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no good deed goes unpunished  

Never go in against a Sicilian when there's death on the line.

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Get a message off to Pearl. "Have taken two torpedoes." Fill in our position. "Extent of damage unknown. Will advise."

 

And break radio silence, sir?

 

Burke, don't you think the Japanese know by now where we are?

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Colonel Sir, if we do see something, what do we do?

 

Report it to Headquarters damn it.

 

How Sir? We haven't got a telephone Sir.

 

There's a gas station about a mile down the road, they must have a phone.

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Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.

Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?

Peasant 1: Burn them.

Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

Peasant 1: More witches.

Peasant 2: Wood.

Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?

Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?

Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?

Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.

Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?

Peasant 1: Oh yeah.

Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?

Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!

Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?

Peasant 1: Bread.

Peasant 2: Apples.

Peasant 3: Very small rocks.

Peasant 1: Cider.

Peasant 2: Gravy.

Peasant 3: Cherries.

Peasant 1: Mud.

Peasant 2: Churches.

Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!

King Arthur: A Duck.

Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...

Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

Sir Bedevere: And therefore...

Peasant 2: ...A witch!

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(Peter O'Toole walks into the woman's bathroom)

 

"Hey, this is for ladies only!"

(Zzzzzzip)

"So is this, madam, but occasionally I have to run a little water through it."

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

hehehe

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well son... a funny thing about regret is - its better to regret something you have done - then to regret something you havent done. and by the way - if you see your mom this weekend.....

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I want to order, uh, a pizza to go and no anchovies.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

String him up!

Anyone got any string?

 

Lynch him!

Anyybody got any lynch?

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When creating an adversary always consider how far they are willing to go (legally and illegally). The one that is willing to go the furthest is the one that loses least (in their mind) and probably also the one that gains far more satisfaction and personal reward from retribution. When it becomes really personal both ultimately lose far greater than originally envisioned.

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Offer not good after curfew in sectors R or N

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  • 1 month later...

Sure! Who doesn't like tits?

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