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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for th

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I got this from one of my cousins.  
It sounds familiar.
 

I saw this on NextDoor and it made me laugh so much, I had to post it here too.
 
Q: How many group members does it take to change light bulb ?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
15 to say "can't share"
2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
20 to give up on fb and take their dogs for a walk instead.
And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.
8You, Barb Mieczkowski Haaf Englert
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5 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

I got this from one of my cousins.  
It sounds familiar.
 

I saw this on NextDoor and it made me laugh so much, I had to post it here too.
 
Q: How many group members does it take to change light bulb ?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
15 to say "can't share"
2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
20 to give up on fb and take their dogs for a walk instead.
And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.
 
 
 
8You, Barb Mieczkowski Haaf Englert

Take it to Light Bulb Anarchy.

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9 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

I got this from one of my cousins.  
It sounds familiar.
 

I saw this on NextDoor and it made me laugh so much, I had to post it here too.
 
Q: How many group members does it take to change light bulb ?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
15 to say "can't share"
2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
20 to give up on fb and take their dogs for a walk instead.
And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.
 
 
 
8You, Barb Mieczkowski Haaf Englert

Cuz must be an Anarchist. :D

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2 minutes ago, Snaggletooth said:

Bikeres our crazey..........                         :)

 

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On 1/8/2022 at 11:02 PM, Ed Lada said:

lab.jpg

I have to admit I posted that here because not only is it funny, but I wanted to see who the real nerds are here.  

I knew this would attract them like a honey bee to a flower!  :D

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3 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

I have to admit I posted that here because not only is it funny, but I wanted to see who the real nerds are here.  

I knew this would attract them like a honey bee to a flower!  :D

Present!  Well played, sir.

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On 1/9/2022 at 4:58 PM, Ed Lada said:

I have to admit I posted that here because not only is it funny, but I wanted to see who the real nerds are here.  

I knew this would attract them like a honey bee to a flower!  :D

We had one on the desk in the library growing up. It never ceased to fascinate me!

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1 hour ago, On The Hard said:

We had one on the desk in the library growing up. It never ceased to fascinate me!

I never had one personally but I too was fascinated by them.  A good physics lesson.

And equally remarkable was at that time that such a simple thing could keep one occupied for a while!  Nowadays many people have the attention span of a hyperactive kitten!  Oh, shiny...!

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1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:

I never had one personally but I too was fascinated by them.  A good physics lesson.

Did you ever do the one with three coins on a table?

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Here's a video using three coins.  In the interest of universal harmony I'm using a French Polynesian 50 Franc, a 50-cent Euro, and a Canadian Loonie (I usually just use U.S. pennies)

 

 

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A well seasoned preacher woke up one gorgeous Sunday morning and couldn't stand the thought of being cooped up in church all day, so he called his Assistant Pastor claiming he was too sick to preach, and asked the young man to fill in for him. Feigning illness, he watched his wife go off to church without him. She was no more than out of sight when the preacher sprung into action, grabbed his golf clubs, and sped off to the country club.

Observing all of this from afar, Satan had to point it out to God. "You see what your man is doing? Surly you must punish him for this." God nods in agreement and they watch as the man steps up to the first tee. He takes a couple of practice swings, and lets loose with everything he has. The ball sails down the middle of the fairway, bounces a couple of times, and rolls across the green straight into the cup, a hole in one.

Satan again looks at God and says, "I thought you agreed he needed to be punished! This is hardly punishment!" God looks back at Satan and wryly asks, "Who's he gonna tell?!"

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Canada is an amalgam of Britain, France and the US. 

It was hoped to have British culture, French cuisine and US know-how. 

It ended up with British cuisine, French know-how and US culture.  

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My wife went into a coma...

I visited with the doctor and he told me..

"there's one way I know to get her out of the coma, but it's a little un-conventional, go in there and have oral sex with her for 5 minutes"

I thought,  "well, that's a little un-conventional,  but she is my wife..."

he says,  "i've seen it work"

so I go in there and come out about 5 mins later ...  

I said     "doc , she's choking...."

 

 

 

 

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My wife just found out that she’d be adopted

she was devastated.  “ why didn’t they want me,  why did the abandon me?”

she was sobbing we were holding each other 

“make love to me so I know that someone still loves me” she whispered in my ear  which led to more tears.

in hindsight.    Banging her doggy style and shouting “who’s you daddy now”. Was a wee bit insensitive.  

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4 minutes ago, Marcjsmith said:

My wife just found out that she’d be adopted

she was devastated.  “ why didn’t they want me,  why did the abandon me?”

she was sobbing we were holding each other 

“make love to me so I know that someone still loves me” she whispered in my ear  which led to more tears.

in hindsight.    Banging her doggy style and shouting “who’s you daddy now”. Was a wee bit insensitive.  

I am pretty sure that's the most insensitive and offensive joke I've ever heard and that's a pretty high bar to cross.  

Are you happy with yourself for posting that shit?  

Do you know anybody that might have been the victim of sexual assault, especially as a child?  Would you tell them that joke?  Do you call women cunts too?  

I have a terribly black sense of humor due to some of the jobs I've had and the things I've seen and heard.  Sometimes there is a fine line between what is funny and what is just sick.  And there is nothing funny about that joke in my opinion.  You didn't just cross that line, you cleared it by a record amount.   

You are probably one of those people shaking your head, completely mystified why the world has become what it has today.  Maybe looking in a mirror will point you in the right direction if you've become that desensitized.  

WTF is wrong with some people here?  

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1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:

I am pretty sure that's the most insensitive and offensive joke I've ever heard and that's a pretty high bar to cross.  

Are you happy with yourself for posting that shit?  

Do you know anybody that might have been the victim of sexual assault, especially as a child?  Would you tell them that joke?  Do you call women cunts too?  

I have a terribly black sense of humor due to some of the jobs I've had and the things I've seen and heard.  Sometimes there is a fine line between what is funny and what is just sick.  And there is nothing funny about that joke in my opinion.  You didn't just cross that line, you cleared it by a record amount.   

You are probably one of those people shaking your head, completely mystified why the world has become what it has today.  Maybe looking in a mirror will point you in the right direction if you've become that desensitized.  

WTF is wrong with some people here?  

Ed, you need to up your Prozac dose - you're turning into just another humourless pain in the ass.

Smarten up!

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1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:

I am pretty sure that's the most insensitive and offensive joke I've ever heard and that's a pretty high bar to cross.  

Are you happy with yourself for posting that shit?  

Do you know anybody that might have been the victim of sexual assault, especially as a child?  Would you tell them that joke? 

Ed, that joke was premised on adoption.  There was no implication of abuse or assault in either the setup or the punchline.

 

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6 minutes ago, valis said:

Ed, that joke was premised on adoption.  There was no implication of abuse or assault in either the setup or the punchline.

 

fucking polak

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37 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

Ed, you need to up your Prozac dose - you're turning into just another humourless pain in the ass.

Smarten up!

 

22 minutes ago, valis said:

Ed, that joke was premised on adoption.  There was no implication of abuse or assault in either the setup or the punchline.

 

Sorry but I don't agree with either of you.

If you seem to think that joke was in any way funny, well, sorry.

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16 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

I am pretty sure that's the most insensitive and offensive joke I've ever heard and that's a pretty high bar to cross. 

Ya know Ed,  This is the joke thread.  I'm sorry that a joke about a husband and wife having consensual sex twisted you panties in a knot.  I mentioned nothing about rape, abuse, or child  sexual abuse and how you made that leap is mystifying.  Talk abut a high bar....

Yes I have called women cunts, as often as I call men assholes, and fucktwats.   Because some people in this world are cunts, assholes, and fucktwats and they deserve to be reminded of such when they do something deserving.

You say that I should be mystified why the world as become what it is today and that potentially I'm the root of the problem.    We've become a society where if someone looks at you cross eyed or does something you don't like,  the first response is the the nuclear option, rather than just shaking your head, and walking away. 

now I'm going to shake my head and walk away...  but first...

My neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats.  So i asked him how many cast he has. He said he just goes down to the shelter and gets a new cat afterwards.  I reply, "it sounds like you are just feeding shelter cats to the Coyotes".  Now his daughter is crying, wife is pissed, and I'm not allowed around anymore.

My town had a really bad storm two days ago and my neighbor lost his roof.  Poor guy doesn't have insurance.  I decided to start a gofundme page so I can go to Hawaii for a few weeks.  Hes about to start construction, and I'll be damned if I'm going to around for all that noise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Marcjsmith said:

Ya know Ed,  This is the joke thread.  I'm sorry that a joke about a husband and wife having consensual sex twisted you panties in a knot.  I mentioned nothing about rape, abuse, or child  sexual abuse and how you made that leap is mystifying.  Talk abut a high bar....

Yes I have called women cunts, as often as I call men assholes, and fucktwats.   Because some people in this world are cunts, assholes, and fucktwats and they deserve to be reminded of such when they do something deserving.

You say that I should be mystified why the world as become what it is today and that potentially I'm the root of the problem.    We've become a society where if someone looks at you cross eyed or does something you don't like,  the first response is the the nuclear option, rather than just shaking your head, and walking away. 

now I'm going to shake my head and walk away...  but first...

My neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats.  So i asked him how many cast he has. He said he just goes down to the shelter and gets a new cat afterwards.  I reply, "it sounds like you are just feeding shelter cats to the Coyotes".  Now his daughter is crying, wife is pissed, and I'm not allowed around anymore.

My town had a really bad storm two days ago and my neighbor lost his roof.  Poor guy doesn't have insurance.  I decided to start a gofundme page so I can go to Hawaii for a few weeks.  Hes about to start construction, and I'll be damned if I'm going to around for all that noise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see, just by excusing what you said by claiming it's 'only' a joke should indicate something to you.  Or apparently not.

If you don't see how somebody could think that joke could be understood the way I perceived it, then I truly and seriously feel sorry for you.  

I like a good dirty joke as much as anybody.  I used to know a lot of them.  To the best of my failing memory, none of them make references to somebody fucking their wife up the ass and referring to somebody's father.  

In reference to calling women cunts, in my experience, most women don't like being called a cunt.  Calling someone an asshole is applicable to males of females.  Now, this might come as a surprise to you, but women have generally speaking, collectively not gotten a lot of respect since Adam and Eve.  Often referred to as the weaker sex, often the butt of jokes that somehow make them appear inferior to men, etc.  A lot of this has to do with the fact that men are generally physically stronger than women, a difference that many women have suffered because of.  Why it wasn't until the 20th century that women were even allowed to vote in many democratic countries including the US.  In short, women have been shit on forever. Yet to you and many others, it isn't any problem to denigrate them in many ways, overtly and subtly.  And every human being on earth has or has had a mother.  If many women despise the term cunt, will you really be less of a man to stop using the word?  I had no idea that being considerate to others is such an onerous burden.    

And then you try to defend yourself with the "Oh, everybody nowadays is s sensitive, they can't take a joke."

Well dip me in shit and call me stinky, but I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking about what I say before I say it and trying to avoid offending people needlessly.  I'm sure you've heard the old saying, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  A high standard to meet, however a good one to at least try to achieve.  And that saying has been around a long time before the current trend of calling somebody a snowflake, or whatever for taking offense, at overtly  offensive things. 

And please, I didn't say you are to blame for the current state of general hatred in the world, the implication is that it's thoughtless behavior such as yours and countless people that we've reached the sate we have.    

It seems to me that many people nowadays, and particularly men find it amusing and and necessary to be insensitive and insulting to prove how tough they are.  Which is actually quite pitiful.  

If you can't see how pervasive, insidious, insults, many of which are deeply ingrained in peoples minds to the point they can't even realize that they're offensive is a problem, well I don't know what else to say.  

I could probably fill pages expounding on this subject, however there are many men here that would take great pleasure in gratuitously insulting me for that, so I won't bother.  But perhaps, although it's unlikely, I've given you some food for thought.  

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19 hours ago, Voyageur said:

I am not actually an asshole and you are not really a polak, correct?

You obviously don't want a discussion, you just want to be an asshole.  That's fine.  You see you, as an individual, you are acting like a complete asshole.  And that's a willful act, not a matter of your genes, which you have no control over. 

But if I hurt your feelings somehow, snowflake, would you rather I called you a dick?  Or a fuckwit?  Do you prefer shithead?

I'm willing to be amenable here.  

 

 

Hahahaha, lighten up motherfucker, I'm just joking!   Hahahaha.  You're just such a sensitive fuckwit aren't you.  What a pussy.  hahahahahaha.

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4 hours ago, Marcjsmith said:

Ya know Ed,  This is the joke thread.  I'm sorry that a joke about a husband and wife having consensual sex twisted you panties in a knot.  I mentioned nothing about rape, abuse, or child  sexual abuse and how you made that leap is mystifying.  Talk abut a high bar....

Yes I have called women cunts, as often as I call men assholes, and fucktwats.   Because some people in this world are cunts, assholes, and fucktwats and they deserve to be reminded of such when they do something deserving.

You say that I should be mystified why the world as become what it is today and that potentially I'm the root of the problem.    We've become a society where if someone looks at you cross eyed or does something you don't like,  the first response is the the nuclear option, rather than just shaking your head, and walking away. 

now I'm going to shake my head and walk away...  but first...

My neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats.  So i asked him how many cast he has. He said he just goes down to the shelter and gets a new cat afterwards.  I reply, "it sounds like you are just feeding shelter cats to the Coyotes".  Now his daughter is crying, wife is pissed, and I'm not allowed around anymore.

My town had a really bad storm two days ago and my neighbor lost his roof.  Poor guy doesn't have insurance.  I decided to start a gofundme page so I can go to Hawaii for a few weeks.  Hes about to start construction, and I'll be damned if I'm going to around for all that noise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You're making a rational argument in response to an irrational message. Just leave the irrational message writer to himself. This way he only has to justify his actions and mindset to himself and we won't have to read it in a joke thread.

For whatever reason, the irrational can't seem to use the messaging function to voice concerns directly with the source. It has to be broadcast for all of us to endure. I guess that's part of how society got this way. Cowardly broadcast messages rather than direct person to person communication.  oh wait, now I'm using the soapbox. I'll stop.

I also recommend the ignore function. Ignoring the bloviating, self justifying, inconsistent, and self-righteous has made this place fun again for me.

For the rational to leave due to the irrational behavior of others denies the rest of us the opportunity to read jokes in a joke thread.

Also. Thanks for the coyote story. I will use it often.

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19 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

I could probably fill pages expounding on this subject, however there are many men here that would take great pleasure in gratuitously insulting me for that, so I won't bother. 

I'll do it anyway.

Fuck you, very much. ;)

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In my opinion -- yes, I know -- we should let the "Who's your daddy" discussion stop here.  Ed, I hope we can still be friends, I usually enjoy your contributions to GA.

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31 minutes ago, valis said:

In my opinion -- yes, I know -- we should let the "Who's your daddy" discussion stop here.  Ed, I hope we can still be friends, I usually enjoy your contributions to GA.

Thanks, that's fine with me.  We can't win them all!  

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1 hour ago, PurpleOnion said:

I also recommend the ignore function. Ignoring the bloviating, self justifying, inconsistent, and self-righteous has made this place fun again for me.
 

this place is fun,  I don't do the ignore  since it ends up leading to disjointed threads. and I have a hard enough time keeping up and following topics.

Ive got no hard feelings, I don't hold a grudge (ok maybe against a certain big box store) , and I'm sure Ed and I could hang and have a beer, go sailing.  We'll tread lightly on jokes though...

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It's the only joke I can think of so suck it

Tattoos  should make a person more employable.

Because it shows you can sit in a chair for hours while needles are sticking in your skin.

Just like every meeting I have ever been in.  kumbahyah

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On 1/18/2022 at 6:38 AM, Marcjsmith said:

“make love to me so I know that someone still loves me” she whispered in my ear  which led to more tears.

in hindsight.    Banging her doggy style and shouting “who’s you daddy now”. Was a wee bit insensitive.  

 

4 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

I like a good dirty joke as much as anybody.  I used to know a lot of them.  To the best of my failing memory, none of them make references to somebody fucking their wife up the ass and referring to somebody's father.  

Bit of an escalation there...

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13 minutes ago, bowman81 said:

Bit of an escalation there...

That reminded me of a story my sister told me years ago.

She married an Italian and they lived in Firenze. Apparently the "hillbilly" area of Italy is in the deep south (coincidentally) and is quite backward and ignorant. Some friends of friends or distant cousins or something were from there.

They had been trying for years to get pregnant with no success so finally went to see a doctor about it.

Apparently they had been "doing it wrong". :lol:

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49 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

That reminded me of a story my sister told me years ago.

She married an Italian and they lived in Firenze. Apparently the "hillbilly" area of Italy is in the deep south (coincidentally) and is quite backward and ignorant. Some friends of friends or distant cousins or something were from there.

They had been trying for years to get pregnant with no success so finally went to see a doctor about it.

Apparently they had been "doing it wrong". :lol:

Similar to the city girl was married off to the country Italian boy. On the wedding night he couldn't it right. Finally she said take the hardest thing you got and put it where I pee

 

so he dropped his bocce ball in the sink

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1 hour ago, Voyageur said:

how is a TFG vote the same as incest? it will fuck your family.

this is for our favorite expat living in Poland.

it will fuck your family doggy style.

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l

1 minute ago, RedTuna said:

Take it to PA, veeger.

lighten up francis. it was a joke. this is a joke thread. if you are upset, you are the joke. fucking snowflakes are everywhere these days. must be January.

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My German girlfriend rated everything 1-10 like an Olympic event. She was tough, it was almost impossible to get a good score.

One night after a boozey spat we go to bed and I decide Imma gonna stick it in her butt. I get in the saddle and it's the best sex ever! I can barely hang on and she is yelling Nein, nein, nein!

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Old but still good!  There is this game called "Rodeo".

 

You enter your lover from behind and start pumping away.  Then you reach around and caress her breasts, whispering "these are nearly as firm as your sisters..."  If you can hang on for 7 seconds you get a big fancy rodeo buckle!

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Because of half the shit on the page above, and because there are still a few newbies around here...

 

 

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2 hours ago, Voyageur said:

l

lighten up francis. it was a joke. this is a joke thread. if you are upset, you are the joke. fucking snowflakes are everywhere these days. must be January.

What do you call a joke that isn't funny?

A sentence.

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