i'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

[On The Hard 340]

(303):

He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.

 

 

The content is still hilarious but they have totally F*'ed the website with spam. each page takes 10 minutes to load.

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

(218):

You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

 

LLO!

 

(bumpe)

[Guest]

 

(336):

He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.

 

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

(832):

I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.

[scottmax 1]

 

(623): 

We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.

Fav 0 12 2

 

[scottmax 1]

(+27): 

A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.

[scottmax 1]

(727): 

:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.

[Gong Show 22]

Yes, although your LONQR thread is going strong, this one has provided many laughs through the years!

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

Quote

(617)  Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?

(1-617)   The priest

 

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

2 hours ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

 

LLO!                                  

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

(940):  If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding,

            Just not the chocolate, I'm gonna eat that one.

[On The Hard 340]

Thanks for resurrecting this. Always my favorite thread. Reminds me of all the chicks I didn't fuck when I had the chance.  :-(

[On The Hard 340]

(303):

My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?

 

 

[On The Hard 340]

On 5/6/2013 at 9:44 AM, Tax Man said:

(912):

Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.

(404):

STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!

Just an absolute classic!

[Gong Show 22]

(516):

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

[Fakenews 1,113]

It occurs to me that this thread is horrible waste of time..

[Maddog 7]

1 hour ago, Fakenews said:

It occurs to me that this thread is horrible waste of time..

It occurs to the rest of us that your life is A horrible waste of time.

(Grammar Boy,  grammar . Don't forget your articles )

[Guest]

(605):

"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award

[Guest]

(410):

My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.

[Guest]

(812):

Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret

[Guest]

Quote

 

(773):

What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?

 

Personally, I would call that excellent adult judgement.  

[On The Hard 340]

Bump

(410):

What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?

(443):

Shame?

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

and this is why you buy condoms,  there's stupid out there..

(360)  Well i had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant

 

[Guest]

32 minutes ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

and this is why you buy condoms,  there's stupid out there..

(360)  Well i had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant

 

Korean guy say:  HO LEE Fuk!

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

(937): I am still worried she'll have a seizure during. What would  I do? Try to ride it out and finish or pull out and assist?

 

tough question..

[Bus Driver 3,891]

9 hours ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

(937): I am still worried she'll have a seizure during. What would  I do? Try to ride it out and finish or pull out and assist?

 

tough question..

Reminds me of that joke with the punch line "C-c-c-cut 'er loose!"

I am a very bad person.

[Gong Show 22]

(630):

Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

28 minutes ago, Gong Show said:

(

GS,  my dad was editor in chief of the school newspaper at Drexel U. back in the day, Chuck Barris used to write articles for the paper, my dad said he was just as wacky back then as he was on the show..

[Gong Show 22]

Ha, friends and family often tell me that you can't fake the level of wackiness that I exhibit from time to time.

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

7 minutes ago, Gong Show said:

Ha, friends and family often tell me that you can't fake the level of wackiness that I exhibit from time to time.

 

dance like nobody's watching..   

[Tax Man 160]

(617):

In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.

[Guest]

On 10/13/2018 at 2:30 AM, Tax Man said:

(617):

In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.

HUH!    Do I need to go to the urban dictionary?  Or was it a literal octopus?

[chinabald 658]

4 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

HUH!    Do I need to go to the urban dictionary?  Or was it a literal octopus?

Its a Detroit Hockey thing

[Gong Show 22]

(812):

He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.

[Sal Minella 30]

(716):

Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?

(1-716):

"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"

[On The Hard 340]

(305):

So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?

(1-305):

Google chlamydia.

(Well that didn't go so well...)

[On The Hard 340]

(304):

It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.

[SloopJonB 7,939]

On 6/27/2018 at 10:50 AM, Fakenews said:

It occurs to me that this thread place is horrible waste of time..

FIFY

[Mr. Squirrel 88]

(315):

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

[sledracr 549]

^^^ lmao

[On The Hard 340]

(610):

i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.

[P_Wop 1,718]

A good one from today.  Ah, Mexico...

(+52)

I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
 

[bowman81 86]

(714): after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit

[bowman81 86]

(913): So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.

[mad 3,700]

Good find, I knew a girl a bit like the second one many years ago. 

[Crazy Horse 28]

8 hours ago, mad said:

Good find, I knew a girl a bit like the second one many years ago. 

So did I buy you wouldn’t take her home to meet Mum.

 

[mad 3,700]

8 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

Sounds like a keeper.  

Was never going to be a long term relationship that one.

Saying that, in my recently new single life, I’ve met one who has similar ideas.  

[White Lightnin' 249]

3 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

Whatever you do, don't be in a hurry to get married again.  And don't confuse great blowjobs with true love.  

I had a nice long break after my divorce before getting remarried again.  Best thing I ever did was chase (and catch) lots of skirt.  There are a lot more nice looking middle aged women out there who love to casually jump in the sack than I had anticipated.  It was nice to get that out of my system before I even contemplated settling down again.  I met the love of my life in large part because I was no longer really "looking" or trying to meet someone as I had become comfortable in my own skin finally and not always looking the next relationship.  

When the student is ready, the master will appear.

 

WL

[On The Hard 340]

"

(641):

No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..

(563):

How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them

LMAO!!

[bowman81 86]

832):

because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?

[VWAP 902]

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/j5vg4x/these-heroes-beat-an-alcohol-ban-by-building-their-own-private-sand-island-vgtrn?utm_campaign=sharebutton&fbclid=IwAR2bzLT0kLQWptAGrSxt48SaxSeGDA4Rv7qjc11T_0sqbS8eM5GeygZ_WDY

 

These Heroes Beat an Alcohol Ban by Building Their Own Private Sand Island

[bowman81 86]

(310): 

hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?

[bowman81 86]

(386): 

for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable

(1-386): 

apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop

[bowman81 86]

(610):

I found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister

[On The Hard 340]

(757):

If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.

OUCH!!

[bowman81 86]

(814)

For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.

[bowman81 86]

(540)

It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.

[Guest]

On 2/8/2019 at 12:22 AM, bowman81 said:

(814)

For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.

That could be a new olympic sport....  Dildo putting?  Vagina Javelin?

[alphafb552 365]

6 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

That could be a new olympic sport....  Dildo putting?  Vagina Javelin?

Vajavelin!

[P_Wop 1,718]

10 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

That could be a new olympic sport....  Dildo putting?  Vagina Javelin?

Been done.  The girls on the swings at the Stop Light in San Diego would hand ping pong bats out to the audience and shoot balls at them with great precision to play back. 

I do hope that place has been erased.

[chinabald 658]

13 hours ago, Shootist Jeff said:

That could be a new olympic sport....  Dildo putting?  Vagina Javelin?

Hammer throw is taken. Otherwise...

how about dickus 

[On The Hard 340]

Area 210 is San Antonio. That means I probably live in the same city as this person.  

(210):

He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.

[On The Hard 340]

There's a reason I don't go to Taco Bell!!

 

(814):
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?

(724):
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.

[Guest]

22 hours ago, alphafb552 said:

On 2/15/2019 at 10:25 AM, Shootist Jeff said:

That could be a new olympic sport....  Dildo putting?  Vagina Javelin?

Vajavelin!

WINNER!!!  

[mad 3,700]

19 hours ago, P_Wop said:

Been done.  The girls on the swings at the Stop Light in San Diego would hand ping pong bats out to the audience and shoot balls at them with great precision to play back. 

I do hope that place has been erased.

Probably best not to mention the goldfish trick in Phuket..........

[billy backstay 943]

20 hours ago, P_Wop said:

Been done.  The girls on the swings at the Stop Light in San Diego would hand ping pong bats out to the audience and shoot balls at them with great precision to play back. 

I do hope that place has been erased.

 

Saw that, and more at the Stop Light in Honolulu's Chinatown, during, 84 Clipper Cup, quite an experience!!

[P_Wop 1,718]

37 minutes ago, billy backstay said:

Saw that, and more at the Stop Light in Honolulu's Chinatown, during, 84 Clipper Cup, quite an experience!!

I think I was there with you.  On "The Shadow" with the Whale and other disreputables.

Cyalume sticks were shot all over the joint, and I remember one girl squatting down over an empty Heineken bottle with a nicely-aligned stack of quarters on top.  She walked around the stage taking bets on how many dollars she'd absorbed.  And then she crouched over a tin tray, and like a Las Vegas slot machine went "chugga-chugga, ping, ping, ting, ting, clickety clickety, ping, ting...."  

Most unhealthy place I ever went to.

[billy backstay 943]

7 minutes ago, P_Wop said:

I think I was there with you.  On "The Shadow" with the Whale and other disreputables.

Cyalume sticks were shot all over the joint, and I remember one girl squatting down over an empty Heineken bottle with a nicely-aligned stack of quarters on top.  She walked around the stage taking bets on how many dollars she'd absorbed.  And then she crouched over a tin tray, and like a Las Vegas slot machine went "chugga-chugga, ping, ping, ting, ting, clickety clickety, ping, ting...."  

Most unhealthy place I ever went to.

 

Yes that was it!  I was on the Frers 80, Boomerang, but sat out the last race with a fractured wrist.  

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

2 hours ago, billy backstay said:

Yes that was it!  I was on the Frers 80, Boomerang, but sat out the last race with a fractured wrist.  

Didde you gette it stucke in that coine slotte?                                           

[billy backstay 943]

43 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said:

Didde you gette it stucke in that coine slotte?                                           

 

No, coffee grinder bit me!

[Grande Mastere Dreade 2,022]

1 minute ago, billy backstay said:

 

No, coffee grinder bit me!

uh huh...    admit it,  you wanted your change..

[billy backstay 943]

9 minutes ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

uh huh...    admit it,  you wanted your change..

 

Not me, mate!  But I did view a very well know sailor loan his pen, so someone could write his name on a napkin, without using feet or hands!! 

[P_Wop 1,718]

Just now, billy backstay said:

Not me, mate!  But I did view a very well know sailor loan his pen, so someone could write his name on a napkin, without using feet or hands!! 

I remember that!  What skills those girls had.  Mostly Asian, I believe.

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

1 minute ago, P_Wop said:

I remember that!  What skills those girls had.  Mostly Asian, I believe.

Didde you gette youre pen backe afterewads?                           

[chinabald 658]

2 hours ago, Snaggletooth said:

Didde you gette youre pen backe afterewads?                           

It needed pen a cillin after 

[On The Hard 340]

 

[mustang__1 291]

bad fake text is bad. 

[Rasputin22 2,549]

On 2/16/2019 at 8:01 AM, P_Wop said:

I think I was there with you.  On "The Shadow" with the Whale and other disreputables.

Cyalume sticks were shot all over the joint, and I remember one girl squatting down over an empty Heineken bottle with a nicely-aligned stack of quarters on top.  She walked around the stage taking bets on how many dollars she'd absorbed.  And then she crouched over a tin tray, and like a Las Vegas slot machine went "chugga-chugga, ping, ping, ting, ting, clickety clickety, ping, ting...."  

Most unhealthy place I ever went to.

The Whale? You mean the big guy from Ft Lauderdale who was a fixture on the racing scene 'back in the day'? Now that guy could have written a book...

[P_Wop 1,718]

15 minutes ago, Rasputin22 said:

The Whale? You mean the big guy from Ft Lauderdale who was a fixture on the racing scene 'back in the day'? Now that guy could have written a book...

Yes, The Whale.  Paul Weakley.  Sadly gone from cancer some years back.  Larger than life, and a great mate. 

Lots of fun times together in far-flung places of the world.  I might have to write some of it up someday.  It can't all be allowed to slide into oblivion.

He was the BN's BN.

[Rasputin22 2,549]

     I knew that had to be him. You had me at 'disreputables'. Couldn't think of his name, thanks. Larger than life for sure, and he was a big guy to begin with, didn't call him Whale for nothing! I delivered a big English motorsailer from the BVI to Lauderdale to put on the brokerage market. 85' with a huge bowsprit and the dock fees at Pier 66 were eating up the boat budget fast. Our newly found broker gave me Paul's number and said he might be able to help. Paul told me to just drive it up the canal the ran up to the Oyster House and we could dock the beast behind his house for a fraction of the going rate. I was freaked out at how narrow that canal was and when I reached Paul's he came abling out of his house and told me to just spin it 180 degrees and then dock it like it was a 25'er. I backed and filled and was freaking out that my bowsprit was hanging over the pool of the condos on the other side of the canal and the davits were doing the same into Paul's yard. He got impatient and said something like 'Don't make me climb up there... Just do it!'

     The time I spent in Lauderdale illegally living aboard on the boat in his backyard was something special. Met lots of his fellow 'dispreputables' and heard lots of 'war stories' from the days of SORC Big Boat racing, I'm sure you were mentioned in some.

    Yes, we should do a tribute book for Paul as soon as the statute of limitations finally run out.

https://www.sailingscuttlebutt.com/2015/06/15/eight-bells-paul-whale-weakley/

 

[Guest]

I had a flight instructor and later Ops Officer who was an old skool fighter pilot.  And I mean old skool.  He used to smoke in the jet while flying, especially while refueling on the tanker - which I thought especially ironic.  I loved some of the stories he and others would tell of the days before political correctness infected the military.  He used to be stationed at Clark AFB in the Philippines just before the volcano destroyed the base.  He flew F-4 "Wild Weasels" and you had to be a certain kind of CRAY ZEE to do that job.  

Anyway, he used to tell of the bars in Olongapo city near Subic bay.  The girls would squat over a stack of quarters, ingest them and then spit out exact change to a participating customer.  <Shudder>  I'm sure IB and PB likely have their own Subic Bay stories as well.  

[P_Wop 1,718]

13 minutes ago, Rasputin22 said:

     I knew that had to be him. You had me at 'disreputables'. Couldn't think of his name, thanks. Larger than life for sure, and he was a big guy to begin with, didn't call him Whale for nothing! I delivered a big English motorsailer from the BVI to Lauderdale to put on the brokerage market. 85' with a huge bowsprit and the dock fees at Pier 66 were eating up the boat budget fast. Our newly found broker gave me Paul's number and said he might be able to help. Paul told me to just drive it up the canal the ran up to the Oyster House and we could dock the beast behind his house for a fraction of the going rate. I was freaked out at how narrow that canal was and when I reached Paul's he came abling out of his house and told me to just spin it 180 degrees and then dock it like it was a 25'er. I backed and filled and was freaking out that my bowsprit was hanging over the pool of the condos on the other side of the canal and the davits were doing the same into Paul's yard. He got impatient and said something like 'Don't make me climb up there... Just do it!'

     The time I spent in Lauderdale illegally living aboard on the boat in his backyard was something special. Met lots of his fellow 'dispreputables' and heard lots of 'war stories' from the days of SORC Big Boat racing, I'm sure you were mentioned in some.

    Yes, we should do a tribute book for Paul as soon as the statute of limitations finally run out.

https://www.sailingscuttlebutt.com/2015/06/15/eight-bells-paul-whale-weakley/

Thanks for posting that.  I'd never seen it.  Brings a tear to the eye, actually.  Such a good bloke.

Yes, a book (apart from the Chas from Taz version) has to be written about those golden years.  Certainly while some of us are still upright.  Peter Bowker.  Neil Harvey.  You name 'em.  How to do it may be an internet-based publishing deal.  There's a big IBNA group on FB which may be a start.  Medical issues preclude me from much practical involvement except story telling.

As an example, I'm a trustee of the Computer History Museum here in Silicon Valley which is preserving much of the history of computing hardware which otherwise goes to recycling or landfill.  An essential part is the "Oral History Project" in which we do lengthy interviews with the now elderly pioneers, and get their recollections recorded before it's too late.  It's fascinating.

Should be done.

[Rasputin22 2,549]

36 minutes ago, P_Wop said:

Thanks for posting that.  I'd never seen it.  Brings a tear to the eye, actually.  Such a good bloke.

Yes, a book (apart from the Chas from Taz version) has to be written about those golden years.  Certainly while some of us are still upright.  Peter Bowker.  Neil Harvey.  You name 'em.  How to do it may be an internet-based publishing deal.  There's a big IBNA group on FB which may be a start.  Medical issues preclude me from much practical involvement except story telling.

As an example, I'm a trustee of the Computer History Museum here in Silicon Valley which is preserving much of the history of computing hardware which otherwise goes to recycling or landfill.  An essential part is the "Oral History Project" in which we do lengthy interviews with the now elderly pioneers, and get their recollections recorded before it's too late.  It's fascinating.

Should be done.

Yeah, time rolls on. Thing is that the Oral History thing can be done with little more than a smart phone these days. Lets put a list of the old timers we need to get these stories out of and in digital format. We can worry about editing and publishing later.

     Did you know a Argentinian sailor named Miguel (Mickey) on the old STARLIGHT EXPRESS. I met him with Paul at the Southport Raw Bar and had some crazy times with him in preparation for the WORRELL 1000 race.

[longy 455]

1 hour ago, P_Wop said:

Yes, The Whale.  Paul Weakley.  Sadly gone from cancer some years back.  Larger than life, and a great mate. 

Lots of fun times together in far-flung places of the world.  I might have to write some of it up someday.  It can't all be allowed to slide into oblivion.

He was the BN's BN.

'84 SORC . Whale had not put on his normal party for a while (can't remember why). A bet was made that he could not stage event & get more than a certain number of crew to attend. Well, a massive party was held at Miamarina, easily2x the head count required. I had to drag my foredeck artist out from under the van before driving back to the motel. At least he made it that far, & left legs showing under driver's door tom alert me.

   Local cops told us that they did not respond to the area after dark, and if you were there after dark better to sleep on the boat than to cross no man's land.

[Rasputin22 2,549]

   I'll have to have a couple of rums and dredge up Whale's story about the repo catamaran that he had tied up at his next door neighbors dock when I was in residence. He almost had me convinced to buy that boat for day charter use. If I had I would probably have been a wealthy man by now. You could really learn a lot by listening to Paul, on a wide variety of subjects.

[P_Wop 1,718]

2 hours ago, Rasputin22 said:

   I'll have to have a couple of rums and dredge up Whale's story about the repo catamaran that he had tied up at his next door neighbors dock when I was in residence. He almost had me convinced to buy that boat for day charter use. If I had I would probably have been a wealthy man by now. You could really learn a lot by listening to Paul, on a wide variety of subjects.

The Whale and I concocted a great new business, but for several reasons it never flew.  I'd be owning a small third-world country by now.

Essentially, go to the bank and ask for their list of repo-ed boats, and strike a deal.  We take one or more of these off your hands as your agent, fix them up and sell them.  Then we split the profit 50:50.  OK?  You're not in the business of owning boats and maintaining or selling them, but we are.

Cherry-pick the best of the bunch, clean, tidy, polish, sell, cash out, what's not to like.

One of my life's regrets I never did that one with him.

[Snaggletooth 2,881]

2 minutes ago, P_Wop said:

One of my life's regrets I never did that one with him.

Whast wrongue withe nowe?