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scottmax

Member Since 01 Jun 2005
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 10:15 PM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: Harken Magic box

22 July 2016 - 05:29 AM

I used these over 20 years ago on lightweight sharpies (20', 3 man dinghy, one trapeze)for rig/lower and forstay tension, they where nothing but a pain in the arse. eventually got rid of them and used a cascade system.

Do not waste your time.


In Topic: Round the Island Race (UK). Sinkings, records and more.

02 July 2016 - 11:57 PM

2hr 32min and 25sec by a 16 year old on a foiling kite, he beat his 18 year old brother by 2 sec!

They did this a couple of days before the record above was set. So for a short brief moment the record was held.

 

http://www.telegraph...the-isle-of-wi/


In Topic: My Daughter just turned 14

28 June 2016 - 11:33 PM

I read some, but not all, of the comments above. Most probably give you a feel or some insight. My daughter is now 20 and is coming around, turning human, so to speak. When folks used to try and "clue me in" as to what I was in for as she reached her teens I used to say, "Don't tell me, I want it to be a surprise!" And a surprise it is. A real eye opener that that sweet little kid you once had can turn at times into a little monster. Okay, not really that bad, but it is a difficult age for them as it was for you. So bear that in mind. Also bear in mind that a lot of what she will do is a test. A test of your parenting skills. A test of who the boss is (so to speak). Ultimately she is changing into an adult. It is a process. She is and will continue to try and assert her independence. No longer Daddy's little girl (but she always will be that, no?). She is struggling to become her own person and that isn't always easy.
So you have two choices. The first is to try and play the heavy, maintain control. The second is to step back and let it play out. Or door number three, a little bit of both. What I found was she listened far more than I thought she did. That you could tell her stuff that you think is going in one ear and out the other. But in reality they are actually taking a good deal of it in. In their hearts they know what you are telling them is correct or at the very least, offering them the best advice you can. It does resonate with them.
Now as time unfolds you will become better at dealing with her. That is not to say you will see big improvements and hugs all around. Forget about that for some time to come, that independence thing and all that. Anyhow, my wife and I had this sort of arrangement. The Mom would deal with the minutia, the every day nonsense and at times I would look to reinforce that stuff. Just a comment here or there when it seemed appropriate.... which usually is not as it is going down, but later, when passions have eased up a bit and clarity returns. The second thing I would do, and I let her know this whenever it came down to it, was I would step in on the big stuff. Not in anger, not in an emotional way but with purpose and intent. As an example, say the first time she comes home really late, after "curfew" or drunk after a party. It happens. I did it, you did it, your spouse did it. Keep your powder dry. Yes the stern look and head shakes of disapproval. A day or so later I would walk into her room (always knock and ask to speak with her, space, independence, respect, like that) I would sit on the corner of her bed and start off by saying, "You know I only get fully involved when you did something really bad. I am not going to yell at you but wee need to talk." This sets a tone and expectations. Then launch into whatever it is you need to say. Don't get distracted, don't bring up other little junk, just deal with the subject at hand. Speak to her both as her parent but in an adult way. Talk to her as a budding adult, not as a petulant child. Let her know what she did was wrong, why it was wrong, the dangers or concerns of her actions and how it worries you. If she tries to interrupt or make excuses, ask her to let you finish what you have to say and then she is free to offer a rebuttal. Usually they don't once you wrap it up. And always, always try and leave it so you can close with a hug and say "You are here for her." The hug may not be welcome nor reciprocated. Don't let that dissuade you. Closer in a loving parent/child way is paramount.
Couple of other things you learn. First off in the early going you can and probably should place some form of punishment as a positive reinforcement. It doesn't have to be bam in her face and resist it being over the top. Kids and smartphones are a parents biggest stick. They are lost without them. Like cutting off their arm. But use that judiciously. The punishment must fit the crime. Normally I would just do something to prove the point or drive it home, that in fact, you are still the parent and they are still your child. So closing with a "Now clean up your room." Or Do the dishes or laundry or whatever. You have leverage at this moment and should use it but sparingly. It allows them to feel like the case is closed and we can all move on.... once they clean up their f'ing room! Also ask them to apologize to their Mom... this kills them but it is important. It is one of the most important things to ask of them.
After time, say when they hit like 16, maybe a tad later depending on maturity, don't bother with some kind of punishment. In fact make it a point to say, "You know usually your Mother and I would ground you for 3 days or take away your phone. But you are getting older now and I am not going to do that. I am just going to ask that you understand what you did is wrong or inappropriate and that you don't do it again." They respond to this, or at least our daughter did. It was like coming of age for her. She actually appreciated it. That you have gotten to the point that they are old enough that punishment is not only futile (because it is for the most part) but they are their own person. Anther thing I think worked well was to not only to ask if they understand why you are upset with them, but how doing what they did worked out for them. Case in point. Puking their guts out and hung to shit. Yelling while they are driving the porcelain bus only compounds the problem. Asking them what they learned from drinking too much and ralphing all over the bathroom and being sick for the next day and a half.... well they seem to get that. Now go apologize to your Mom.
Only last bit. I would often tell her that 1.) "Your Mother and I were once your age. So we sort of know what we are talking about here." And 2.) "You are getting to the age where suddenly you have come to realize that your parents are not perfect like you thought we were when you were little. As such we are trying to be the best parents we can be." (That bit is important because to be frank with you it is the root of many problems when they realize their parents are f'd up a'holes too!)The third bit and I think a lot of parents make this mistake, no harm in telling your kid(s), "I am not here to be your friend, although I am, I am here to be your Father. Please understand that."

Good luck you poor, poor bastard.


There is a lot of good advice in the above, some we do some is very good food for thought.
Thank-you for a well rounded reply to my post.
My wife and I are both well and truly strapped in for the ride ahead. It has been interesting so far to say the least.

In Topic: My Daughter just turned 14

28 June 2016 - 03:27 AM

Funny to read some of the comments above, I can relate to most of it. The guiding to the "right crowd" is the hardest. I want my daughter to make good decisions, but she also needs to fall down to learn as well. The problem is not letting her fall to far.

 

She is a good girl and we do have a strong bond, she sails and enjoys it, she has even asked me to force her to go when she is being unreasonable before the event. She is a absolute delight after she goes sailing and she does not sail with me but with a group of adults on a local yacht. She also sails on a 125 dingy once a month or so so she gets to go out on trapeze every now and then.

 

The next 3-6 years cannot come and go fast enough, but there is only one way to get to the end and that is one day at a time.

 

My son is 13 and it is a different set of issues but much easier to deal with.

 

Social media is the modern devil. The improvement in both my kids attitudes when the social media is turned off is hard to believe. I know they also need it every now and then but we are now down to no social media at all during school week, all homework and assignments to be done out on the kitchen table. They have the social only on week-ends for limited amount of times if they have both behaved themselves during the week. Maybe overkill to some but it is amazing the different kids mine are when they have to communicate by using words not a key board. We even make them call their friends during the week on the telephone! How old fashioned is that!

 

Keep the comments coming its been a interesting read. 


In Topic: Golf club anarchy

23 June 2016 - 08:05 AM

 

 

Unless you are a single digit handicap, hit a fairway wood off the tee, You will hit more fairways and have a lower score. Your buddy might hit it 30 yds past you but he will be playing from the right hand line of trees. 

 
Good advice
yes by all means play like a 16 handicap and wonder why you aren't getting any better. Or face your deficiency, improve and become a single digit.

 

 

Even the pro's leave the driver in the bag, its a club that lures you into feeling far better than you are. Spend the time on your short game and putting if you are really serious about dropping your handicap.

Far more shots to be saved after the tee.

Me personally I really suck at golf, but married into a family who has made a living from the game.

All the advice they have given me over the years is 200-150yards in is where the money is made. When ever I played a round with any of them I would be lucky to see them hit a driver more than twice in 18 holes. To them is was all about setting up the next shot never about how far they could hit it.