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And they fucked happily ever after. The End...


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#1 R Booth

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Posted 20 October 2013 - 11:04 PM

This is a fairy tale in reverse. And I wanna know how it started....



#2 dash34

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 12:03 AM

JFC Boothy, get off your computer and get yourself a life....



#3 Snaggletooth

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 12:06 AM

JFC Boothy, get off your computer and get yourself a life....

 

If he dose that hoose goinig to rit ethe storey?



#4 4knotSB

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 12:11 AM

I thought Boothy was a Windows feature, one of those small companies Microsoft bought.



#5 Mark K

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 12:56 AM

 Here ya go....   "Don Jon" A review by Alan Farrell

xcvjhk.jpg
 

Directed by:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt (and written by him, too, also himself).  Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson (and a serious bee-sting lips, beachball hips woof), Glenn Headly, Tony Danza, Marianne Moore (the butt naked in Big Lebowski Marianne Moore… no, wait a minute, that’s the poetess Marianne Moore of fee-male poet fame like name two of her poems, yeah, that’s what I thought… This is Julianne Moore… ah, same thin except Marianne Moore didn’t show her but in The Big Lebowski, far as I know).  Set Design:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Production Values:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  New Jersey Accents:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Screenplay Adaptation from the Short Story by Leo (“The Situation”) Tolstoy:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

 

Hey.  I’m dozing through a Faculty meeting when briefly the fog dissipates long enough for me to hear an outraged fee-male professor inveigh against the vestigial presence of the syllable “man” in “emancipate:  “Lincoln freed men and women,” she declares.  As the Classics professor rolls his eyes and  gurgles of despair rise from his gorge, the Chaplain piously offers in consolation that “not all instances of the syllable ‘man’ derive from the male… for instance “chairman,” where the ‘man’ is from ‘manus, ‘hand’ in Latin.”  Beati pauperes spiritu. 

 

And that brings us to “masturbate” (Latin “mastus,” “poultry”; Latin “turbare,” “strangle”). And that brings us, by commodious vicus, to Don Jon.  Critics debate whether the “Don” refers to the Don Juan of operatic fame (oh, yeah… name two arias from it, yeah, that’s what I thought) or the other “Don,” of Don Corleone “sei un uomo” fame.  Don’t matter much.  Both of them happening in New Jersey, the freshly refound Eden of teevee and cineemah:  Jersey Girl, Garden State, Jersey Shore, Gigli (I think… if it’s not set in New Jersey, should be). Teasers already alerted us to the dubious premise, that the eponymous protagonist of the same name, him too, suffers from an addiction to what everyone seems determined to call ”porn” these days and this primarily over his laptop (so to speak… lap top?  Laptop?  Whap! Sorry I hadda do that, but you fotched up with the look again).  The HTRL (or whatever the flock it is) is pornhub.com in case you’re looking (and be careful on account of it’s an actual site/sight… or so I heard). 

 

We’re reliably informed that “all guys do it” though whether “it” is scanning pornography or strangling the above poultry or both remain unspecified elements of the indictment.  The implicit “addiction,” anything but subtle and the refuge of any weak-willed simpleton these days (“I’m an addict… whatcha gonna do?”) becomes even less subtle in the proposed alternate title to the film, Don Jon’s Addiction, in case you missed it, you dummy, though it eventuates that there’s another and possibly more tragic addiction here, that of the breathtaking Barbara (thank God it’s not Barbra) Sugarman (Zuckermann) for romance and the fluffy trappings of the ewige Weibliche (German for “butt that would stop a clock”). Curiously, the second specification seems to be the more serious with opprobrium appearing, best I can figure at any rate, falling rather on Sugarman for her naiveté and disposition to idyll (or idle or idol, all of them pronounced the same and mean essentially same thing).

 

Story is that Don Jon Martello (“hammer” in Italian, if you catch my drift), a transparent egoist (and onanist) lives for himself:  his family, his church (he’s an RC and piously declares his sins at Confession, racking up the Hail Marys and Our Fathers then knocking them out as he does reps in his gym.  He’s got a guy car and a guy pad and snags the hottest fee-males at his guy bar, identifying prospectives by their umph or their umph umphs (either of which could stop a clock), the very aptest of whom rate a “dime,” in his lingo.  Sadly, once back at his place and after what for anyone else would be satisfying sex, Don Jon sneaks out of bed to pop open his lap (top) and engage in what we’ll call for a better word:  ipsism (Latin “ipse,” “carrot”).  Finally he hauls in the diadem of the crown, Barbara Sugarman (Scarlett Johansson), whom his lout of an Old Man spots as Jewish right off though Mom (Glenn Headly) appreciates her manifest domesticity).  Don Jon duly seduces (or is it t’other way around) and then relinquishes her afterward to gratify his lap (top). 

 

She’s the one, he decides.  Things go along well enough till she catches him at it.  Outraged, she gives him one chance to reform (didn’t do much good when Father Murphy tried, but…). Don Jon can’t seem to shake it, though, (urf urf!), and tumbles into recidivism (Latin “reciduus,” “donkey,” and “vitiare,” “flagellate”).  Caught in flog-rante (urf urf!), he watches her depart his life forever, merciless fidelity to a dream of human relation.  As this drama plays out, howsomever, another character enters the arena, Esther, a burnt-out, pot-sucking, still-comely (niche pretty much staked out by Julianne Moore) older woman, classmate of Jon’s in the night classes he’s agreed to take for Barabara’s sake, part of her dream, not his. Esther spots Jon’s lap (top) in action and offers him erotica in place of  “porn,” becoming a whore-goddess-bunkbuddy and ultimately initiating him to a different kind of sex where—wait for it—“you lose yourself,” in the “other.”

 

Don Jon (us, of course) learns something. You’re free to figure out what:  You might think the tsk-tsking should direct itself at the self-absorbed Jon though it’s the remorseless Barbara whom we seem invited to take in execration, the both of them, I guess, in thrall to unreal expectations of human communion, she more deluded than he?  “She has an agenda,” announces the voice of objectivity unexpectedly.  The horror, the horror.  Well, hell… that Johansson girl certainly does have an agenda, and one would stop a clock, too.   I like Gordon-Levitt and highly recommend his films Brick and Premium Rush, both excellent and little noticed since his breakout in Ten Things I Hate About You (you can keep Blooper).  Don Jon, though, just doesn’t make it in this reviewer’s um, er… view.  Just too, um, er… heavy-handed, one might say.

 



#6 R Booth

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 01:31 AM

Ya know Mark, about 25 years ago I had a good idea for a book that I shared with my aging Dad over some beers in Mexico. I (drunkedly) suggested that life's kinda screwed up, and that it would really be cool to be born 80 years old....then work your way back to the womb. Then a few years ago the Nursetta saw this movie in the thee-a-er called Benjamin Butthole or something...and it supposedly had the same story line. Weird, innit? Anyways, help me reverse this fairy tale, I'm dying to find out how it started. In the mean time I gotta finish up my custom Yazaki tach pod. Made from a dual walled s/s coffee cup.

 

Pics later...... :lol:



#7 dash34

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 04:00 AM

Well, you could just watch any episode of Red Shoe Diaries in reverse....



#8 hobot

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 04:02 AM

Memento.



#9 Gouvernail

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 05:58 AM

Shouldn't 't this thread be moved to "who gives a fuk?" anarchy ??

#10 DA-WOODY

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 06:33 AM

This is a fairy tale in reverse. And I wanna know how it started....

 

the-end.jpg



#11 DA-WOODY

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 06:41 AM

 I (drunkedly) suggested that life's kinda screwed up, and that it would really be cool to be born 80 years old....then work your way back to the womb. 

 

Pics later...... :lol:

 

 

less you're married the Good life includes working your way back to a womb

 

less you're one of those who ignore the 

 

exit_only_womens_boy_brief.jpg?color=Fuc

AND

 

8947290-one-way-sign-on-green-rice-farm.

 

 

Signs along the way  :o  :o  :o



#12 Mark K

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 07:58 AM

Ya know Mark, about 25 years ago I had a good idea for a book that I shared with my aging Dad over some beers in Mexico. I (drunkedly) suggested that life's kinda screwed up, and that it would really be cool to be born 80 years old....then work your way back to the womb. Then a few years ago the Nursetta saw this movie in the thee-a-er called Benjamin Butthole or something...and it supposedly had the same story line. Weird, innit? Anyways, help me reverse this fairy tale, I'm dying to find out how it started. In the mean time I gotta finish up my custom Yazaki tach pod. Made from a dual walled s/s coffee cup.

 

Pics later...... :lol:

 

 Oooootaaaaayyyy.... 

 

  ...And then she said " I hate shopping. I detest expensive jewelry. I like to watch football and drink beer. I am a four-and-a-half star Cordon Bleu chef, and only missed the last half because the judge was gay. My dearly departed granddaddy left me a bazzillion dollar trust fund...but I haven't the slightest idea what to spend it on." 



#13 couchsurfer

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 01:20 PM

.

..I'll cut to the chase,,,,they met both crewing on a leadmine,,,she brought some stouts.

 

.........only reason worth crewing on leadmines..................sorry to ruin the beginning :mellow:



#14 sledracr

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 03:34 PM

This is a fairy tale in reverse. And I wanna know how it started....

 

It started with a cute redhead coming down the stairs, wearing a sundress.  And, as it turns out, not much underneath.  <3



#15 two cold dogs

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 04:17 PM

Ya know Mark, about 25 years ago I had a good idea for a book that I shared with my aging Dad over some beers in Mexico. I (drunkedly) suggested that life's kinda screwed up, and that it would really be cool to be born 80 years old....then work your way back to the womb. Then a few years ago the Nursetta saw this movie in the thee-a-er called Benjamin Butthole or something...and it supposedly had the same story line. Weird, innit? Anyways, help me reverse this fairy tale, I'm dying to find out how it started. In the mean time I gotta finish up my custom Yazaki tach pod. Made from a dual walled s/s coffee cup.

 

Pics later...... :lol:

 

Wouldn't you know, that's from a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald written in the early 1920's, 80 years later it would be about the time your wife saw the movie..........so life does move in circles.  Maybe you read it as a kid and the idea stuck.



#16 Mojo Risin

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 09:19 PM

This is a fairy tale in reverse. And I wanna know how it started....

 

It started with a cute redhead coming down the stairs, wearing a sundress.  And, as it turns out, not much underneath.  <3

It started with the progenitor yearning for some sex, BUK style, when a cute redhead came down the stairs, wearing a sundress and calling for Bambi.  A large 12 point buck came along instead, and the progenitor finally had his way.



#17 Life Buoy 15

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 02:57 AM

Alternatively , you can play the video of your wedding day backwards. It's great! It starts with you having sex, then as it goes on you drink heaps but get more sober and at the end you get back into a car with a few of your best mates and fuck off.

#18 R Booth

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 03:29 AM

Alternatively , you can play the video of your wedding day backwards. It's great! It starts with you having sex, then as it goes on you drink heaps but get more sober and at the end you get back into a car with a few of your best mates and fuck off.

 

 

The End!....:lol:



#19 Black Sox

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 12:35 PM

Alternatively , you can play the video of your wedding day backwards. It's great! It starts with you having sex, then as it goes on you drink heaps but get more sober and at the end you get back into a car with a few of your best mates and fuck off.

Works for Cinderella too, watch it backwards and it's a fantastic piece about a woman who learns her place.



#20 Dorado

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 01:43 PM

Slasher movies too. Played backwards, they become heartwarming tales of misunderstood gentlemen miraculously healing strangers by pulling hatchets out of their foreheads.

#21 Black Sox

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 06:06 AM

And that recent one, something hours maybe, about the one-armed man who goes for a walk in the desert, and of all things finds an arm stuck in a rock!!! What are the odds?

 

As Boothy might say, Just. Fucking. Wow.



#22 Chic and Simple

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 06:31 AM

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair – it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I should be studying for my final exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission. I must not sleep with it wet. I must not sleep with it wet. Reciting this mantra several times, I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up. My only option is to restrain my wayward hair in a ponytail and hope that I look semi-presentable.




But I'm afraid the rest is rubbish.....




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