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Well, racisim. Y'know? Racisim.

 

"Does you believe in Integration?"

 

"Nawssuh!"

 

"OK. Does you believe in SEGREGATION?"

 

"Nawssuh!"

 

"Den WHUT do de prospective juror believe in?"

 

"Ah is believe in slavery, Suh".

 

""Scoose me? Did y'all say SLAVERY?"

 

"Yassuh. Dem blackies b'longs mah fields and NOT in no voting booth."

 

 

You don't think so?

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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for th

One sunny day in late January 2021, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,

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OK

 

Who was offended by the previous two posts?

 

Why? (Seriously)

 

..............................................................................................

 

If you were offended, start a second thread and expound your reasoning, WITHOUT the Trumpistic solopisms.

 

.............................................................................................

 

 

If not offended, perhaps you need to re-examine your ethical foundations ?

 

...........................................................................................

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It was said that frayed knot is gouvernails new screen name which explains the idiotic nature of his posts.

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I saw this girl crying in the pub so I went up to her and asked what was wrong.

"I split up with my boyfriend because he's a sexist pig."

"I'm a great listener if you want to tell me more." I replied.

"But you don't even know me," She cried, "why would you want to listen to me?"

I said "Because you have nice tits."

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^ one never knows; she just might appreciate his honesty, over some trite pickup line.

 

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

 

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"

"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that shit."

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REPOST???

 

 

 

A MALE FAIRY TALE

 

Once upon a time, a handsome Dude asked a beautiful Blonde, "Will you marry me?"

The Blonde immediately said, "No!"

 

And the Dude lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was cool as heck, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

 

The End.

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The other day, I got pulled over by a woman cop. I rolled down my window and when she walked up, I asked her what I did wrong. She said "NOTHING!" and stomped away
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The other day, I got pulled over by a woman cop. I rolled down my window and when she walked up, I asked her what I did wrong. She said "NOTHING!" and stomped away

 

 

I'm going to burn in hell for laughing at that! :lol::lol:

 

Youlle haive plenney of companey. :)

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A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money

> for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started

> canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

>

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.

 

"How much will you charge me?"

 

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

 

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

 

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

 

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

>

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

>

A few > hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money..

>

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

>

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

>

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

 

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

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The three shortest books ever written:

 

Italian War Heroes

 

Jewish Businessman's Book of Ethics

 

Niggers Iv'e Met Sailing

 

What is this?

 

1959?

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The three shortest books ever written:

Italian War Heroes

Jewish Businessman's Book of Ethics

Niggers Iv'e Met Sailing

 

What is this?

 

1959?

You wish it was 1959. This is the Trump decade. Still clinging to PC? Sad.

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Looks like Al Paka is a deranged cunt. I wish he would keep his politcal tripe in PA.

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Are you calling me a stupid racist fuck?

 

It was a joke, based on news reports. That's all. Lighten up.

 

Speaking of stupid let's get back on track

 

 

What's blue and smells like red paint?

 

Blue paint

 

 

 

 

Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair.......

 

 

 

 

 

What's red and bad for your teeth?

 

A brick

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Stupid racist fucks: today's memo: Dao is Vietnamese, dumb asses

He also lost his license to practice medicine for trading sex with young men for pills. He's a piece of crap no matter his nationality.

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It's probably safe to say that the vast majority of these "victims" of "police brutality" are lowlifes or at least belligerent drunks.

 

I'm sure there are some thuggish cops out there who get off on beating on people but they are a tiny, tiny minority.

 

Chris Rock nailed it IMO.

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Stupid racist fucks: today's memo: Dao is Vietnamese, dumb asses

He also lost his license to practice medicine for trading sex with young men for pills. He's a piece of crap no matter his nationality.

 

Therefore even more important to get it right - why offend the Chinese?

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Recent survey of Chicago Bears fans suggested 82% said they didn't mind sex in the shower.

18% said they have never been to Prison before.


I recently broke up with my girlfriend after she gained a bit of weight.

Or, "got pregnant" as she puts it.

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A blonde goes to the hospital.

"I think I have postage stamps stuck in my vagina"

Doc looks "Nah, they're Chiquita stickers"


My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities.

I said, "That's great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity."

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Apologies to Hobot. He had posted this same statement with a different image in his great 'random images' thread and I about fell out of my chair when I saw it. I liked it so much I went and made myself a cocktail for sundown. 15 minutes later I had a look here in the Joke thread and remembered where I had seen the meme so googled it and found this one to post. So it must be true, drinking may cause memory loss or even worse... As the sign on the street says at the bottom, 'Worth sharing!'

 

deschutes-brewery-warning-drinking-cause

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  • 2 weeks later...

A man left work one Friday afternoon. Because it was payday payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and ended up spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough to where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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A man left work one Friday afternoon. Because it was payday payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and ended up spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough to where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Warbird! Man! You got it, with that one!

Cheers,

Jim :lol:

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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"


Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."


The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson


"And how about you, Sarah?"


"I wanna be Larry's whore"


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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry's whore"

 

:lol:

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why dont cowboys like reverse cowgirl?

 

 

 

Because you dont turn your back on family.

 

 

 

 

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian - so i broke up with her.

 

I've only known her since she was Christine.

 

 

 

 

I was attacked by a mime gang

 

They did unspeakable things to me.

 

 

I caught my wife on a porn site this morning

 

I'm going to ask her about it when she gets home.

 

 

 

Doctor: i understand you're having hearing problems, can you describe the symptoms?

Well homer is far, and marge has blue hair.

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just because we played a good gig last night :

 

what did the banjo player get on his IQ test?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drool

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WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourButt!

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourButtIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

 

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Harlequin Novel - 2017 Update
 
 
He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.    "Just relax."
       Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.
       I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my rib cage.
       And then, as he cupped my breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.
       Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.
       Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought - A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . .
"Okay, ma'am, you can board your flight now."
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iJust a suggestion:

As this forum allows just about anything, how about the  most offensive, non-PC, racist, sexist, horribille-est, most disgusting joke you've ever heard (and remembered.)

Hopefully the mods will alow some latitude.

And the whiners will shut up and stay out of it..................

 

 

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3 hours ago, Happy said:

iJust a suggestion:

As this forum allows just about anything, how about the  most offensive, non-PC, racist, sexist, horribille-est, most disgusting joke you've ever heard (and remembered.)

Hopefully the mods will alow some latitude.

And the whiners will shut up and stay out of it..................

 

 

.....you mean the one the skipper of a J29 (Govt. Lawyer) said "We don't like that kind of joke on this boat" .......

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3 hours ago, Happy said:

iJust a suggestion:

As this forum allows just about anything, how about the  most offensive, non-PC, racist, sexist, horribille-est, most disgusting joke you've ever heard (and remembered.)

Hopefully the mods will alow some latitude.

And the whiners will shut up and stay out of it..................

 

 

Search function just too difficult for ya, is it?

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5 hours ago, Happy said:

iJust a suggestion:

As this forum allows just about anything, how about the  most offensive, non-PC, racist, sexist, horribille-est, most disgusting joke you've ever heard (and remembered.)

Hopefully the mods will alow some latitude.

And the whiners will shut up and stay out of it..................

 

 

...we can tell blonde jokes again?....

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1 hour ago, Fat Point Jack said:

What's the difference between Kinky & Perverted?

 

 

 

 

Kinky, you use a feather.

 

 

 

 

Perverted, you use the whole bird.

 

Well you learn something every day.

I thought it was "kinky" when it was her idea and perverted when its my idea.

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14 hours ago, Happy said:

iJust a suggestion:

As this forum allows just about anything, how about the  most offensive, non-PC, racist, sexist, horribille-est, most disgusting joke you've ever heard (and remembered.)

Hopefully the mods will alow some latitude.

And the whiners will shut up and stay out of it..................

 

 

My mother was a holocaust denier... for years she wouldn't accept it happened, one night we sat down and showed her countless hours of documentary and historical evidence... she still doesn't believe it happened.....

 

 

 

just the one time.     

 

 

 

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20 minutes ago, USA190520 said:

My mother was a holocaust denier...

Please no holocaust jokes. Painful memories. My grandfather died in the holocaust. He was a prison camp guard. Got really drunk and fell out of the tower.

Oh, and the perverted bird joke above...disgusting...so reminds me to watch Pink Flamingo again.

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On 6/23/2005 at 9:04 PM, GRUMPY said:

Two buddies, Tony and Steve, are getting very drunk at

a bar when suddenly Steve throws up all over himself.

 

"Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"

 

Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in

your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on

you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning

bill."

 

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even

more drunk.

 

Eventually Steve rolls into home and his Jane starts

to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and

you've puked all over yourself! My gosh, you're

disgusting!"

 

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Steve says,

"Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha chew

think. I only had a cupla d rrrinks.. But thiss other guy

got ssick on me. He had one too many and he juss couldin

hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me

twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

 

She looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this

is forty bucks."

 

"Oh, yeah....I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

Thanks Grumpy.   12 years later and just as funny.  Almost made beer come out of my nose

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I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar. 

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Hindu sadhu came and said "Beta, you will walk on your legs today."

I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen. 

I believe in all religions now......

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16 hours ago, bmiller said:

It was too soon. You guys could delete your responses to make it completely go away.

Done, thanks.

FB

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After a few weeks, the new hire secretary at the Zenith TV factory noticed that all of the other girls in the office had name plaques on their desks.  A few days later she walked into the boss's office and asked him how she could get one.

He stood up and walked over and closed the door and walked back to her as he unzipped his pants and pulled it out and responded, "This is Quality and Quality goes in before the name goes on".

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

One of my patients mentioned that when she learned to drive the only thing she had to worry about was "Giddy-up" and "Whoa".

Another fellow I met a bit back (pushing 70) asked me if I remembered Gilligan's Island. When I said yes, he asked if I remembered the whole Ginger vs. Maryanne thing. Sure, I replied. Well, he said when you get to a certain age you realize Mrs. Howell was kinda good looking too...

Was watching an old comedy a bit back and a cute young girl in a rather skimpy French Maid's outfit was vacuuming and bending over pretty provocatively  - dang, I thought.  We used to have a vacuum just like that one ...

 

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While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men.
“Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
“Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
 

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Just got this from a muso's site......the Brisbanians will get this.

Sailing  to Italy

A  young Brisbane woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by  throwing herself into the river.

Just  before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man  stopped her.

"You  have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to  Italy tomorrow.

I  can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every  day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That  night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable  compartment in the hold.

From  then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red  wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Two  weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine  inspection.

"What  are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I  have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me  food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I  see," the captain says.

Her  conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing  me."

"He  certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Stradbroke Island Ferry  ."

Cheers,

Jim B)

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A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
 
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,  then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
 
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
 
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
 
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of  the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take  the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
 
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the  game's over!" 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Actual notice posted in a church hall.

"Bible Study group meets Sunday after regular services. Refreshments will be served when the B.S. is over".

"Low Self Esteem support group meets Wednesday evening. Please enter by the back door".

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Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him. Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with a high level of professionalism.

Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister..'

When she returned, she said,

"We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.

1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.

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My daughter and her family were at a Caribbean cooking festival in Southampton recently.

It was called The Jerk Festival and there was a big banner up promoting the big finale The Jerk Off

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This is something that happened at an assisted living center.
 
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
 
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
 
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
 
I am sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know the facts.
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3 hours ago, Rasputin22 said:

Sloop,

     Did they have any of this at the cooking fest? No joke.

Image result for jamaican cock sauce

OR maybe this 

Image result for jamaican cock sauce

 

:lol: Does it sell at all to straight guys?

Be fun to have some around just to startle dinner guests with.

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We were on a boat delivery and stopped in Jamaica. While on an Island tour we bought the soup packs and tucked them deep into the bottom of the two crew girls duffel bags. Wish I could have been there when they got home and Mom dug in the bag to do the laundry.

 

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51 minutes ago, bmiller said:

son-dad-did-you-know-that-in-some-countries-you-7107111.png

 

A man marries a woman believing that she will never change.

 

A woman marries a man believing that she can change him.

 

Sadly, they are both wrong, most of the time~  !!

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My wife and I went to the Calgary Bull Sale & Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

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On 7/23/2017 at 9:20 AM, billy backstay said:

 

A man marries a woman believing that she will never change.

 

A woman marries a man believing that she can change him.

 

Sadly, they are both wrong, most of the time~  !!

The bride arrives at the Church. She walks down the aisle towards the altar while the congregation sings a hymn.

And that's where she gets her inspiration: I'll Alter Him.

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On 7/24/2017 at 2:21 AM, Flatbag said:

The bride arrives at the Church. She walks down the aisle towards the altar while the congregation sings a hymn.

And that's where she gets her inspiration: I'll Alter Him.

Little Johnie is sitting in the church with his mom. It is his older cousin's wedding. She is radiant in her beautiful gown. Johnny asks his mom, "Why do brides wear white?" His mom, not ready for THAT discussion, explains "White is a symbol of happiness, this is your cousins happiest day".

Little Johnie asks, "Then why is the groom's tuxedo black?"

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