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I picked up a hitch-hiker.  After a time he asked me if I wasn't afraid he might be a serial killer.

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were pretty low.

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One sunny day in late January 2021, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,

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1 hour ago, P_Wop said:

I picked up a hitch-hiker.  After a time he asked me if I wasn't afraid he might be a serial killer.

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were pretty low.

That reminds of an experience I had picking up a hitch hiker back in 1977 when I was around 22 years old.  I had gotten out of the Army almost a year before and I hadn't shaved or cut my hair since that time.  I was driving with a good friend of mine that had also come home from the Army about when I did, and he looked equally scruffy.  We were going to visit my brother at his university which was bout a 3 1/2 drive from our homes.  Shortly after leaving our town we saw this guy a little younger than we were, hitch hiking.  Since my friend and I had both spent some time hitch hiking in our earlier years we usually picked up folks as long as they looked reasonable.  Now it's important to know that my friend is a bit of a knife aficionado and he still is, he probably has a collection of a couple of hundred knives of all kinds now.  (he also owns about 30 or 40 rifles and handguns, along with a few thousand rounds of ammunition in various calibers, but that's another story.  Amurica, right?).

So we pulled over and the hitch hiker came to the car.  We asked where he was going and he said to the same university where my brother was.  We told him we happened to be going there and we would be happy to take him along, so he happily hopped into the car.  The university while a big one, is in the middle of the state of Pennsylvania and surrounded by miles of nothing but forest and an occasional farm, so the guy was happy to get a ride directly to his destination so quickly.  Actually the school is SA's own Gouvernail's alma mater as well.  Gouv grew up about 20 miles from my hometown.

So we are driving along making small talk.  My friend had just purchased a couple of Buck 110 Folding Hunter knives, a lock blade knife with a 3 3/4" folding blade.  It is still one of the best knives on the market for the money, I have had the same one for about 45 years now and it has served me well.  Well my friend liked his folding knives to open and close easily and he would oil the joint and then open and close the knife repeatedly for some time to get it working so he could flick it open quickly with his thumb.  As we are talking, my friend, sitting up front with me is working a knife in each hand, while our passenger was in the back of my lovely AMC Pacer.  The sound snick, snick, snick, over and over was the soundtrack as we talked.  About halfway to our destination, I mentioned to our passenger that we were needing some lunch and we would stop soon, and I would even buy his lunch for him.  As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, the young gent said that he was actually in a bit of a hurry and he would catch another ride, but thanks for the ride and the lunch offer.  I had barely stopped the car when the guy opened the door and almost ran out of the car.

I looked at my friend, I looked at his knives and I said "Gee Don, I think we scared the poor guy half to death.  He probably thinks we were going to murder him in the middle of the forest along the way."  My friend just smiled as he snicked his knives open and closed a couple more times and then we went to eat.

That guy is probably still telling his grand kids about these 2 creepy looking, scruffy, bearded, long haired guys that picked him up when he was hitch hiking when he was young, and how he escaped a near certain, grisly death and dismemberment.  And then he probably told them never ever to hitch hike, there are crazy people out there.  I wonder if he ever hitch hiked again.

I have come real close to being stabbed 2 different times in my life (who knew that being a cook was such a hazardous job), and almost shot once, by an angry girlfriend, but those are other stories too.

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So let me fill in the blanks.  You got in a knife fight with the hitchhiking guy, and managed to get stabbed twice in the process.  Naturally you cooked him up for your girlfriend’s dinner (who was secretly dating Gouv) and she got pissed about the food and tries to shoot you?

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28 minutes ago, Windward said:

So let me fill in the blanks.  You got in a knife fight with the hitchhiking guy, and managed to get stabbed twice in the process.  Naturally you cooked him up for your girlfriend’s dinner (who was secretly dating Gouv) and she got pissed about the food and tries to shoot you?

Who told you!!!???

It had to be that dirty bastard Gouv, besides me he's the only one still alive that knows the sordid tale.

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31 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said:

I adgree.  Ime am allso sick an tierde hime yelleng "We our! We our! Weour!"                                              :)

My brother went to school there too.  I always ask him "We are what?  Child abusers?"

My sister and her husband also went there, it's where they met and got married.  Fortunately they have a life beyond a university they graduated from 50 years ago.

There was no way in hell I was going to go to school there, somebody had to break the chain.  I don't care what Fleetwood Mac said about that kind of thing!  And those fucking hypocrites (I'm looking at you Stevie!) went and broke the chain anyway.

Funny thing is that my daughter ended up graduating from my university, also in PA but a much smaller and less renowned school, thank goodness.   I never really thought she would end up living in Pennsylvania, let alone graduate from my alma mater.   And she even got a useful degree in Science unlike her father that majored in theater.

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I was heading to that place as well and stopped at the same place you did for lunch.  When the waiter brought our food out, he had is thumb pressed deeply into my steak.  I said "would you mind taking your thumb out of my steak?".  He looked at me strangely and said "what? and let it fall on the floor again?"

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16 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

 

 

come real close to being stabbed 2 different times in my life (who knew that being a cook was such a hazardous job), and almost shot once, by an angry girlfriend, but those are other stories too.

I came closer than you on 2 knife incidents(major ouchies) and been shot at a couple of times in the great Keystone State

Gotta love Pennsyltuckey!

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1 hour ago, Sail4beer said:

I came closer than you on 2 knife incidents(major ouchies) and been shot at a couple of times in the great Keystone State

Gotta love Pennsyltuckey!

Hey!  People from Pennsylvania are quite nice, especially compared to folks from New Jersey.  :P  What did you do to piss us off so badly?  Were they police?

As far as the stab wounds, that's just proof that I could run faster than you could!   :lol:

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Every day in a hospital is filled with human drama.

In one room, a father hugs his son for the first time.

In a another room, a son hugs his father for the last time.

In a third room, there's a guy with a Barbie doll stuck in his lower colon.

It's the circle of life.

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14 hours ago, burndoc said:

I am going to have a QuarintiNi

 

 

It is a regular martini but I stay at home and drink it by myself

 

Interesting factoid on NPR yesterday.  Woman has a podcast on the etymology of scientific words.  "Quarantine" came about during the black plague. There was a busy port in Croatia that was controlled by Italy in the 1400's.  When a ship arrived, everyone had to stay on the ship for 30 days.  Then they changed it to 40 days, and the Italian word was "quarant" or something like that, and voila!!

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A racist,  a rapist, and a fake blonde walk into a bar.

Sais the bartender....

 

 

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Good evening Mr. President!

 

 

 

 

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On 3/16/2020 at 4:04 PM, 10thTonner said:

A racist,  a rapist, and a fake blonde walk into a bar.

Sais the bartender....

.

Good evening Mr. President!

 

 

 

 

But Clinton isn't a fake blonde....

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Since I am in the business, this one still seems funny. Gallows humor...

 

What's the difference between a seagull and a stock broker? 

The Seagull can still make a deposit on a new Porche

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1 hour ago, SloopJonB said:

He's not a racist either dummy.

At least as far as you know.  And not recently

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BY the way, I have yet to see any action on Trump's part that appears racially motivated

 

I think we can both agree that BOTH men's behavior toward women is reprehensible. 

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2 hours ago, On The Hard said:

BY the way, I have yet to see any action on Trump's part that appears racially motivated

Where have you been?

Mexicans are rapists ring any bells?

Any of those shithole countries have a predominately white population?

Losing lawsuits for discriminating against black tenants?

Wake the fuck up

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take it to argument anarchy, this is the fucking joke thread.

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9 hours ago, On The Hard said:

BY the way, I have yet to see any action on Trump's part that appears racially motivated

 

I think we can both agree that BOTH men's behavior toward women is reprehensible. 

uh, he hates Puerto Rican's and most hispanics...  he's associated and has a bunch of people in the white house with white supremacists directions..  

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Anyway...two Irish cowboys go into a wild west saloon and see a sign saying "Two bucks for every american indian scalp.
The pair ride off and soon find themselves in a canyon surrounded by hundreds of indians.
Shite said one, let's get outa here.
Don't be silly, said the other, we're going to be rich

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband.

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The pessimist complains about the wind.

The optimist expects it to change.

The sailor changes to the no.3 jib, pulls on some more vang, eases the checkstay, calls for more weight on the rail and thinks about which kite to set after the mark.
 

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24 minutes ago, warbird said:

Should we wait till after the pandemic to fill out the Census forms?

I think that would be best, given the nature of the at-risk groups and the fact that it hasn't really hit the south just yet.  Shoot for early June.

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On 3/21/2020 at 8:43 AM, warbird said:

Anyway...two Irish cowboys go into a wild west saloon and see a sign saying "Two bucks for every american indian scalp.
The pair ride off and soon find themselves in a canyon surrounded by hundreds of indians.
Shite said one, let's get outa here.
Don't be silly, said the other, we're going to be rich

what's with the PC bullshit?

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Cuz I is 1/2 of one:

The 2 pollocks buy a trailer load of watermelons to sell along side the road.

The dumb one asks the other, "How much we gonna sell'm for?

The smart one responds, "A dollar".

The dumb one says, "How we gonna make any money on'm when we paid a buck and a half for'm".

Nothing but brains says, "Volume, Volume, Volume".

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5 minutes ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

can any of you biblical scholars answer a questions for me: In revelations, did they say the end of the world will be announced by trumpets or Trump/Pence?

 

Well played!!

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1 hour ago, P_Wop said:

For the third time in a week I'm buying booze for the next two weeks.

Since going out less to eat excess money spent on booze since drinking at home. Also boys both home 21 & 23 and the have drank most of beer

guinness for the one who was doing a semester abroad and called home

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1 hour ago, P_Wop said:

For the third time in a week I'm buying booze for the next two weeks.

 

It's still way cheaper than going to the Pub!!  1.75 liter handles of Sea Ice vodka are less than 15 bucks, and Ron Rico dark rum around 18. It would cost 2 of us more than that much to have 2 cocktails or glasses of wine apiece, at most restaurants or bars !

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2 hours ago, P_Wop said:

For the third time in a week I'm buying booze for the next two weeks.

Glamcing through it, I read “buying books” and was admiring your dedication to culture under the circumstances ...

 

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16 minutes ago, Gissie said:
31 minutes ago, warbird said:

Do you have a 2 week supply yet?

I find having booze in the house is a supply and demand problem. If the supply is there I demand more...

Afraide thissis to true...............                          :)

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34 minutes ago, Gissie said:

I find having booze in the house is a supply and demand problem. If the supply is there I demand more...

 

16 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said:

Afraide thissis to true...............                          :)

15850941626958581835450991109249.thumb.jpg.bf84c85a78fb9109330b79a6807d6e02.jpg

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On 3/23/2020 at 1:47 PM, P_Wop said:

The pessimist complains about the wind.

The optimist expects it to change.

The sailor changes to the no.3 jib, pulls on some more vang, eases the checkstay, calls for more weight on the rail and thinks about which kite to set after the mark.
 

It's all about the checkstay.

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7 hours ago, Fat Point Jack said:

Cuz I is 1/2 of one:

The 2 pollocks buy a trailer load of watermelons to sell along side the road.

The dumb one asks the other, "How much we gonna sell'm for?

The smart one responds, "A dollar".

The dumb one says, "How we gonna make any money on'm when we paid a buck and a half for'm".

Nothing but brains says, "Volume, Volume, Volume".

Everybody knows that pollocks can only make change for a fin.

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Vacation?  Who has time for vacation. Too damn busy trying to figure out how to keep people working without excessive exposure and invoice enough work to make payroll. 
 

alternative is good people get laid off. Not an option I’m willing to subject them to until I exhaust all possible options. 

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Big to do on the Polish-German border today.

It seems the Polish border folks stopped a suspicious vehicle trying to enter Poland from Germany.  

The ensuing thorough search revealed a box with 4 kilos of coke in it.

Concealed under the coke were 4 rolls of toilet paper!

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1 hour ago, ancientseawolf said:

Love the reverse tailing winch

 

On most AC boats, one side is reversed compared to the other.  Don't remember which is clockwise and which is counter??

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13 hours ago, Fat Point Jack said:

I heard yesterday that if you furlough them rather than laying them off the unemployment rules in some states are intrusive.   

Yeah.  In MD, the state will allow a furloughed employee to draw unemployment. They would potentially lose accumulated benefits.  I know some local companies are offering layoffs in lieu of cutting hours to allow people to draw unemployment. Best if I can keep them working, particularly if I can make it telework. 

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33 minutes ago, Innocent Bystander said:

Yeah.  In MD, the state will allow a furloughed employee to draw unemployment. They would potentially lose accumulated benefits.  I know some local companies are offering layoffs in lieu of cutting hours to allow people to draw unemployment. Best if I can keep them working, particularly if I can make it telework. 

True in Texas as well - the only way an employee isn't eligible is when fired for cause. Here you can fire someone because their feet stink but they can draw unemployment. 

Something to keep in mind - in the late 90s I had 50 employees, our market crashed and I spent well over a year finding replacement work until one day I realized I was broke. Never fully recovered - they are all great people and I gave lots of warnings and when I had to let 35 go they all still thanked me, helped with the pain of being under water and owing almost everybody.  In retrospect if I had made the cuts much sooner I could have likely saved it but I just couldn't do it. I decided if I ever found myself in that position again I would have someone with ice water in their veins who could sit me down and make me do it.

Hoping the best for you and yours.

edit: apologies as this is the joke thread.

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2 hours ago, SloopJonB said:

Why?

 

Fairlead from turning block to winch and probably tailing the sheet into the cockpit instead of away from it.  Just a guess??  I was a guest grinder in practice on the US 12 Meter Defender with Tom Blackaller in 83, before the Aussies took the cup.  As a grinder, I paid no attention to the winch rotation direction. But my best guess is that port winches spin clockwise, and starboard rotate counter-clockwise, to feed the sheet into the cockpit, rather than away from it....

Blackeller was funny.  When I asked him about his opinion of the predicted wind, he said, " If I knew that, why bother t race to all?" Or something like that.  I thought it odd at the time....

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  1. What do you call a hippie's wife? A Mississippi!
  2. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
  3. I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
  4. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  5. Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
  6. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
  7. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
  8. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
  9. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
  10. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
  11. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
  12. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
  13. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
  14. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  15. When's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
  16. What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!
  17. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they've bagels!
  18. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
  19. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  20. What streets to ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
  21. What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
  22. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!
  23. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? "Show me the honey!"
  24. What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
  25. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
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  1. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
  2. What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad!
  3. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
  4. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!
  5. My favorite word is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.
  6. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
  7. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
  8. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? "Graaaaaaaains!"
  9. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.
  10. Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
  11. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  12. I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
  13. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"
  14. I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
  15. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
  16. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  17. What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
  18. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
  19. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
  20. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad. It's a faux pa.
  21. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
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  23. Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless!
  24. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
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