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Fear and Loathing in the House of the Mouse


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I’m horrified to report that I will be spending a week in Orlando in June for the Special Olympics National Games.  Why the horror?  Because, for me, theme parks come in somewhere just below root canals on the list of things I enjoy.  I’m only watching one set of events for maybe 3 or 4 hours a day. Other than drinking myself into a stupor and then falling into the swamp and being eaten by an alligator / python hybrid, what the hell is there to do in or around Orlando? I should add that I’m not planning on renting a car, but I could be convinced otherwise if there’s something really interesting to drive to.  Your suggestions and / or sympathy are solicited.

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The Atlantic Ocean is 45 minutes east of the airport. You might be able to see a rocket launched from the beach if the timing is right. Ron Jon's in Cocoa Beach is open 24 hrs if you need a t-shirt at 3:00 am.

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Many years ago a business colleague that I did not know socially suggested that we go scuba diving with his "good friend" in Florida - just a random conversation about stuff that lead to a scuba connection. So we fly cross country and show up at this dude's house. His wife answered the door and expressed surprise - apparently my colleague had completely failed to mention to his friend that we were coming, or staying in his house. Embarrassing. Also, the dude was at work all weekend.

Anyhow, calls were made and the dude was found. It turned out that he was a scientist studying manatees. So our scuba weekend turned into a weekend of hauling ass around Florida ICW and swampy inlets locating and counting manatees. It was a ton of fun and a lot more interesting than one more dive on one more reef.

I have no idea what the point of this story was, other than to find a way to get away from Orlando, and play on the water.

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27 minutes ago, The great unwashed said:

I’m horrified to report that I will be spending a week in Orlando in June for the Special Olympics National Games.  Why the horror?  Because, for me, theme parks come in somewhere just below root canals on the list of things I enjoy.  I’m only watching one set of events for maybe 3 or 4 hours a day. Other than drinking myself into a stupor and then falling into the swamp and being eaten by an alligator / python hybrid, what the hell is there to do in or around Orlando? I should add that I’m not planning on renting a car, but I could be convinced otherwise if there’s something really interesting to drive to.  Your suggestions and / or sympathy are solicited.

Can't help with Orlando, which I've always driven through on the way to or from somewhere else.

The good somewhere elses:

Diving east coast, Jupiter and Palm beach.  Good boats and DMs, drift-diving along the reefs.  Rent a thick wetsuit and hoodie.

Nada?

Key West.  Rent a scooter.  Feign offbeatness.

 

All this is a lot of driving.  I suspect I have not been of much help.  

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10 minutes ago, Wet Spreaders said:

 So our scuba weekend turned into a weekend of hauling ass around Florida ICW and swampy inlets locating and counting manatees. It was a ton of fun and a lot more interesting than one more dive on one more reef.

I have no idea what the point of this story was, other than to find a way to get away from Orlando, and play on the water.

 

In the 80's we used to feed the Manatees at Fort Liquordale.  The Power Plant is right next to the port, and there was public access to the warm water outlets coming from the plants.  We would get day-old starting to rot lettuce and other similar veggies and feed them.  It was cool as hell!!  

Sadly I saw a bit on Sunday Morning or 60 Minutes about how they are dropping like flies!  Dying by the droves because the waters are so polluted that no sun reaches the natural grass they eat, and most all of the grasses are dead and gone, and so goes the Manatee.  Volunteers are paying to have some of them shipped by air to inland zoos where they can live the rest of their lives while hopefully educating people about conservation and keeping our waters clean.  Most of the coral reefs off the East Coast of FL have serious bleaching too, IIRC. 

 "Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, they pave paradise and put up a parking lot"  Joni Mitchell

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I've been to KSC's museum  2 times and I'd go back again. Well worth it particularly if you're into space and stuff. 

 

1 hour ago, The great unwashed said:

... I will be spending a week in Orlando in June for the Special Olympics National Games. ...

A sincere thank you for supporting the Special Olympics. 

 

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+1 on the space center.   Leave yourself time.   We had to leave earlier than I wanted, and missed the whole Mars exhibit.  :-(

Research the whole toll road thing before you go, and choose the best solution for your needs.

 

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1 hour ago, The great unwashed said:

I’m horrified to report that I will be spending a week in Orlando in June for the Special Olympics National Games.  Why the horror?  Because, for me, theme parks come in somewhere just below root canals on the list of things I enjoy.  I’m only watching one set of events for maybe 3 or 4 hours a day. Other than drinking myself into a stupor and then falling into the swamp and being eaten by an alligator / python hybrid, what the hell is there to do in or around Orlando? I should add that I’m not planning on renting a car, but I could be convinced otherwise if there’s something really interesting to drive to.  Your suggestions and / or sympathy are solicited.

so NOT Disney world then?

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22 minutes ago, Thistle3868 said:

Make sure your weekend includes activities that would merit a plot for a Hiassen book.  That is all.

absofuckinglutely, and this suggestion does not preclude a visit to NASA

 

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11 minutes ago, The great unwashed said:

I’m just a poor island boy.  I am not paying $100 for a steak dinner, no matter how good.  But those bacon wrapped scallops sure sound tempting.

 

You can't be that poor flying from Aloha land to Wally world!!??

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18 minutes ago, The great unwashed said:

I am not paying $100 for a steak dinner, no matter how good.  

Fair enough.  Skip straight to the sampler platter.  $190, but the lobster bites are to die for....

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There is a really good BDSM club in Orlando.

The Woodshed.

Eyes Wide Shut is a nice swing club/ nightclub. You don't have to play, it's okay just to watch. And if you like museums they have a huge museum of erotica on premises.

-----or so I've heard.

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8 minutes ago, The great unwashed said:

Now there’s some advice I didn’t expect!

 

Not surprised that Wally World has venues for all tastes!!  Las Vegas of the East???

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37 minutes ago, The great unwashed said:

That does look nice!  

Sanibel is a bit of a drive—three plus hours—but Tampa is fairly close.  Any Tampa ideas?

Mons Venus. Had a pretty good steak next door at Scores when a group of us were in town for Safety at Sea. 

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I worked both the 95 world games in New Haven, and a nationals in Albany in 99. The world games were spectacular! The athletes and families were just wonderful. The crowds were really good too. The 99 games were a bit more lack luster, but still fun.

 Enjoy the events, and the people, get involved and meet some of the volunteers. It's not all about gimps waddling around a track. Many of the world games athletes qualified for the "regular" olympics, and their families all really enjoy a conversation about something other than their brother/ sister/son/daughter. take a couple of people out for a burger, or conch fritter.... It's not rocket surgery.

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South OBT....for adult entertainment,  Rachels...

If you are going to tampa and you want steak,  then I would look into Berns Steakhouse.  far and away better than charley's,  book a reservation now.

International drive orlando.  tons of shopping, restaurants

Church street in orlando is fun,  you got some dueling piano bars etc.  Old town in kissimmee has weekly car cruise in's.  If you can't just get enough of the sugary sweet disney,  Celebration Florida is town built by disney.   cutsey type of atmosphere (truman showesque)

Big water ski park near the airport,  Golf.

I would also reccomend KSC.  but both tampa and KSC mean a rental car and that means tolls, so make sure you have a smart-tag in the rental.

 

 

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13 hours ago, The great unwashed said:

That does look nice!  

Sanibel is a bit of a drive—three plus hours—but Tampa is fairly close.  Any Tampa ideas?

Tampa - Berns https://bernssteakhouse.com Once again not cheap--- but when was the last time the waiter invited you to tour the kitchen?

Better yet, come to downtown St. Petersburg.  Good fine nice stroll, one of the worlds few Dali Museums and some great restaurants that will not suck every dollar out of your pocket.  Park car once and walk to 20-30 restaurants.

 

Or can go to one of the Gulf Beaches.

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I will add that one of the Disney parks (maybe EPCOT?) does indeed serve alcohol (or did ~10 years ago...).  You have to look, it is hidden a bit.  I recall finding something like a 1950's bar that served cocktails and some restaurants serve alcohol with meals.  So all is not lost.  That makes the whole experience less intolerable.  

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19 minutes ago, Snore said:

Tampa - Berns https://bernssteakhouse.com Once again not cheap--- but when was the last time the waiter invited you to tour the kitchen?

no more kitchen tours  (covid)  was just there over the holidays with my folks...  years ago when they still had the fresh fish tanks the kitchen was immaculate.

if you go, make sure you do the upstairs dessert room...

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https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g7659357-Activities-Brevard_County_Florida.html

Been to or heard good things about most of the attractions. The local crazies (but, I repeat myself) say an airboat ride amongst the gators is not to be missed. Hard Pass, especially when Orlando has such a really bitchin' Costco.  

I hate the Rat's mega-corporation with the power of a thousand suns.  It's an evil organization dedicated to vacuuming out wallets -- and they're damned good at it.  And what does SHMBO love more than anything else? DisneyLand and DisneyWorld: Once a year on her birfday, unless I feign death again.  FML.  

You can also come down and throw rocks at Rancho de la Foxtrot.  

 

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It's Orlando, why go to any effort at all? Get a medical MJ card, then wake up, light up a fat blunt, go wherever your loved ones tell you to go, even just sitting in the hotel parking lot with a Pabst will be fun. Stay burnt the whole week. You'll come home with a smile.

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Living in Orange County since 1980, in north San Diego County before that from 1968 and also with Pop being stationed here twice before that while growing up……I’ve had my fill of the mouse’s house. Everything from ticket books savoring the “E” tickets, to high school grad night to hauling my own kids over there again and again……..if I never see or hear anything to do with that place ever again it’ll be too soon. (although on grad night on the Peter Pan ride I did manage a little boob squeezing with my date so that was a happy moment…..)

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8 hours ago, Point Break said:

 (although on grad night on the Peter Pan ride I did manage a little boob squeezing with my date so that was a happy moment…..)

The androgynous nature of Peter Pan is always a huge aphrodisiac!  Female boobs?

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Anyone one into gardening and/or flowers here is a map.  Not much on the West Coast, but the Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens in Delray Beach are definitely worth a visit if in the neighborhood...

 

image.thumb.png.43d254d481851730a8ff3bd80de6bb38.png

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On 1/20/2022 at 1:28 PM, The great unwashed said:

Special Olympics rocks.  Terrific organization with a shoestring budget that does incredible things for people with disabilities.  Now, if I could just convince them to never ever hold the Games in Orlando again….

I assume it is at the same local as the NBA bubble for the playoffs..  Could be worse....

Titusville, Rock shrimp, Dixie crossroads Well worth the drive and the town is old school Florida. (Saw a goat for sale in a dog crate at a frigging garage sale kind of Florida).  

 

And yes those fuckers taste like lobster..

https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g60751-d466905-Reviews-Dixie_Crossroads_Restaurant-Titusville_Brevard_County_Florida.html

 

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On 1/21/2022 at 8:26 AM, Snaggletooth said:

Ive heared that snowe white canbe fun aftere houres................                  :)

.....but she's into dwarves

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On 1/20/2022 at 1:28 PM, The great unwashed said:

Special Olympics rocks.  Terrific organization with a shoestring budget that does incredible things for people with disabilities.  Now, if I could just convince them to never ever hold the Games in Orlando again….

I worked at a Special Olympics many years ago in Michigan. (Lansing maybe or Luddington, I can't remember.) Fun time. Wide disparity of athletic abilities, some of the athletes were straight-up gifted at their events, could have left a state-level high school athlete in the dust.

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3 hours ago, MisterMoon said:

It is possible to drink your way around the world in Epcot. :)

 

3 hours ago, The great unwashed said:

A spiritual journey, so to speak.

 

I woude thick moire spirritted                              :)

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