Latadjust 213 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "Help me find my keys and we can DRIVE out of here." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 ARISTOCRATS! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chris in Santa Cruz, CA 937 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "The Aristocrats" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Don't fuck with Aunt Karen! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Lada 5,091 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "We don't need water, we got buttered corn!" "They found the soldier in the last room. He had his cock in a pencil sharpener and he was singing "I'm gonna get me the canary, I'm gonna get me the canary..."" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Willin' 1,695 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Ghost? Oh, I thought you said goat! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pbd 262 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Well, I sure don't want any mother fucking pancakes 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tax Man 316 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Voodoo dick my ass. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 3,413 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "No. You ride the camel into town." 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Al Paca 543 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Latadjust said: "Help me find my keys and we can DRIVE out of here." Every 12 yr old boys favorite. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hasher 1,093 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 So she burned the nest and crushed the eggs. P.S. There may have been a knife involved but I have to puke. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autonomous 1,232 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pbd 262 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "That there is the sheriff's girl" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Black Sox 1,125 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 On my bill? Do you think I’m a pervert? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 5,150 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 "If youde juste lette me tacke my panteyhose offe ......." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snore 340 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 “That Bastard! Father told me it was the rod of Jesse’s stem!” Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chinabald 872 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 2 hours ago, Black Sox said: On my bill? Do you think I’m a pervert? What kind of a duck do you think I am? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bmiller 1,142 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 From my favorite limerick. "But think of the money Dave saved." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chris in Santa Cruz, CA 937 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Why did the pervert cross the road? The chicken was stuck on his dick. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Merrill Levi 149 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 yeh, but I can kiss mine. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 4,131 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 in the morning i'll be sober Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ventucky Red 1,102 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 So you know me. You know my reputation. Thirteen inches of tough load - I don't treat you gently. That's right." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 5,150 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 2 minutes ago, nacradriver said: So you know me. You know my reputation. Thirteen inches of tough load - I don't treat you gently. That's right." paunchline? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dreadom 227 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 “Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?” 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cyclone 559 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 No, l’m here to get his nails trimmed. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Boink 838 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 No Ma'am, I used to think that I was I rootin' tootin' tough ol' cowboy. Now I think I am a Lesbian........ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
F395 258 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 it would not follow orders so I had to give it a dishonorable discharge. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dorado 921 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 We're only laughing cuz she's the ugliest one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trt131 268 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 ...... and now we can all get some sleep. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Lightning2 626 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "That's the last time I do that for a buck" WL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Lightning2 626 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 I don't know where ya been laddie but I'm proud to see you took first place! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Lightning2 626 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 It's the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the cherry There were 10 Commandments not 12 There 12 Disciples not 10 We do not refer to the Cross as the Big T It's Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Not Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverslow 495 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 left nut went ump, right nut went ump, rubber went ump, left nut went BOOM! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
atoyot 174 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "No, my good sir - you call it a 'FOOKIN' SHOVIL!!'." (visual inflection helps) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
atoyot 174 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "Yes, and in two weeks, you the rash will have, and you may call it 'measles' if you wish." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 937 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 3 hours ago, dreadom said: “Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?” “Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking? punctuation Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJonB 12,559 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 2 hours ago, warbird said: punctuation Now that's funny. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
atoyot 174 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "Because [hic] anyone who can lift her leg up that high [hic] has got to be a ballerina!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dreadom 227 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 3 hours ago, warbird said: “Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking? punctuation Fuck off Grandpa! How was that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dreadom 227 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 “Beige; I think we’ll paint the ceiling beige.” 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Lada 5,091 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "The assailant was last seen hopping away on a huge, hairy pogo stick." "I don't know what size I need but I'll take 6' of that board fence!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Black Sox 1,125 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 “Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopy fucked a penguin,” 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cal20sailor 3,481 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 I'll give it a try, but I'm not sure I can get my mouth that far open. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sshow bob 367 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 6 hours ago, dreadom said: Fuck off Grandpa! How was that? Still short a comma. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Look you stupid fucking horse - I said "Posse"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Nah, it's just some ice cream. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Black Sox 1,125 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Of course I love ya; amn’t I riding ya? (On reflection, that may have been a real world utterance...) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pbd 262 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Spit it out, it’s an asshole Quote Link to post Share on other sites
crankcall 210 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Rectum?? damn near killed him 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Happy 1,705 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 "Know it?! I wrote it!" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SCARECROW 735 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 I have a pet elephant. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
charisma94 316 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 What do you mean we're fucked, Kimosabe? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SloopJonB 12,559 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, charisma94 said: What do you mean we're fucked, Kimosabe? "What's with this 'we" shit, white man? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
view at the front 211 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 45 minutes ago, SloopJonB said: "What's with this 'we" shit, white man? When I was living in a Lakota Sioux community in South Dakota in the early '70s, the term for white guys was "Wasichu" You can hear it in old western movies, when the Sioux extras were taking liberties with the script. It is not a charming term for whites. . . much like Honkies. They tried not to smile. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grande Mastere Dreade 4,131 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 and she fucked a mexican Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autonomous 1,232 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 She drank herself under the table Quote Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 3,413 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 "He blew a seal." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
justsomeguy! 1,032 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 39 minutes ago, P_Wop said: "He blew a seal." No, it's just ice cream. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Max Rockatansky 914 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 “You gonna eat me, just like the story says.” Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dorado 921 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 When that ol' 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm going to be on it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
charisma94 316 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 That's what she said... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
charisma94 316 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 What is it you can't face? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tunnel Rat 1,232 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 ....and when I go down, I go down in flames! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mrleft8 3,535 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 It felt like rolling a BB down a bowling alley. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 16 hours ago, P_Wop said: "He blew a seal." post 46 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 "Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 ......when in reality, we're living with 2 whores. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mark K 2,321 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 "You're not in this for the hunting, are you?" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 3,413 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 "No, it's toothpaste this time." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 3,413 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 "Yes," she answered. "I really miss mine." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Glenn McCarthy 281 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "No mon, when it stretches out it reads, 'WelcomE to jamaica, have a Nice DaY,'" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mike G 2,232 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "I was talking to the duck" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
charisma94 316 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 With gums like that, no wonder you don't have any teeth! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dorado 921 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Go ask Twisselman. He never pays retail. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
warbird 937 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 On 9/19/2020 at 4:13 PM, Happy said: "Know it?! I wrote it!" Fucking classic......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
view at the front 211 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 No Ole. . . the potato goes in the front. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autonomous 1,232 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 You can’t expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
view at the front 211 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 I was only helping this ewe over the fence. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth 5,150 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Licke a glove! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chuso007 731 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "Don't ask the goat, she's a liar!" (The farmer to the guy who could speak to animals...) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
More Cowbell2 384 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "DEATH!!!! BY BUNGA BUNGA!!!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
P_Wop 3,413 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "But just one goat...!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Because your ass look exachery rike your face. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 It's the least I could do, I was married to the old bat for 40 years. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MR.CLEAN 4,187 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 I looked him right in the face and said "Bad Dog!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MR.CLEAN 4,187 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 "Tight, right?" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Burning Man 1,706 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, see the bitch in the kitchen." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dacapo 1,573 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Let’s just walk down there and fuck them all 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GCADDY 4 Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 You better pet him first 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
view at the front 211 Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 21 hours ago, view at the front said: No Ole. . . the potato goes in the front. I was walking down a street in Bergen, Norway with my Norwegian guide. I said that we probably shouldn't start telling Sven and Ole jokes? She said that we probably shouldn't start. Later in the day, I couldn't resist, so I say: So Sven and Ole want to go to a dance. . . and she says: I know about the potato. My wife punched my when I confronted the Norwegian curators at the Salmon Museum about the evilness of farmed Atlantic Salmon. We had just had a failure with local salmon pens that released 300,000 Atlantic salmon into local waters in NW WA State. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cyclone 559 Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 As told (written) by a Newfoundland native - a conversation between two fishermen. MR Ducks MR Knot MR Sew Cedar Wings Whale Oil Beef Hooked MR Ducks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Latadjust 213 Posted September 23, 2020 Author Share Posted September 23, 2020 ...Jill came down with $2.50 - Dice Quote Link to post Share on other sites
woudaboy 50 Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 That's not my belly button... That's not my finger. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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