like it one night when one fell off the ceiling onto her face.

 

Now, the Bird-Eating Spider... that's one I don't want building webs over the front path.

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Pffft. We've always got one or two of them wandering around the walls or ceilings. The missus didn't like it one night when one fell off the ceiling onto her face.

 

Now, the Bird-Eating Spider... that's one I don't want building webs over the front path.

 

:blink:

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Its the snake eating spider that scares the sh*t out of me.

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Crikey!!

 

With all the godzilla spiders and snakes I'm surprised there are any rodents left. Spiders probably ate all the cats.

WTF? Pussy eating spiders?

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Everything is big in Australia. Wait! I forgot about Randumb and Bent's er..issues. Nearly all things in Australia are big.

 

 

 

07144942_0088.jpg

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big_prawn.jpg

the barbie for that prawn would need to be a blast furnace.

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343572-giant-koala.jpg

 

 

Is that a giant spider hanging out of its left nostril?

 

Its a huntsman, getting ready to drag it away.....

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he gets egg on his face all the time. and he waffles.

 

Blue waffles?

 

those are balls, not waffles.

 

i laugh at him all the time too snagggy

 

You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

 

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

 

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

 

Hard to achieve when he's hung like a half eaten Tic Tac, allegedly.

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

 

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

You have a caged dog? So stalking me isn't your only issue.

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

 

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

Hard to achieve when he's hung like a half eaten Tic Tac, allegedly.
And we can add agreeing with your own sock to the list.

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

Hard to achieve when he's hung like a half eaten Tic Tac, allegedly.
And we can add agreeing with your own sock to the list.
Ya gotta admit, it's better than disagreeing with yourself........"yes I do" "no I don't" "yes I do" "up yours" "same to me".........

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You are a happy little Vegemite this morning mate. What is your problem with me? Did I bang your sister or something?

The women you leave unhappy and unsatisfied with your angry inch aren't my problem mate.

 

But please, quit trying to fuck the dog. He's not caged for your pleasure.

Hard to achieve when he's hung like a half eaten Tic Tac, allegedly.
And we can add agreeing with your own sock to the list.

 

Sock? What's with you nutjobs and socks?

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The spider is a harmless variety ... to humans. Mice not so much.

 

While building the house we are in now, we rented an old farmhouse nearby. One night the wife woke me up complaining about something in the ceiling making a noise. So I turned the light on and did the walk around looking up thing. You know, the one where it looks like you can see through the ceiling. Anyway it was old 'masonite' material, that if you looked carefully, you could see it buckling as 'the snake' slowly moved from truss to truss. It must have been a big one.

 

So we moved rooms, just in case it fell through.

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Oh yeah, forgot to mention. We had some American visitors a few weeks ago. While looking around the place I showed them a parrot I was caring for after finding it not well nearby.

 

Anyway, yesterday I went to feed it and noticed it cowering in the bottom of the 2m high cage. Mystified I had a look around and found a 2m snake between the roof material and the wire, staring at the bird. Lucky that wasn't there for the visitors!

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And he came back for another go, as they tend to do. This time I put him in a sack and took him for a scenic drive.

 

snake

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ajkyYLz.png

 

Going fishing ?

These giant earthworms average 1 metre (3.3 ft) long and 2 centimetres (0.79 in) in diameter and can reach 3 metres (9.8 ft) in length; however, their body is able to expand and contract making them appear much larger. On average they weigh about 200 grams (0.44 lb).[1][2] They have a dark purple head and a blue-grey body, and about 300 to 400 body segments.[3]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Gippsland_earthworm

 

They are usually very sluggish, but when they move rapidly through their underground burrows, it can cause an audible gurgling or sucking sound which allows them to be detected.[4][5]

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ajkyYLz.png

 

Going fishing ?

These giant earthworms average 1 metre (3.3 ft) long and 2 centimetres (0.79 in) in diameter and can reach 3 metres (9.8 ft) in length; however, their body is able to expand and contract making them appear much larger. On average they weigh about 200 grams (0.44 lb).[1][2] They have a dark purple head and a blue-grey body, and about 300 to 400 body segments.[3]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Gippsland_earthworm

 

They are usually very sluggish, but when they move rapidly through their underground burrows, it can cause an audible gurgling or sucking sound which allows them to be detected.[4][5]

Damn, that right there is a pretty fair description of my dick.

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

Canadians

 

 

That's case-specific.

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These don't want to kill you, but they will nip if provoked.

 

Largest freshwater crayfish.

 

crayfish.jpg

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

As a former prime minister of ours said: 'life wasn't meant to be easy....."

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

 

There's a bunch of little birds here that seem more interested in shitting on our boat than killing us. And the flying foxes seem pretty harmless.

 

Then there's this, similar to signs we've seen all over downtown Brisbane:

 

r292341_1251857.jpg

 

 

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Yeah, the kids sometimes have to wear ice cream buckets on their heads when walking to and from school if going past magpie nests.

True!

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Yeah, but they were here first.

 

So are we going to give the planet back to the blue-green algae?

 

 

I'm not sure that's a good question to ask right now.

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Yeah, but they were here first.

 

So are we going to give the planet back to the blue-green algae?

 

 

I'm not sure that's a good question to ask right now.

 

 

I thought the crows and the magpies were imports in Oz.

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Yeah, but they were here first.

So are we going to give the planet back to the blue-green algae?

 

 

I'm not sure that's a good question to ask right now.

I thought the crows and the magpies were imports in Oz.

No, they're locals.

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Yeah, but they were here first.

So are we going to give the planet back to the blue-green algae?

 

 

I'm not sure that's a good question to ask right now.

I thought the crows and the magpies were imports in Oz.

No, they're locals.

 

Magpies

The Australian magpie (Cracticus tibicen) is a medium-sized black and white passerine bird native to Australia and southern New Guinea. Although once considered to be three separate species, it is now considered to be one, with nine recognised subspecies. A member of the Artamidae, the Australian magpie is classified in the butcherbird genus Cracticus and is most closely related to the black butcherbird (C. quoyi). It is not, however, related to the European magpie, which is a corvid.

From: Wikipedia

 

Crows

There are six members of the family Corvidae found in Australia: five native breeding species and one infrequent self-introduction. Three are called crows and three ravens, although there is really little difference.

From: Birds in Backyards

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What's a self-introduced species? Humans?

(Tho' many of us came here as convicts - didn't have much choice!)

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It's those Plovers you have to watch out for. Spikes on their wings and they aim to hit...... Cheeky fooksspur-winged-plover-at-nest-1.jpg

Got that right! I don't know about the Plovers down under but when Mrs PB & I hiked across northern England in 2013 the Plovers were nesting. One day on the high moors it was pissed off bird after bird as we walked. Sheesh.....spent 1/2 the time ducking and the other half laughing.

 

I don't remember spikes though....

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

Even the librarians.Only on the inside.

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

Even the librarians.

 

Especially the librarians!

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

 

Saying ouch is a bit of an understatement, Platypus stings cause one of the most excruciating pain any animal can cause, sending your body into anaphylactic shock, (when your nerves turn off because of really bad pain) potentially stopping your heart!

 

poisonspur.png

 

But they are so cute!

 

a381248d77463462f7ffd48297c6c1ff.jpg

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and yet none of these compare to the plants - especially the gympie-gympie stinging tree - http://www.australiangeographic.com.au/topics/science-environment/2009/06/gympie-gympie-once-stung,-never-forgotten/

 

North Queensland road surveyor A.C. Macmillan was among the first to document the effects of a stinging tree, reporting to his boss in 1866 that his packhorse “was stung, got mad, and died within two hours”. Similar tales abound in local folklore of horses jumping in agony off cliffs and forestry workers drinking themselves silly to dull the intractable pain.

Writing to Marina in 1994, Australian ex-serviceman Cyril Bromley described falling into a stinging tree during mili­tary training on the tableland in World War II. Strapped to a hospital bed for three weeks and administered all manner of unsuccessful treatments, he was sent “as mad as a cut snake” by the pain. Cyril also told of an officer shooting himself after using a stinging-tree leaf for “toilet purposes”.

He’s had too many stings to count but Ernie Rider will never forget the day in 1963 that he was slapped in the face, arms and chest by a stinging tree. “I remember it feeling like there were giant hands trying to squash my chest,” he said. “For two or three days the pain was almost unbearable; I couldn’t work or sleep, then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so. The stinging persisted for two years and recurred every time I had a cold shower.”

 

“Being stung is the worst kind of pain you can imagine - like being burnt with hot acid and electrocuted at the same time,” said Marina, who at the time was a postgraduate student at James Cook University investigating the herbivores that eat stinging trees.

 

And the worst thing is - even a dead leaf from the tree will deliver the same poison as a live one.

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Talking about spikes..... Watch out for these rascles. They have a tendency to roll up into a ball and hurtle them self and unsuspecting tourists.

 

14_VL_Echidna_3.jpg

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I wonder why Northern (in Oz) climes have more nasty stingy bitey things than down south. and we mentioned the Funnel web or the box jelly or stone fish yet?

 

Oh and watch out for these really cute little octopus.You'll find these all over australia...fortunately mainly in rock pools covered by at least a metre high tide and we tend to have small tide variences

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-ringed_octopus

 

There are tiny and look really pretty..when they're cross

Like to hang out in rockpools and they are the worlds deadliest.

 

hZAuyZH.png

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

Saying ouch is a bit of an understatement, Platypus stings cause one of the most excruciating pain any animal can cause, sending your body into anaphylactic shock, (when your nerves turn off because of really bad pain) potentially stopping your heart!

 

poisonspur.png

 

But they are so cute!

 

a381248d77463462f7ffd48297c6c1ff.jpg

In the words of Robin Williams,

 

Living proof that God was stoned when he created the earth.

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

Saying ouch is a bit of an understatement, Platypus stings cause one of the most excruciating pain any animal can cause, sending your body into anaphylactic shock, (when your nerves turn off because of really bad pain) potentially stopping your heart!

 

poisonspur.png

 

But they are so cute!

 

a381248d77463462f7ffd48297c6c1ff.jpg

In the words of Robin Williams,

 

Living proof that God was stoned when he created the earth.

 

"Take me platypus duck Bill, take me platypus duck..."

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It's Australia, everything has spikes.

Saying ouch is a bit of an understatement, Platypus stings cause one of the most excruciating pain any animal can cause, sending your body into anaphylactic shock, (when your nerves turn off because of really bad pain) potentially stopping your heart!

 

poisonspur.png

 

But they are so cute!

 

a381248d77463462f7ffd48297c6c1ff.jpg

In the words of Robin Williams,

 

Living proof that God was stoned when he created the earth.

 

Yeah its an interesting place where the top predators (apart from us) are reptiles!

(Got to do with the relatively small size and isolation of the continent, and the climate.)

None of them new-fangled modern mammals; we'll make do with monotremes and marsupials.....

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AUSTRALIA AND AUSTRALIANS
The following is by Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame.
"Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet.
It is recognizable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge;
a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea.
Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can't spell either.
The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place.
Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three.
Typically, it is unique in this.
The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals.
They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.
It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them.
Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them.
However, there are few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all.
But even the spiders won't go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down)
and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.
The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants.
A short history:
Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died.
The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders.
They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.
Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge.
They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.
About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since.
It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat,
steal and litigate (marks of a civilized culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert,
equipped with a stick.
Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians.
The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet,
where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence,
their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises.
They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.
There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world,
although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea,
pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders.
However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.
As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot.
Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger.
Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick.
Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud.
Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is,
in fact, the other side of that fence.
They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country"). THE IRRITATING THING ABOUT THIS IS, THEY MAY BE RIGHT.

TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA
Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason WHATSOEVER.
The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
Always carry a stick.
Air-conditioning is imperative.
Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained Linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.
Wear thick socks.
Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby
If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick.
Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS
They waddle when they walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in their wallet or purse.
They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have.
They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.
And they all carry a stick!

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

There's a bunch of little birds here that seem more interested in shitting on our boat than killing us. And the flying foxes seem pretty harmless.

 

Then there's this, similar to signs we've seen all over downtown Brisbane:

 

r292341_1251857.jpg

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A7Gw217EJ4

 

 

Flying foxes, harmless? Check out hendra virus.

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Reef deaths: Cardiologist suspects Irukandji jellyfish

 

Two French tourists who died within minutes of each other while snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef are likely to have been stung by the Irukandji jellyfish, a cardiologist says.

 

The pair, aged 74 and 76, suffered heart attacks and died in the water at Michaelmas Cay, east of Cairns, on Wednesday.

The ABC understands one was wearing a stinger suit, one was not, however both tourists had pre-existing medical conditions.

 

7920314-3x2-340x227.jpg

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Wedge-tailed eagles do battle with mining giant's drones,

 

Unmanned aerial vehicles (UAV) have become unlikely prey for wedge-tailed eagles in Western Australia's Goldfields, costing a mining giant more than $100,000 to replace its newest surveying tool.

 

Ten UAVs have been lost since South Africa's Gold Fields, the world's seventh-biggest gold producer, began operating the Trimble UX5 systems at its St Ives operations near Kambalda.

 

One crashed as a result of human error, while nine have been taken down by wedge-tailed eagles, which are known to have wingspans more than twice that of the 1-metre-wide UAVs.

 

8033842-3x2-700x467.jpg

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please tell me the above pic the wedge didn't kill the roo. because then all humans are on the menu too. Wait this is austraila, humans are on the menu, the top predators are not human

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Our Wedgies are a very impressive bird....

 

55aa7fe09178015f59ef6cf6b4b2c1de.jpg

 

wedge-tail-eagle-fox-5.jpg?w=460

 

hqdefault.jpg

 

eagle-kangaroo.jpg

Any guy that survived high school gym classes has seen more impressive wedgies than that.

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please tell me the above pic the wedge didn't kill the roo. because then all humans are on the menu too. Wait this is austraila, humans are on the menu, the top predators are not human

 

More than likely the eagle is scavenging but they will take smaller roos (Joeys) , they are easier of course. I haven't heard of an attack on humans.

 

But then there is this ...

 

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Fucking christ.... is there anything over there that does not want to kill you?? :P

There's a bunch of little birds here that seem more interested in shitting on our boat than killing us. And the flying foxes seem pretty harmless.

 

Then there's this, similar to signs we've seen all over downtown Brisbane:

 

r292341_1251857.jpg

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A7Gw217EJ4

 

Flying foxes, harmless? Check out hendra virus.

Every now and again some poor bastard loses an eye to magpie too. They are unfriendly little fuckers.

Hendra seems to be slipping off the radar again. I havnt heard anything in a few years, and I'm smack in the middle of the outbreak area

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Australia: Where the wildlife is so determined to kill you, birds throw snakes at you.

 

https://youtu.be/GH83KewgCFM

 

And apparently it was a brown, very fucking nasty if it wasn't dead it would have been pretty pissed-off.

 

Drove that road last week.

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​1856- Using the principal of vapour compression, James Harrison produced the world's first practical refrigerator. He was commissioned by a brewery to build a machine that cooled beer.

http://convictcreations.com/culture/inventions.htm

 

 

 

 

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Never mind the wildlife.

Australians are generally big, loud, ugly, foul-mouthed and drunk, covered in tattoos and always ready for violence. The males are not so bad, though.

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On 11/26/2016 at 3:43 AM, Rantifarian said:

Every now and again some poor bastard loses an eye to magpie too. They are unfriendly little fuckers.

Hendra seems to be slipping off the radar again. I havnt heard anything in a few years, and I'm smack in the middle of the outbreak area

We're filthy with magpies here too. Other birds can't compete with them.

Ever heard of the "mirror test"? They have some contraption with a mirror and a hidden compartment with food, the animal needs to be "self aware" (realize that it's seeing a reflection of itself) to get to the food or remove a sticker. Normally, animals can't get to it, they see the reflection and either don't see it, or don't see it as a reflection of themselves. But a few animals are sentient enough to get through the test ... primates like chimps, orangutans, gorillas, apes, etc.. Humans once they hit about three years old or so can figure it out, one elephant, dolphins, killer whales, some pigs.

And the other animal? Magpies. Fucking magpies.

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