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Just checked in here to see if there was an Ashes 21/22 thread and no.

So here it is.

Australia has a new captain and a new wicketkeeper. Broad has not been named for England.

England won the toss and about to face the first ball.

C'mon Aussie C'Mon

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After news of Novax Jokesonthelittlebitch visa issue broke, the England Cricket team have now appealed decision to allow them to stay in Australia.

I am SA’s boots on the ground. Coming to you live and ad free from the members bar.

WTF just happened.  Been out riding and get to coffee stop ad its all over. I see Bay 13 has a new hero to worship. All hail Scotty Boland

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49 minutes ago, Alhadder said:

You little beauty. First ball of the series and Starc bowls Burns. Golden Duck!!!

And that fuckwit Warne didn't want him in the side! 

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7 minutes ago, Alhadder said:

Bam. Make that three!!! Root goes for a duck too.

Series over already and we haven't got to the first drinks break yet :lol:

Hey @LB 15 hop in here for some commentary to pile on @mad @main man and the other Poms who frequent this place 

I am here mate but at 3 for 20 the Poms haven't showed up yet. I am going to the Gabba in about 20 mins. Do the Barmy Army have a favebook page? I might post a dick pick.

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35 minutes ago, Tunnel Rat said:

At least they got to lunch without loosing another one........

Just out of interest what skeletons has Cummins got rattling around in his wardrobe? 

Hameed didn't last long after lunch though TR :lol:

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3 hours ago, Tunnel Rat said:

Just out of interest what skeletons has Cummins got rattling around in his wardrobe? 

What were you saying about skeletons in Cummins closet?  With a 5 for on Test Captain debut me thinks there ain't any :lol: 

Remind me how your highly experienced Test Captain fared today...oh that's right he got a duck :lol::P

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I got there in time to see Captain Pat get his five for and to tip in a few beers. Heading in for day two shortly. It is going to be a big one so if I start posting bullshit this afternoon...Oh never mind.

This is gold!

Police ‘launch investigation’ into England’s humiliating Ashes collapse

You know you’ve had a shocking start to the Ashes when you were so bad an Australian police force says it needs to get involved.

Queensland Police landed a cruel sledge on social media as the tourists’ brittle batting order fell to pieces.

“Queensland Police are launching an investigation into a group impersonating a Test batting order at the Gabba,” they tweeted.

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/police-launch-investigation-into-englands-humiliating-ashes-collapse/news-story/2bf4a608d205afbd46d4af8e6e9359f1

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3 hours ago, LB 15 said:

I got there in time to see Captain Pat get his five for and to tip in a few beers. Heading in for day two shortly. It is going to be a big one so if I start posting bullshit this afternoon...Oh never mind.

This is gold!

Police ‘launch investigation’ into England’s humiliating Ashes collapse

You know you’ve had a shocking start to the Ashes when you were so bad an Australian police force says it needs to get involved.

Queensland Police landed a cruel sledge on social media as the tourists’ brittle batting order fell to pieces.

“Queensland Police are launching an investigation into a group impersonating a Test batting order at the Gabba,” they tweeted.

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/police-launch-investigation-into-englands-humiliating-ashes-collapse/news-story/2bf4a608d205afbd46d4af8e6e9359f1

Ouch, brutal!

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4 hours ago, LB 15 said:

I got there in time to see Captain Pat get his five for and to tip in a few beers. Heading in for day two shortly. It is going to be a big one so if I start posting bullshit this afternoon...Oh never mind.

This is gold!

Police ‘launch investigation’ into England’s humiliating Ashes collapse

You know you’ve had a shocking start to the Ashes when you were so bad an Australian police force says it needs to get involved.

Queensland Police landed a cruel sledge on social media as the tourists’ brittle batting order fell to pieces.

“Queensland Police are launching an investigation into a group impersonating a Test batting order at the Gabba,” they tweeted.

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/police-launch-investigation-into-englands-humiliating-ashes-collapse/news-story/2bf4a608d205afbd46d4af8e6e9359f1

Saw that...thought it was hilarious 

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1 hour ago, LB 15 said:

I am SA’s boots on the ground. Coming to you live and ad free from the members bar.

30EAF67F-04F2-4BC1-A9DF-7935AB34E434.jpeg

I like the blue sky, but i read that storms are forecast later in the arvo. Aussies will be 2/250 by then though 

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Well that’s enough light breakfast beers. Time to get serious. 101 behind with 9 in the hand. Warner is looking a little shaky. And due to covid the Ritchie’s are out numbering the Army. Every time one of the poms makes a mistake they play the Benny hill theme song on the trumpet. 

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Well that was a good session in the end for the Aussies with Warner & Labuschagne letting loose with 3 x 6's in the last half hour.

34 runs to get ahead of the Poms with 9 wickets to spare and conditions in Brisbane looking ace to pile on a heap of runs in the afternoon session prior to clouds & humidity building up. I see there is a thunderstorm out near Crows Nest on the radar but that looks like passing to the south of the Gabba on current trajectory.

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We just had a pitch invasion and a Mexican wave- which is far more entertaining than England pedestrian bowling. Only 7 behind now. The Pimms are slipping down!

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At least you have the option of going to an Ashes Test in your home state LB & Meli, unlike us West Aussies thanks to combined intransigence by McClown's Govt and Cricket Australia. Would've been interested in making the trip up to watch a day or two at Optus. Will have to wait another 4 years before being able to do so now :angry:

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6 minutes ago, Alhadder said:

At least you have the option of going to an Ashes Test in your home state LB & Meli, unlike us West Aussies thanks to combined intransigence by McClown's Govt and Cricket Australia. Would've been interested in making the trip up to watch a day or two at Optus. Will have to wait another 4 years before being able to do so now :angry:

I feel for you mate. This is our last chance to enjoy a sporting event before the covid laden horde come pouring over the border on Monday. 

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Just now, LB 15 said:

I feel for you mate. This is our last chance to enjoy a sporting event before the covid laden horde come pouring over the border on Monday. 

McClown hasn't announced our opening up date yet but he's expected to do so tomorrow. Expectations are it'll be around Australia Day. I expect Covid to make it's way down to the South Coast within 4 weeks of that date, at which time I our Covid free lifestyle of the last 18 months will be disrupted and given my previously disclosed here chronic health condition I'm going to need to be extra vigilant. I maybe eligible for 3rd primary dose of Covid vax prior to opening up date so will make sure I get that, otherwise wait for booster due in March.

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1 hour ago, Alhadder said:

WTF is happening over there atm LB?  A couple of wickets before tea and then another two in the last over!!

And the Barmy Army have found their voice.

You better put a lid on it there mate.

 

6-286 - 18 mins to stumps and still 15 overs required. But that wraps up todays coverage as I am so pissed I am currently looking at two phones and the bouncers have moved into position behind me. Thanks for watching and we will resume our coverage in the morning- if I make bail.

And now it’s over to Ritchie in the central missionary position.

Out.

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We are leaving now before we get an offer of a lift in one of those Uber’s with the blue and white checks. 

Fuck it I am going for a streak. At least it will be cool.

7A15B985-7BA5-49A7-97B8-A0586E609DB7.jpeg

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Stumps - Aus 343/7 with a lead of 196 and three wickets still in hand.  

Even Houdini would have trouble getting out of this..... unless the weather cooperates - or the sight of LB15 streaking across the ground has the probable effect of rendering the Australian players inoperable, not to mention the dents in the pitch which would have the ground staff in tears.

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9 hours ago, Alhadder said:

Ok now the PUI'ing is getting out of control. Man are you going to have a sore head in the morning 

No all good mate- in fact apart from a slight headache, the stolen police car in my driveway and the naked Midget asleep on my couch, there appears to be little collateral damage. However despite it already being 30 degrees outside, the mood inside the house is a tad frosty. I think I might fuck off down to the boat and listen to the poms getting flogged on the wireless. Cracker of a storm here last night.

 

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And that's drinks with one wicket down and 70 runs on the board. Aussies rubbing in the hurt. They could have a lead over 300 by the end of this innings. 

England will need to dig in at the crease to take it to the 4th day.

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TR so Malan & Root have survived through to tea but at least one of them needs to bat through to stumps to make the Aussies bat again.

Still 171 runs to get before Warner & Harris will need to don the pads again. 

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Well well well...here we are at stumps and both Root & Malan are still at the crease. England digging in but it's a bit like Gallipoli...they will eventually be defeated.

England still need another 58 runs to make Australia bat again, which they're likely to get now I will concede, but how much will they be ahead and have to defend?

We shall see.  

Onto other matters - LB must've gone down to the boat and left his phone behind coz he hasn't been heard of all day, unless the men in blue have caught up with him and charged him with theft of squad car, kidnapping of midget and disorderly conduct outside the German club :lol:

Till tomorrow...tis beer o'clock her in the West.

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No I am all good. Passed a pleasant day on my floating doghouse. Well played by Root and Malan. What a year Root has had and led fromnthe front today. Looks like we have a game on. Early to bed for me tonight. Might head to the Gabba again tomorrow but I will leave the Pimms alone. That stuff slides down a bit too easy.

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Done...in a canter in the end.

Both Root & Malan couldn't backup yesterday's effort and didn't last long this morning and then the rest of the team rolled over with no resistance offered.

The GOAT gets his 400th Test wicket, then gets another 3, Head gets Man of the Match with his 152 in the Aussie 1st Innings.

England will be licking their wounds and need to find some resolve over the next 5 days and put up more of a fight in Adelaide with the 2nd Test starting on Thursday 16 Dec

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Nine wicket defeat, despite some initial spirit in the England second innings.  But a woeful performance.  The British press have sharpened their knives.  Again.

Any bets for the series outcome?  3-0?  4-1?  3-2?

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35 minutes ago, P_Wop said:

Nine wicket defeat, despite some initial spirit in the England second innings.  But a woeful performance.  The British press have sharpened their knives.  Again.

Any bets for the series outcome?  3-0?  4-1?  3-2?

I'll go 4-0 with the Hobart Test being a draw due to too much time lost for rain.

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36 minutes ago, Alhadder said:

I'll go 4-0 with the Hobart Test being a draw due to too much time lost for rain.

You might be right.  Anyway, who wants to watch cricket in Tassie?  You inevitably wind up with an evil case of Cascade throat.

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So...here we go...2nd Test has started in Adelaide.

Hazelwood out, which was a known yesterday, however Cummins has been ruled out coz he was deemed a close contact to a positive Covid case at an Adelaide restaurant last night. Lyon & Starc were at the same restaurant but were outside...so Smith is Aussie captain.

He won the toss and decided to bat. Harris survived first over v Anderson and Warner resuming battle with Broad in 2nd over with Warner leaving 2nd ball, hit above pad and survived lbw shout.

Wicket looks good so should favour the batsmen for the first two sessions.

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Has certainly favoured the batsmen for the first 2 sessions so far, however post dinner break Warner gets himself out 5 short of a century.  In walks Captain Smith, which hopefully should see us to stumps 2 down for 250 ish.

Over rate shocking again, obviously Poms do not want to be paid for this match either :lol:

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1 hour ago, The Main Man said:

One more day like this and it’s all over. Depressing.

Forecast in Adelaide tomorrow is 37C. Aussies could possibly bat for the 2 afternoon sessions and bake the England bowlers then declare just before tea and Aussie quicks take 3-4 wickets before stumps. 

That'd be a nightmare scenario for Root et al

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Forecast is spot on. 36C in Adelaide atm. Plan A for Labushagne and Smith will be to stay out there for as long as possible and bake some Pommie seamers under the hot Adelaide sun then declare late in 2nd session.

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Plan A was going superbly well...until lightning almost struck the ground and they ran off. Stumps has now been called. England let off the hook after losing 2 quick wickets including Michael Neser's 1st Test wicket from his 2nd ball.

Edit: Here's a shot from the stump cam of the lightning strike!!

May be an image of 1 person, standing and text

Let's see how they go tomorrow. If they're still batting at the end of the day then we're heading for a draw. If they're all out before tea then Aussies will probably go 2 up for the series.

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36 minutes ago, The Main Man said:

I reckon he will. Best bowling conditions…keep at it.

I thought so too...but no we're batting.  Guessing that plan A is to bat until late in 2nd session tomorrow then have a crack at the top order under the lights. 

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20 minutes ago, P_Wop said:

Australia 230-9 declared.  45 minutes till tea.  England needing 468 runs to win.  Any bets?  No?

This could be all over before stumps.  Australia's Plan A has worked a treat since before the toss. 

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Oooowww...Starc gets Root right where you don't want to get hit. Takes a few minutes to recover then a couple of overs later nicks Richardson behind and that's stumps with England 4 down.

Will they last till dinner break tomorrow? We'll see.

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1 minute ago, Alhadder said:

Oooowww...Starc gets Root right where you don't want to get hit. Takes a few minutes to recover then a couple of overs later nicks Richardson behind and that's stumps with England 4 down.

Will they last till dinner break tomorrow? We'll see.

They're not showing the discipline to bat it out till stumps. No way they'll go the distance.

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