Jump to content

Recommended Posts

May be an image of 1 person and text that says 'When was a boy, my momma would send me down to a corner store with $1 and 'd come back with 5 potatoes, loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs. You can't do that now.. Too many security cameras.'

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 8.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for th

Posted Images

Open Photo

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/4/2021 at 2:41 PM, pbd said:

Any one else getting this type of message?

Never had it happen before.

image.png.c344c88d88c9658a8e03444b470c0f5b.png

Not related to facebook, I dont think. I've been seeing that message on stuff for a while now. 

I think it may have to do with the filetype of the picture that was copied and pasted. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bump-n-Grind said:

Not related to facebook, I dont think. I've been seeing that message on stuff for a while now. 

I think it may have to do with the filetype of the picture that was copied and pasted. 

 

I dunno, man.  I see it whenever a picture file has fbcdn.net in the address which is a facebook domain that serves static content.  Nothing new; a couple years or so  But I thought it was because I have all facebook scripts blocked by NoScript.  Or maybe uBlock or Ghostery.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Bump-n-Grind said:

Not related to facebook, I dont think. I've been seeing that message on stuff for a while now. 

I think it may have to do with the filetype of the picture that was copied and pasted. 

 

It only happens when I copy a meme image from Facebook.  They are often PNG files, not JPEGS maybe that has something to do with it.  Now I save them as a JPEG file and then attach them ton the post.  That always works.  It's an extra couple of steps but I'll take one for the team to post good memes.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says.
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient.
"The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3 months to live".
The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?".
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?", the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her."
 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites

Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.

If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.

If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.

If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.

If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.

If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.

If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Someone told me about a young adult novel where Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure...   

So I headed over to the library to see if they have the book for my niece

The librarian said the plot rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Grande Mastere Dreade said:

Someone told me about a young adult novel where Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure...   

So I headed over to the library to see if they have the book for my niece

The librarian said the plot rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not

groooaaaaann!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites


 

--
 
 
 
 
Subject: Jack Daniels to the rescue
 
 
Southern humor......
 
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time, I ran out of worms.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.
"Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit?
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. The snakes eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot.
There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.
Life is good in the South.
251482467_1588262131515969_8974871356194440962_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=Egdgypu4GYIAX9bT2Ap&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-1.xx&oh=c8cd2e108639197b9cbd79b82462c923&oe=61A8FFBFTerr
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, P_Wop said:

When you die, people cry and beg you to come back.

But when you do, they're all running and screaming.

Sounds a lot like the plot for Pet Cemetery 

Link to post
Share on other sites

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write SPAGHETTI on the back. I'll take care of expenses."
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."
Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort his wife and asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti - two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

“It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor. “Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?”

I accept, thanks!” She answers. He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door.

The doctor looks worried, gets up and says: “My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think there is some nonsense going on!”

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
 
 
 
 
 
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelry store in

a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.'

'I know, said the old man,

'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

Age and treachery will always overcome youthful enthusiasm.

Yeah, I posted a joke involving an old German shepherd and a young moutain lion a long time ago in the joke thread.

 

Here you go.

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a mountain lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the mountain lion is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious mountain lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young mountain lion halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the mountain lion. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the mountain lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young mountain lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the mountain lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another mountain lion!"

 

Moral of this story... 

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

 

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Santa: we don't have a fireplace or chimney, how will you get into our apartment to put presents under the tree?  Signed Jimmy

Dear Jimmy: I will come through the fire escape window, the same way the boogey man gets in.  Pleasant dreams.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Christmas Lights. I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however…. To those of you who are placing Christmas lights in your yards, could you please avoid anything that has red or blue flashing lights together Every time I come around the corner I think it’s the police and I panic. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, swallow the joint, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn down my radio and push the gun under my seat all while trying to drive. It’s just too much drama even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays Everyone. Cheers!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I wanted to send you some sort of holiday greeting, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.
So I met with my lawyers yesterday, and on their advice, I wish to say the following:
Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, my Best Wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of Christmas practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice any religious or secular traditions.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated, recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022; but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wisher.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Best Wishes (without prejudice)
Name withheld (Privacy Act)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Enjoy the cleverest of insults:

 1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr
 2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill
3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow
4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde
 9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”   -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response
11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop
12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright
13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb
 14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson
 15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. -  Paul Keating
16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker
17.  "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain
18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West
19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde 
20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder
22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx
23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E.  Leonard
26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." --  Thomas Brackett Reed
27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to live in the country in a farming area, I went over to the farm next door one day to see farmer Mick Baker.
He had a heap of pigs, one had a wooden leg, he said that pig was special it had saved his life during a fire by tapping on his bedroom window with his snout to wake him up.
Another time his boy Billy fell down the well while Mick was plowing the field.
The pig broke from his pen and used his snout to pull the boy out with some rope and the boy lived.
I said what a special pig but why does he have a wooden leg?
Mick said , 'With a special pig like that, you don't eat him all at once'.

Link to post
Share on other sites

An old one, but we need reminding.

The four areas of a big race boat, as propounded by Walt Disney.

Trimmers, grinders, pit - Adventureland
The foredeck acrobats - Frontierland
The afterguard, all those odd people - Fantasyland
The naviguesser/weather guru - Tomorrowland

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, P_Wop said:

An old one, but we need reminding.

The four areas of a big race boat, as propounded by Walt Disney.

Trimmers, grinders, pit - Adventureland
The foredeck acrobats - Frontierland
The afterguard, all those odd  OLD people - Fantasyland
The naviguesser/weather guru - Tomorrowland

 

It may be an old one, but it's a NEW one for me!!  Thanks!!   FWIW, I made quick fix on this for you, no charge! :D

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

My New Year's resolution is to do something about my obstructive sleep apnea.  Apparently I snore so loudly and violently that it scares my passengers.

Link to post
Share on other sites