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And other important issues

Looks like the uninteresting libertarian contenders in 2020 will be Justin Amash and "Squishy Bill" Weld, but for now...

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The Amash and Weld comments at LibertyCon had the Libertarian Party attendees at the conference buzzing with speculation. In a campaign where the main declared candidates so far are serial arrestee Adam Kokesh, abrasive controversialist Arvin Vohra, and "whale-fucking" enthusiast John McAfee, there may soon be more traditionally impressive résumés in the mix.

The whale fucking Twitter thread is awesome. Not all that Presidential. A bit refreshing, maybe.

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Q: "How do you circumcise a whale?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: "Four skin divers." (Foreskin divers)

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41 minutes ago, Mrleft8 said:

Q: "How do you circumcise a whale?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: "Four skin divers." (Foreskin divers)

 

I read that back in the Whaling days they used whale foreskins like leather to cover foot stools and other items they made onboard.......

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4 hours ago, billy backstay said:

 

I read that back in the Whaling days they used whale foreskins like leather to cover foot stools and other items they made onboard.......

How...... enchanting..... (Best Charles Emerson Winchester voice)

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4 hours ago, billy backstay said:

 

I read that back in the Whaling days they used whale foreskins like leather to cover foot stools and other items they made onboard.......

If you rubbed them, they became a recliner.

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23 hours ago, cmilliken said:

I'm hoping Gabbard will jump ship :)

But that is a pretty funny thread..

DxIzrS0U0AARvIf.thumb.jpg.f8d07e2d9001e943e1195229ab8f3180.jpg

Justin Amash would be a whole lot easier to explain to the American public but it would be a funny campaign if he got the nomination.

Nobody cares if Justin tweets something sensible about policy.

But if our nominee is tweeting constantly about whale fucking, drugs, and grabbing hookers by the pussy, that's impossible to ignore. Well, maybe the last one is considered kinda tame now.

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On 1/21/2019 at 4:01 AM, dogballs Tom said:

And other important issues

Looks like the uninteresting libertarian contenders in 2020 will be Justin Amash and "Squishy Bill" Weld, but for now...

The whale fucking Twitter thread is awesome. Not all that Presidential. A bit refreshing, maybe.

I suppose that depends on who's doing the catching. 

 

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8 hours ago, Mark K said:

I suppose that depends on who's doing the catching. 

 

A rare and proper use of that contraction, which is often mistakenly used as a possessive of who instead of whose.

As for who is doing the catching, the logistics are mind boggling. I'll just say that when I was swimming on the Silver Bank and a 40' humpback and her calf turned toward me, the last thing I was thinking about was the shrinkage that was no doubt occurring.

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On 1/23/2019 at 5:07 AM, Importunate Tom said:

A rare and proper use of that contraction, which is often mistakenly used as a possessive of who instead of whose.

As for who is doing the catching, the logistics are mind boggling. I'll just say that when I was swimming on the Silver Bank and a 40' humpback and her calf turned toward me, the last thing I was thinking about was the shrinkage that was no doubt occurring.

Not sure how rare it is - at least among those who are fluent in English, which is often not the case here.

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John McAfee, Libertarian Party Presidential Hopeful, Is Running His Campaign-in-Exile from Cuba

He says it's because the US government was about to nab him from the Bahamas but I suspect he might have just wanted to get a little closer to the Silver Bank and its whales.

He also lost his campaign manager to Vermin Supreme.

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2 hours ago, SloopJonB said:

I just read the thread title and thought someone had some secret vid of Chris Christie.

I am pretty damn certain I don't want to know why you then clicked on the thread.....

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On 1/21/2019 at 7:25 AM, billy backstay said:

 

I read that back in the Whaling days they used whale foreskins like leather to cover foot stools and other items they made onboard.......

 

what's a foot stool?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

about a 12" shit

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In other amusing candidate news,

Dave Barry For President Again

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In June, Reason's Katherine Mangu-Ward sat down with Barry to talk about his new book, Lessons from Lucy, America's strategic helium reserve (which Barry last discussed with Reason in 1994), jokes he can't tell anymore, and his perennial vaguely libertarian campaign for the presidency.

I haven't ever voted for him. Maybe this time around. Despite being "vaguely TeamL" he is America's funniest columnist.

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FloridaMan for President

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When people introduce Dave Barry, they always say he won a Pulitzer Prize. Which is impressive, of course. But it doesn't really seem like the most salient fact about him. The funnyman is the author of almost 60 books and approximately eleventy billion articles. He is a member of the World Famous Lawn Ranger Precision Lawn Mower Drill Team. Most importantly, the last line on his Wikipedia page is "See also: exploding whale."

OK, so it's exploding and not fucking, but still whale-related and still funny.

Speaking of not fully capturing Dave Barry, reason magazine's sub-headline "Comedy" is true but incomplete.

FloridaMan4President.jpg

From the interview:
 

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But the Barry 2020 campaign is taking off. What is your platform? 

Well, the No. 1 thing that really got me started—this is sort of a Reason-related thing—was low-flow toilets. I was against them. I was one of the first people against them. I'm still against them, and I think we still have them. We had really great toilets in this country. As I grew up, as you grew up, we had really great toilets.

Make America's bathrooms great again?

We could suck down a mature sheep with our toilets. And now, look what we're dealing with. So that's the bedrock principle. That's my equivalent of Trump's wall. It's sort of a deregulation thing. And then of course I'm always up for accepting campaign contributions. That's a fundamental part of my campaign, is people giving money to it.

You have a long, glorious history of using the federal government as a punchline.

Well, I've said this for many years: If you view the federal government as a form of entertainment, it's a lot easier to cope with it mentally. So when I write the quarterly check for my income taxes, I think: I'm getting a lot of value for that. Lately, I feel the federal government—just strictly as an entertainment medium—is pretty good.

 

He's always a riot when he talks about people $peaking to his campaign. I've been thinking of sending him a yuge bottle of pennies.

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There's a new Libertarian contender for President

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Author and longtime libertarian hand Jacob Hornberger, the 69-year-old founder and president of The Future of Freedom Foundation, formally announced his candidacy for president, immediately becoming one of the most well-known of the dozen or so names working actively to take the baton from two-time nominee Gary Johnson.

I found this pic above the article amusing.

LPdebate-2400x1350.jpg

Who lets a photographer get behind the candidates? Especially when that means shooting a bunch of empty seats?

I like that only one candidate seems at all aware of the camera.

As always, I like Vermin Supreme's boot but that guy on the right is a strong contender for "Silliest Hat." And he's going up against a man wearing an upside down boot, so that's quite an achievement.

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In whale fucking news, John McAfee Launches WHACKD — An ‘Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself’ Crypto

 

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American entrepreneur and vocal crypto advocate John McAfee has launched a polemical meme cryptocurrency dubbed “WHACKD.” 

The token’s full rubric — “Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself” —  was revealed in McAfee’s Nov. 11 Twitter announcement on Nov. 11. 

...

McAfee’s WHACKD asset is a “deflationary” ECR20 (Ethereum-based) token and will reportedly be issued via airdrop on Friday, Nov. 15, with an immediate listing on McAfee’s decentralized cryptocurrency exchange.

The ad hints at a distinct protocol design, indicating that “10% of all transactions will be burned (WHACKD!) + 1 out of 1000 transactions will be burned (WHACKD!).”

Whether or not the token is real will presumably become clear by the week’s end.

 

Another article barely mentions the WHACKD cryptocurrency but has no shortage of gossip so is kinda entertaining.

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Florida Man has taken time out of his Presidential campaign to offer helpful hints to holiday shoppers in his 2019 Holiday Gift Guide

The article begins with an extended rant about the little drummer boy song.

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Note that all of the gifts in this guide are real. You can actually buy them. We know this because we here at the Gift Guide did buy them, although of course we did not use our own money. We may be tasteless, but we are not stupid.

Each item in this guide was subjected to a rigorous testing procedure in which we open the box, examine the item and shake our heads in quiet despair.

 

Some excellent contenders this year but I think Flushin' Frenzy is the clear winner.

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Florida Man has taken time out of his Presidential campaign to review important 2019 news stories including these:

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...the city of Riviera Beach, Fla., pays nearly $600,000 in bitcoin to hackers who paralyzed the city’s computer system by attacking it with “ransomware,” which is sort of like a Windows update except that at least there’s somebody who knows how to fix it.

...

Abroad, a person named “Boris,” who apparently styles his hair with a commercial leaf blower, becomes prime minister of England, a development that very likely could have something to do with Brexit.

...

 

 

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Rhode Island Man To Run For President
 

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Lincoln Chafee, who served as Rhode Island's Republican Senator from 1999 to 2007 (after serving as a Republican mayor in the highly Democratic city of Warwick for the previous six years), served as governor of Rhode Island from 2011 to 2015 as an independent, and ran for president in the 2016 cycle as a Democrat, on Wednesday will formally announce his intention to seek the Libertarian presidential nomination at an event at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C.

...

One of the issues he's been dinged for in the past by libertarians is gun control, but Chafee says he's come to think "the reason there is more advocacy for strong Second Amendment protections is distrust of our government, and that distrust is legitimate."

"The biggest lie in American history," Chafee says, is that "Saddam [Hussein] had weapons of mass destruction and we invaded Iraq, and we are still there and it's getting worse. It's spread to Syria, Yemen, and it might spread to Iran."

In the wake of a generation grown up dealing with the dire effect of that lie, Chafee thinks, mistrust of the government makes total sense, and he does "believe the authors of the Second Amendment wrote it with that in mind, and if there is distrust of government we want to have a well-regulated armed militia."

Through his four major political affiliations, Chafee says, the throughline has been opposition to "fiscal irresponsibility" and "plunging into needless wars." That's why he left the Republicans, and why he thinks he's right for the Libertarians.

His professional political past could help earn media a more obscure Libertarian might not, he thinks, while "I also recognize the establishment [including the media] is in cahoots with the military-industrial complex; there is a bias from the establishment against anti-war candidates."


 

Hmmm. Yawn. It's pretty Eva Dent that cartoonishly nutz is the Presidential way to be and "whale fucking hacker" beats "lifelong politician."

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Libertarian Presidential Candidates Talk About Open Borders
 

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To a notable degree, the L.P.'s top 2020 presidential candidates are hewing to the party's radical-for-American-politics immigration platform.

"One of the proudest positions that we have in this party is our open-border plank," Future of Freedom Foundation founder Jacob Hornberger, who won the party's non-binding presidential caucuses in Iowa and Minnesota this month, said during a California debate that I moderated Feb. 16. "I grew up on a farm on the Rio Grande. We hired illegal immigrants….Y'all know about the checkpoints. We got 'em over there. I've been stopped by the Border Patrol myself when I was in high school, 'Open up your trunk!' Warrantless searches onto our farm to bust our workers. It's a police state, and there's only one solution to it: Dismantle it all. People have a fundamental, God-given right to cross borders like human beings and not die of thirst and dehydration in the desert and on the back of 18-wheelers."

There were five other candidates on stage that night, and each said similar things.

Media entrepreneur and current fundraising leader Adam Kokesh, whose big campaign idea is signing an executive order on day one that dissolves the federal government, posited that "Government borders are not legitimate," and that "only private property borders" deserve respect. Kokesh then added: "And if being American means anything about standing up to unjust authority and employing civil disobedience, I would dare say most who come here illegally are more American than the average apathetic American today."

Performance artist and serial candidate Vermin Supreme, who won the party's only other early-state contest so far (New Hampshire), quipped that "You cannot outlaw people. If you outlaw people, only people will be outlaws."

Deep-pocketed race newcomer Mark Whitney, an ex-convict comedy enthusiast who founded THELAWNET, said of undocumented immigrants, "I not only want them to be citizens, I want them working on my campaign."

Academic and 1996 L.P. vice presidential nominee Jo Jorgensen complained that, "Right now, we've got a system in which we keep everybody out, except we just let a few people in. What we need to do is flip it and just let everybody in."

And bipartisan former Rhode Island governor and U.S. senator Lincoln Chafee stressed the political expediency of it all: "I see this as a political advantage that with our open-border policy and libertarian views on immigration, especially the fastest-growing voting bloc in the United States, the Hispanics, are going to have the opportunity in 2020 to look at our platform and come to our side."

...

 

The article doesn't mention McAfee's position but it's safe to assume he wants illegal immigrants to fuck whales.

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Someone?

Anyone?

 

You've chosen to ignore content by Plenipotentiary Tom. Options

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McAfee's withdrawal makes the title of this thread less relevant but it's still funny to me and we don't have another thread about who will be the Libertarian Party nominee, so...

Lincoln Chafee Is Out

Yeah, I know, who knew he was in?
 

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...

Chafee launched his campaign four months ago, under a banner of "No More Wars. No More Reckless Spending." He acknowledged in an interview then that while a latecomer to L.P. membership, he believed he could win party love since "on the big issues I've been very consistently anti-war, anti-deficit, [and] strongly in favor of civil liberties."

Chafee sounded slightly disappointed that he perceived a "Libertarian establishment" that wasn't sufficiently supportive of his anti-war campaign. "They didn't rally around and frankly I came to understand, I think, that [many in the L.P.] pay lip service" to the anti-war cause but don't value it the most highly. (For now, many of those who most highly value the anti-war stance seem inclined toward Jacob Hornberger.)

"It's where my strongest bona fides are," he said, with his "clear record of being right and being in the minority and taking heat for it. I was only in 23 out of 100 and I was the only Republican" to vote against the Iraq War in the Senate. Chafee thought that would win him enough points that he wouldn't be seen as insufficiently radical where it mattered most for the party. But he felt he was hearing a "deafening silence" from party powers when it came to getting behind him.

Chafee knows his past of not being sufficiently libertarian on the Second Amendment earned him many enemies in the L.P. who seemed concerned with nothing else. Though he's never been a gun rights activist, he mentioned "I did my best—with all sincerity also!—to say I would protect the Second Amendment" but suspected many didn't believe him.

Chafee knows his past of not being sufficiently libertarian on the Second Amendment earned him many enemies in the L.P. who seemed concerned with nothing else. Though he's never been a gun rights activist, he mentioned "I did my best—with all sincerity also!—to say I would protect the Second Amendment" but suspected many didn't believe him.

"I did have high hopes about getting into presidential debates," Chafee admitted. He thinks the major party candidates may prove even more polarizing than in 2016, and saw "potential for the progressives to split off from the Democrats" if former Vice President Joe Biden wins the nomination. He thinks he has appeal since he "overlap with progressives on gay rights, pro-choice, anti-capital punishment—and [being] anti-war, of course." Chafee has also previously said that "a strongly open-borders approach to immigration" could attract newer audiences to the L.P.

Chafee did not say he was formally endorsing any other candidate, and stressed that while he had had no discussions with her about any of this, he suggested in a major party field of two old white men that the L.P. might want to take a good look at Jo Jorgensen, "a party loyalist no doubt." Jorgensen is a senior lecturer in psychology at Clemson University and was the L.P.'s vice presidential nominee in 1996.

While Chafee did not authoritatively state he'd take another swing at the Libertarian presidential crown down the line, he hinted at it strongly. "I am a glutton for punishment," he said. "I do enjoy campaigning, and I've done it for so many years with some success and I do enjoy it."

 

It's disappointing that he got the reaction from party leadership on our endless wars that he did. It's not surprising that people don't trust his newfound respect for gun rights. I wouldn't mind seeing Jo Jorgensen again.

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Noted Trumpalo Justin Amash Joins LP
 

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After a half-century of existence, the Libertarian Party (L.P.) this morning wakes up to a situation it has never before experienced—with a sitting member of Congress proudly waving the Libertarian flag.

"I will be the first," Rep. Justin Amash (L–Mich.) told me late Tuesday* night, just after announcing his candidacy for the Libertarian presidential nomination. "And I'm happy to do that."

...

 

I'd be delighted to vote for him and hope he wins the nomination.

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Some longtime Libertarians are not so happy to see Justin Amash in the race
 

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...Jorgensen notes she's been an L.P. stalwart since 1979 and has done some of the hard petitioning it takes to get the ballot access Amash wants to glom onto.

...

Mark Whitney, founder of TheLaw.net and a comedian, griped that "if this asshole Justin Amash comes over, if he's the nominee I will not support him."

Whitney insists that the "Party of Principles should stop nominating criminals from [a] criminal organization" like the GOP who "come over last minute" to take advantage of the L.P.'s money and activists and then leave it in the lurch—"stop nominating these [former Republican] pricks!"

Vermin Supreme, a candidate trying to walk a fine line between comedic performance artist and actual politician, sent two written comments via a campaign spokesperson this evening.

The comedic reaction to Justin Amash entering the race: "The Amish are a very valued community in the America I love. Their commitment to community reliance and barn building is inspiring. The Amish prove that a pony based economy is possible. They live it. I would welcome any Amish person to join the ranks of the Libertarian Party."

...

 

[email protected] again. He did offer a more serious and supportive response but that's boring.

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Noted Trumptard Justin Amash: "I'm promising to be a President who will reduce my power."

It's worth a shot.

How do we know he's a Trumptard?

Easy! Just assume anyone who identifies as a libertarian is. No need to pay attention to actions in office at all!

On 4/7/2020 at 6:34 AM, Steganographic Tom said:
On 4/6/2020 at 10:06 AM, Steam Flyer said:
On 4/6/2020 at 7:29 AM, Steganographic Tom said:

You mean like Justin Amash?

How did he vote on impeachment?

- DSK

He voted to impeach Trump, just like any other Trumpalo.

That was a real conversation-stopping answer. His vote didn't escape the attention of TeamR partisans, who hate libertarians every bit as much as the TeamD types we have here.

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Justin Amash Is Out

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In a Twitter thread, Amash wrote that the current political environment "presents extraordinary challenges," including that "polarization is near an all-time high" and that "social media and traditional media are dominated by voices strongly averse to the political risks posed by a viable third candidate." Also, "lingering uncertainty regarding ratification of online voting, the feasibility of 50-state ballot access and related legal challenges, and unity after the nomination have also weighed heavily on me. We must address these issues as a party to ensure we maximize our potential."

Oh well...

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16 hours ago, Olsonist said:

 

 

He has to get past the Pony Derangement Syndrome crowd at convention time but probably could get lots of votes if successful.

Who could be against free ponies and good dental health?

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'The Welfare-Warfare State is Anti-American': L.P. Presidential Hopeful Jacob Hornberger

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...Hornberger is the frontrunner in the race for the L.P. nomination following the withdrawal of Rep. Justin Amash (L–Mich.). He's running on a platform that's straightforward, concise, and doctrinaire. He unapologetically stands for open immigration, free trade, an end to non-defensive military actions, the legalization of all drugs, and the replacement of the income tax and the IRS with voluntary payments to fund the government.

Not sure where he stands on whale fucking or free ponies for all.

We did give voluntary taxation a try with the Articles of Confederation and it didn't go so well.

 

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Jo Jorgensen Wins Libertarian Party Presidential Nomination

Not sure where she stands on whale fucking.

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She won with slightly over 51 percent of the vote (not every delegate voted in every round) on that fourth ballot, with 524 votes. Jacob Hornberger came in second, with nearly 28 percent of the vote. Vermin Supreme came in third, with 20 percent of the final vote.

But with Vermin Supreme getting 20% she had better come out with a position on free ponies for all pretty soon.

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Jeff will be along shortly to tell us that the Fakebertarians nominated the only candidate who could lose to his boy, Shitstain. He was truly torn between Vermin Supreme and his boy but now that the  Fakebertarians have gone ahead and nominated ‘insert name here’ he has no choice but to support his boy. He’s very disappointed. Guy is concerned yet optimistic. Tom hasn’t donated any BitCoin to ‘insert name here’s campaign just yet.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Libertarian Party Picks Spike Cohen as Its Vice-Presidential Candidate

One of the shortest and least informative articles I have seen on that site.

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Cohen has linked himself to political satirist Vermin Supreme, who ran this year for the party's presidential nod.

He would make a lot more sense as a VP candidate if Vermin Supreme were the nominee. Jo Jorgensen didn't want him but now she's got him, which is going to prove awkward. I'm pretty sure she's not on the Free Ponies bandwagon.

The TeamR view of his candidacy:

Libertarian Party's VP pick destroys any remaining illusions of party's seriousness
 

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...

A normal enough–appearing candidate was paired with an eccentric obsessed with pushing the envelope of respectability until it tears.  In this case, Jorgensen, a ho-hum academic, has been odd-coupled with Cohen, an acolyte of Vermin Supreme, the perennial joke candidate and hustings staple who dresses like a peripatetic magus.

Cohen's platform, on which he ran, is perverse.  It includes pleas to legalize recreational plutonium, construct a Waffle House on every corner, impeach the entirety of the Supreme Court's bench and replace the robed justices with a bib-overalled janitor, and go back in time to kill baby Woodrow Wilson. Whether any of these proposals is serious or not isn't worth asking. 

...

Hah! Much like Free Ponies for all and a tyrannical dentition police force, questioning the seriousness is kinda missing the point of satire.

Taylor Lewis may suffer from Pony Derangement Syndrome but after reading a few articles at least seems a good potential source for new screen names once I tire of this one.

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Ms. Jorgensen certainly now has an additional challenge.  I think she is relatively serious about politics and having a satirist's sidekick as your running mate isn't ideal.  We'll see what they make of it.

 

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58 minutes ago, cmilliken said:

Ms. Jorgensen certainly now has an additional challenge.  I think she is relatively serious about politics and having a satirist's sidekick as your running mate isn't ideal.  We'll see what they make of it.

 

She'll have the unenviable task of explaining why going back in time to murder baby Woodrow Wilson is funny. Vermin Supreme might be able to pull it off but she won't be and should just deflect by saying, "Ask Spike." Or, better, "Ask Vermin."

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36 minutes ago, Cacoethesic Tom said:

She'll have the unenviable task of explaining why going back in time to murder baby Woodrow Wilson is funny. Vermin Supreme might be able to pull it off but she won't be and should just deflect by saying, "Ask Spike." Or, better, "Ask Vermin."

Absolutely.

I don't know anything about Mr. Cohen but if he's a good satirist, he might be able to make some points but I'm not sure if that's in his temperament.  And more importantly, I'm not sure anyone wants satire at this particular moment.  Timing, like location, is everything in politics.

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Meet Marshall Burt, Who's About To Become the Libertarian Party's Only Sitting State Legislator
 

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Given the party's track record, any Libertarian running for a state-level office would have to be full of almost nutty hubris to expect to win. But next year Marshall Burt will become the only sitting Libertarian state legislator, in Wyoming, and one of only five persons to ever win such a seat solely as a Libertarian. And he says he entered his race certain that he not only could but would win it.

"Being a Marine, I don't have a notion of failure, right? I didn't have the notion of failing or I wouldn't have started," Burt said in a phone interview yesterday. There were other ways he could have spent $10,000 and months of his time than on a failing political campaign, and he thinks anything less than running to win is just useless "lip service" to the cause.

Burt believed in the plausibility of the party's "Frontier Project" model. Libertarian political operative Apollo Pazell saw that chances for actual victory likely involved races where a very small number of total votes was required to win, and where only one major party opponent was on the ballot. Pazell pushed hard this year in a handful of Wyoming races with those qualities, and Burt pushed over the top with a 276-vote edge over incumbent Democrat Stan Blake, and a total of 1,696 votes.

...

 

Hmm... One is infinitely more than zero, I suppose.

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