I read some, but not all, of the comments above. Most probably give you a feel or some insight. My daughter is now 20 and is coming around, turning human, so to speak. When folks used to try and "clue me in" as to what I was in for as she reached her teens I used to say, "Don't tell me, I want it to be a surprise!" And a surprise it is. A real eye opener that that sweet little kid you once had can turn at times into a little monster. Okay, not really that bad, but it is a difficult age for them as it was for you. So bear that in mind. Also bear in mind that a lot of what she will do is a test. A test of your parenting skills. A test of who the boss is (so to speak). Ultimately she is changing into an adult. It is a process. She is and will continue to try and assert her independence. No longer Daddy's little girl (but she always will be that, no?). She is struggling to become her own person and that isn't always easy.
So you have two choices. The first is to try and play the heavy, maintain control. The second is to step back and let it play out. Or door number three, a little bit of both. What I found was she listened far more than I thought she did. That you could tell her stuff that you think is going in one ear and out the other. But in reality they are actually taking a good deal of it in. In their hearts they know what you are telling them is correct or at the very least, offering them the best advice you can. It does resonate with them.
Now as time unfolds you will become better at dealing with her. That is not to say you will see big improvements and hugs all around. Forget about that for some time to come, that independence thing and all that. Anyhow, my wife and I had this sort of arrangement. The Mom would deal with the minutia, the every day nonsense and at times I would look to reinforce that stuff. Just a comment here or there when it seemed appropriate.... which usually is not as it is going down, but later, when passions have eased up a bit and clarity returns. The second thing I would do, and I let her know this whenever it came down to it, was I would step in on the big stuff. Not in anger, not in an emotional way but with purpose and intent. As an example, say the first time she comes home really late, after "curfew" or drunk after a party. It happens. I did it, you did it, your spouse did it. Keep your powder dry. Yes the stern look and head shakes of disapproval. A day or so later I would walk into her room (always knock and ask to speak with her, space, independence, respect, like that) I would sit on the corner of her bed and start off by saying, "You know I only get fully involved when you did something really bad. I am not going to yell at you but wee need to talk." This sets a tone and expectations. Then launch into whatever it is you need to say. Don't get distracted, don't bring up other little junk, just deal with the subject at hand. Speak to her both as her parent but in an adult way. Talk to her as a budding adult, not as a petulant child. Let her know what she did was wrong, why it was wrong, the dangers or concerns of her actions and how it worries you. If she tries to interrupt or make excuses, ask her to let you finish what you have to say and then she is free to offer a rebuttal. Usually they don't once you wrap it up. And always, always try and leave it so you can close with a hug and say "You are here for her." The hug may not be welcome nor reciprocated. Don't let that dissuade you. Closer in a loving parent/child way is paramount.
Couple of other things you learn. First off in the early going you can and probably should place some form of punishment as a positive reinforcement. It doesn't have to be bam in her face and resist it being over the top. Kids and smartphones are a parents biggest stick. They are lost without them. Like cutting off their arm. But use that judiciously. The punishment must fit the crime. Normally I would just do something to prove the point or drive it home, that in fact, you are still the parent and they are still your child. So closing with a "Now clean up your room." Or Do the dishes or laundry or whatever. You have leverage at this moment and should use it but sparingly. It allows them to feel like the case is closed and we can all move on.... once they clean up their f'ing room! Also ask them to apologize to their Mom... this kills them but it is important. It is one of the most important things to ask of them.
After time, say when they hit like 16, maybe a tad later depending on maturity, don't bother with some kind of punishment. In fact make it a point to say, "You know usually your Mother and I would ground you for 3 days or take away your phone. But you are getting older now and I am not going to do that. I am just going to ask that you understand what you did is wrong or inappropriate and that you don't do it again." They respond to this, or at least our daughter did. It was like coming of age for her. She actually appreciated it. That you have gotten to the point that they are old enough that punishment is not only futile (because it is for the most part) but they are their own person. Anther thing I think worked well was to not only to ask if they understand why you are upset with them, but how doing what they did worked out for them. Case in point. Puking their guts out and hung to shit. Yelling while they are driving the porcelain bus only compounds the problem. Asking them what they learned from drinking too much and ralphing all over the bathroom and being sick for the next day and a half.... well they seem to get that. Now go apologize to your Mom.
Only last bit. I would often tell her that 1.) "Your Mother and I were once your age. So we sort of know what we are talking about here." And 2.) "You are getting to the age where suddenly you have come to realize that your parents are not perfect like you thought we were when you were little. As such we are trying to be the best parents we can be." (That bit is important because to be frank with you it is the root of many problems when they realize their parents are f'd up a'holes too!)The third bit and I think a lot of parents make this mistake, no harm in telling your kid(s), "I am not here to be your friend, although I am, I am here to be your Father. Please understand that."
Good luck you poor, poor bastard.
There is a lot of good advice in the above, some we do some is very good food for thought.
Thank-you for a well rounded reply to my post.
My wife and I are both well and truly strapped in for the ride ahead. It has been interesting so far to say the least.