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Bad Boat Names


SloopJonB

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Since we are now on the 23rd generation of a Boat Names thread I thought I'd start one strictly for Bad boat names.

 

You know, the kind that make you want to key their hull or leave a note telling them they're an asshole for naming a boat that.

 

I'll start with some of my personal most hated;

 

Ladyhawke - there were three of these within 1/4 mile of my boat - two in the same marina.

 

The Office

 

A Sales Call

 

The Jobsite

 

Passing Gas (fast powerboat)

 

Breaking Wind

 

Gertrude L. Thebaud

 

Are We Having Fun Yet

 

 

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I recently bought a Farr 40 called ' JoAnne' (previous owners' wife I guess). There's a long seafaring tradition of naming boats after a woman or wife but for a tough-guy Farr 40 ? Hmm..

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Anything with a fucking J in the name

 

Edit

 

Meaning all the J boats that insist putting a J into the boat name.

Thank you for this. Same goes for all the trimarans out there that insist on working "tri" into the name.
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Anything with a fucking J in the name

 

Edit

 

Meaning all the J boats that insist putting a J into the boat name.

Thank you for this. Same goes for all the trimarans out there that insist on working "tri" into the name.

 

What about cat and kitty and two? Two Sirius must be on a cat somewhere. Three Way would be good.

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I recently bought a Farr 40 called ' JoAnne' (previous owners' wife I guess). There's a long seafaring tradition of naming boats after a woman or wife but for a tough-guy Farr 40 ? Hmm..

Perhaps it is a bit less obvious than you think. It could have been bought with JoAnne's money or financed with her blessings.

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Anything with a fucking J in the name

 

Edit

 

Meaning all the J boats that insist putting a J into the boat name.

Thank you for this. Same goes for all the trimarans out there that insist on working "tri" into the name.

 

What about cat and kitty and two? Two Sirius must be on a cat somewhere. Three Way would be good.They're included as well, but the disease seems more rampant once that third hull shows up.
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Anything with a fucking J in the name

 

Edit

 

Meaning all the J boats that insist putting a J into the boat name.

Thank you for this. Same goes for all the trimarans out there that insist on working "tri" into the name.

What about cat and kitty and two? Two Sirius must be on a cat somewhere. Three Way would be good.
They're included as well, but the disease seems more rampant once that third hull shows up.
Forgot to mention.... Farr Out. There's one at every regatta
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I recently bought a Farr 40 called ' JoAnne' (previous owners' wife I guess). There's a long seafaring tradition of naming boats after a woman or wife but for a tough-guy Farr 40 ? Hmm..

On of my GYN buddies had a partner who joked about naming boat after his wife. See thought "Miss Carrie" was inappropriate

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Anything with a fucking J in the name

 

Edit

 

Meaning all the J boats that insist putting a J into the boat name.

Thank you for this. Same goes for all the trimarans out there that insist on working "tri" into the name.

 

What about cat and kitty and two? Two Sirius must be on a cat somewhere. Three Way would be good.
They're included as well, but the disease seems more rampant once that third hull shows up.Forgot to mention.... Farr Out. There's one at every regatta

That's always a favourite to add to the list.

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Just lame as fuck names. Current boat was called 'Adah II' when I bought her, what a limp name.

 

My quarter tonner was called 'Chicane' which I thought was pretty good so I kept it. The new owners new name for her 'Gluten Free'.. What a tool.

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I am not partial to anything in Hawaiian unless you are from there, speak it, and it's is short. It's sort of the sailor's equivalent of incorrect kanji tattoos.

 

"My boat's name is A'aeukelekauwakekeau. It means "Goddess of the Sea Who Brings Just the Right Amount of Wind and No More."

 

Sure it does, buddy.

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#ontherocks

 

I kid you not. Some dip turd has hashtagged the name of their soggy, tremclad painted, J24. The deck feels like a waterbed.

#J_alopy would have been a better name.

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fore sail. Guy liked golf and sailing

Donna S. Dad named his Catalina 22 after my mother

Goldie. Parents named thier 25 oday as a reult of the gold mast

Celebration. Parents named a hunter 30. Mom insisted on flying a rainbow flag(early 80's) and playing kool and the gang "celebration" every time they came to the dock

bancarotta. What they named thier brand new 1984 hunter 34. Means bankruptcy in Spanish.

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fore sail. Guy liked golf and sailing

Donna S. Dad named his Catalina 22 after my mother

Goldie. Parents named thier 25 oday as a reult of the gold mast

Celebration. Parents named a hunter 30. Mom insisted on flying a rainbow flag(early 80's) and playing kool and the gang "celebration" every time they came to the dock

bancarotta. What they named thier brand new 1984 hunter 34. Means bankruptcy in Spanish.

That's a tough neiborhood you grew up in. My parents had a Reinell 24 with no name, but it didn't impact my punctuation quite so badly. Was Goldie S a double antandre you think?

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#ontherocks

 

I kid you not. Some dip turd has hashtagged the name of their soggy, tremclad painted, J24. The deck feels like a waterbed.

 

Back in the days before "hash tag" that would have translated as "Pound On The Rocks"

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My latest boat came named SueDuctress - covered the entire transom in large serif script. The "other" owner of the partnership made me promise to take it off - he needn't have worried. :P

 

Took me three fucking days to scrape it all off.

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there was a j24 in toronto some friends called the swirling turd. not sure if it was the actual name or just one they came up with for the heap.

 

fishing boat in coal harbour called brand xxx. the owner was definitely not in porn.

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My latest boat came named SueDuctress - covered the entire transom in large serif script. The "other" owner of the partnership made me promise to take it off - he needn't have worried. :P

 

Took me three fucking days to scrape it all off.

Three days? One day per syllable?
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Puns. I hate them with a burning furious passion.


Sailbad the Sinner
O'Sea Dee

Ich Bin Ein Bayliner

Knotty Buoy
Sea-cret Hide-aweigh
Ship for brains
Buoys Of Summer
Sea-nick Route
Bering in Mind
Titan Uranus
The Better Wetter
Sun-Day Driver
Sea-Nile
Yeah Buoy
Deep Ship
Campbell’s Sloup
Vitamin Sea
Sofa-King-Expensive
@:\C
Sea-Gar A-Fish-ionado
Puns are bad jokes that get exponentially worse when painted on a transom.
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My latest boat came named SueDuctress - covered the entire transom in large serif script. The "other" owner of the partnership made me promise to take it off - he needn't have worried. :P

 

Took me three fucking days to scrape it all off.

Three days? One day per syllable?

 

I guess you had to be there - it was big and it wasn't done with sign paint.

 

They weren't exactly 9 to 5 days either.

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I recently bought a Farr 40 called ' JoAnne' (previous owners' wife I guess). There's a long seafaring tradition of naming boats after a woman or wife but for a tough-guy Farr 40 ? Hmm..

Perhaps it is a bit less obvious than you think. It could have been bought with JoAnne's money or financed with her blessings.

 

I would prefer to think that he knew Jo and Anne and the time they had together was memorable!

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Why-Knot - seriously, hand over they keys and go back to the golf course to think about how big a duche bag dork you are.

 

Also might get crap for this but there's a t10 around named 'Skid Marks', yes it's brown.

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there was a j24 in toronto some friends called the swirling turd. not sure if it was the actual name or just one they came up with for the heap.

 

fishing boat in coal harbour called brand xxx. the owner was definitely not in porn.

Swirling turd beer caned at my club. I miss those boys
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Why-Knot - seriously, hand over they keys and go back to the golf course to think about how big a duche bag dork you are.

Also might get crap for this but there's a t10 around named 'Skid Marks', yes it's brown.

Thank you....hate "why knot"

 

"Sea-sun Ticket" makes me puke in my mouth a bit too.

 

Sailbad the Sinner has to be the ultimate gold star retard boat name ever.

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What the helm has got to be up there, Dream weaver too.... PO of mine's last name was weaver so he had an excuse.. Came off in the PL as soon as I picked it up.....

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Anything with wind or moon in it is almost impossibly trite, and there are probably three of these names in your marina alone. Windsong (there are a million of these. Stop. Now.), Wind Dancer, Second Wind, Summer Wind, Wind Chaser, Wind Whisper, Wind Lass (an execrable pun), Windfall, Windigo... MAKE IT STOP! Moon Shadow, Moon Dance, Moon Glow. Open a fucking dictionary to a random page, point your finger... and you will have a better and much more original choice for a boat name.

 

But what do I know. My boat is named Sponde. In Greek mythology, she's the muse who brings afternoon libations to the parties of the gods. Yes, that makes her a cocktail waitress. She's probably the only chick on Mt. Olympus with bleached hair and fake tits, credit problems, and periodic crying jags because Mars never returns her texts. Meanwhile, the god of wine Bacchus, the goatboy who is basically the Ron Jeremy of the Greek gods, has an unhealthy fixation on her. Weird name but I had to go with it, because somebody needs to commemorate the one figure in classical mythology whose whole rep was based on always bringing good booze to the festivities. Your mileage may vary. But at least it's not fucking Wind Dancer.

And no, Cry in Silence actually is a great name for a fast power boat. One driven by an amateur date rapist who is considering declaring for the draft and going pro.

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Puns. I hate them with a burning furious passion.

 

 

Sailbad the Sinner

O'Sea Dee

Ich Bin Ein Bayliner

Knotty Buoy
Sea-cret Hide-aweigh
Ship for brains
Buoys Of Summer
Sea-nick Route
Bering in Mind
Titan Uranus
The Better Wetter
Sun-Day Driver
Sea-Nile
Yeah Buoy
Deep Ship
Campbell’s Sloup
Vitamin Sea
Sofa-King-Expensive
@:\C
Sea-Gar A-Fish-ionado
Puns are bad jokes that get exponentially worse when painted on a transom.

 

agreed, hate the pun names, particularly all the sea or bouy ones but i really, really hate the lawyer or doctor ones. We have a nice young couple ( husband is a lawyer but former military so I give him a break ) that just joined our club and they were so proud of their new pos that they wanted to show it me . As we walk up and I see the name " miss demeanor ", the young cute wife says, "don't you love the name ? ". I wish i could have kept a straight face and said something nice but i may have had a couple of rum drinks in me so I say, "actually I hate those pun names especially lawyer related ones.Your profession should be left on the dock and certainly should not be foisted on some poor boat. A boat should have a classic name or one with a family tradition or one that just comes up but is right. That name is wrong. "

 

Looking at her crestfallen face, I felt bad for being brutally honest but I came back a week later and noticed that the name was gone. so yes, i helped someone. you're welcome.

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sorry about the periods. On the ipad, it inserts a period after every double space.

 

 

 

fore sail. Guy liked golf and sailing
Donna S. Dad named his Catalina 22 after my mother
Goldie. Parents named thier 25 oday as a reult of the gold mast
Celebration. Parents named a hunter 30. Mom insisted on flying a rainbow flag(early 80's) and playing kool and the gang "celebration" every time they came to the dock
bancarotta. What they named thier brand new 1984 hunter 34. Means bankruptcy in Spanish.


That's a tough neiborhood you grew up in. My parents had a Reinell 24 with no name, but it didn't impact my punctuation quite so badly. Was Goldie S a double antandre you think?

 

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Anything with wind or moon in it is almost impossibly trite, and there are probably three of these names in your marina alone. Windsong (there are a million of these. Stop. Now.), Wind Dancer, Second Wind, Summer Wind, Wind Chaser, Wind Whisper, Wind Lass (an execrable pun), Windfall, Windigo... MAKE IT STOP! Moon Shadow, Moon Dance, Moon Glow. Open a fucking dictionary to a random page, point your finger... and you will have a better and much more original choice for a boat name.

 

But what do I know. My boat is named Sponde. In Greek mythology, she's the muse who brings afternoon libations to the parties of the gods. Yes, that makes her a cocktail waitress. She's probably the only chick on Mt. Olympus with bleached hair and fake tits, credit problems, and periodic crying jags because Mars never returns her texts. Meanwhile, the god of wine Bacchus, the goatboy who is basically the Ron Jeremy of the Greek gods, has an unhealthy fixation on her. Weird name but I had to go with it, because somebody needs to commemorate the one figure in classical mythology whose whole rep was based on always bringing good booze to the festivities. Your mileage may vary. But at least it's not fucking Wind Dancer.

 

And no, Cry in Silence actually is a great name for a fast power boat. One driven by an amateur date rapist who is considering declaring for the draft and going pro.

There's a metrical term in poetry (from the same Greek root, libation) called the spondee; two long/stressed syllables. 'CockTail' is a spondee. ;) And I'll modify this bit:

 

 

And no, Cry in Silence actually is a great name for a fast power boat. One driven by an amateur date rapist who is considering declaring for the draft and going pro running for public office.

 

 

 

The name on our transom was "Destination: Knot Sure...". That's gone now.

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Anything in the "most popular boat names" lists, can also check http://www.st.nmfs.noaa.gov/st1/CoastGuard/VesselByName.html

+1M a cat with 'cat,' 'deux' or any sort of 'double' pun. Same for trimarans with 'tri' etc. No shit, Sherlock.

References to anything having to do with Jimmy 'The Hack' Buffett's music f.ex. 'jolly mon' 'nautical wheeler' etc

PO of my boat changed it from the (sorta) funny 'Cay Syrah' to the absolutely sucky 'Pura Vida.' Heat gun was my name-removal friend...

just remembered, however painfully, boats I've seen: 'Windstalker' and 'OK OK OK.' Oddly enough, the prior has been on the hard for over two years and counting, and I don't think I've ever seen the latter move from its slip.

 

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All time worst...and I've seen two of these in the same marina: "Breakin' Wind"

 

Worst name to call over a distress channel: "Bote"

 

Weirdest name, and one of the worst: "Love Mussel"

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Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

This thread is all laughs. Mostly. Your link is funny too. If you were a boat you'd be named Peter Pan Pan Pan.

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I recall when nearly all the cutesy pun names were on powerboats. It seemed to me (at the time) to denote that the powerboaters were focused on "Hey, look at me and my boat. You can tell I'm having more fun that you 'cause my boat's name is really clever and funny." But then we sailors got in on the cutesy stuff.

 

Note that some of the names lambasted here have been praised in the All Time Boat Names thread.

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I just realized no one has listed Wet Dream.

 

One of the very worst.

Back in the 1980s there was a boat on Lake Michigan. "Airgasm."

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Campbell's sloop is a good one, with a tender naturally named Campbell's Condensed Sloop.

 

Mate built his boat and callled it delirium. He called his tender tremens

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Carpe diem needs to go on the list as well if it hasn't already been mentioned.

Would you rather he named the boat Seas The Day?

 

Thats even worse!! :huh:

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Campbell's sloop is a good one, with a tender naturally named Campbell's Condensed Sloop.

 

Mate built his boat and callled it delirium. He called his tender tremens

 

 

Off to a shaky start with that choice of names. :P

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Whenever I wanna piss my wife off I tell her I'm naming my latest sailing dinghy Wet Dream. She thought I was serious the first time and now it's a bad joke. Tops my all time worst boat names list. See one in every marina.

Recently I saw See World.

Another one I got a chuckle out of was actually 2 boats in a dry slip. A wooden launch named Wood 2, and a glass one named Wood Not.

Oh yeah, and Pussy Galore for the power boating James Bond fan.

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I just realized the bad boat name thread was started by a guy with the screen name Sloop Jon B.

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Pussy Galore for an all girl team. Now that works. All about the context. But I don't care if you are a sleep deprivation doctor. Wet Dream never works.

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DiHard - Frers 41

Some else can tell the story

Lot of sealed lips I'd imagine...Tards maybe?

 

 

Nope, not Tards - he had Surefoot, aka Clubfoot in 83. Think Mike Carter, and his girlfriend Diana Harding. All expat Aussies in PNG. How Lambchops got Impetuous into the PNG AC team that year is a bit of a mystery.

 

So now you know.

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