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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for th

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34 minutes ago, Rasputin22 said:

Yeah, I thought it was a 17'er but I really like the hull shape. May see if I can buy it without the silly quad motors and repower with something sensible like a new Tohatsu 40.  That 40 Tohatsu is 209 lbs which should be less than half the weight of the four 8HP engines that are on there. A 30 HP would probably be adequate but 157 lb on the transom would be nice! 

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That boat will scream with that little Tohatsu, for sure!  Is the boat located within your wheelhouse?

I need the 20 feet of the Sea Ox to take 6 to 8 people.  Our old Mako 231 was rated for 10, and there was comfortable seating room for all, with a pair of folding chair behind the leaning post.

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5 hours ago, Rasputin22 said:

If a boat could be considered a joke, then this one is hilarious! I had to take a second look before I realized those four outboards were only 8HP each! But just what one might expect on the Redneck Rivera where this lives. For sale BTW.

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I like that thing - looks like a middle finger directed at the clowns with container loads of 300's on the back of their coke smugglers.

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1 hour ago, billy backstay said:

 

That boat will scream with that little Tohatsu, for sure!  Is the boat located within your wheelhouse?

I need the 20 feet of the Sea Ox to take 6 to 8 people.  Our old Mako 231 was rated for 10, and there was comfortable seating room for all, with a pair of folding chair behind the leaning post.

It is just me and the old lady here on our bayou and maybe across the bay/intercoastal to the blackwater rivers we have here in Baldwin Co. We are less than a mile from the pass to the open Gulf and when the winds are offshore I wouldn't hesitate to run outside to Pensacola pass, one of the prettiest stretches white sand and turquoise waters anywhere.

      Spoke with the guy who is selling the boat and will go meet him and the boat tomorrow, only about 12 miles from me! Believe it or not, it is a 1959 ski hull that he saw in ruins from the road. To him it looked like a midget Carolina flared bow (which is what caught my eye) and he put in new cored sole and transom and nice paint job. Turns out hull ding repairs and paint jobs are his specialty and this was just a side project for he and his girl to get about. He said that she was resentful of his always working on the boat and assured him that he was the only guy in the world to have been subjected to that sort of treatment!

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3 minutes ago, Rasputin22 said:

It is just me and the old lady here on our bayou and maybe across the bay/intercoastal to the blackwater rivers we have here in Baldwin Co. We are less than a mile from the pass to the open Gulf and when the winds are offshore I wouldn't hesitate to run outside to Pensacola pass, one of the prettiest stretches white sand and turquoise waters anywhere.

      Spoke with the guy who is selling the boat and will go meet him and the boat tomorrow, only about 12 miles from me! Believe it or not, it is a 1959 ski hull that he saw in ruins from the road. To him it looked like a midget Carolina flared bow (which is what caught my eye) and he put in new cored sole and transom and nice paint job. Turns out hull ding repairs and paint jobs are his specialty and this was just a side project for he and his girl to get about. He said that she was resentful of his always working on the boat and assured him that he was the only guy in the world to have been subjected to that sort of treatment!

 

Good luck Rasper!!  Could be a Rocking Sweet runabout for you and SWMBO!   Let us know if it works out or not?  Photos can hide a lot of pimples.  I know, as I took very flattering real estate picks for over 20 years!!

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Great advice Billy but I have a good feeling about this guy. Was the son of a Coast Guard lifer and grew up on an old Chris Craft Connie docked next to the CG Station. Started detailing boast at a local Powerboat outfit and they got him started doing gel coat repair. Now he has his own body shop for top end sportsfisherman and his work I've seen looks great. The fact that he did this 'clown car' of a boat sort of as a middle finger to all the tiny dick powerboat owners with the 3 and 4 ganged 300 to 600 outboards if pretty funny as Sloop points out above. He says he will sell without the 8HP motors as one is his Dad's anyway. He was going to convert to twin new 4 stroke 15HP motors anyway and agrees with me that a 30-40 would be optimum. He must have had that motor bracket and just wanted to see what worked. He had a 8HP Nissan and his dad did too so that is what was first used. He said it was a little slow to get on plane. He sold it to a lady that thought it was 'cute' and she didn't get the hang of the dual throttles and he bought it back and added a third 8HP. That made a huge difference and then someone saw it and gave him another 8HP that needed some work to add to the absurdity of the setup. He is still having a hard time getting the donor motor playing well with the others and his Dad took back his motor. 

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Wtf this is the joke thread, fucking outboards and fucktards drooling, sad shit. You get a limerick now to slow down your drifting pud wanking…

there once was a man from bombay

who fashioned a cunt out of clay

but the heat from his prick turned the cunt to a brick and

he rubbed all his foreskin away

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17 minutes ago, Chris in Santa Cruz, CA said:

Wtf this is the joke thread, fucking outboards and fucktards drooling, sad shit. You get a limerick now to slow down your drifting pud wanking…

there once was a man from bombay

who fashioned a cunt out of clay

but the heat from his prick turned the cunt to a brick and

he rubbed all his foreskin away

There once was a hermit named Dave

Who kept an old whore in his cave

She was minus a tit and smelled like shit

But think of the money Dave saved

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So this guy visits his buddy who happens to clerk an adult toy store and when he comes in his buddy asks him to mind the store for a few minutes so he can go to the bank. The guy is reticent at first but his buddy says it’s easy, all he has to know is the little white dildos are 25 bucks and the big black dildos are 50 bucks. So, the guy says ok and his buddy leaves. For a while nothing happens and then a woman comes in and asks him about the dildos and he tells her about them and she buys a little white one. A while later another woman comes in and he explains about the little white one being 25 bucks etc. and with a red face she buys the big black dildo for 50 bucks. A third woman comes on and he explains about the little white dildo and the big black dildo but she asks him about a huge plaid dildo on the counter behind him and he sells it to her for 75 bucks.

After a while longer his buddy comes back and asks him how it went and he is happy to tell him he sold a little white dildo for 25, a big black one for 50 and damned if he didn’t sell his buddy’s thermos for 75!

 

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20 minutes ago, Chris in Santa Cruz, CA said:

Well I bloviated and you called me on it. You are welcome. Now, who down under has a good sheep joke?

A good sheep is not for the joke thread.

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39 minutes ago, Chris in Santa Cruz, CA said:

Well I bloviated and you called me on it. You are welcome. Now, who down under has a good sheep joke?

They don't joke about their sheep.

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10 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

Fail - Mismatched colours on the cowlings

Purely a delivery trip, colours didn't matter.

Unless you are talking the colour of the car, that was always a choice if you had the money.

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There once was a whore from Peru,

Who filled her opening with glue.

She said with a grin, you paid to get in,

Now you'll pay to get out too.

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There was a young girl from Detroit
Whose pussy was really adroit
She could tighten it in
To the size of a pin
Or fan it right out like a quoit

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There was a young man from Decatur

Who had sex with a LOx generator.

His balls and his prick

Froze solid real quick

And his asshole a little while later.

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There was a guy named Joe Mcglock

the only guy with a corkscrew cock.

He spent his life on an exhausting hunt

for a pretty girl with a corkscrew cunt.

When he found his girl he fell over dead

her corkscrew cunt had a lefthand thread.

 

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IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED... A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, both box seats.

He paid $11,500 each. It comes with ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner and $400.00 bar tab. Also a back stage pass to the winners locker room.

He didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St Paul's Church, in Orlando at 3pm. Her name is Ashley. She's 5'4", about 115 lbs, and a good cook too. She loves to fish and hunt. She'll be the one in the white dress.

 

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1 minute ago, Ed Lada said:

IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED... A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, both box seats.

He paid $11,500 each. It comes with ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner and $400.00 bar tab. Also a back stage pass to the winners locker room.

He didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St Paul's Church, in Orlando at 3pm. Her name is Ashley. She's 5'4", about 115 lbs, and a good cook too. She loves to fish and hunt. She'll be the one in the white dress.

 

 

 

Reminds me of the old advert:

Single white male seeks woman who can cook, fish and go camping.

Please send photo of boat and motor...

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Apparently written by W. S. Gilbert, of Gilbert and Sullivan fame.

There was a young man from St. Bees
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp.
I asked, "Did it hurt?"
He said, "No it didn't,
But I'm very glad it wasn't a hornet."

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A lady all full of surprises

Had breasts of two different sizes

One was so small it was nothing at all

But the other was large and won prizes

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A friend told me a great joke along those lines.

Someone was asked to describe the Russian national character;

"They're like Germans... but without the sense of humour"

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There is one joke I've heard in Germany and all of the Germans laugh at it. 

You know zer are only 2 seasons in Germany.  Ja, vat are they?  Vinter and baustelle. (construction area). 

It's pretty much true.

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1 hour ago, SloopJonB said:

Has there ever been a German comedian?

There was a character on Hill Street Blues in about 1984 that played an narcoleptic stand up comedian for a few episodes.  Character's name was Vic Hitler and played by Terry Kiser, of Weekend at Bernie's fame later in the decade.  The only reason I remember this was because I kept my J/22 at the same marina that the University of Texas Sailing Club was at.  And having been a member for a few years just prior, I still played with them.  A new guy showed up in the crowd that was Kiser's doppelgänger.  Wanting to welcome him to the fold, I introduced myself and told him he looked just like Vic Hitler on HSB.  He was a German graduate student.  To my everlasting shame, we never saw him again.

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1 hour ago, RedTuna said:

There was a character on Hill Street Blues in about 1984 that played an narcoleptic stand up comedian for a few episodes.  Character's name was Vic Hitler and played by Terry Kiser, of Weekend at Bernie's fame later in the decade.  The only reason I remember this was because I kept my J/22 at the same marina that the University of Texas Sailing Club was at.  And having been a member for a few years just prior, I still played with them.  A new guy showed up in the crowd that was Kiser's doppelgänger.  Wanting to welcome him to the fold, I introduced myself and told him he looked just like Vic Hitler on HSB.  He was a German graduate student.  To my everlasting shame, we never saw him again.

The Vic Hitler storyline was pretty good - JD wanting to promote him as "Vic Hitler, The Narcoleptic Comic".

Did his stand up gigs from a chair in case he fell asleep. :D

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11 hours ago, Bugsy said:

^^ and the famous lightbulb manufacturer Donzer Lee. 

Their motto was "Oh say can you see.... by the Donzer Lee light."

Jose really wanted to see the New York Yankees, so he saved up his pesos until he had enough to make the trip.  When he got to Yankee Stadium he went to the ticket counter and tried to buy a ticket but he did not have enough money.  He politely told the ticket taker his tale of wo.

The ticket taker took pity on him and told him he could see the game if he climbed the light pole across the street.

So, he climbed up the pole and watched his beloved Yankees beat the Red Sox 1 to 0.

When he got home his amigo asked him about the trip.

Jose said that it was great and the fans were so friendly that at the beginning of the game everyone in the stadium stood and sang out, "Jose, can you see?". 

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Ok so the Germans have some jokes about northern Germans who live in Friesland:

why do Friesland men carry a briefcase to work?

to carry their lunch

why did one friesland man show up to work with cuts on his face?

he ate with a knife and fork the previous night 

why did the Friesland man have a bump on the back of his head?

the toilet lid fell on his head while getting a drink of water

 

these were told to me by a 18 yo German au paire I dated who was not from Friesland. Terrible jokes and I did not laugh but she thought they were hilarious. After much practice though she did finally get the hang of 69 so not a total waste of time, she had what I would call gigglegasms. Adorable!

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A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something’s wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear it!”
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh only to hear, “Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks.”
“I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on.” The doctor asked.
“That’s nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee.”
The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say “Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!”
“Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.” The doctor was dumbfounded.
“Wait Doc, that’s not it. There’s more, just put your ear up to my ankle,” the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can.”
I have no idea what to tell you,” the doctor said. “There’s nothing about it in my books,” he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
“I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on the life and all my previous experience I’d say your leg appears to be broke in three places.”
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On 1/21/2022 at 7:12 PM, Rasputin22 said:

It is just me and the old lady here on our bayou and maybe across the bay/intercoastal to the blackwater rivers we have here in Baldwin Co. We are less than a mile from the pass to the open Gulf and when the winds are offshore I wouldn't hesitate to run outside to Pensacola pass, one of the prettiest stretches white sand and turquoise waters anywhere.

      Spoke with the guy who is selling the boat and will go meet him and the boat tomorrow, only about 12 miles from me! Believe it or not, it is a 1959 ski hull that he saw in ruins from the road. To him it looked like a midget Carolina flared bow (which is what caught my eye) and he put in new cored sole and transom and nice paint job. Turns out hull ding repairs and paint jobs are his specialty and this was just a side project for he and his girl to get about. He said that she was resentful of his always working on the boat and assured him that he was the only guy in the world to have been subjected to that sort of treatment!

 

finally found the joke..

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An English man, Johnny, is talking about his miserable sex life to his Indian work friend Abdul.
''Its no fun, boring and very unfulfilling'' he says.

Abdul taking out a large expensive cigar says ''You should treat her like a nice cigar''

''What do you mean'' says Johnny.

Unwrapping the cigar slowly Abdul comments ''Undress her slowly, layer by layer;
Smell her perfume'' As he wafts the cigar under his nose.
Caress her body gently and lovingly, take your time'' as he slowly rolls the cigar between his fingers.
He lights up the cigar with a smooth flourish the tip glowing hot ''And when she is hot and ready, gently slide inside her''

''Right Oh'' says Johnny ''I'll give that a go''

At home that night they go upstairs and Johnny starts his new found erotic process.
After half an hour he has his wife undressed. He begins massaging her and sniffing her all over.
After another ten minutes of this his wife frustratingly says ''Johnny for fuck sake get on with it, you're fucking around like an Indian!
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his Indian work friend Abdul

AYFKM?

And by the way, Nicholson told that joke almost 50 years ago in Chinatown - and it was a "Chinaman".

Can't you keep your racism straight?

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A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.

At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."

The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"

"6," the old lady responded.

"Then," the judge said, "you will spend one day in jail for each peach, for a total of 6 days."

"Your Honor," spoke her husband, "she also stole a can of peas!"

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A bus load of nun's are in an accident and all end up lined up at the Pearly Gates.
St Peter says that he needs to hear their confessions so that he can take away their earthly sins before entering heaven.
He asks the first nun, "Have you ever seen or touched a penis?"
The first nun answers, "I once touched one with my finger."
St Peter says, "Dip your finger in the holy water font and all will be forgiven."
St Peter asks the second nun, "Have you ever seen or touched a penis?"
The second nun answers, "I once fondled one with my hand."
St Peter says, "Dip your hand in the holy water font and all will be forgiven."
Just then, way up at the back of the line, all hell breaks loose and a nun comes charging down the line knocking other nuns out of her way until she gets to St Peter. St Peter looks at her with a puzzled expression and then asks, "What is going on here sister? Why all the fuss?"
The nun looks at him and replies, "Well, I just thought that if I am going to have to gargle the holy water, I wanted to get in before you make Sister Agnes put her arse in the font."

Olden but golden

 

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