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Things NOT to do when drunk


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#1 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:22 PM

Shop on EBay or Amazon

 

Post on SA

 

Enough said :blink:



#2 Ishmael

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:24 PM

PUI is an honorable tradition here. There wouldn't be half as much funny stuff if everyone was sober.



#3 Shaggy

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:25 PM

Drunk text Crewmembers, :unsure:



#4 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:26 PM

Drunk text Crewmembers, :unsure:

 

So I'm not the only one.....



#5 SailRacer

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:28 PM

Try to read drunk Texts from guys like Footlong eminating from Block Island.

 

Sail safe!



#6 Code 2

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 03:30 PM

Play with a skilsaw..

 

Just sayin.

 

Drunk texting.  Is there another way to text?



#7 Shibby

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 04:16 PM

Prune mature trees on a ladder with a chainsaw...



#8 Footlong

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 04:28 PM

Try to read drunk Texts from guys like Footlong eminating from Block Island.

 

Sail safe!

 

 

You never answered me... what do you do with a drunken sailor?

 

I wasn't singling you out, I had a new phone and texted every one of my contacts.



#9 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 04:33 PM

You never answered me... what do you do with a drunken sailor?

 

Either:

1) Make him the skipper

2) Make her a stripper



#10 Touch of Gray

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 09:22 PM

All of the following are true

 

Doing electrical work, on a stepladder, in the dark (which was made by you doing electrical work on a stepladder!)

 

Tell your sig other "I am not drunk."

 

Call a cop "ocifer" and tell him "I am not drunk"

 

Enter a harbor in the dark, with no charts and complete brain fart of understanding that the red blinky light really does mean "red right returning" 

 

Tell a chick that "she has nice tits for a woman of her age."

 

Forget where you left the car keys, walk out and find them in the car's ignition

 

Start acting like a French intellectual when you can't really speak French

 

Oh and many more

 

TOG



#11 Nicolations

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 09:44 PM

Suggest to a foreign student that of you married she could stay in the USA...

...I'm told...

#12 DogBalls

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 09:56 PM

call your wife your ex-wife's name



#13 VladTheImpaler

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 10:55 PM

call your wife your ex-wife's name

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!



#14 A_guy_in_the_Chesapeake

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 11:14 PM

Drunk text Crewmembers, :unsure:

 

Or your division VP..... Drunk dialing doesn't leave a record - the text is immortal... 



#15 dain bramage

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 11:39 PM

Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.

#16 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:03 AM

Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.


Tried a little backdoor action while bungie jumping from a helicopter over the Grand Canyon, eh?

#17 USA190520

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:07 AM

Be near me, speak to me, touch me, try to fight me or generally exist-

I hate drunks- in case I left that out-

#18 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:12 AM

Be near me, speak to me, touch me, try to fight me or generally exist-
I hate drunks- in case I left that out-


Share what's hopefully a good story behind your hatred?

#19 mustang__1

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:27 AM

grab an SA'ers phone and seeing how many SA'ers could be called before they got their phone back.

 

 

Actually, i really dont regret that at all... 



#20 USA190520

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:51 AM


Be near me, speak to me, touch me, try to fight me or generally exist-
I hate drunks- in case I left that out-

Share what's hopefully a good story behind your hatred?

No story in particular- just cannot stand drunken fuckwits-

#21 oldgoatroper

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 03:37 AM

dance.

 

 

(even when sober, for that matter...)



#22 Mr. Squirrel

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 04:33 AM

Bake.  You might fall asleep with the biscuits in the oven.  Or so I am told.

 

MS



#23 Shaggy

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 06:55 AM

Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.


Tried a little backdoor action while bungie jumping from a helicopter over the Grand Canyon, eh?

na just the shocker....  It is a time tried tedition.....



#24 Snaggletooth

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 08:40 AM

grab an SA'ers phone and seeing how many SA'ers could be called before they got their phone back.

 

 

Actually, i really dont regret that at all... 

that wase funney    :)



#25 mainsheetsister

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 10:37 AM

Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.

 

or as my husband of 25 years likes to say, "it's only kinky the first time"



#26 bowman81

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 12:34 PM



Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.

 
or as my husband of 25 years likes to say, "it's only kinky the first time"
Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken

#27 Norse Horse

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 12:38 PM

Erotic is using massage oil.Kinky is filling the tub with it.



#28 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 02:03 PM


Decide you would try something "different" sexually with your wife of 25 years.

 
or as my husband of 25 years likes to say, "it's only kinky the first time"
Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken

HAHAHA

#29 Tax Man

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 04:38 PM

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.



#30 LenP

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 06:21 PM

Sharpen a chainsaw. There was a guy near here who tried sharpening his chainsaw on a bench grinder, lost eight fingers (still has his thumbs). Alcohol was involved.



#31 mad

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Posted 18 April 2014 - 06:44 PM

Posting in peodo threads

Discuss guns with Wofsey

#32 JBSF

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 05:10 AM

Posting in peodo threads

Discuss guns with Wofsey

 

New winner!



#33 silent bob

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 07:15 AM

Be near me, speak to me, touch me, try to fight me or generally exist-
I hate drunks- in case I left that out-


I love you, man!

#34 USA190520

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 03:33 PM


Be near me, speak to me, touch me, try to fight me or generally exist-
I hate drunks- in case I left that out-

I love you, man!

And it begins...

#35 Nacradriver

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 03:56 PM

Posting in peodo threads

Discuss guns anything with Wofsey

 Fixed for ya!



#36 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 01:51 AM

Shop on EBay


My drunken EBay purchase arrived. Fuuuuuuuuuuck

#37 Reht

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 02:17 AM

*Drum roll* You're the proud recipient of one (or more) __________.



#38 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 03:38 AM

Some....uh.....well, let's just call it technology

#39 Hatin' life

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 03:58 AM


You never answered me... what do you do with a drunken sailor?

 
Either:
1) Make him the skipper
2) Make her a stripper

Throw him in the hold with the captain's daughter?

#40 USA190520

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 03:13 AM

Some....uh.....well, let's just call it technology


C'mon- what'd ya get?

#41 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 03:34 AM

Some....uh.....well, let's just call it technology


C'mon- what'd ya get?

I'll sell it to you for a higher offer. Perhaps 50 clams? :)

#42 Reht

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 05:04 AM

For that money, why not keep it as a trophy?



#43 USA190520

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 05:45 AM

Batteries included, I'd assume?

#44 mikeys clone no1

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 08:47 AM

Used?

#45 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 01:29 PM

Yes and yes



#46 hobot

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 07:17 PM

Does it get filled with warm tap water before use?

#47 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 07:19 PM

Does it get filled with warm tap water before use?

 

Ideally, no. 16 more yes/no questions to go :D



#48 mikeys clone no1

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 01:00 AM

can you "mount" an ipad on it?



#49 Life Buoy 15

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 01:04 AM

untitled-iii-ow1.jpg



#50 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 01:11 AM

can you "mount" an ipad on it?

Ah-hahahaha!! No



untitled-iii-ow1.jpg

Excellent addition to this thread. Well played, sir.



#51 mikeys clone no1

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 01:13 AM

untitled-iii-ow1.jpg

you sir, are a sick and twisted individual! it's reassuring to know that i am not alone



#52 mikeys clone no1

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 01:14 AM

hot water bottle?



#53 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 02:39 AM

I suppose a hot water bottle qualifies as "technology", but no



#54 Ishmael

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 04:27 AM

Nostril hair cutter?



#55 Life Buoy 15

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 04:28 AM

Stupid-people-do-stupid-things-550x442.j



#56 Reht

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 04:34 AM

^^ No batteries in that, it might have saved them some trouble if there had been.

 

CS, would you mind if your neighbor knew you had it?



#57 Headntac

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 04:46 AM

I suppose  a story about said sailor who was sharing a hotel room with sailing buddy and wife,.......during regatta after party he went to sleeep drunk and in the middle of the night the said sailor got out of bed and urinated out the semi closed  flyscreen covered window whilst still (ratshit)asleep.......

Said sailors buddy was rudley awoken by the overspray covering his face caused by flyscreen....said sailor never lived it down either.

 

:D :lol: :o



#58 atoyot

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 09:43 AM

Not that this comes close to that, though, it's a bad idea to get all slopped up while sailing in brisk wind, and then dump your pee bucket over the windward side. Sailing buddy may not appreciate the golden shower.

#59 Snaggletooth

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 10:04 AM

Sailing buddy may not appreciate the golden shower.

 

Then againe juste mite, NTTWATT.  Allnayes good to checke frist.



#60 atoyot

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 10:07 AM

No, on both counts (don't want to know)...

#61 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 04:25 PM

CS, would you mind if your neighbor knew you had it?

 

Nope. No problem there.



#62 DogBalls

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 09:31 PM

Stupid-people-do-stupid-things-550x442.j

That's natural selection at its finest.  



#63 Life Buoy 15

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Posted 29 April 2014 - 12:01 AM

fat-girls-having-sex-with-thin-guys-2.1.



#64 Tunnel Rat

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Posted 29 April 2014 - 12:48 AM

Go to sleep in a strange room on the top bunk.

 

Don't ask me how I know ....... or what the consequences were!



#65 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 02:47 PM

Ah yes, the ritual of deleting posts from the night before.



#66 coelacanth2

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 03:04 AM

Some....uh.....well, let's just call it technology


Is it inflatable? Does it use batteries?

#67 coelacanth2

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 03:08 AM

Most importantly - if it was "real"












Would it say,"Baaaaaaaaaa"?

#68 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 08:01 PM

Nope. Ass.



#69 Snaggletooth

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 09:02 PM

Dointe wach QVC when loided.



#70 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 02:53 PM

Don't start a thread on ball sweat

#71 hobot

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 09:43 PM

Know better than to open a thread with "ball sweat" in it's title.

#72 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 11:40 PM

Know better than to open a thread with "ball sweat" in it's title.


It's somewhat entertaining, actually.

#73 Shibby

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 12:27 AM

Im pretty sure I could add to this daily...



#74 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 01:49 AM

Im pretty sure I could add to this daily...


What's your poison of choice?

#75 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 02:43 AM

Don't buy plane tickets or reserve a hotel

#76 More Cowbell2

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 04:47 PM

Urinate on a cop car.



#77 atoyot

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 02:51 AM

Pee near a cattle grazing field. Especially when it's surrounded by this silly strand of bailing wire. I'll take my brother-in-law's word for it

#78 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 03:29 AM

Urinate on a cop car.


Amateur

#79 More Cowbell2

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 02:52 PM

Urinate on a cop car.


Amateur

........while he was writing the ticket......



#80 Windward

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 05:05 PM

 

Urinate on a cop car.


Amateur

........while he was writing the ticket......

Don't taze me bro!



#81 Sundowners

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 05:14 PM

 

Urinate on a cop car.


Amateur

........while he was writing the ticket......

By the time he gets around to writing the ticket you should be pissing on his shoe.



#82 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 07 June 2014 - 03:01 AM

 

 

Urinate on a cop car.


Amateur

........while he was writing the ticket......

By the time he gets around to writing the ticket you should be pissing on his shoe.

 

Or barfing and shitting on it



#83 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 11 June 2014 - 03:58 PM

Use a band saw



#84 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 23 June 2014 - 07:14 PM

Climb the diving board and shout "hey guys, watch this!"



#85 Flatbag

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Posted 24 June 2014 - 10:23 AM

Stupid-people-do-stupid-things-550x442.j

That's natural selection at its finest.
Darwin Lives!

#86 Flatbag

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Posted 24 June 2014 - 10:25 AM

fat-girls-having-sex-with-thin-guys-2.1.

A couple of fine wing-men right there.

An altogether disturbingly familiar scenario

#87 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 24 June 2014 - 03:40 PM

Take a leak on an electric fence



#88 DogBalls

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Posted 24 June 2014 - 11:21 PM

insist you are not drunk to a bartender and tell him to pour you another fucking drink or else!



#89 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 04:41 AM

Take a shit on the salad bar at Sizzler

#90 bowman81

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 06:54 AM

fat-girls-having-sex-with-thin-guys-2.1.

A couple of fine wing-men right there.

An altogether disturbingly familiar scenario

 

He IS the wingman, falling on the grenade to save his fellow soldiers.



#91 atoyot

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 11:57 AM

It looks more like the grenade has landed on him!

In any event, someone surely needs to close a gate before the rest of the herd runs lose.

#92 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 03:33 PM

That must be one friggin strong plastic chair



#93 Cleveland Steamer

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 03:30 PM

Get drunk then put to sea in enormous waves on a small boat.






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