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Sailing from LA to SF, Solo w/ Little Experience


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towed him in this morning , seems like a good Kid took him to Linda's for breakfast now going to try to sort him out with an old main you can never have too much good karma in the bank shit

I just talk to FF glad he gave me a call, very happy he and the boat are safe I plan on going to help him tomorrow and bring him back to Santa Cruz for a Thanksgiving dinner. 

Somebody is bored - whose sock is this?

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35 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

This is a script for a TV holiday movie.  Glad I am FF's manager/agent's assistant's assistant!  

Thankful for SA and even ACA.  

 

If I saw a boat self-docked after a storm in a movie I would say "Well, that's bullshit".  Glad you are OK FF. Damn, wish I was 21 again!

 

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15 hours ago, FishFood said:

Tell me about it... Docks are 3x the price of mooring and 4x the anchorage. Better than losing my home though. I don't know if I'll be on tackle in a storm like that for a while, been scared straight.

There's a reason HMB harbor has 2 breakwalls...

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15 hours ago, FishFood said:

 I don't know if I'll be on tackle in a storm like that for a while, been scared straight.

This episode of "Wisdom and Better Judgement" is brought to you by our friends at "Scared Straight". :D  I once read an autobiography written by Bigfoot entitled "In Me Own Words".  Big Foot once had a friend named Dennis who reminds me of FF.  Please FF, don't be a Dennis, don't be "here for good time not long time", be here for "good time and long time".  And btw, "In Me Own Words" is truly one of the great literary masterpieces of our time, you should all read it now and thank me later. And another thing just occurred to me, Big Foot's literary style has an uncanny resemblance to Snaggletooth.  Could Snags have been BF all this time?  Maybe cousins?1521631138_ScreenShot2019-11-28at11_09_33AM.thumb.png.630027dee489e731462b50fa5fa21dc0.pngScreen_Shot_2019-11-28_at_11_43.08_AM.thumb.png.ad4d147e6c7113174cf9b28c7804e058.png

  

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4 hours ago, Norse Horse said:

That's as exciting as missing Texas Reef. Like you got thrown from your horse and it made it home to the stable without you.

Or the chicken was driving...;)

image.png.54f615cf7a1f1903de8ed1909a464a87.png

In all fairness, many horses are smarter than some of the folks here and it isn't unheard of for them to find their way home alone.  But the chicken thing, well yeah.

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9 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

In all fairness, many horses are smarter than some of the folks here and it isn't unheard of for them to find their way home alone.

It's true! A couple of girls recently got bucked off their horses down the street from us.

We heard the commotion and managed to catch one horse but failed to catch the other.

The "free" horse proceeded to run back home - about 2km away - through several turns and intersections.

Her barn mates came looking for her when the horse arrived without her. 

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scorpionsailing.wordpress.com

Nothing new, just edited writings from before. Have a ton written on paper and went to the library yesterday to type it all up but apparently Black Friday is a library holiday... Will probably use my phone to upload at least part two during this storm coming in the next few days. Believe it or not the days of prep were just as entertaining as a lot of the trip. Guess I'm just a goon and that makes for funny shiz.

My SA derived thanksgiving was awesome, PL came out to my boat and helped me out some more. Thanks again PL. Should be solid for the breezy weekend. 

Please don't waste your time reading if you are going to end up bitching about my "drivel" etc. Go do something that makes you happy and spare me/us/you the strife.

Also, this takes a lot of work and energy. Much respect to those who write for a living. 

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On 11/28/2019 at 3:58 PM, NeedAClew said:

So people exhibit willingness to pay. ;)

Ahhh, yes. And the sea lions. I went right up to an abandoned floating dock covered in sea lions (seals? I'm not too sure) to make local friends but they got pretty pissed off. Guess I'll forever be a loner. 

Harbor patrol gave me a bag o' sausage as a gift. They either really like me or they were poisoned so they can get rid of me. Not too sure. They were tasty though.

download_20191130_070720.thumb.jpg.2415b00e77030a172a2837a25d4e5779.jpg

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46 minutes ago, FishFood said:

scorpionsailing.wordpress.com 

Nothing new, just edited writings from before. Have a ton written on paper and went to the library yesterday to type it all up but apparently Black Friday is a library holiday... Will probably use my phone to upload at least part two during this storm coming in the next few days. Believe it or not the days of prep were just as entertaining as a lot of the trip. Guess I'm just a goon and that makes for funny shiz.

My SA derived thanksgiving was awesome, PL came out to my boat and helped me out some more. Thanks again PL. Should be solid for the breezy weekend. 

Please don't waste your time reading if you are going to end up bitching about my "drivel" etc. Go do something that makes you happy and spare me/us/you the strife.

Also, this takes a lot of work and energy. Much respect to those who write for a living. 

Sea lions like sausage? :o

 

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1 minute ago, Norse Horse said:

Sea lions like sausage? :o

 

I tossed my extras at them after I was done grilling as I had no ice in my icebox. I can't confirm if they liked them (any marine animal whispers nearby?) but they sure did gobble those suckers quick. 

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5 minutes ago, FishFood said:

I tossed my extras at them after I was done grilling as I had no ice in my icebox. I can't confirm if they liked them (any marine animal whispers nearby?) but they sure did gobble those suckers quick. 

Have they tried to get in the open transom yet?

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FF, I can't add to the helpful advice concerning your sailing issues, smarter people than myself have covered that pretty well.  I do think I can help you on some etiquette tips here on the site.

Imagine if you make your first visit to a bar that is full of regulars.  You walk in and all eyes are on you because they see a new face.  You sit at the bar, order a beer while exclaiming that you just had a terrible, no good, rotten week and you need some refreshment. and the bar tender, in a bit of a hurry accidentally slams your beer down.  You tell him, maybe a little to firmly "Dude, don't abuse my brew like that".   He mumbles a halfhearted sorry and goes to make a someone a drink.  Meanwhile the regulars look at you like WTF?  One of them jokingly tells you that Murph is always like that, don't worry about it.  You answer "So you're telling me that Murph is always a dick?"  The regulars start to scowl a bit.  Then you go to the gents room to take a piss, and you come out and loudly ask Murph if they ever clean the toilets here.  Murph doesn''t answer, he just stares at you.   The regulars start to look a little dangerous all of a sudden.  You feel a little uncomfortable, drink your beer and leave.  The next week you go there again and everybody in the place looks at you with less than friendly glances.  But you start to talk to your neighbor at the bar, tell him a bit about yourself, and it goes OK and you decide to keep coming to the place.  Eventually you get to know the regulars, they get to know you and the regulars decide you aren't such a bad guy.  Soon, you kid with Murph as he pretends to slam you beer down and you tell him jokingly tell him that he's still a dick, as you smile.  All the regulars laugh along with you and Murph, and you feel right at home there now.  The toilets are still dirty, but it's just that kind of place. 

You see how that works?

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10 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

FF, I can't add to the helpful advice concerning your sailing issues, smarter people than myself have covered that pretty well.  I do think I can help you on some etiquette tips here on the site.

Imagine if you make your first visit to a bar that is full of regulars.  You walk in and all eyes are on you because they see a new face.  You sit at the bar, order a beer while exclaiming that you just had a terrible, no good, rotten week and you need some refreshment. and the bar tender, in a bit of a hurry accidentally slams your beer down.  You tell him, maybe a little to firmly "Dude, don't abuse my brew like that".   He mumbles a halfhearted sorry and goes to make a someone a drink.  Meanwhile the regulars look at you like WTF?  One of them jokingly tells you that Murph is always like that, don't worry about it.  You answer "So you're telling me that Murph is always a dick?"  The regulars start to scowl a bit.  Then you go to the gents room to take a piss, and you come out and loudly ask Murph if they ever clean the toilets here.  Murph doesn''t answer, he just stares at you.   The regulars start to look a little dangerous all of a sudden.  You feel a little uncomfortable, drink your beer and leave.  The next week you go there again and everybody in the place looks at you with less than friendly glances.  But you start to talk to your neighbor at the bar, tell him a bit about yourself, and it goes OK and you decide to keep coming to the place.  Eventually you get to know the regulars, they get to know you and the regulars decide you aren't such a bad guy.  Soon, you kid with Murph as he pretends to slam you beer down and you tell him jokingly tell him that he's still a dick, as you smile.  All the regulars laugh along with you and Murph, and you feel right at home there now.  The toilets are still dirty, but it's just that kind of place. 

You see how that works?

Noted. Fairly good comparison. I think I see the scowls turning to laughs. I'll leave the toilets be. 

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2 minutes ago, FishFood said:

Noted. Fairly good comparison. I think I see the scowls turning to laughs. I'll leave the toilets be. 

You just might be OK after all FF.   Welcome to the asylum.

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22 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:

Have they tried to get in the open transom yet?

Sadly, no. I'm going to tie off some sausage to a fishing rod, hang it off the back of my skiff and lure them there. It will test their fondness of sausage and I will have drinking buddies. Loosening the aft stays now to make it easier for my slippery fellas.

6 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

You just might be OK after all FF.   Welcome to the asylum.

Thanks, looking forward to earning my straight jacket. I'm a fan of lunacy and degeneracy despite seeming to have some opposition.

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1 minute ago, FishFood said:

Sadly, no. I'm going to tie off some sausage to a fishing rod, hang it off the back of my skiff and lure them there. It will test their fondness of sausage and I will have drinking buddies. Loosening the aft stays now to make it easier for my slippery fellas.

Thanks, looking forward to earning my straight jacket. 

Yer' welcome.  Just be a little careful around Murph though.  He is a friendly guy but he was in Nam and now and then he has a flashback.  Then all bets are off....

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7 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

I always wondered about the assholes using scooters.  

I'm extra assholish in my piloting of said scooters. Skidding to stops, plowing through pedestrians as I speed down the sidewalk, etc. You have to embody and embrace the attitude of a scooter riding douchebag when on one or you will surely be spotted as an outsider and consequently subjected to ridicule. My ego is fragile.

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Your going to have to embellish that story a bit, if your agent hasn't already told you. Glossing over the oil rig encounter deserves more than battling homeless people.

I see a "Made for TV" movie in your future...maybe a pilot.

 

 

Excuse me, Daid Hasselhoff is on the other line...

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3 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:

Your going to have to embellish that story a bit, if your agent hasn't already told you. Glossing over the oil rig encounter deserves more than battling homeless people.

I see a "Made for TV" movie in your future...maybe a pilot.

 

 

Excuse me, Daid Hasselhoff is on the other line...

Oh don't worry. That is to show my immaturity and we are going to use the oil rig, freighter ship, storm, etc to demonstrate "growth". I've got it all planned out...

Is there a sailing/boating tv network that wants to buy out the rights now? 1000 cans of Progresso and a new iPad is the starting bid. 

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7 minutes ago, FishFood said:

Oh don't worry. That is to show my immaturity and we are going to use the oil rig, freighter ship, storm, etc to demonstrate "growth". I've got it all planned out...

Is there a sailing/boating tv network that wants to buy out the rights now? 1000 cans of Progresso and a new iPad is the starting bid. 

You can't split the iPad adequately with your retinue. Let us deal with potential buyers. We can advance you some Progresso. 

 

17 minutes ago, FishFood said:

I'm extra assholish in my piloting of said scooters. Skidding to stops, plowing through pedestrians as I speed down the sidewalk, etc. You have to embody and embrace the attitude of a scooter riding douchebag when on one or you will surely be spotted as an outsider and consequently subjected to ridicule. My ego is fragile.

You now need liability insurance. Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose, but you are becoming a valuable property. Ego is one thing, but paying some Boomer or lawyer pet-owner some of your proceeds for banging into them or Muffy is another. 

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12 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

You can't split the iPad adequately with your retinue. Let us deal with potential buyers. We can advance you some Progresso. 

 

You now need liability insurance. Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose, but you are becoming a valuable property. Ego is one thing, but paying some Boomer or lawyer pet-owner some of your proceeds for banging into them or Muffy is another. 

Got it, 300 cans before it airs and 1/10th of a Progresso for every cable viewer. I have no interest in fiat currency as I'm betting on worldwide economic collapse and becoming the Progresso king in the aftermath. My staff can take the money they need beforehand and exchange my share for that liquid gold, just do it while the dollar is strong. 

Calling state farm and asking for a personal shenanigan covering insurance policy.

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Ok, getting windy so back to my boat to make sure all is well. My data sucks out there so I probably won't be posting for awhile. My skiff doesn't do so well against the wind waves. Someone find me a buyer and you can have 1/25th of a Progresso or equal cash value in royalties. 

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On 11/27/2019 at 8:12 PM, FishFood said:

As always, @Pro looper, you're dah man. I will now spend my night writing as I won't be alone tomorrow. Extremely grateful for those who have been empathetic and helpful rather than douche kayaks (some of y'all aren't deserving of being branded canoes, I actually like those things)...

wait. canoe > kayak?

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I've been reading your blog.  I think you might have legs FF.  If you need a European rep, let me know.  If you need a girlfriend, I know a lot of beautiful Polish ladies around your age that might like a crazy American guy.  Don't worry they speak English.  Learning to speak Polish is far more difficult than learning to sail a high strung, old race boat and almost as dangerous.  If you made it up the Pacific coast from SoCal to SFO in your boat then you might be able to manage the ladies.  

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4 hours ago, Norse Horse said:

Your going to have to embellish that story a bit, if your agent hasn't already told you. Glossing over the oil rig encounter deserves more than battling homeless people.

I see a "Made for TV" movie in your future...maybe a pilot.

 

 

Excuse me, Daid Hasselhoff is on the other line...

Plenty of screenwriters looking for work. We’ll get them cheap too. I’m thinking getting NeedAClue to over see this.  She will be the movie runner. That comes with a big boost in salary though. Huge responsibility but she’s been waiting just for this opportunity!

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1 minute ago, Al Paca said:

Plenty of screenwriters looking for work. We’ll get them cheap too. I’m thinking getting NeedAClue to over see this.  She will be the movie runner. That comes with a big boost in salary though. Huge responsibility but she’s been waiting just for this opportunity!

Hey Al, have your people call my people.  I can represent the kid in Europe for a small cut.  Really, I don't need a lot of money, I just like the kid, he's got spunk.   Yeah, I know it's the age of VTCs and hi tech coms,  but I've got the local savvy right?  The goofy but lovable young American kid on big adventures could be huge over here.  I also am good friends with a Polish couple that are excellent plastic surgeons, they can make him look good, but not too good, so the ladies will swoon over him.  Polish surgeons work for far, far less than those Hollywood docs do.  It's a win-win ammiright?

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13 minutes ago, Al Paca said:

Can’t put out much money just yet. I could give you a piece on the end though. 1-3%.  You understand that would be off the net. 

Good thing I like the kid, you drive a hard bargain.  Lets call it 1.3% of gross and we have a deal.  I don't do % of net, I didn't just fall off of the kielbasa truck you know.

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5 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

@Al Paca @Ed Lada

Ready to go! Ed, if Al sends me over for any liaison work, I'd like to get some "work done" myself. Nothing too major ;)

 

Hey, no problem, I can hook you up, any job big or small at a fraction of the cost in the US.  If you don't mind 2 very friendly Labs, we can probably even put you up at our house.  What are friends for!  :D  No sailing anywhere near but we have an in ground heated pool if you come in the spring or summer.  Of course no swimming for a few days after the 'touch up'.

No need to bring any of that Progresso shit.  ^_^

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5 hours ago, Norse Horse said:

David Hasselhoff said he wants the role of Prolooper-Mentor, in the movie. He said the script needs work, too.

 

 

I can totally see it. Swap the rescue bouy for a sail bag and you're good to go.

giphy.gif

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I just risked bodily harm to come ashore and get a root beer. Well that and I was jealous of the kite and windboarder bros on the water. I decided to join them on the 20-30mph wind waves on the skiff. Sadly, the bait store in the harbor was out of the classic Faygo old-fashioned root beer that I've become a fan of. I settled for a cookie and strawberry milk and the risk to reward equation has become unbalanced. These were not worth dying for.

Waiting for a period where it would be safer to go. Thinking I'll hunt down a root beer in the meantime to eliminate the chance of dying with a regret.

- FF

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3 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

Good thing I like the kid, you drive a hard bargain.  Lets call it 1.3% of gross and we have a deal.  I don't do % of net, I didn't just fall off of the kielbasa truck you know.

5% of net. That’s as high as I can do. Have you seen a picture of the kid? He’s gonna be the next Leonardo De Caprio. That or Pee Wee Herman. Either way it’s money in the bank. 

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3 hours ago, Al Paca said:

5% of net. That’s as high as I can do. Have you seen a picture of the kid? He’s gonna be the next Leonardo De Caprio. That or Pee Wee Herman. Either way it’s money in the bank. 

Or a sticky spot on the floor.

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7 hours ago, Al Paca said:

5% of net. That’s as high as I can do. Have you seen a picture of the kid? He’s gonna be the next Leonardo De Caprio. That or Pee Wee Herman. Either way it’s money in the bank. 

Al, I feel your pain.  But I know your accountants will jiggle the books so that the net will be smaller than your male member after a dip in the Atlantic ocean in March, and I'll get bupkis and your sympathy.  You're lucky I'm here, otherwise the sharks on this side of the pond will eat you like fresh sushi, and you'll rue the day you didn't take my generous offer.  I'm cutting my own throat because I like the kid and I live in Poland.  I'm old, and I don't need a lot of money.  You and I both know that.  Here's my final offer.  3.5% of the European gross and not a euro cent less.  I hate to play hardball with you, I love you like the son I never had.  It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm tired of wearing Milk Bone underwear.  If this kid is a good as I think he is, you won't even notice my cut, you'll be buying Cohibas by the gross, and lighting them with C notes as you lounge around the pool surrounded by nubile 'production assistants'.  Don't do it for me Al, do it for my 2 Labs.  They go through 35 pounds of kibble every month and I buy them the expensive German product because I take good care of them and I love them.  Do it for the Labs Al, for God's sake, do it for the Labs.

 

Stasiu and Bella rs.jpg

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38 minutes ago, Dark Cloud said:

Wow. very similar to mine

 

Holy shit!  You might not be so bad after all!

Stanley, the yellow one is almost 11 years old and Bella is 3 years younger

 

Stasiu and Bella 3.jpg

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Labs are great dogs, intelligent and very sweet and loving, as you well know.  You are lucky yours lived so long, I hope mine do as well.  But it's never long enough, sorry yours are gone.  10-12 years is about the average life span for the breed.  Stanley is starting to show his age, Bella thinks she is still a puppy.

I think these are my last dogs, I don't move well now and if if I get more, they would probably out live me.

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20 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

Labs are great dogs, intelligent and very sweet and loving, as you well know.  You are lucky yours lived so long, I hope mine do as well.  But it's never long enough, sorry yours are gone.  10-12 years is about the average life span for the breed.  Stanley is starting to show his age, Bella thinks she is still a puppy.

I think these are my last dogs, I don't move well now and if if I get more, they would probably out live me.

Thanks. Yeah they were great dogs, miss them a lot. Hope yours go for quite a few more years yet.

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Hey Al, why don't you get the kid a dog.  Many people love dogs and a stalwart, handsome, clever Lab, (they love water) can add a lot of value.  With that open stern, the dog can easily get in and out of the boat.  Even though Labs are excellent swimmers, think of the cuteness factor of the pup wearing a canine life jacket that matches FFs.  Think of the sponsorship $s, dog apparel, dog food, etc.   A boy, a dog, and a sailboat, adventuring around the world = irresistible.   Look how well Timmy and Lassie did. 

The idea is gratis, it's all yours, because I like you.  You can thank me later.

Hey, Fish Food, you like dogs don't you?

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3 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

Hey Al, why don't you get the kid a dog. 

The ASPCA should be all over you if you do that to some poor sweet dog LOL.

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20 minutes ago, Wess said:

The ASPCA should be all over you if you do that to some poor sweet dog LOL.

Yeah, I considered that risk.  If it works, though it could be a gold mine!  It's Al's problem not mine.   :lol:

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35 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:

ED, will your dogs tow a boat, because that wold be useful to the plot.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hQgh_oxqTYI/maxresdefault.jpg

That looks like a Newfoundland dog.  They are working dogs well suited to the task, or helping retrieve fishing nets, etc.  

If you promise not to tell anyone I'll tell you the dirty secret about my female Lab, Bella.  She won't swim!   I know, I know, it's embarrassing.  Labs are purpose bred to be excellent swimmers in cold water and have a 'soft mouth' to retrieve ducks without damage. 

Newfies were bred in Newfoundland with smaller water dogs, that were used to retrieve fish that fell out of the net and other small things, in the 1800s and they called them Lesser Newfoundland dogs because they were smaller than the Newfies which can be quite large.  Then some British aristocrat hunter imported the Lesser Newfoundland dog to England because he saw the potential as a good dog for duck hunting.  He called them Labradors because maybe he was geographically confused or something.  Labrador, Newfoundland, same thing!  He and others refined the breed to what it is today.   They have webbed toes, thick under fur to stay warm, a broad tail to help steer, and oily skin to repel water.  They are quite intelligent usually.  In short, the perfect water dog. 

The first time I took Bella to a small lake behind our house so she could romp with her big brother in the water (Stanley loves to swim, like any good Lab), she saw the lake, got a running start, launched herself at the edge of the water, sailed through the air and landed with a big splash.  Bella went completely under and popped up looking confuse, exited the lake in a hurry and has never went in deeper than the bottom of her belly since. 

Stanley cruises around like a big yellow battleship waiting for sticks.  I throw a stick, Stanley gets it and when he is in the shallow water, Bella runs over to him, only going belly deep at best and takes the stick from Stanley and brings it to me, and waits for praise as though she retrieved it.  Stanley lets her take the stick because he is a gentleman.  Smart girl that Bella.  I have carried her out into the water once or twice just to see if she can swim and she makes a perfect, speedy beeline for the shallow water, so it's definitely a psychological thing with her.

So there you have it, I have a defective Lab. But she is sweet so I keep her around even if she is a source of terrible embarrassment.  Please don't tell anyone.  Bella couldn't care less but I do!

A Newfoundland dog could probably tow FFs boat but they are a little large for close quarters.  Stanley is pretty strong, I wouldn't doubt he or any normal sized male Lab could handle a small skiff or dinghy with one person in it.

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4 hours ago, Ed Lada said:

Hey Al, why don't you get the kid a dog. 

We already have an orangutan. A dog wouldn’t last 2 seconds with that beast on board. And why am l even talking with a Polack? 

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1 minute ago, Al Paca said:

We already have an orangutan. A dog wouldn’t last 2 seconds with that beast on board. And why am l even talking with a Polack? 

Hey, hey, hey.  That wasn't nice.  I'm trying to help you and this what I get???

Al, you can't handle the truth.   I have a greater responsibility than you can fathom.  You don't want the truth because I'm in a place that you don't talk about at parties.  You want me on this job, you need me on this job! 

Listen Paca, get rid of the ape and get the Lab.  Eastwood all ready did the Orangutan thing and nobody will ever do it better.  Believe me, Fish Kid ain't no Eastwood, not even close.  Anyway, times have changed.  This is the age of Trump.  People don't want DeCaprio anymore, they want a real man, with a real dog, not some freakin' monkey  

This is your last chance bud.  I can be a real nice guy or I can be your worst nightmare.  Poland is nothing like LA, it's worse than even Raymond Chandler ever dreamed of.  Chinatown is a Disney movie compared to what I see every day here.  You don't want to piss me off, I know people, tough people that fight Ukrainians for fun before breakfast, if you get my drift.  Let's just say you will lose more than the European market.  Your choice Mr. Hollywood.   :angry:

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23 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

But however you work it out, I still can get that touch up work right? 

Sure Clew, I've got no beef with you.  No hard feelings, c'mon over when you're ready!   :) 

If you're clewless boss knows what's good for him, he'll come around eventually.  If you don't hear from him for a time, you will know what probably happened.  ;)

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1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:

So there you have it, I have a defective Lab.

Heh.

I have a defective Golden.

I've had Goldens my whole life.  Great dogs.  Love the water, love pleasing their people, love-love-love a nice chewy tennis ball.

This one... not so much.

He really doesn't give a shit about pleasing his people.  You tell him to do something, he kinda looks at you with a bemused look on his face, clearly chewing on the idea, and then he just looks away, like "no, maybe another time, I don't feel like it right now."  It's kinda hilarious, in an infuriating way... he *knows* what he's supposed to be doing, just... he'll just wait until he feels like it.  That's why at three months his name changed from something Scottish to "Rebel"

Similarly, this dog won't fetch.  Well, to be fair, he will.... once.  Throw something for him, he'll run out and bring it back.  Throw it again, though, and he glares at you with the most indignant look, silently screaming "Dude, what did you do that for?!?!?  I just went at got it for you, and you throw it again???  WTF?"

But... water.  Sheesh.  Every Golden I've had it has been a battle to keep them OUT of the water.  So when we brought this one down to the boat the first time we were thinking it would be hard to keep him on the dock.  Nope.  It was hard to get him ON the dock.  He got to the top of the ramp, saw water in every direction, and laid down on the concrete, legs splayed out in every direction and somehow immovable. 

I finally did get him on the dock, and onto the boat (hint: beef jerky is his Kryptonite), and I love him dearly.  He'll even swim, on occasion.

But he's definitely my "special needs" Golden. 

Or maybe the world's biggest long-hair Chihuahua.  Not sure.

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30 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

Hey, hey, hey.  That wasn't nice.  I'm trying to help you and this what I get???

Al, you can't handle the truth.   I have a greater responsibility than you can fathom.  You don't want the truth because I'm in a place that you don't talk about at parties.  You want me on this job, you need me on this job! 

Listen Paca, get rid of the ape and get the Lab.  Eastwood all ready did the Orangutan thing and nobody will ever do it better.  Believe me, Fish Kid ain't no Eastwood, not even close.  Anyway, times have changed.  This is the age of Trump.  People don't want DeCaprio anymore, they want a real man, with a real dog, not some freakin' monkey  

This is your last chance bud.  I can be a real nice guy or I can be your worst nightmare.  Poland is nothing like LA, it's worse than even Raymond Chandler ever dreamed of.  Chinatown is a Disney movie compared to what I see every day here.  You don't want to piss me off, I know people, tough people that fight Ukrainians for fun before breakfast, if you get my drift.  Let's just say you will lose more than the European market.  Your choice Mr. Hollywood.   :angry:

You bastard. How dare you threaten ME!  I have people too. Crips. Bloods.  MS 13.  Cap your ass for $ 200.00 and a 1/2 case of 40’s. Besides, no one remembers that Eastwood crap. Never made it to Netflix. I could care less about some 3 rd rate eastern euro backwater. I maybe could give you distributor rights in Poland for VHS tapes. You do realize I already have most of the street corners there covered by my Nigerian sales team. My market is USA and China. The rest is just pocket change. 

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30 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

But however you work it out, I still can get that touch up work right? 

My dear, you’re lovely just the way you are. Maybe get those roots touched up a little. 

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5 minutes ago, sledracr said:

Heh.

I have a defective Golden.

I've had Goldens my whole life.  Great dogs.  Love the water, love pleasing their people, love-love-love a nice chewy tennis ball.

This one... not so much.

He really doesn't give a shit about pleasing his people.  You tell him to do something, he kinda looks at you with a bemused look on his face, clearly chewing on the idea, and then he just looks away, like "no, maybe another time, I don't feel like it right now."  It's kinda hilarious, in an infuriating way... he *knows* what he's supposed to be doing, just... he'll just wait until he feels like it.  That's why at three months his name changed from something Scottish to "Rebel"

Similarly, this dog won't fetch.  Well, to be fair, he will.... once.  Throw something for him, he'll run out and bring it back.  Throw it again, though, and he glares at you with the most indignant look, silently screaming "Dude, what did you do that for?!?!?  I just went at got it for you, and you throw it again???  WTF?"

But... water.  Sheesh.  Every Golden I've had it has been a battle to keep them OUT of the water.  So when we brought this one down to the boat the first time we were thinking it would be hard to keep him on the dock.  Nope.  It was hard to get him ON the dock.  He got to the top of the ramp, saw water in every direction, and laid down on the concrete, legs splayed out in every direction and somehow immovable. 

I finally did get him on the dock, and onto the boat (hint: beef jerky is his Kryptonite), and I love him dearly.  He'll even swim, on occasion.

But he's definitely my "special needs" Golden. 

Or maybe the world's biggest long-hair Chihuahua.  Not sure.

Thanks Sled, I don't feel so bad now.  I must also confess that my Labs don't do so well at that retrieval thing either, on land anyway.  If I throw a ball or toy in the yard my chances of getting it back are usually slim.  If they do chance to bring it back and I throw it again, they just look at me like "WTF, I brought the damn thing and you just threw it away again."  Then they give me the dog version of the finger (the paw?) and walk away in disgust.  At least I have one that will swim, anyway so I'm thankful for that.  I read once that you can train a Lab to do just about anything including washing the windows, except you have to work with them for 10 hours a day for about 2 or 3 years and offer copious amounts of treats as incentive.  Who has time for that shit?  My two knuckleheads are quite spoiled.  I asked my wife one time if she can remember exactly when we ceded control of our lives to our dogs.  I don't know how it happened.  Damn good thing they are cute as shit.

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14 minutes ago, Al Paca said:

You bastard. How dare you threaten ME!  I have people too. Crips. Bloods.  MS 13.  Cap your ass for $ 200.00 and a 1/2 case of 40’s. Besides, no one remembers that Eastwood crap. Never made it to Netflix. I could care less about some 3 rd rate eastern euro backwater. I maybe could give you distributor rights in Poland for VHS tapes. You do realize I already have most of the street corners there covered by my Nigerian sales team. My market is USA and China. The rest is just pocket change. 

Ok, OK, I see how it is Paca boy, WTFs up with that name anyway, are you some kind of Peruvian immigrant or something?  Been snorting too much coke lately?  You Hollywood types are all the same, you think you are hot shit.  I'm callin' the boys and we're goin' to the mattresses.  You stepped in some deep guwno this time.  It ain't gonna be Mt. Blanc fountain pens at 20 paces, this shit be real. 

You must be young, you probably don't know that Eastern European thugs gentlemen taught those Juan come lately, south of the border pendejos everything they know, which is about 1/4 of what my boys know.  When push comes to shove, us Slavs stick together and not only will the Ukes join us but we got former Spetznaz from Russia too.  There's gonna be blood in the streets and it won't smell like cabbage, I assure you that.  Ja pierdole i kurwa mać dupek.

12 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

Hey, with what the FF story and placements are worth, I can probably pay Beverly Hills rates for the work, so not taking sides! 

E tu Ms. Clew?  I'm hurt, really hurt. Well, it isn't the first time a woman not only broke my heart, but ripped it out and stomped on it too.  I survived the other ones, I'll survive this time too. I'm getting old, but I'm still tough.  Us Poles are made that way, we have to be tough to have existed in this world for a thousand years of hardship and still be here.  we are the epitome of survival.  We coulda had something special I know we coulda.  Hasta la vista baby.  At least we'll always have Warsaw, in my dreams anyway. 

11 minutes ago, Al Paca said:

My dear, you’re lovely just the way you are. Maybe get those roots touched up a little. 

Yeah, sure you pig.  You will use her just like all of those others.  You get what you want from them and then you toss them away like a sticky tissue gets discarded after a cheap hand job on Hollywood and Vine.  You sir are no gentleman, not at all.

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8 minutes ago, sledracr said:

Exactly.

 

 

What a cutie!   I think it's a survival mechanism that they are born with. You can't get angry at a face like that.  

I swear my Bella can use her big brown eyes better than any Hollywood actress.  And Stanley can sigh well enough to soften the hardest heart.

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8 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

Hmmm. I think @fish food and I have fallen into a shark tank what with @Al Paca and @Ed Lada going on. Not wanting to be collateral damage in a gang war is one thing but the sticky tissue thing is another. 

And there I was looking for Lab dog toys...

 

It isn't too late Clew.  Cast aside the devil that is that Paca pig and before it's too late.  That man is nothing but trouble and money isn't everything.

My puppies are love and all that is good personified, and they are waiting...

Bella just went up to bed, she likes her beauty sleep.  They sleep in our bed of course.  It's a little tight, I'm almost 6'6" tall, about 230 lbs, and the dogs weigh about 170 lbs combined.  Good thing my wife is only 4'11".  We make it work.

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8 minutes ago, Norse Horse said:

Need a lab that can swim as well as act. At least the chimp can do bow work and make french toast.

Like any bowman, the chimp will just get drunk, complain all of the time, and shit all over everything.  If you can get it to make french toast, it will just eat all of it.  I have a feeling you own a chimp you just want to unload for all of the reasons above.

Most Labs can swim, are probably, no definitely smarter than FF and they are very gentle and generally well behaved.  

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I have one of those stick stealing dogs when the other brings it into shallow water. Vocal and cant act either.

How about an orca?

Has free willy V been cast yet? Fish will have to shave for this one.

 

 

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What about a California mountain lion? FF could rescue it from a coastal wildfire  and it becomes similar (but not too similar, no lawsuits) to The Boy and the Tiger as they make their along the coast to a wildlife refuge or island or whatever. Only in our film the big cat is real.

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44 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

Stanley can sigh well enough to soften the hardest heart.

Rebel pouts.

If he feels he isn't getting enough attention, he goes behind the curtain and lays down with a big "harrumph"

.... and then, after a while, he can't stand not knowing if anyone has noticed just how upset he is, so he peeks out from behind the curtain.

It's quite entertaining.

664703271_IMG_4100(2).thumb.jpg.73b2e76de93e80de1d93203a4a3c4a56.jpg

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17 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

It isn't too late Clew.  Cast aside the devil that is that Paca pig and before it's too late.  That man is nothing but trouble and money isn't everything.

My puppies are love and all that is good personified, and they are waiting...

Bella just went up to bed, she likes her beauty sleep.  They sleep in our bed of course.  It's a little tight, I'm almost 6'6" tall, about 230 lbs, and the dogs weigh about 170 lbs combined.  Good thing my wife is only 4'11".  We make it work.

The good news: I weigh less than the dog combo. 

The bad news: your WIFE? Talk about looking for trouble...

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5 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

The good news: I weigh less than the dog combo. 

The bad news: your WIFE? Talk about looking for trouble...

Hey, did I ever infer that I wanted to get intimate???

Then again I am on my 3rd wife and I never said I would rule out a 4th.  How old are you?  I mean approximately, within a decade is close enough. After 3 wives I know enough not to ask a woman her age. 

The weighing less than the pups is a good thing...;)

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1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:
6 minutes ago, Ed Lada said:

Hey, did I ever infer that I wanted to get intimate???

Then again I am on my 3rd wife and I never said I would rule out a 4th.  How old are you?  I mean approximately, within a decade is close enough. After 3 wives I know enough not to ask a woman her age. 

The weighing less than the pups is a good thing...;)

 

Forgive my presumption. I did not realize your stomped on broken heart (see below) was a purely platonic metaphor.  

That being the case, no need to know...

1 hour ago, Ed Lada said:

E tu Ms. Clew?  I'm hurt, really hurt. Well, it isn't the first time a woman not only broke my heart, but ripped it out and stomped on it too.  I survived the other ones, I'll survive this time too. I'm getting old, but I'm still tough.  Us Poles are made that way, we have to be tough to have existed in this world for a thousand years of hardship and still be here.  we are the epitome of survival.  We coulda had something special I know we coulda.  Hasta la vista baby.  At least we'll always have Warsaw, in my dreams anyway. 

 

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20 hours ago, FishFood said:

I just risked bodily harm to come ashore and get a root beer.

Keep your eyes on the ball people. I had a lab too, awesome dogs, blah blah blah but did FF stay at anchor last night?  It was windy again, I hope he got a slip.

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Just now, breezetrees said:

Keep your eyes on the ball people. I had a lab too, awesome dogs, blah blah blah but did FF stay at anchor last night?  It was windy again, I hope he got a slip.

Good catch. Yeah, don't want to go looking for a new lead. 

@fish food see what happens when we have to kill time and avoid worrying? 

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17 minutes ago, NeedAClew said:

 

Forgive my presumption. I did not realize your stomped on broken heart (see below) was a purely platonic metaphor.  

That being the case, no need to know...

 

Damn, crushed again.  I am some kind of masochist!  

It wasn't a metaphor of any kind.  I like ladies.  A lot. I have a lot of respect for women as  as well, I think y'all are far better humans than us men.  I am a hopeless romantic at heart.  Flowers for no reason, candlelight bubble baths, Champagne with breakfast I have prepared and served in bed, that sort of thing.  I've suffered many a heartbreak and broke a few as well.   Shit happens.   Just so you know, I initiated both divorces for various reasons.   

It's bed time here soon, at least I'll have pleasant dreams of what could have been.  I know that somewhere there is a woman that can tame me.  Somewhere... Sigh.

Goodnight, goodnight.  They say that parting is such sweet sorrow, that we shall say goodnight 'till it be 'morrow.

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