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Palin To Become Ambassador To Nambia


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Washington hostesses are all aflutter today as they vie with one another for the august honor of being the first to throw a bash for Sarah Palin, just named as the First Ambassador to Nambia, of any gender.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump on Friday capped a busy week of diplomatic activity by naming the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin the United States Ambassador to Nambia.

By naming Palin to this diplomatic post, the United States has become the first nation in the world to formally recognize Nambia’s existence.

In a joint appearance with Trump at the White House, Palin acknowledged that she “didn’t know a lot about Nambia” but said that she was looking forward to receiving a comprehensive briefing on the nation’s history, culture, and customs from the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.

“Then it’s Nambia, here I come!” Palin exclaimed.

In a sign that Palin’s appointment was a popular move, a new poll shows that an overwhelming majority of Americans support her permanent relocation to Nambia.

“Yes, I will be relocating to Nambia very soon. Betsy says that they wear rings on their toes and eat fruitfly ice cream and I’ve never done that. It sounds so exciting. But to tell you the truth, this is my second choice of an ambassadorship. I was really hoping to get assigned to Nibiru. Donald spoke with their charge d’affaires, the Third Least Wuge, about me coming up for a visit at least. The Wuge said he would undergo soovlaffi before having me on his world. So once he gets settled, maybe Ann Coulter can take my place and I’ll go to Nibiru and look at Saturn from my back yard.”

A cultural attache revealed that soovlaffi is a form of slow torture, where the victim is staked out in the desert under a broiling sun and sentient vines encircle their prey and squirt poisonous liquid. It was outlawed seventeen millenia ago. Since their approach to earth the Nibiruns have decided to attempt a controlled explosion at one of their poles, hoping to knock Nibiru out of its current orbit and move it as far as possible away from Washington, D.C.

Note: Nambia is the world's leading exporter of covfefe.

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In a reference to Hillary Clinton’s description of Mr Trump’s supporters, she added: “He was deplorable before being deplorable was cool…..The forgotten man and woman in this country, they stood up, and we beat the swamp. But, alas, 10 months later, guys, the swamp, it’s trying to hijack this presidency.”

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3 hours ago, hobie1616 said:

Washington hostesses are all aflutter today as they vie with one another for the august honor of being the first to throw a bash for Sarah Palin, just named as the First Ambassador to Nambia, of any gender.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump on Friday capped a busy week of diplomatic activity by naming the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin the United States Ambassador to Nambia.

By naming Palin to this diplomatic post, the United States has become the first nation in the world to formally recognize Nambia’s existence.

In a joint appearance with Trump at the White House, Palin acknowledged that she “didn’t know a lot about Nambia” but said that she was looking forward to receiving a comprehensive briefing on the nation’s history, culture, and customs from the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.

“Then it’s Nambia, here I come!” Palin exclaimed.

In a sign that Palin’s appointment was a popular move, a new poll shows that an overwhelming majority of Americans support her permanent relocation to Nambia.

“Yes, I will be relocating to Nambia very soon. Betsy says that they wear rings on their toes and eat fruitfly ice cream and I’ve never done that. It sounds so exciting. But to tell you the truth, this is my second choice of an ambassadorship. I was really hoping to get assigned to Nibiru. Donald spoke with their charge d’affaires, the Third Least Wuge, about me coming up for a visit at least. The Wuge said he would undergo soovlaffi before having me on his world. So once he gets settled, maybe Ann Coulter can take my place and I’ll go to Nibiru and look at Saturn from my back yard.”

A cultural attache revealed that soovlaffi is a form of slow torture, where the victim is staked out in the desert under a broiling sun and sentient vines encircle their prey and squirt poisonous liquid. It was outlawed seventeen millenia ago. Since their approach to earth the Nibiruns have decided to attempt a controlled explosion at one of their poles, hoping to knock Nibiru out of its current orbit and move it as far as possible away from Washington, D.C.

Note: Nambia is the world's leading exporter of covfefe.

And the Namibian healthcare system is admired world-wide. Many people are saying that. 

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42 minutes ago, SloopJonB said:

I'm still pissed that she wasn't made ambassador to Canada.

That would have been a lot of fun.

I thought Nambia was in Canada, a little north of Churchill. I could be wrong, but I could understand that posting. 

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Palin Resigns as Ambassador to Nambia!

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2 Votes

 

 

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Donald Trump previously promised that there would be a place for Sarah Palin in his cabinet.  Trump said:

“But certainly there’d be a role in the administration if she wanted, and I’m not sure that she does want that. But there’d certainly be a role.”

When asked, Palin recommended herself for the head of the department of energy, but then said she use that position to dissolve the Department of Energy.  Maybe that was a sign of things to come?

The Borowitz Report reveals that on Friday Trump kept his promise.  He named Alaska Grandmother, and former Governor Sarah Palin as Ambassador to Nambia.

By naming Palin to this diplomatic post, the United States has become the first nation in the world to formally recognize Nambia’s existence.

Borowitz reported that:

” Palin acknowledged that she “didn’t know a lot about Nambia” but said that she was looking forward to receiving a comprehensive briefing on the nation’s history, culture, and customs from the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.

Then it’s Nambia, here I come!” Palin exclaimed.

However today it appears that Palin and DeVos have had a falling out about Palin’s use of the private plane of DeVos.  It seems that Sarah wanted to have  a private flight to Nambia on DeVos’ plane, but DeVos refused.  Palin than asked for a private cruise to Nambia on DeVos” yacht, but DeVos refused that request as well.

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Palin then tried to hitch a ride to Nambia, but nobody was going that way.

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Palin then appealed to the supporters of SarahPAC to donate money for the journey to Nambia and they sent donations of over ONE MILLION dollars.

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Palin announced today that Nambia was just too far away from Alaska and she was resigning her position as ambassador.  She explained that Pastor Muthee had not removed the witches from Nambia, so she wouldn’t be safe there, regardless of how she got there.

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It’s not clear what Palin is going to do with the Million Dollars, but it is being rumored that she is contemplating starting a tableshirt clothing line she will market to the women of Nambia.

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Rumor has it that the women of Nambia are in desperate need of some type of upper body attire.  This is a rare image of the women of Nambia:

Image result for nambia

Trump has not yet announced a replacement for Palin.

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careful what you wish for. just sayin'

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6 minutes ago, Mickey Rat said:

I wonder if she can find it on the map? 

Are you kidding?! She can see it from her house!

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  • 1 year later...

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