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Scott Roberts

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About Scott Roberts

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    Scott Roberts

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  • Location
    Toronto

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  1. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little triba
  2. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Jeff and Mike were in an accident, and killed instantly. Upon Jeff's arrival to the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to
  3. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch." The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain
  4. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; "I'm sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away." The distressed woman wailed; "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes la
  5. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    This is Clara. She has been appointed by our Canadian Prime Minister to "negotiate" Trade Deals with President-Elect Trump. You know, I think this will work!
  6. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    THE Question, Has Finally Been Answered ! Went out this year to a Halloween Party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A lifelong question was answered. ……It was the chicken.
  7. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CvGCNrVXgAAzcek.jpg
  8. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    The paperboy A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the
  9. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELLING! AUSSIE STYLE A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?" She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!" He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then." She didn't jump.........
  10. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    TWO CATHOLIC PARROTS... A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,But they only know to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,Then he thought for a moment...... 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots,which I have taught to pray and read the Bible... Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Fra
  11. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Why Men Wear Earrings? Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense" The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
  12. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Simple explanation The Irish mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an E-mail to my wife (your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home...and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Patricia, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever" "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy"
  13. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Bob is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Bob turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?'' "Sex" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Bob says, "but it would be nice if a woman c
  14. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Tom had been in Police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres in the middle of outback Aussie as far from humanityas possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00.' 'Great', says Tom, 'after six mon
  15. Scott Roberts

    Joke

    Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still used an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer, freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek. So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large pole and started pushing. Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the c
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