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no good deed goes unpunished  

Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will nev

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What do you call a girl with a

 

Never Fucking Mind ??

 

A Nun :o

 

What do you write on her grave

 

Thanks for Nothing ;)

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Chevy? That's a jerk-off, man. This here is pure pussy.

 

 

No pulse. No heartbeat. If condition does not change, this man is dead.

 

 

Treacherous road like fresh mushroom - must always . . .

 

Idiot! Not finish mushroom story!

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Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash.

 

The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.

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How much for the little girl?



Don't worry son, we'll have you back on your knees in no time.

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You fucked up, you trusted us.

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Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.

 

 

 

Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

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Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns... And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"... Written down the side of mine... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!


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A man's got to know his limitations.

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It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desktop, and reading my name on the glass of my office door--"regnaD kciN."

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I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

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The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

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What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

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We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

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And this...

 

See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!

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Put it away son... no sense in you getting beaten again...

 

You didn't beat me, you ignored the rules of engagement in a fair fight to kill you!

 

Well that's not much incentive for me to fight fair now then is it?

 

(Mainsail gybes over)

 

Now as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention.

 

The only rules that really matter are these...

 

What a man can do and what a man can't do.

 

For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't.

 

Pirate is in your blood boy so you'll have to square with that someday...

 

Now me for example, I can let you drown.

 

But I can't bring this ship all the way into Tortuga by me one'ezs... savvy?

 

(Mainsail gybes back)

 

So, can you sail under the command of a pirate or can you not?

 

Tortuga?

 

Tortuga... ;-)

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