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bmiller

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Everything posted by bmiller

  1. bmiller

    Joke

    Perfect time to try out my newly aquired embedding skills!!!!!
  2. bmiller

    Joke

    Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox game. Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of The Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the president. Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request, from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And...the fans would love it!" So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the people want." He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants,
  3. bmiller

    Joke

    A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc, but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifte
  4. bmiller

    Joke

    His and Her Diary: HER DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
  5. bmiller

    Joke

    Remember the couple who snuck into the White House with no credentials? They're still there.
  6. bmiller

    Joke

    The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and says, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice! Pelosi replied, I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me! So the Pope backhanded the bitch.
  7. bmiller

    Joke

    Two women are talking about their husbands. "My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond"
  8. bmiller

    Joke

    Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. E
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