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no good deed goes unpunished  

Never go in against a Sicilian when there's death on the line.

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Bart: If the Lord is all-powerful why does he care whether we worship him or not?

 

Homer: It's because God is powerful, but also insecure -- like Barbra Streisand before James Brolin. Oh, he's been a rock.



============================

 

 

How many gazebos do you shemales need?

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Gentlemen, you are all in a line of elite men, great men, who have defended the world's most enduring sporting record. It's an honor to know you, it's an honor to sail with you. Tradition has it that the first American skipper to ever loose the Cup will replace it with his own head in the trophy case. Gentlemen, my head is in your hands. Please be careful, I've become attached to it. I would propose a toast. The Cup.

 

Hear! Hear! The Cup!

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I'm sorry, Wilson! Wilson, I'm sorry!



I'll never let go Jack, I'll never let go.



It's a pressure valve. It won't open unless there's tremendous pressure.

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I think I broke his fuckin' neck!

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Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

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Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

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.... listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

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Okay, here's the story. I come from the gutter. I know that. I got no education... but that's okay. I know the street, and I'm making all the right connections. With the right woman, there's no stopping me. I could go right to the top.

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One more push, I'm gonna to smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!

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Would you tell this muthafucka he can sew this shit back on? It's like that dude whose wife cut his dick off, threw it on the freeway? She just called Triple A, they towed the dick and sewed the muthafucka back on. Listen up, jackass, I saw the muthafucka in a porno, the thang still worked, it looked like a chewed-up frank, but that little muthafucka be workin' that muthafucka. It's mangly, but he be fuckin' the bitch all kind of ways with a twisted dick.

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National Beer

National Beer

You'll like the taste of National Beer

And while we're about it, we're proud to say,

It's brewed on the shores...

Of the Chesapeake Bay

 

Natty Boh hon

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I'm boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?

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Call me if his condition changes.

 

 

He's dead.

From the legendary and oh so profane Moms Mabley:

 

They say only to speak good of the dead. He's dead. That's good.

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From the Land of Sky Blue Waters,

From the land of pines' lofty balsams,

Comes the beer refreshing,

Hamm's the beer refreshing.

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Excellent round son soldier, excellent round, top notch, top notch!

 

 

 

be the ball Danny, be the ball, you're not being the ball Danny

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My friends,

either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge,

or you are unaware of the caliber of disaster indicated by a pool table in your community.

 

My friends you got trouble,

right here in River City.

That begins with "T" and that rhymes with "P"

and that stands for pool.

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And what are these really big things that are right in the middle of your view of the Sac-o-Suds and your kitchen window, what do we call these big things?


...


Trees?


...


Trees! That's right! Don't be afraid just shout 'em right out when you know 'em.

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I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit...It's the only way to be sure.

Okay, it's been fun, but there are so many refs I don't get or maybe just missed, can we begin a "Aha, I know that one, I'm almost as cool as you"?

 

Toward that, aha! I think this is from the second Alien movie, best SF franchise of all time. Please, please tell me I'm at least close to right.

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No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.

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Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!

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What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

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I, uh, betrayed my wife. I betrayed myself. I've killed men, and I ordered men to be killed. No, it's useless. I killed... I ordered the death of my brother; he injured me. I killed my mother's son. I killed my father's son.

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Always look on the bright side of life.

Life's a piece of shit,

When you look at it.

Life's a laugh an death's a joke, It's true.

When you're feeling in the dumps,

Don't be silly chumps,

Just purse your lips and whistle,

That's the thing!

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