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B.J. Porter

Stuck at SFO all day

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1 hour ago, SailBlueH2O said:

He was mugged in a dive bar in Dogpatch finding lunch and lost all his ID and CC's....

Or he OD'd on tequila and Midol.....

 

WL

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2 hours ago, IStream said:

I think it's pretty safe to say that if he hadn't made the flight, we'd have heard about it.

you only have the right to make one fone call

 

ed only responds to text

could be inn the holding tank of the Republican Bastion of StFYC

no way he could just Not say something 

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On 1/17/2019 at 9:36 AM, hobot said:

I once flew on Aeroflot from Seattle to Moscow, in general population class, the crowd was right out of central casting sans farm animals roaming around.

Everything else afterwards was a piece of cake!

The farm animals are back as support critters.

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30 years ago, TWA connecting in STL from DCA to ALO. Arriving flight is late, I run to the departing gate. Jetway door closed. Agent says I can run down if I want, so I do. Plane is pushing back from the gate, like 10 ft away. Pilots see me and come back to the gate. Door pops open and I jump the gap. Crew says just grab a seat in the back. The good old days.

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1 hour ago, White Lightnin' said:
3 hours ago, SailBlueH2O said:

He was mugged in a dive bar in Dogpatch finding lunch and lost all his ID and CC's....

Or he OD'd on tequila and Midol.....

 

 WL

Perhaps they’ll find him naked and happy in the Tenderloin.

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12 minutes ago, Point Break said:

Perhaps they’ll find him naked and happy aftere three dayes in the Tenderloin.

fixte                                         :)

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Polk Street has some interesting tales to tell for an unintentional visitor who has....... Bright eyes....

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9 hours ago, IStream said:
9 hours ago, Raz'r said:

yeah, but where did he have lunch?!?

My money's on the airport.

You'd have won. By the time lunch rolled around we were bleary eyed and exhausted and the lines at security looked...unpleasant.

Back on the boat now, finally.

I slept a lot on the flight, probably because I'd only slept about one hour in the last 36 by the time we were on the plane to Sydney. We were an hour late getting out of LAX and fell asleep while we were waiting on the runway.

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On 1/17/2019 at 5:57 PM, SailBlueH2O said:

I could start a thread on miserable flying experience RANTS and have a dozen of my own off the top of my head with another dozen buried deep in my subconscious in the PTFD file

Try this one :D  The "Aluminum Tube of Hell"

 

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On 1/17/2019 at 5:57 PM, SailBlueH2O said:

I flew transpac in a Connie as a child and I'd take that experience over todays flying 10 out of 10 times....50 years ago you could miss a flight or merely change your mind and walk up to the counter and exchange your ticket on one airline for another flight on a different airline be treated by a smiling face at the ticket counter and walk away as if nothing had happened....

What makes flying miserable these days is not so much the airlines themselves but the masses of people you have to deal with along the journey.  The more and more I fly, the more and more I cement into my brain that people in general are fucking stupid and mostly suck and the planet would be better off with about 6.5 Billion less of them.  

The airlines, aside from pure greed, have put a lot of these policies in place because the passengers suck.  The reception agents are in foul moods and never smile because they deal with mostly shitbags all day.  I am always amazed at the level of service I get when I greet a checkin desk lady with a smile, call her by name from her name tag and am just polite and nice to her in general.  They immediately brighten up and smile.  I was just back in the US on business just before Xmas and was hauling some nice Napa wine back from the US and I was WELL over weight on both bags.  I was prepared to pay the weight fee without complaint.  The lady waived it.  The young millennial hipster couple 2 spots ahead of me were giving her grief and being generally rude about an overweight bag.  I overheard the convo and the same check-in woman charged them $100 for being 5 lbs over.  

Same with Air Hostesses......  They have to put up with rude shits day in and day out.  Show them a bit of kindness and respect and they go out of their way to make your experience pleasant.  At least that's been my experience.  

A couple of years ago, I was in Atlanta and WX had canceled a bunch of flights and Delta was scrambling to rebook put people into available seats.  My inbound flight was late and I made it to my connecting gate later than most to try to get a standby seat.  I was about #20 in line for 5 open seats.  There was an angry mob gathered around the desk just screaming at the gate agent as if she personally grounded all the aircraft.  I walked over the side of the desk, quietly said I was here to check in for the standby seat.  And Karen, I know you're having a rough day - it's not your fault.  I'm going to go sit over here and leave you alone until if and when you call me.  Hope your day goes better and gave her a knowing look at the assholes yelling at her......  I boarded the flight in 1A.  I don't recall seeing ANY of the people yelling at her on the aircraft.  Love ya Karen!

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On 1/17/2019 at 9:16 PM, B.J. Porter said:

I am 99.9% sure they gave my seat away, and the seats of the other ten people they fucked at the gate while the plane was still sitting there. "The flight's closed" they said. What, the door doesn't have a fucking handle on it? If they had seats for us, tacking five minutes onto a 15 hour flight to board us would be a no-brainer.

At some point during all this the seat assignment on the electronic version of my boarding pass changed to "See Agent" from an assigned seat. I am guessing that was the moment they gave the seat away.

It wouldn't have been as annoying if there were any seats to Sydney available before almost 24 hours later...  Bumped for a couple of hours is no biggie, go have a drink and wait it out. Spending the night in the airport sucks major ass. They design these places to keep you to uncomfortable to sleep.

It also wouldn't have been as annoying if they'd sent me a notice when they gave the seat away, so I could have spent the hour sitting on the tarmac looking for hotel rooms (which were all gone within miles of the airport) instead of searching airport maps for the route to G102.

 

BJ, your first Mistake was flying United.  Of all the shitty airlines in the world that I've flown, United is easily in the top 3.

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On 1/17/2019 at 11:16 PM, Windward said:

So does door closed = departed time?

If so, here is your answer.  Or at least the root cause of why you were told "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!".

Yes essentially.  I think Pushback from the gate may be the official time, but closed door is the only way they can make those times.  I'll have to talk to my airline buddies.  But as others have said, busy airports rely on slot times for both departure and arrival.  If you miss those, you often get put into the penalty box by ATC.  When WX becomes a factor, any cushion on those slot times instantly evaporates.

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On 1/18/2019 at 1:21 AM, HuronBouy said:

Hookers and crack make a day go by quickly. Oh yah I forgot you have the wife in tow. 

Who says Mrs BJ may not want Hookers and Blow too???

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11 hours ago, sledracr said:

Urrghh.  At least there are plenty of interesting shops to wander through in Schiphol.  For 24 f'ing hours.

Did the shops have Red Lights over the doors?  :P

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11 hours ago, IStream said:

I think it's pretty safe to say that if he hadn't made the flight, we'd have heard about it.

I'm betting he never left the airport as he was spending all his time complaining on SA rather than figuring out where to go and what to do. 

This gives me an idea though...... I'm going to develop an app where people can get on and have conversations with others about where they are going, what they are doing and what they are going to have for lunch.  Maybe even be able to post pictures of the lunch itself to share among friends who are raptly enthralled at the minute by minute happenings of say.... someone stuck in an airport.  It will be great!  I'll make Billions, I tellz ya!

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1 hour ago, Shootist Jeff said:

I'm betting he never left the airport as he was spending all his time complaining on SA rather than figuring out where to go and what to do. 

This gives me an idea though...... I'm going to develop an app where people can get on and have conversations with others about where they are going, what they are doing and what they are going to have for lunch.  Maybe even be able to post pictures of the lunch itself to share among friends who are raptly enthralled at the minute by minute happenings of say.... someone stuck in an airport.  It will be great!  I'll make Billions, I tellz ya!

Just make sure there's a sub-forum for posting pics of boobs.

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6 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

BJ, your first Mistake was flying United.  Of all the shitty airlines in the world that I've flown, United is easily in the top 3.

Flying ANY U.S. based airline is a shitshow from what I can tell. I thought American was the worst given all our fun experiences with them. But no, I think United wins the prize.

Ordinarily I don't fly enough to justify paying extra for an airline to accumulate miles in one place. For a while we were doing that with American when my son was flying back and forth to England a couple of times a year, but they wipe your miles out if you don't fly often. And UAE switched off their cooperative program, so there's not even a civilized way to fly and get miles on them. So it's not worth it, generally, unless you fly a LOT to pay a couple of hundred bucks more to fly on United vs. American vs. Quantas, etc.

So cheap tends to rule...and you get this shit as a result I suppose.

This last year I've probably flown enough to have gotten an award ticket...maybe...if I'd been able to cash it in and use it AND was willing to spend a few hundred extra to stay on the same airline family. With luck though, I won't be stepping on a plane again for some time.

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5 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

I'm betting he never left the airport as he was spending all his time complaining on SA rather than figuring out where to go and what to do. 

This gives me an idea though...... I'm going to develop an app where people can get on and have conversations with others about where they are going, what they are doing and what they are going to have for lunch.  Maybe even be able to post pictures of the lunch itself to share among friends who are raptly enthralled at the minute by minute happenings of say.... someone stuck in an airport.  It will be great!  I'll make Billions, I tellz ya!

Yeah, cause it's so fun staggering around a strange city in the rain when you're bleary-eyed from trying to sleep in an airport lounge and your underwear is so nasty it's sticking to you. The frosting on that shit-cake would have been spending an hour+ in the security line getting back in the airport again. We got really excited about that when the time rolled around.

My wife wasn't really into it by the time lunchtime came around, so I wasn't going to push her.

I've a working theory on airport restaurants though. It's all one company, all one commissary - basically one restaurant with multiple shops with different decor unless it's a franchised chain. At least at each airport...maybe all of them. They all have variations on the same basic menu even though they try to look like different places by varying the decor and menu somewhat.

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2 hours ago, B.J. Porter said:

Flying ANY U.S. based airline is a shitshow from what I can tell. I thought American was the worst given all our fun experiences with them. But no, I think United wins the prize.

Ordinarily I don't fly enough to justify paying extra for an airline to accumulate miles in one place. For a while we were doing that with American when my son was flying back and forth to England a couple of times a year, but they wipe your miles out if you don't fly often. And UAE switched off their cooperative program, so there's not even a civilized way to fly and get miles on them. So it's not worth it, generally, unless you fly a LOT to pay a couple of hundred bucks more to fly on United vs. American vs. Quantas, etc.

So cheap tends to rule...and you get this shit as a result I suppose.

 

Dunno, I've flown both Delta and American quite a bit lately and have had no issues.  All domestic, though.  I fly either Emirates or Etihad for the international stuff.

And BTW - it was AA who turned off the UAE strategic partnership with Etihad, not the other way around.  I think they still codeshare, but not miles share anymore.  All the US carriers had a hissy fit that the Arab airlines were undercutting them and are being gov't supported and subsidized (which of course they are).  Also, EY now has US customs pre-clearance in Abu Dhabi and they were losing a lot of traffic to them because of it.  

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I have nothing but hate in my heart for United.  

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5 hours ago, B.J. Porter said:

I've a working theory on airport restaurants though. It's all one company, all one commissary - basically one restaurant with multiple shops with different decor unless it's a franchised chain.

In the US, that's pretty true.  the company is HMS Host...

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12 hours ago, B.J. Porter said:

You'd have won. By the time lunch rolled around we were bleary eyed and exhausted and the lines at security looked...unpleasant.

Back on the boat now, finally.

I slept a lot on the flight, probably because I'd only slept about one hour in the last 36 by the time we were on the plane to Sydney. We were an hour late getting out of LAX and fell asleep while we were waiting on the runway.

Glad you made it back safely. Falling asleep on the runway is the best way to fly. 

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40 minutes ago, sledracr said:
5 hours ago, B.J. Porter said:

I've a working theory on airport restaurants though. It's all one company, all one commissary - basically one restaurant with multiple shops with different decor unless it's a franchised chain.

In the US, that's pretty true.  the company is HMS Host...

That's one of the big differentiators between airports, in my mind. The good ones will have some local options that aren't just watered down versions of their ex-airport selves. 

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13 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

Yes essentially.  I think Pushback from the gate may be the official time, but closed door is the only way they can make those times.  I'll have to talk to my airline buddies.  But as others have said, busy airports rely on slot times for both departure and arrival.  If you miss those, you often get put into the penalty box by ATC.  When WX becomes a factor, any cushion on those slot times instantly evaporates.

Yes, I'm pretty sure this statement is right, and this is how the industry calculates "on-time" performance. It doesn't matter if you sit in the plane grounded for hours, if the plane got away from the gate at the right time it is still viewed as "on time". 

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6 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

Dunno, I've flown both Delta and American quite a bit lately and have had no issues.  All domestic, though.  I fly either Emirates or Etihad for the international stuff.

And BTW - it was AA who turned off the UAE strategic partnership with Etihad, not the other way around.  I think they still codeshare, but not miles share anymore.  All the US carriers had a hissy fit that the Arab airlines were undercutting them and are being gov't supported and subsidized (which of course they are).  Also, EY now has US customs pre-clearance in Abu Dhabi and they were losing a lot of traffic to them because of it.  

American likes to fuck with you know if you're traveling economy. Separate people that are traveling together JUST so they can extort a paid seat selection from you. We've seen it repeatedly, literally every time we fly American. They even screwed my wife and daughter a couple of weeks ago on a ticket that that included "Seat Choice", where we picked seats at purchase then they...lost...the assignment when they checked in and surprise, surprise, surprise, the only seats together had a $40 charge to book the CENTER seat. They've also made their seats and their bathrooms smaller. I literally wrote a paid article about this...no, my byline isn't on it.

This is call coach, of course. They don't fuck with you if you're paying lots of $Free Speech$ for your tickets.

I didn't know who switched what with UAE/American; we didn't find out until Will couldn't get his miles on a trip from Oz back to England credited on American after flying there intentionally on UAE.

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1 hour ago, longy said:

Yes, I'm pretty sure this statement is right, and this is how the industry calculates "on-time" performance. It doesn't matter if you sit in the plane grounded for hours, if the plane got away from the gate at the right time it is still viewed as "on time". 

Yet the plane they refused to board us on had already been delayed by over an hour. At one point they even texted that reason was they were waiting for connecting passengers. Go figure.

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I gesse I dointe fly enuffe to rellaitte to thisse angere.  Oune flite I won trivia contestte, I wase verrey happey.                 :)

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16 hours ago, Snaggletooth said:

I gesse I dointe fly enuffe to rellaitte to thisse angere.  Oune flite I won trivia contestte, I wase verrey happey.                 :)

On the flip side, I have probably spent enough money on airline tickets to have bought my house four times over...Have I been on the receiving end of some of the aniline BS?  Yea I have,  but the these problems are very far and very few considering my time in the cylindrical petri dish/aluminum tub from hell..  and not as bad as what I have seen posted here or any of the other "airline suck" threads that pop here from time to time.   I have always been able to fix the problem along with getting some sort of a perks along the way for my inconvenience.

Someone here said USA airlines carries suck... yea, sure...  go fly Mexicana, Eurowing or EasyJet... they put fuck in the word suck...  get over it, it is a fucking bus that is moving people from point a to point b in a very complex system...  Add in about 65% of the passengers being sub IQ'd $0.50 millionaires flying on a $56 ticket... yeup shit is bound to happen..

 

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2 hours ago, nacradriver said:

On the flip side, I have probably spent enough money on airline tickets to have bought my house four times over...Have I been on the receiving end of some of the aniline BS?  Yea I have,  but the these problems are very far and very few considering my time in the cylindrical petri dish/aluminum tub from hell..  and not as bad as what I have seen posted here or any of the other "airline suck" threads that pop here from time to time.   I have always been able to fix the problem along with getting some sort of a perks along the way for my inconvenience.

Someone here said USA airlines carries suck... yea, sure...  go fly Mexicana, Eurowing or EasyJet... they put fuck in the word suck...  get over it, it is a fucking bus that is moving people from point a to point b in a very complex system...  Add in about 65% of the passengers being sub IQ'd $0.50 millionaires flying on a $56 ticket... yeup shit is bound to happen..

 

True Dat!

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5 hours ago, nacradriver said:

On the flip side, I have probably spent enough money on airline tickets to have bought my house four times over...Have I been on the receiving end of some of the aniline BS?  Yea I have,  but the these problems are very far and very few considering my time in the cylindrical petri dish/aluminum tub from hell..  and not as bad as what I have seen posted here or any of the other "airline suck" threads that pop here from time to time.   I have always been able to fix the problem along with getting some sort of a perks along the way for my inconvenience.

Someone here said USA airlines carries suck... yea, sure...  go fly Mexicana, Eurowing or EasyJet... they put fuck in the word suck...  get over it, it is a fucking bus that is moving people from point a to point b in a very complex system...  Add in about 65% of the passengers being sub IQ'd $0.50 millionaires flying on a $56 ticket... yeup shit is bound to happen..

 

Oooo, you said 'Easy Jet'!  Just seeing that name makes me angry.  I will crawl to my destination before I would fly on Easy Jet.  The lowest of the low and I'm not talking fares.

I told my wife the other day, I am through flying on budget airlines, I am too old for that shit.  If I can't afford to go on a real airline, then I just won't go.  I am thinking of flying to the US again this summer and if I do, I will go business.  Oh excuse me, United calls it Polaris Class.  I did that on my return trip last year, non-stop EWR-Berlin (non-stop overseas flights into Berlin are rare), and now I am ruined.  I can't face economy again after that.  The fare is a little more than double the price of the premium economy seat and I am willing to go for that.  The United lounge at EWR was pretty nice too.   Only one thing.  If you are my height, almost 6'6", don't think that their lie flat seats will work comfortably for you.

 

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