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TWO CATHOLIC PARROTS...

 

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

 

I have two female parrots,But they only know to say one thing.'

 

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

 

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

 

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,Then he thought for a moment......

 

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.

 

I have two male talking parrots,which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

 

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

 

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,And your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'

 

'Thank you,' the woman responded,'this may very well be the solution.'

 

The next day,She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....

 

As he ushered her in,She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...

 

Impressed,she walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

 

After a few minutes,The female parrots cried out in unison:

 

Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

 

There was stunned silence...

 

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says...

 

'Put the beads away, Frank,Our prayers have been answered !!!

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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for th

One sunny day in late January 2021, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

 

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

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"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.

 

No further testing is planned."

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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

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Little Janey comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean,Janey? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Janey.

 

"It's salty."

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One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time. They used sign language to catch up on old times. Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute. This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure. His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way. The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office. The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars. The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day. The doctor had the man strip and lay over the examination table. The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door knob on the end. The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door knob up the deaf-mute's ass. The mute screamed,"AY!AY!AY!"

 

 

The doctor said,"very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."

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One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the teacher said, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He replied, 'no ma'am.' She said, 'if you don't have it done by tomorrow then I'm going to make a call to your parents.'

 

As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two greyhounds racing,and one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just stops and the other one rams its head right up its ass.

 

Johnny takes out a piece of paper and writes it all down, saying to himself, 'This is going to be my report.'

 

The next day at school the teacher says, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He says, 'sure do.' So he goes up to the front of the class and starts telling them what he saw. 'Yesterday I was walking home from school when I saw these two greyhounds racing, and one rammed its head right up the other's ass.' The teacher says, 'Johnny, we don't use the word 'ass in the classroom, it's rectum.'

 

 

I see what you did there.

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

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She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sauted them for her dinner.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,"Mum, Spot is dead."

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.
We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road.

The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said, "Everything will be okay now..." and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum.....

"I can't believe that guy!"

"What guy?"

"You know, that bastard who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down."

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Dating in the 60's

Pete and Jane were swell kids who had a crush on one another. Eventually, after a soda at the high school cafeteria with friends, Pete worked up the courage to ask Jane out on a date.

"Say, Jane, you're looking swell today," said Pete.

"Thanks Pete," said Jane, "you too."

After an awkward silence, Pete continued.

"Say Jane," he said, "I was wondering, if you weren't doing anything, aww, shucks don't worry about it..."

Pete began to walk off, but Jane stopped him.

"I'd love to..." She said, taking his arm.

Pete looked down at her arm in his then up at her face, then down at her arm again, in disbelief.

"Well," Jane continued, "you were going to ask me out, weren't you?"

"Was I!!" Replied Pete, "you bet!"

They both laughed, their friends laughed, the cafeteria staff in their crisp white uniforms all laughed. The principal came in and he laughed too. Then the bell went and everybody went back to class.

The next few days passed quickly as Pete and Jane waited excitedly for their big date. It was all the talk around the bleachers at school. Would he take her up to make out lane? Would they get to second base?

Saturday came and the sun was shining. Mr Brown was walking his dog early and waved hello to Pete who was returning from his paper route. Life was A-ok.

Pete spent an enjoyable day helping out at the local community hall as they prepared for the local town fair the next day. Several people remarked what a responsible young man he was becoming.

Eventually, day turned to evening and Pete readied himself for his date. He put on his best blue tuxedo with frilly shirt and asked Dad if he could borrow the car.

"You be careful son." his father replied.

At 7pm sharp Pete arrived to pick Jane up.

"Promise you'll have her back by 10:30," said Jane's father sternly.

"Daddy!" Said Jane.

"I will Mr Farelly." promised Pete.

An awkward silence befell them in the car as they drove to the movie house. Eventually, Pete got up the courage to break it.

"Aaw heck Jane!" he said, "We've known each what feels like forever, can we just relax and have a swell time?"

Jane smiled happily, her braces shining in the evening sun.

"I'd like that." She said

The rest of the car trip they laughed and joked with one another. Pete told Jane about how he'd made quarterback in the school team, Jane told Pete how she'd become head cheerleader.

They had a groovy time at the movie, they shared a popcorn and a Coke between them, the Coke with two straws.

After the movie Pete plucked up the courage to ask if Jane would like to go for a drive to make out lane. Blushing, she said she would.

Nerves jangling in their stomachs, Pete parked the car up at make out point and turned the music up a little. In the still of the night was playing.

Pete shuffled closer to Jane and put his arm around her shoulder. They both leaned in to one another nervously, ready to kiss. As they did, they were startled by a tap on the window. Immediately Pete began to panic. Was it the police? Was it Jane's father? Panicking, he quickly rolled down the window, and neither of them had any time to think about what was happening before they both HAD THEIR HEADS BLOWN OFF BY THE ZODIAC KILLER!!!

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Farmer Is Worried About His Brand New Rooster's Behavior, Until He Hears This
By Anonymous User

A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.


The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”
Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’ll be worth it. So he buys Randy.
The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first, giving the rooster a pep talk. “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, and when the farmer points toward the hen house, he takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house – three or four times. The farmer is shocked.
Later, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, and sure enough, Randy is in there.
Later still, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again – WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset, Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught – worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob – stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful – and expensive – animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”
Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh. They’re getting closer.”
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I don't get it. Where are you ment to keep yoghurt?

 

Well, I hear "throat yogurt" will keep for quite a while in its original container. But once you open it, its got a very short shelf life and is best swallowed right away. :lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife phoned me and said "I'm so excited, I just tried on my wedding dress and after 10 years it still fits."

"Of course it fits," I replied "You were 9 months pregnant when we were married."

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

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Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their dogs. The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

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Two nuns sneaking back into the convent late at night, over the wall, across, the lawn, up the drainpipe, across the roof, in the window.

 

"D'you know, Sister, I feel like a soldier!"

 

"So do I Sister, but where would we get one this late hour?"

 

(Boom Boom!)

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Two nuns in a bath...

 

nun 1 - "where's the soap?"

nun 2 - "yes, it does rather, doesn't it"

 

I have obviously not had enough coffee yet this am. I'm struggling with this one.....

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Two nuns in a bath...

 

nun 1 - "where's the soap?"

nun 2 - "yes, it does rather, doesn't it"

 

I have obviously not had enough coffee yet this am. I'm struggling with this one.....

 

 

Where's / wears

 

 

:o

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I just explained Google images to my mum.

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.

"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

 

"Except that." I replied.

My Mum thought she might pamper herself and book in for a nice facial.

Then she Googled it....

 

Then she thought it would be a good idea to have the whole family around for a Spit Roast...

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At a Convent in the mid-eighteenth century...

 

The Mother Superior called out to the dormitory floor: "Candles out, girls!"

 

*Pop!*

OK Sisters,

Candles out

Candles in

Candles out...

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The Ark story on the front page and the quote "people were smarter before the Flood" reminded me of an old Mark Twain story. An old money southern family was still hanging on in faded glory at the old plantation after the war, and had even hired back some of their former slaves. They were entertaining Northern guests over drinks with tales of glory that was the Old South, when apparently everything was better. One guest remarked on the beauty of the full moon, and the long-suffering maid had heard enough. "Lawd, suh, you shoulda seen dat moon befo de war!"

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EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELLING! AUSSIE STYLE

 

 

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

 

A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"

 

She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!"

 

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

 

She didn't jump.........

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Grandpa The Gambler

 

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

 

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

 

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

 

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

 

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

 

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

 

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

 

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

 

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

 

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

 

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

 

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

 

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

 

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

 

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

 

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"

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Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.

They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.

He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".

Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.

He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

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Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.

 

They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

 

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

 

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.

 

He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".

 

Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.

 

He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

 

That finally explains Mike Woof.

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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

"Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

 

"It doesn't really matter, as long the kid fits in the cannon."

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Duck to Bartender: "Got any bread?"

 

Bartender to Duck: "No"

 

Duck: "Got any bread?"

 

Bartender "No."

 

Duck: "Got any bread?"

 

Bartender "No! and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your goddamn beak to the fucking bar!"

 

Duck: "Got any nails?"

 

Bartender: "No!"

 

Duck: "Got any bread?"

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A son walks up to his dad and tells him: "Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"

His dad replies: "It's like that everywhere son."

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Two women are sitting in a bar. The first woman says, “And where about in Ireland are ya from?”
The other woman answers, “I'm from Dublin , I am.”
The first one responds, “So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?”
The other woman says, “A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.”
The first one says, “Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?”
The other woman answers, “Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.”
The first one gets really excited and says, “And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?” The other woman answers, “Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.”The first woman exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!”
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, “It's going to be a long night tonight.”
Michael asks, “Why do you say that, Brian?”
Brian answers, “The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

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Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

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Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

 

A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

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Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.

 

They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

 

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

 

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.

 

He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".

 

Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.

 

He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

 

That finally explains Mike Woof.

 

 

That's a Trump Joke jibs, try to keep up.

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Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

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My 7 year old son's favourite joke of the moment:

 

KNOCK KNOCK

 

WHO'S THERE?

 

INTERRUPTING COW

 

INTER....

 

MOO!

Thanks. That got a big laugh from my 12yr old daughter and a groan from my 15 Yr old son when I told it at the dinner table last night.

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Q: What have women and condoms got in common?

A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

 

OMG! That's funny, I don't care who you are.

 

 

A: They spend more time in your wallet than they do on your dick.

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My 7 year old son's favourite joke of the moment:

 

KNOCK KNOCK

 

WHO'S THERE?

 

INTERRUPTING COW

 

INTER....

 

MOO!

Thanks. That got a big laugh from my 12yr old daughter and a groan from my 15 Yr old son when I told it at the dinner table last night.

 

I first heard it years ago on an overnight race, it was surprisingly funny at 3 or 4 am for adults, I still chuckle remembering it. Seems like it got repeated on those coming on watch as well.

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Me- I'm not very good at telling jokes. Ask me why I'm not very good at telling jokes

 

Him - Why are you n.. Me - Bad timing

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Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather before him had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake.

Paddy stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .

"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him, so it is?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled eyes and said,

"Because ye
father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in January when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya feckin' eejit!"

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  • 3 weeks later...

I bumped into a mate this morning, and he had a major black eye. "What happened to you, then?" I asked.

 

"Well, this feminist asked me how I viewed lesbian sex. HD is probably not the right answer."

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I bumped into a mate this morning, and he had a major black eye. "What happened to you, then?" I asked.

 

"Well, this feminist asked me how I viewed lesbian sex. HD is probably not the right answer."

 

:lol:

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My new Thai girlfriend said that a small penis didn't really matter that much and shouldn't be an issue in our relationship.

 

 

 

I just wish she didn't have it ...

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My new Thai girlfriend said that a small penis didn't really matter that much and shouldn't be an issue in our relationship.

I just wish she didn't have it ...

Which bathroom you using??????????

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A friend of mine received news from the sexual health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V

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Why does Santa have such a big sack?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he only comes once a year ...

That may be so but it doesn't explain how jellybeans come in many different colours.

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Why does Santa have such a big sack?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he only comes once a year ...

That may be so but it doesn't explain how jellybeans come in many different colours.
the better question is how does the Easter bunny produce multi colored eggs
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Why does Santa have such a big sack?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he only comes once a year ...

That may be so but it doesn't explain how jellybeans come in many different colours.
the better question is how does the Easter bunny produce multi colored eggs

 

Eats multicolored jellybeans?

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Q: What have women and condoms got in common?

A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

 

Unfortunately they both spend WAY, WAY more time in your wallet than the alternative...

 

Thanks mate! Been getting good laughs from my workmates with this one!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tuxedo, but there's a long tux line at the shop, and it takes him two hours to hire one. Next he decides to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist but there's a large flower line there. He waits for nearly an hour but eventually gets some flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately there's a large limo line at the rental office, but the boy is patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The boy is dancing with his girl and they're having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table but there's no punch line.

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Booooooooo

 

this was what the invisible man sad when having sex with cat woman on a rooftop, when superman dropped in for a quicky, right?

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I was once kidnapped by a gang of Mimes.

 

They performed unspeakable acts upon me

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The scorpion in the tent

 

Members of the different Armed Services were asked how they would deal with a scorpion in their tent

 

The sailor said he'd step on it

 

The soldier said he'd crush it with his boot

 

The Marine said he'd capture it, rip off the stinger and eat it

 

 

 

 

 

 

The airman said he'd call room service and ask what a tent was doing in his room.

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The scorpion in the tent

 

Members of the different Armed Services were asked how they would deal with a scorpion in their tent

 

The sailor said he'd step on it

 

The soldier said he'd crush it with his boot

 

The Marine said he'd capture it, rip off the stinger and eat it

 

 

 

 

 

 

The airman said he'd call room service and ask what a tent was doing in his room.

 

 

Is there a joke in there??? I don't get it.

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