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I got divorced today.


DaveK

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So if any of you hot sexy women wanna take me, just let me know :) Oh wait, their aren't too many here....lol

 

Seriously, I started a thread many years ago about this and how to go about it. We tried and I hate admitting defeat but it didn't work 23 years later. It's all good and life moves on. But one thing I was really happy about is that I did it on my on. No Lawyer, no mediator needed. Partly, mostly due to wife being reasonable. But the point is that I filled out one form, divorce decree, both signed and presented it to the judge. I don't think she even read it. Of course I have no kids involved so that makes her question it less. Funny thing was the court was packed with layers, them on one side while the civil people were on the other. They talked the rehearsed statement over and over in place of the judge of that asked us the same questions. No disrespect to lawyers. Just saying. I even saw one lady representing herself with child support and judge confirmed divorce. My point is it's not all that complicated.

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good on ya mate.

so we have all heard about that lucky cunt that goes through divorce and something happened to make the marriage null and void, right? well.... thats me. the woman i started dating 27 odd years ago, have a kid with, and eventually got "married' to (at my sailing club, on sail past, as i was commodore) split. we started to look into divorce and i decided to do a search with the government. well, low and behold, the priest (whom has had more than a few beers with me on the dock) never sent the paper work in.

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good on ya mate.

so we have all heard about that lucky cunt that goes through divorce and something happened to make the marriage null and void, right? well.... thats me. the woman i started dating 27 odd years ago, have a kid with, and eventually got "married' to (at my sailing club, on sail past, as i was commodore) split. we started to look into divorce and i decided to do a search with the government. well, low and behold, the priest (whom has had more than a few beers with me on the dock) never sent the paper work in.

 

Did it make any difference?

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Don't think of it as the end of a marriage but the beginning of your new exciting life.

 

BTW - I hear there's a 16-year old kid that will need some help with a Russian porn star. Is your passport up to date? Just sayin'

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

 

Why would you lose any friends??

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One of the most helpless things you'll ever feel is getting stuck in divorce settlements.

Here we have a pre court process where a registrar sit's you both down, bangs your heads together and tells you the goods of what sort of settlement you can expect..50/50, 65/35 whatever..It's compulsory to attend.

 

I won't tell you what it cost me in the end..all I can say is he'd have been about $150,000 better off if someone had paid attention.

The judge awarded exactly what the registrar said she would.

 

One of the saddest things in my life, is that 3 days before he died, (and the settlement still being appealed by his solicitor.)..my now ex husband rang me very distressed and told me that he couldn't trust his solicitor because he was bent and asked me what I thought...I said "Jimmy, that's the most sensible thing you've said for two years.

 

The solicitor took $30,000 out of his safe when he died...I've successfully had the bastard suspended pending investigation for gross misconduct.

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Married people seem to be herd creatures. I met a very respectable ret US Naval Capt. who was widowed, even his friends weeded him out which is disgraceful. I thought my friends would help me find a new mate. Nope. My theory is married people are afraid divorce is contageous.

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

 

Why would you lose any friends??

 

You loose friends because they are too embarrassed by it all and because they don't want to be seen as taking sides..Dumb innit..just when both of you need them most.

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Damn Dave sorry to hear this. It sounds like you're taking it well. The single life has its ups and downs, but for me its mostly ups. For one, I can hang whatever I want on my walls. Right now my house is full of tattoo art and sailing pic.

Like you my son is grown and off to college so I have the freedom to travel, and have the toys I've always wanted. Take time to enjoy what you enjoy.

If you start dating again, just be aware that there are alot of flakes out there, and I've been through my share, trust me.

If your ready to go fishing again, head my way you're always welcome here.

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Married people seem to be herd creatures. I met a very respectable ret US Naval Capt. who was widowed, even his friends weeded him out which is disgraceful. I thought my friends would help me find a new mate. Nope. My theory is married people are afraid divorce is contageous.

try never being married. It isn't any better. Married people look at single people and shake their heads.

 

Want another fun herd mentality fact. Take a group of married friends without kids. All with lives of their own and most saying they are not ready for kids. One has a kid and within three years they all will. Even the ones who were against it before.

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good on ya mate.

so we have all heard about that lucky cunt that goes through divorce and something happened to make the marriage null and void, right? well.... thats me. the woman i started dating 27 odd years ago, have a kid with, and eventually got "married' to (at my sailing club, on sail past, as i was commodore) split. we started to look into divorce and i decided to do a search with the government. well, low and behold, the priest (whom has had more than a few beers with me on the dock) never sent the paper work in.

 

Did it make any difference?

 

totally. no record of the marriage, dont need a divorce, we did everything ourselves.

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So no one has posted the obvious... The SA Dating Game

 

We have DaveK, meli, and sailingk8, all we need is a third bachelorette... :P

 

I think DaveK and SailingK8 would make a cute couple. Don't ruin this with meli.....

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Married people seem to be herd creatures. I met a very respectable ret US Naval Capt. who was widowed, even his friends weeded him out which is disgraceful. I thought my friends would help me find a new mate. Nope. My theory is married people are afraid divorce is contageous.

 

I dunno. There might be some aspects to that. But I think it varies widely. At the sailing club where we race, there are a good mix of single, married and divorced folk. Same with our diving group. In fact, most of our diver friends are single females (and a few guys) never married. The chemistry seems to work fine and everyone hangs out on their own terms.

 

The biggest lesson I've learned is, not that I'm any fountain of knowledge, is that the old saw about opposites attract is total BS. Opposites don't attract - they just yell and scream at each other for years because they aren't compatible. Find the male or female version of yourself and you're GTG!

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Damn Dave sorry to hear this. It sounds like you're taking it well. The single life has its ups and downs, but for me its mostly ups. For one, I can hang whatever I want on my walls. Right now my house is full of tattoo art and sailing pic.

Like you my son is grown and off to college so I have the freedom to travel, and have the toys I've always wanted. Take time to enjoy what you enjoy.

If you start dating again, just be aware that there are alot of flakes out there, and I've been through my share, trust me.

If your ready to go fishing again, head my way you're always welcome here.

 

Thanks man! I may take you up on that one!!

 

So as far as loosing friends, how long should I wait before I drop her, the mother in-law and all of her relatives off of facebook? Probably 20 people there.

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Not until after you start dating those hot women and post the pics!

 

 

Dave, you and I have the same birthday! :huh:

(different years, you are older :P )

 

Do we really? June 22? I didn't know that :)

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Damn Dave sorry to hear this. It sounds like you're taking it well. The single life has its ups and downs, but for me its mostly ups. For one, I can hang whatever I want on my walls. Right now my house is full of tattoo art and sailing pic.

Like you my son is grown and off to college so I have the freedom to travel, and have the toys I've always wanted. Take time to enjoy what you enjoy.

If you start dating again, just be aware that there are alot of flakes out there, and I've been through my share, trust me.

If your ready to go fishing again, head my way you're always welcome here.

 

Thanks man! I may take you up on that one!!

 

So as far as loosing friends, how long should I wait before I drop her, the mother in-law and all of her relatives off of facebook? Probably 20 people there.

 

 

Uh, yesterday....... The best part is when you unfriend someone, they don't get a notice. You are just not there anymore.

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

 

Why would you lose any friends??

 

You loose friends because they are too embarrassed by it all and because they don't want to be seen as taking sides..Dumb innit..just when both of you need them most.

 

Yup, that seems pretty dumb. Or they weren't really that good friends in the first place.

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sane post...

 

Why would you lose any friends??

 

Lolz!!! 4 reel or u just being a cunt?

 

 

Thanks for your input. <_<

 

not quite sure why you felt the need to edit the quotes either. CUNT! <_< <_<

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

Why would you lose any friends??

You loose friends because they are too embarrassed by it all and because they don't want to be seen as taking sides..Dumb innit..just when both of you need them most.

Yup, that seems pretty dumb. Or they weren't really that good friends in the first place.

Wives wouldn't let thier Husband's sit next to me at school events anymore.

 

That was weird.

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

Why would you lose any friends??

You loose friends because they are too embarrassed by it all and because they don't want to be seen as taking sides..Dumb innit..just when both of you need them most.

Yup, that seems pretty dumb. Or they weren't really that good friends in the first place.
Wives wouldn't let thier Husband's sit next to me at school events anymore.

 

That was weird.

Oh FFS!

 

That's fucking ridiculous.

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Welcome to the club. It ain't all bad. You lose a lot of friends and sometimes feel like you failed while others seem to be succeeding but it gets better. And well done keeping the volutures at arms length. That part still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. The judges got swithched out on my hearing and to this day I suspect political influence. My ex's attorney later became our Governor. I just have a strong feeling there was some nods and winks going on.

Why would you lose any friends??

You loose friends because they are too embarrassed by it all and because they don't want to be seen as taking sides..Dumb innit..just when both of you need them most.

That could be it. Or maybe they preferred the company of the spouse. Or maybe behavior before/during/after the divorce by one side left a bad taste in their mouth.

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I had almost twenty friends including their husbands show up to help me move out when I left my spouse. Within 6 months they all vanished. And I specifically asked them not to abandon me because I had seen it happen before to others.

 

Be kind to your single friends, you never know when you might need them when it happens to you!

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I thought about "celebrating" it on my very first date when the hot, younger man that asked me out for coffee kept trying to get me to go watch a movie and chill all afternoon.

 

Yep the Netflix and chill move.

 

When I said no he told me I "need to be more open minded".

 

Pfft

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A divorce is the first day of the rest of your life. Enjoy it and make the best of it. But don't be closed or down on women or relationships. Don't force it, the right one will surprise you.

 

I lucked out amazingly the next time around........ amazing woman and I'm punching well above my weight. I'm blessed and the best part is I feel like I have a tiny clue about how to treat a partner better going forward.

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I thought about "celebrating" it on my very first date when the hot, younger man that asked me out for coffee kept trying to get me to go watch a movie and chill all afternoon.

 

Yep the Netflix and chill move.

 

When I said no he told me I "need to be more open minded".

 

Pfft

Open minded means open legged?

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YCMTSU!!!!

 

Went to send a text to my still current wife.

 

Did you want a ..................

 

And my phones predictive text came up the following words in this order, "new relationship boyfriend"

 

Even my phone is trying to tell me something😄😄😄

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So no one has posted the obvious... The SA Dating Game

 

We have DaveK, meli, and sailingk8, all we need is a third bachelorette... :P

 

Don't say her name 3X

 

it has been Nice - let's Not stuff it now

 

Hay how about the Auzzi Rock-Star Photographer that was All the Talk a few years back

 

She should still have Sum DEAD Money left ...eh

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Married people seem to be herd creatures. I met a very respectable ret US Naval Capt. who was widowed, even his friends weeded him out which is disgraceful. I thought my friends would help me find a new mate. Nope. My theory is married people are afraid divorce is contageous.

 

after my divorce I found it "uncomfortable" to hang with my former married friends. They said it was all in my head, which may have been very true, but it's uncomfortable nonetheless.

 

singles hang with singles, couples with couples. Just how it seems to be. probably a tribal leftover.

 

As to the finality, it's a bittersweet thing, lost dreams and all that, but opens new horizons.

 

What I was most surprised by was in my 20s, the guys chased the ladies. by my mid-30s that rule had changed. Hetero male, with a good job = hot commodity. No idea what it would be like in my 50s, although i get the occasional flirt that says it wouldn't be too bad. must avoid temptation....

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Married people seem to be herd creatures. I met a very respectable ret US Naval Capt. who was widowed, even his friends weeded him out which is disgraceful. I thought my friends would help me find a new mate. Nope. My theory is married people are afraid divorce is contageous.

 

after my divorce I found it "uncomfortable" to hang with my former married friends. They said it was all in my head, which may have been very true, but it's uncomfortable nonetheless.

 

singles hang with singles, couples with couples. Just how it seems to be. probably a tribal leftover.

 

As to the finality, it's a bittersweet thing, lost dreams and all that, but opens new horizons.

 

What I was most surprised by was in my 20s, the guys chased the ladies. by my mid-30s that rule had changed. Hetero male, with a good job = hot commodity. No idea what it would be like in my 50s, although i get the occasional flirt that says it wouldn't be too bad. must avoid temptation....

You have no idea. I didn't realize when I moved back to So Cal that there's a decent sized market for 59 y/old balding, tall, skinny, semi-attractive surfer types with a sailor's sense of humor who can drink like a fish. I've never had so much fun saying 'No' to gals in my life.....:lol:
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We have friends who have divorced and as someone said above our continued social interaction is dependent on a number of factors. We have some who we were friends as a couple because we enjoyed one of their company MUCH more than the other. In some extreme cases we simply tolerated the other because we liked the one enough. Usually it was a friend of one or the other of us who we knew before they got married and maintained that friendship in spite of who they chose as a partner. And...it wasn't always because the other was a bad person (although there was one of those), they simply were not someone we found we enjoyed outside the as a "couple" setting we mostly knew them. I can also think of two whose behavior before during and after the divorce was such that we decided that person was not someone we could socially interact with given our distaste of their behavior. Simpler to just move on. There are a few others who we see separately....meaning I see the guy and Mrs PB see's the woman socially, and several others who we both enjoy each of them enough that as a couple we see those persons separately but pretty much equally.

 

I don't know...............friendships are odd things and as people change so do friendships....sometimes its just that simple.

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Even the most amicable divorce still leaves scars. My theory is that that person who knows you and your vulnerabilities very, very well. Knows where to jab and what will penetrate defenses.

 

I get along very well with my ex's stepdaughter (and her husband), who is only 3-4 years younger than the ex. My ex and I communicated about our daughter. Sent sympathy cards when parents died, etc. but have never been comfortable around each other. Some cuts don't heal.

 

As to friends? Yeah. Most pick sides and are not as mature as PB and his bride to accept that there are now 2 separate friends. I think the worst for me was a good Navy friend's wife who heavily sided with my ex to the point where she forbid him from seeing me. He'd slip out for a beer when I was in town but she couldn't find out it was me. Silly shit. He and I had a lot of solid experiences together and we are both poorer for the loss of contact.

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Words of advice from my Dad, another serial marrier;

 

'Rick, you know what the number one cause of divorce is?'

 

'No Dad....what?'

 

'Wedding cake'......

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Why does divorce cost so much? Because it's worth every penny. And with my ex living in Kalifornia, it's very, very expensive. But, I figure I need to do my duty as a parent to my kids anyway, so that makes sting a bit less.

 

It took some time to settle down, but we can actually speak civilly to each other now. Amazing. Friends sort themselves out. If they pick sides like that, then how good of friends were they anyway?

 

I had moments of doubt, and the marriage wasn't all bad, but overall I'm in a much better place.

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So if any of you hot sexy women wanna take me, just let me know :) Oh wait, their aren't too many here....lol

 

 

College town? check

Proximity to Mexico and their excellent contribution to the gene pool of beautiful people? got that

 

And... you got a fast car.

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got a fast car

Go cruising down the highway

do it my way

got a good job

making lots of money

I look good and im funny

So why am I lonely honey?

 

The gypsey said the problem with you,

Ya need some sensible shoes

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Damn, sorry to hear that Dave, second round for me after an early short term marriage just out of the Navy. Now 33 years into the second one and after retirement adjustments not being very smooth. I find it hard to generate the energy to mend things rather just move on to something else and keep going.

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Damn, sorry to hear that Dave, second round for me after an early short term marriage just out of the Navy. Now 33 years into the second one and after retirement adjustments not being very smooth. I find it hard to generate the energy to mend things rather just move on to something else and keep going.

 

On Feb 23 1986 I was working in Papua new guinea. My SO rang me at work about 10 in the morning to scream abuse at me because I took the ciggie lighter. Just roared at me for 5 minutes till I quietly hung the phone up.

 

My PNG offsider sitting across the office looked up at me for a few seconds and said "You white guys really fucked up somewhere" and went back to work.

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Damn, sorry to hear that Dave, second round for me after an early short term marriage just out of the Navy. Now 33 years into the second one and after retirement adjustments not being very smooth. I find it hard to generate the energy to mend things rather just move on to something else and keep going.

 

On Feb 23 1986 I was working in Papua new guinea. My SO rang me at work about 10 in the morning to scream abuse at me because I took the ciggie lighter. Just roared at me for 5 minutes till I quietly hung the phone up.

 

My PNG offsider sitting across the office looked up at me for a few seconds and said "You white guys really fucked up somewhere" and went back to work.

 

 

You are hilarious! And she really wanted a ciggie lit.

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Good one Grumpy,

 

Used to hear that sort of comment a lot when working in the Islands. The best was when I explained to a co-worker what a homebuilt airplane was (upon hearing of John Denvers death in an ultralight) a co-worker looked at his fellow West Indians and shaking his head said, "Just like a white man to build his own airplane and THEN get in it and FLY IT!"

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The trouble with divorces is that one gets caught up in the emotion and drama of the moment and that moment can be years. Two years on..like a death one starts to grieve...or just reflect.

wouldn't it be nice if people could take a total time out before the process takes over. Especially with a 20 year plus relationship.

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  • 5 months later...

Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

 

Looks like I've joined the club.

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From what I have heard from friends who went through it, the big tipping point is kids or no kids. If no kids seems to be less emotionally extreme, sorta like breaking up after dating awhile and divvying up whose stuff is whose. If kids are young it seems to get messy = lawyer up.

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Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

 

Looks like I've joined the club.

 

 

 

So give us some background info? How long where you married? Kids? and what happened? I'm dating now somebody I really like now but I still have this void in my life. Hopefully one day it'll go away. I think there is a certain amount of unconditional love you have for somebody that hangs around after 24 years.

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My PNG offsider sitting across the office looked up at me for a few seconds and said "You white guys really fucked up somewhere" and went back to work.

 

It must have been awhile ago.

 

[American women are] the hardest in the world; the hardest, cruelest,

the most predatory and the most attractive and their men have softened

or gone to pieces nervously as they have hardened.

-- Ernest Hemingway, _The Short and Happy Life of Francis Macomber_, 1936

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I think there is a certain amount of unconditional love you have for somebody that hangs around after 24 years.

 

I have a bit of this problem, too. Yes, it is a problem. It's not love; it's masochism. Fight the feeling with your reason. What would a complete stranger say if you were to tell him every detail?

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Mad, I know it won't feel like this for a while..... but welcome to the first day of the rest of your happy life.

 

My decision to get divorced was the best thing I've ever done and I've never been happier. And..... I'm still pretty good friends with the ex, especially now that the alimony has expired :D . We still keep in touch regularly.

 

Best advice is to get back on the horse. And rent for a while......

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Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

Looks like I've joined the club.

Bummer dude. Final, or decision made today?

 

If both parties are behaving agreeably, keep the attorneys out of it. If not, ya both need 'em. Hope both of ya end up OK with things.

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I'ts been about 5 years since the papers were signed for us. Married 22 years with a then 21 yo son still living at home. She moved north to be with her man while I kept the house. There were a lot of ghosts but after a year or two got all of that out, new furniture, new paint, new woman. Things are good now, Downside is that my Boy moved near mom and I only see him when he comes back into town. That's my only regret from the whole situation. It seems to have worked out for the best for both of us.

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Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

 

Looks like I've joined the club.

 

 

 

So give us some background info? How long where you married? Kids? and what happened? I'm dating now somebody I really like now but I still have this void in my life. Hopefully one day it'll go away. I think there is a certain amount of unconditional love you have for somebody that hangs around after 24 years.

 

 

It's not a void that necessarily has to go away. It can change into something else. My first wife and I divorced 1980 after being together for eight years. And for a few years after that, the memory of her went through me like a spear. We both self-destructed for a while and went down different paths. "I have been faithful to thee, Cynara, in my fashion," and all that, if you get my drift. Then it morphed into something pretty good, although completely different. Didn't matter if we hadn't spoken in a year or more.

 

We get together fairly regularly now that she lives nearby and we're both divorced again; no jealous spouses to freak out. SO's just have to deal with it or move on. Sometimes we bump into each other around town and sometimes we specifically set up a time when texting or emailing doesn't cut it. She knows my idiosyncrasies bullshit in detail and I know hers. She is one of the dearest friends a man could ever hope to have.

 

We only get to know unconditional love a handful of times in our lives, if that many. It's a shame to let that go to waste. Maybe giving it a chance to develop into something different from what you had will work for you.

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Looks like I've joined the club.

Sorry/congrats. Delete as appropriate.
Bit of both, but mostly the latter. Should have done it a while back, that's what you get for being the nice guy!!

 

And JB, you're absolutely right on that one.

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From what I have heard from friends who went through it, the big tipping point is kids or no kids. If no kids seems to be less emotionally extreme, sorta like breaking up after dating awhile and divvying up whose stuff is whose. If kids are young it seems to get messy = lawyer up.

Thankfully no kids, got dragged through that as a very young kid and was shit. Lawyered up anyway, better to be ready for it.

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Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

Looks like I've joined the club.

 

So give us some background info? How long where you married? Kids? and what happened? I'm dating now somebody I really like now but I still have this void in my life. Hopefully one day it'll go away. I think there is a certain amount of unconditional love you have for somebody that hangs around after 24 years.

There's absofuckinglutley no unconditional love left that's for sure!! She's made good and sure of that one.

20 years for me, the last 3, a waste of time.

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Mad, I know it won't feel like this for a while..... but welcome to the first day of the rest of your happy life.

 

My decision to get divorced was the best thing I've ever done and I've never been happier. And..... I'm still pretty good friends with the ex, especially now that the alimony has expired :D . We still keep in touch regularly.

 

Best advice is to get back on the horse. And rent for a while......

Thanks, That's exactly the way I'm looking at it JB, it's been fucked up for a while, now it's just tidying up loose ends.

Got full intentions of enjoying the change of lifestyle, might even go gun shopping in a couple of weeks. 😃

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Mad, I know it won't feel like this for a while..... but welcome to the first day of the rest of your happy life.

 

My decision to get divorced was the best thing I've ever done and I've never been happier. And..... I'm still pretty good friends with the ex, especially now that the alimony has expired :D . We still keep in touch regularly.

 

Best advice is to get back on the horse. And rent for a while......

Thanks, That's exactly the way I'm looking at it JB, it's been fucked up for a while, now it's just tidying up loose ends.

Got full intentions of enjoying the change of lifestyle, might even go gun shopping in a couple of weeks.

 

 

 

 

Atta boy!

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did you get any Pix of all her undies scattered about the Ft yard as the sprinklers started and neighbors walked past ?

 

Worked fer Scot !!! :)

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I have been divorced for 23 years...2 kids that my x used as tools and weapons...the youngest is turning 26 in 2 weeks and my x and I are throwing her a surprise b-day party...the last time we were together for her b-day was 22years ago...it is what it is...it was what it was...the future is in front of us....good luck Dave....

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From what I have heard from friends who went through it, the big tipping point is kids or no kids. If no kids seems to be less emotionally extreme, sorta like breaking up after dating awhile and divvying up whose stuff is whose. If kids are young it seems to get messy = lawyer up.

Thankfully no kids, got dragged through that as a very young kid and was shit. Lawyered up anyway, better to be ready for it.

Mind the lawyers. Most are pretty good but some have agendas to "win" rather than to just ensure a fair settlement. Mine (30 odd years ago) was initially a no lawyers, no fault arrangement with an an equitable (as they can be) property division and agreed upon child support arrangement. Then she got advised by the girlfriends to check with a lawyer and we both paid lawyers to end up in the same place but some hard feelings in the middle as her lawyer pushed for her to "win".

 

No matter how it goes, the two of you know a great deal about each other and can inflict a good amount of pain. That "power" will exist for years and some of it forever. To me, avoiding the vicious attacks is hard but can result in reasonable coms after the fact. Pretty important if kids are involved.

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Marriage is a thing people do because they lose track of logic, self-worth and good judgement. Divorce is the natural state, it's not failure, it's just letting a field return to its unadjusted condition. Dandelions, wild flowers, crabgrass, clover, grasshoppers, snakes, mice, wild berries and a little bit of vestigial grass, just to remind the field what it used to be.

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Marriage is a thing people do because they lose track of logic, self-worth and good judgement. Divorce is the natural state, it's not failure, it's just letting a field return to its unadjusted condition. Dandelions, wild flowers, crabgrass, clover, grasshoppers, snakes, mice, wild berries and a little bit of vestigial grass, just to remind the field what it used to be.

Your wife must love that sentiment.

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Mad: So do ya?

 

Chinabald: I had to stop my self from bursting out laughing when he said it.

 

Looks like I've joined the club.

 

 

Best of luck with the new rest of your life. Hope it goes smoothly.

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Marriage is a thing people do because they lose track of logic, self-worth and good judgement. Divorce is the natural state, it's not failure, it's just letting a field return to its unadjusted condition. Dandelions, wild flowers, crabgrass, clover, grasshoppers, snakes, mice, wild berries and a little bit of vestigial grass, just to remind the field what it used to be.

 

Who was it that said?

 

"A man marries a woman thinking that she will never change. A woman marries a man thinking that he will change. Sadly, they are both wrong".....

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Marriage is a thing people do because they lose track of logic, self-worth and good judgement. Divorce is the natural state, it's not failure, it's just letting a field return to its unadjusted condition. Dandelions, wild flowers, crabgrass, clover, grasshoppers, snakes, mice, wild berries and a little bit of vestigial grass, just to remind the field what it used to be.

Your wife must love that sentiment.

You know what? She does! 17 years married and she feels roughly the same about this ridiculous nonsense of marriage as I do.

 

Your marriage may be like rose garden, but for lots of people, it's more like a mortgage ... You celebrate a little bit on the day you get approved to go into debt on your ranch, but over the years, the mortgage just becomes this inescapable reality that performs a specific function in your lives. Eventually, you might pay off the mortgage, but then you're too old and tired to do anything with your freedom anyway.

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Mrs PB and I are best friends and still lovers. I'd rather hang with her than anybody else on the planet. Being married to her is the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

I guess we all choose our road and decide what our life will be about.

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