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    • Zapata

      Abbreviated rules   07/28/2017

      Underdawg did an excellent job of explaining the rules.  Here's the simplified version: Don't insinuate Pedo.  Warning and or timeout for a first offense.  PermaFlick for any subsequent offenses Don't out members.  See above for penalties.  Caveat:  if you have ever used your own real name or personal information here on the forums since, like, ever - it doesn't count and you are fair game. If you see spam posts, report it to the mods.  We do not hang out in every thread 24/7 If you see any of the above, report it to the mods by hitting the Report button in the offending post.   We do not take action for foul language, off-subject content, or abusive behavior unless it escalates to persistent stalking.  There may be times that we might warn someone or flick someone for something particularly egregious.  There is no standard, we will know it when we see it.  If you continually report things that do not fall into rules #1 or 2 above, you may very well get a timeout yourself for annoying the Mods with repeated whining.  Use your best judgement. Warnings, timeouts, suspensions and flicks are arbitrary and capricious.  Deal with it.  Welcome to anarchy.   If you are a newbie, there are unwritten rules to adhere to.  They will be explained to you soon enough.  
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aA

i'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

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(303):

 

If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina

 

 

(401):

 

I told you those kegels would come in handy one day

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(608):

 

The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

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(843):

 

happy early fathers day!!!

 

 

(829):

 

im not a father

 

 

(843):

 

about that...

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(724):

 

Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss

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(215):

 

I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass

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(706):

 

don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

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(337):

 

you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm

 

 

Tell me this one didn't make you imagine the sound. :P

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(304):

 

As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

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(610):

 

I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

 

(616):

 

A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?

 

(206):

 

Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

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(716):

 

The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

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(818):

 

dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

 

 

(626):

 

well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

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(904):

 

Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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(519):

 

I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

 

That's a keeper

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(519):

 

I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

 

That's a keeper

That should live in SA folklore.

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(404): Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.

 

 

(781): I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick

 

 

(807): My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.

 

(1-807): I don't see the problem

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(512):

 

i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.

 

(540):

 

THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW. :huh:

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(714):

 

The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!

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(619):

 

No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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(773):

 

What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

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(310):

 

It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal

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(763):

 

Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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(614):

 

So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

 

 

(1-614):

 

...yea

 

 

(614):

 

She's valid.

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(217):

 

You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

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(818):

 

Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment

 

(740):

 

I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.

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(484):

 

so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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(724):

 

For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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(724):

 

For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

 

That phone didn't have a camera?

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(636):

 

You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased

 

 

(314):

 

Please be lying.

 

 

(636):

 

Im not. Your family was creeped out

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(202):

 

Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.

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(305):

 

The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.

 

 

Ooops :ph34r:

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(+44):

 

Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!

:unsure:

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(541):

 

Well for starters, her tits were hairy.

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(601):

 

Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though

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(714):

 

She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

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(914):

 

Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

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(613):

 

Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding

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(770):

 

Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.

 

 

(678):

 

Yea. I'm excited about this party too

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(317):

 

You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.

 

(260):

 

Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.

 

(226):

 

The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle

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(814):

 

Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

 

 

(215):

 

Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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(902):

 

Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.

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(304):

 

As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

Gaytor?

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(304):

 

As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

Gaytor?

 

 

You can't be right - Gator can't give good advice.

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(817):

 

I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

 

 

 

another reason to hate HOA's

 

(919):

 

I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

 

ours told us in a strongly worded letter to get my laser out of the driveway.

 

 

 

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(817):

 

I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

 

 

 

another reason to hate HOA's

 

(919):

 

I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

 

ours told us in a strongly worded letter to get my laser out of the driveway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

we had one in dallas tell a guy his fully load chevy truck wasn't good enough to park in the driveway, he needed to put it in the garage.. it was ok if it was an upscale truck like a cadillac truck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(773):

 

If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.

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(847):

 

This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good

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(513):

 

Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.

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(731):

 

She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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(228):

 

Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.

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(304):

 

I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.

 

 

fz 2

 

(508):

 

I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

 

fz 3

 

(801):

 

He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

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(956):

 

Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

 

(916):

 

The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.

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(816):

 

im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death

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(208):

 

Is it possibile to sprain your taint?

 

 

(1-208):

 

She was that bad?

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(484):

 

if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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(618):

 

Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT

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(914):

 

Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man

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(775):

 

Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.

 

 

(1-775):

 

Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank

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(248):

 

So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."

 

(614):

 

There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.

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(484):

 

My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs

 

 

(610):

 

I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle

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(360):

 

I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.

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(413):

 

Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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(678):

 

You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.

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(718):

 

Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"

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(415):

 

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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(916):

 

Yep. How's your hangover?

 

 

(1-916):

 

It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.

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(402):

 

the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.

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(402):

 

Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band

 

 

(312):

 

Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume

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(415):

 

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

 

 

Doesn't everybody use a cart at the liquor store???

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(415):

 

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

 

 

Doesn't everybody use a cart at the liquor store???

 

Pilots. :rolleyes:;)

 

 

:lol:

 

Ya' beat me to it Tom!

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(951):

 

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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(951):

 

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

Beautiful! Febreeze has a new marketing campaign.

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(951):

 

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

 

Back in the old days it would've been Lysol.

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(951):

 

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

 

Back in the old days it would've been Lysol.

 

You also keep a file of things you know, but should not, I see. ;)

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(951):

 

I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

 

Back in the old days it would've been Lysol.

 

 

Lysol??? Come on! It was always Ozium for those who partook in the herb.

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