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      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  
southerncross

Wanted Missing VOR Skipper

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Wanted for crass and crude remarks regarding male genitalia in the presence of a female crew member while serving as skipper aboard Team Scallywag during the 2017 Edition of the Volvo Ocean Race.

Last seen exiting (sprinting) from aforesaid boat in Cape Town seconds after the boat arrived at 21:55 on November 25.  

If you have information concerning his whereabouts, please contact the authorities at Mowbray Police Station.

Screen Shot 2017-11-30 at 12.05.44 AM.png

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Political correctness is a disease. Laughter and humor or all kinds is imperative to life's healthiness. God forbid you take away fart jokes next. Literally sack up everyone. A joke isn't going to kill us, unless you're Trump to Lil Kim.

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You got it a bit wrong  in the Leg 2 thread, Southern, with the Monty Pyton - Stoning, that is rather premature !

IMHO :

First offence = social experiment = Flogging by the PC crowd.

 

Second offence = itching scrotum = if we find him = Cut off 1 ball,

 

Second offence = jumping someone, male or female RAW = Cut off the other ball

Graphic Warning ! 18 years and over only:

https://cdn.liveleak.com/80281E/ll_a_s/2016/Jan/20/LiveLeak-dot-com-129_1453324022-InShot_20160120_150428_1453324052.mp4.h264_720p.mp4?xhB5Xq7vUQ9GnssOJxhh6pq0F0k2eRrLjMuaPK4FdByne3N7XoeWxVs1iB0QSgRw&ec_rate=499

 

Third offence = Fuck them all = Cut off pecker

Image result for cutting off penis

 

Final offence = Win the VOR with 5 man and 5 woman = 

 

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I considered starting this thread a few days ago ... for about 2 seconds.  I'm staring to soften on Witty, starting to look a bit tragic, as the look in his eyes in the OP photo shows.

But hopefully he will surface again redeemed, transformed and mature.

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4 hours ago, random said:

But hopefully he will surface again redeemed, transformed and mature.

Yeah he should get away from boats for a while - do some gardening. There are a few excellent books if he needs a few tips...

 

 

 

 

the-lazy-gardener.jpg

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1 minute ago, LB 15 said:

Yeah he should get away from boats for a while - do some gardening. There are a few excellent books if he needs a few tips...

 

 

 

 

 

Have another fag LB, you know you want it now.

  • Downvote 1

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Just now, random said:

Have another fag LB, you know you want it now.

00763285a6a8b16c33769556564ed7bb--wtf-fun-facts-random-facts.jpg

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He also started VW. I would argue VW has had a far greater detriment to mankind than smoking .. hehe

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12 minutes ago, SCANAS said:

He also started VW.

Partly true Scanas but practically speaking started by the British. A little appreciated fact is while protypes and a limited run of the Beetle were produced by a state owned enterprise in 1938/39, no VW actually ended up in private hands, except for Hitler, prior to the start of WWII when production ceased. 

It wasn't until the war ended that production commenced under the control and direction of the British, with the intent of rebuilding the countrys economic capacity. 

This is quite ironic considering the VW was revolutionary for its time,  abt 22 million of them were produced and remained in production for 65 years until 2003 (Mexico). 

After kick starting VW, most of the vehicles the British produced in that period were shit, the E Type Jag and a few others excluded.

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9 minutes ago, jack_sparrow said:

After kick starting VW, most of the vehicles the British produced in that period were shit, the E Type Jag and a few others excluded.

A mate had a Triumph Stag and after he took it to the mechanic for the umpteenth time the mechanic gave him a gift, it was a box of matches with "Stag repair kit" on the front.  My father had a S type and it blew a welsh plug and they had to remove the engine to replace it.

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43 minutes ago, LB 15 said:

........

WTF fun, FUN fact ?

Oh man, "funny" idiot, you have no idea how much fun it was, really ?

Gas chambers for you too !

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49 minutes ago, SCANAS said:

He also started VW. I would argue VW has had a far greater detriment to mankind than smoking .. hehe

And you are an even greater idiot making fun of smoking, Smoking gas chambers for you too ! 

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1 minute ago, Fiji Bitter said:

Smoking gas chambers for you too ! 

After you get your uncircumsed dick cranked up, goats and gerbils are the only thing smokin' in your neighbourhood. Take that shit elsewhere.

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6 minutes ago, jack_sparrow said:

After you get your uncircumsed dick cranked up, goats and gerbils are the only thing smokin' in your neighbourhood. Take that shit elsewhere.

Agree, but I did not bring Hitler and VW up.

I've said what needed to be said, that's all.

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No bridge too far in that respect, maybe you don't understand.

Edited by Fiji Bitter
clarification

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1 minute ago, jack_sparrow said:

You really are just a dumb cunt aren't you..fuck me.

Now or later ?  Carry on...

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That's nice Albanyguy.  You like LB posting Don Burke stuff and down vote me telling him to have a fag?

I'm fucking heartbroken ... you feel good though?

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32 minutes ago, Fiji Bitter said:

Image result for vomiting popcorn

Have you ever drunk that figi bitter shit? South Pacific VB.

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14 minutes ago, LB 15 said:

Have you ever drunk that figi bitter shit? South Pacific VB.

No, never been to Fiji in my life. Fiji is my doggy and I am Very Bitter.

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2 hours ago, jack_sparrow said:

Partly true Scanas but practically speaking started by the British. A little appreciated fact is while protypes and a limited run of the Beetle were produced by a state owned enterprise in 1938/39, no VW actually ended up in private hands, except for Hitler, prior to the start of WWII when production ceased. 

It wasn't until the war ended that production commenced under the control and direction of the British, with the intent of rebuilding the countrys economic capacity. 

This is quite ironic considering the VW was revolutionary for its time,  abt 22 million of them were produced and remained in production for 65 years until 2003 (Mexico). 

After kick starting VW, most of the vehicles the British produced in that period were shit, the E Type Jag and a few others excluded.

British cars have always been shit - sorry Shaggy. 

Hitler took power in 1933

Hitler orders a car be produced for the masses in 1934 & is soon unhappy with progress & the state takes over. 

VW was founded by Hitler's newly formed German Labour Front in 1937, basically a state owned trade union which took over the existing state owned assets. 

Due to outbreak of war VW make military vehicles. 

After war British take over management. 

 

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1 hour ago, Fiji Bitter said:

No bridge too far in that respect, maybe you don't understand.

Who the Fook is that / this guy?

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2 hours ago, jack_sparrow said:

Partly true Scanas but practically speaking started by the British. A little appreciated fact is while protypes and a limited run of the Beetle were produced by a state owned enterprise in 1938/39, no VW actually ended up in private hands, except for Hitler, prior to the start of WWII when production ceased. 

It wasn't until the war ended that production commenced under the control and direction of the British, with the intent of rebuilding the countrys economic capacity. 

This is quite ironic considering the VW was revolutionary for its time,  abt 22 million of them were produced and remained in production for 65 years until 2003 (Mexico). 

After kick starting VW, most of the vehicles the British produced in that period were shit, the E Type Jag and a few others excluded.

Now the SCANAS version 

23 minutes ago, SCANAS said:

British cars have always been shit - sorry Shaggy. 

Hitler took power in 1933

Hitler orders a car be produced for the masses in 1934 & is soon unhappy with progress & the state takes over. 

VW was founded by Hitler's newly formed German Labour Front in 1937, basically a state owned trade union which took over the existing state owned assets. 

Due to outbreak of war VW make military vehicles. 

After war British take over management. 

 

You missed out the bit about "practicaly speaking", vehicles produced, how many and by whom. No worries scanas but old people know this stuff, even though we can't remember our own names.

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26 minutes ago, jack_sparrow said:

Now the SCANAS version 

You missed out the bit about "practicaly speaking", vehicles produced, how many and by whom. No worries scanas but old people know this stuff, even though we can't remember our own names.

Good read here, for old and young:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/business/designing-cars-for-hitler-porsche-and-volkswagen-s-nazi-roots-a-637368.html

 

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12 minutes ago, SCANAS said:

Fiji = JS's sock? 

Suspiciously high likes for a sock .... hmmmm

Mate if I had a sock (which is daunting just to think about logging in remembering anything other than ones real ID) I can assure any sock of mind would have a double digit IQ....do you want to borrow my ID??

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12 minutes ago, jack_sparrow said:

Mate if I had a sock (which is daunting just to think about logging remembering ones ID) I can assure any sock of mind would have a double digit IQ.

Image result for iq shit

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Fugit how can you contemplate topping yourself doing that climbing/jumping bit??.. you're always legless?? As you appear so inclined by your German humour.. do you own a gas oven.. obviously got to be a under the bench one in your state of sobriety?

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4 minutes ago, terrafirma said:

Is there a link to the David Witt video Brian Hancock is referring to? 

Its been taken down, but i'm sure there's a copy out there somewhere.

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Terra as Mad says it has been buried by people who drink skinny dehydrated goats milk lattes with a sprinkling of crushed alfalfa and almonds on top...and are worried about getting vagina sued by some legal firm whose office is a cardboard box below some flyover in Stockholm. 

The only way you see this shit is to be continually dialed into the VOR leg threads...but that comes with a downside. You have to be idiot proof.

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54 minutes ago, jack_sparrow said:

Mate if I had a sock (which is daunting just to think about logging in remembering anything other than ones real ID) I can assure any sock of mind would have a double digit IQ....do you want to borrow my ID??

Yes - PM me your phone number ;-)

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12 minutes ago, SCANAS said:

Yes - PM me your phone number ;-)

I need to see a picture of your sister first..and really how good is the dowry? Hint..your father's old Brock Special Ed V8 Torana won't cut it.

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58 minutes ago, mad said:

Its been taken down, but i'm sure there's a copy out there somewhere.

But what is he saying in this vid exactly (or more or less) ?

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2 minutes ago, yl75 said:

But what is he saying in this vid exactly (or more or less) ?

Quote

Witt starts the video clip by saying, “Adult Warning: Everything in this video segment will offend most sections of the public domain”, and boy was he was right! Inviting the only female onboard for advice on how to apply ointment to a man’s scrotum, and then subsequently demonstrating this, was deemed totally tasteless and inappropriate by many of the readers on social media. One Olympic female sailor posted, “Really!!!!??? In the current climate who would ever think that posting this is a good idea?” 

http://swc.sail-world.org/n/Game-of-Wits--Tiger-Mok,-David-Witt,-and-the-SHK-Scallywag-VOR-campaig/158817

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Forgotten in all the chest beating by those that don't have one over this apparent blight on metrosexual sailing is Witty was chugging down a stubby of Sail & Anchor at the time the scrotum discussion came up on board. I believe Bessie started it all because she was missing one of her socks and her feet were cold. Anyway..

Witty was just simply looking after one of his sponsors for fucks sake. 

I thought he and the OBR crafted that vid all together quite well. Fuckin money doesn't grow on trees in this sport..you take every buck when you can.

images (24).jpeg

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3 hours ago, Alcatraz5768 said:

Holy shit, if any of you heard what is said on our (mixed) crew racing nights you'd throw us all in jail. 

Harden the fuck up.  

 

So let's see what happens if you post that on youtube?

Clowns here seem to think it translates just fine, like Witty did. 

It does not.

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8 hours ago, jack_sparrow said:

Witty was chugging down a stubby of Sail & Anchor at the time the scrotum discussion came up on board

Got the vid somewhere?  He was drinking alcohol?

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6 minutes ago, random said:

Got the vid somewhere?  He was drinking alcohol?

He was hammered, and touching the secret prostitute’s ass as he spoke. 

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1 minute ago, NORBowGirl said:

He was hammered, and touching the secret prostitute’s ass as he spoke. 

Witty has been known to have a cold beer on a hot day, and I have been wondering how he managed that need at sea.

Did he really have beer on board?

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7 minutes ago, random said:

Witty has been known to have a cold beer on a hot day, and I have been wondering how he managed that need at sea.

Did he really have beer on board?

I can’t believe that you’re even asking. 

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36 minutes ago, random said:

Witty has been known to have a cold beer on a hot day, and I have been wondering how he managed that need at sea.

Did he really have beer on board?

I heard he was seen running away from 1 world trade centre a few minutes after the first plane hit. Any engineers for truth out there that can explain this?

  • Like 3

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55 minutes ago, random said:

So let's see what happens if you post that on youtube?

Clowns here seem to think it translates just fine, like Witty did. 

It does not.

You either, 

rarely interact with people and or women in a social setting, and have issues with what you feel as socially correct (some jokes are best left on the boat, comment from one of the girls on boat years ago, she shocked us!)

Or

this is just you trolling, again. Your MO is identical to your posting in PA. 

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59 minutes ago, random said:

Got the vid somewhere?  He was drinking alcohol?

They all drink like fuck while doing 25 knots plus in the Volvo race, didn’t you realise that?

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53 minutes ago, NORBowGirl said:

He was hammered, and touching the secret prostitute’s ass as he spoke. 

:lol: beers in a crew bag is tough to hide. 

A secret prostitute must take a big gear bag and some serious planning for a 20 day trip. :lol::lol:

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41 minutes ago, NORBowGirl said:

I can’t believe that you’re even asking. 

This is just comedy gold. Thanks. 

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35 minutes ago, random said:

That's ok don't.  Someone made the claim.

Trolling again. 

You need new material. 

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40 minutes ago, mad said:

You either, 

rarely interact with people and or women in a social setting, and have issues with what you feel as socially correct (some jokes are best left on the boat, comment from one of the girls on boat years ago, she shocked us!)

Or

this is just you trolling, again. Your MO is identical to your posting in PA. 

Same joke different setting ... inappropriate.

What about that do you not understand?

You something constructive to add the the discussion other than personal attacks?

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1 hour ago, random said:

Same joke different setting ... inappropriate.

What about that do you not understand?

You something constructive to add the the discussion other than personal attacks?

Drinking again? 

Without some punctuation, it’s very difficult to understand your rambling. 

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Mad, why don't you just send me another PM and call me a cunt again.  Proof that I know how to push your buttons.

Clearly everyone else understands that the context of the humour is important, but you are not able to appreciate the concept.

Now if you have nothing to add, please stop humping my leg.  The other one is already taken by another poster here.

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I can't believe half of the discourse on this forum is memes, unfunny loosely related videos and the same group of retards insulting each other. It's happening everywhere.

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4 hours ago, random said:

Mad, why don't you just send me another PM and call me a cunt again.  Proof that I know how to push your buttons.

Clearly everyone else understands that the context of the humour is important, but you are not able to appreciate the concept.

Now if you have nothing to add, please stop humping my leg.  The other one is already taken by another poster here.

No point in PMs to call you a cunt, you’re acting like one in front of everyone here. 

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35 minutes ago, mad said:

No point in PMs to call you a cunt, you’re acting like one in front of everyone here. 

So why did you do it?

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6 hours ago, random said:

 The other one is already taken by another poster here.

Sure it's not just your goat? It's nearly the weekend after all.

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2 hours ago, LB 15 said:

Sure it's not just your goat? It's nearly the weekend after all.

No, just checked, it's Mad humping my other leg.

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On 11/30/2017 at 12:15 AM, southerncross said:

Wanted for crass and crude remarks regarding male genitalia in the presence of a female crew member while serving as skipper aboard Team Scallywag during the 2017 Edition of the Volvo Ocean Race.

Last seen exiting (sprinting) from aforesaid boat in Cape Town seconds after the boat arrived at 21:55 on November 25.  

If you have information concerning his whereabouts, please contact the authorities at Mowbray Police Station.

Screen Shot 2017-11-30 at 12.05.44 AM.png

Is there video still online anywhere? I cant imagine how bad it was...

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2 hours ago, Purple Headed Warrior said:

Is there video still online anywhere? I cant imagine how bad it was...

Deleted.  

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1 hour ago, southerncross said:

Deleted.  

The video with the Witty (actually Steve Hayles) Sudocrem comment? I re-watched it yesterday. They may have removed it from the Raw Content index, but apparently they haven’t (yet) deleted it from S3.

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4 hours ago, Purple Headed Warrior said:

Is there video still online anywhere? I cant imagine how bad it was...

It was pretty cool actually... It's pretty much the same spirit my mates and I have had for years on our boat(s).

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We once had a girl turning the winch handle (with no lines, at the dock, after a race), for about five minutes to "charge the batteries".... Are we going to burn at the stake after the PC inquisition finds out?

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30 minutes ago, Raked Aft\\ said:

  first I've seen that...

  HTFU !  Much ado about nothing.  PG in my book.

Exactly!! 

I’ve sailed with women that have dished out far worse to the guys on the boat. 

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38 minutes ago, chuso007 said:

We once had a girl turning the winch handle (with no lines, at the dock, after a race), for about five minutes to "charge the batteries".... Are we going to burn at the stake after the PC inquisition finds out?

Hahaha :) 

we have put newbies in charge of the “reset button”. It’s important for everybody to feel that they have an important task :)

both male and female, btw. So I guess it doesn’t count if we don’t discriminate...

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2 hours ago, NORBowGirl said:

Hahaha :) 

we have put newbies in charge of the “reset button”. It’s important for everybody to feel that they have an important task :)

both male and female, btw. So I guess it doesn’t count if we don’t discriminate...

exactly!

The scrotum joke would have better not been posted on the internet. One needs to be very careful with this and I really do not enjoy when other male crew members make jokes that make women uncomfortable. The fact that others make worse jokes is not an excuse!

That having been said, there is nothing wrong with talking about sex, unless it makes feel someone uncomfortable. In the video it seems Bes just laughs and is perfectly fine with the joke, but of course one needs to avoid creating a culture that targets the only female member on board. When it is posted on the internet some people feel uncomfortable with the comment and project that feeling onto Bes. As viewers we miss the context and I must say I didn't find it a very entertaining video from the first second. If I had been on the boat with them it would have been very different. So, all in all, I think the joke did not cross a border, but posting this did.

In any case hopefully the video was a wake up call to be vigilant about avoiding a hostile culture.

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3 hours ago, chuso007 said:

We once had a girl turning the winch handle (with no lines, at the dock, after a race), for about five minutes to "charge the batteries".... Are we going to burn at the stake after the PC inquisition finds out?

What - is that not really needed?? :huh::(

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On 30/11/2017 at 5:00 PM, random said:

That's nice Albanyguy.  You like LB posting Don Burke stuff and down vote me telling him to have a fag?

I'm fucking heartbroken ... you feel good though?

I don't really give a fuck about what you think mate.

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4 hours ago, NORBowGirl said:

Hahaha :) 

we have put newbies in charge of the “reset button”. It’s important for everybody to feel that they have an important task :)

both male and female, btw. So I guess it doesn’t count if we don’t discriminate...

I must admit she wasn't part of the crew, I gues she was somebody's friend or something... It was maybe 2x years ago, I was around 16-17, don't recall much to be honest.

I can assure we did things far worse to males than to females. All in good fun.

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1 hour ago, chuso007 said:

I must admit she wasn't part of the crew, I gues she was somebody's friend or something... It was maybe 2x years ago, I was around 16-17, don't recall much to be honest.

I can assure we did things far worse to males than to females. All in good fun.

Too late, the summons is on its way...

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6 minutes ago, olaf hart said:

Too late, the summons is on its way...

Alea jacta est...

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4 hours ago, random said:

Witty really does think he's funny doesn't he.  But just like some others here, he only attempts to get a laugh at the expense of others.

Really really unfunny.

Prediction: Witt won't complete this lap of the planet.

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7 hours ago, chuso007 said:

We once had a girl turning the winch handle (with no lines, at the dock, after a race), for about five minutes to "charge the batteries".... Are we going to burn at the stake after the PC inquisition finds out?

Girls have long been doing things with winch handles that I am certain the designers of winch handles had never intended i.e. the infamous white powder and disappearing winch handle party on Passage in Hobart (c)1985. In that particular case it would have been interesting for her Gyno to work out what ramweL meant.

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4 hours ago, AnotherSailor said:

exactly!

The scrotum joke would have better not been posted on the internet. One needs to be very careful with this and I really do not enjoy when other male crew members make jokes that make women uncomfortable. The fact that others make worse jokes is not an excuse!

That having been said, there is nothing wrong with talking about sex, unless it makes feel someone uncomfortable. In the video it seems Bes just laughs and is perfectly fine with the joke, but of course one needs to avoid creating a culture that targets the only female member on board. When it is posted on the internet some people feel uncomfortable with the comment and project that feeling onto Bes. As viewers we miss the context and I must say I didn't find it a very entertaining video from the first second. If I had been on the boat with them it would have been very different. So, all in all, I think the joke did not cross a border, but posting this did.

In any case hopefully the video was a wake up call to be vigilant about avoiding a hostile culture.

I think it targeted Goughy and the other bloke who going to have handle Wittys plums. It is called a joke. HTFU.

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