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AC on $3 million


Bedford

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I'm in for...ah...hang on...Here, I found a buck seventy-five in the sofa. Hey, we have to remember that we're not actually entering the America's Cup - that would be a long shot - we're entering the Louis Vuitton Cup. Not that it matters. As far as the face we show the public initially, we're dumb enough to think we'll make it to the AC. Yea, right.

 

Here are the campaign objectives as I se them:

 

 

Get to sail for free.

Get to hang out with billionaires.

Get laid by twins.

Get loaded.

Get high.

Get famous.

Get a tan.

Get banned from every pub in town.

Get a bullet in one race.

Get Parole.

Get out alive.

Get rich after the fact selling sportswear and doing endorsements.

 

Anything I forgot?

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Here are the campaign objectives as I see them:

Get to sail for free.

You already do

 

Get to hang out with billionaires.

You already do

 

Get laid by twins.

Uhm, I think that your wife might have a problem with this one.

 

Get loaded.

Get high.

Get famous.

Get a tan.

You do, you are, you have been and you now have.

 

Get banned from every pub in town.

Like this is something new for you. That's the real reason you left T.O. is'nt it?

 

Get a bullet in one race.

Now you are high!

 

Get out alive.

Not if your wife catches you with the twins!

 

Get rich after the fact selling sportswear and doing endorsements.

Now, finally, something that makes it really worth doing the twins!

 

Anything I forgot?

 

How about what you will really do if this even has the slightest chance of getting off the ground? As the people who have read this thread all agree that this would be the ultimate SA endeavour, (asuming that ED and Dawg are on board with this and do not feel that it would be in bad taste and something that SA would not want to be part of? wink wink ;) ) at sometime, someone will have to get serious and have to deal with the real world weenies who may not approve. I say fuck them, and pass me another keg! :P

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How have the full support of Team Teaky and all its affiliates.

 

That makes it official. I'll get my guys started on a creditable web site. Also, I'll get my blazer out of the trunk of my car and get it off to the dry cleaners. I should probably procure a new pair of red trousers too huh?

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Larry Flint? That's a good idea.

no, Ron Jeremy would be more appropriate.

I think Ron Jeremy would make a better spokesman than Flint, but Flint means large corprate sponsor. I think having both involved would be a huge asset.

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I think Ron Jeremy would make a better spokesman than Flint, but Flint means large corprate sponsor. I think having both involved would be a huge asset.

 

Which "huge" asset are we talking about? :lol:

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I think Ron Jeremy would make a better spokesman than Flint, but Flint means large corprate sponsor. I think having both involved would be a huge asset.

 

Which "huge" asset are we talking about? :lol:

Any one you want, I thought I'd just leave that open to imagination.

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We need a name, something believable, wholesome and marketable. How about Atlantica? And we need a cause to support - sponsors love that. Maybe we could support AIDS research. That would get trojan on board. And that gives us a direct seguay into the porn industry. Any thoughts gentlemen? By the way, no ladies have posted to this thread. Have we offended them? Speak up girls!

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Dooooods;

 

I think we're gonna need two boats. If (the collective) WE are gonna be trying to get at least ONE boat to the starting box,,, by the time you subtract those who were in jail when it comes to tow out time,,, well you see.

I think if with a (best case) hung over driver, and drunk crew with naked playmates on the deck, you're going to need at least two boats. One to sail while the other is in the shop undergoing repairs. Not to mention we're going to need a ton of duck tape, bailing wire, chewing gum, fetzer valves, and of course, ball bearings. Oh, and some 30 wt. oil.

 

We should look to West Systems as a sponsor so that we can get free boat repair supplies. Not so much to fix Team Anarachy, but as a kind gesture for all of the competitors/spectators/officials that we'll end up T-boning.

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And drug and alcohol addiction. We would need to watch exactly what we say because we can't ever say that we're against it. We would need to use words like 'awareness' and discuss observing the statistics, but we should never ever say that we are anti drugs and alcohol.

 

I think the STD angle is good too. We get condom manufacturers, porn industry, and I'm sure a few drug companies on our side with that angle.

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As for the country, I think we would need to create our own.  Then we can set our own laws regarding donations and there would be no income tax.  In fact, we could run a debt, get some big ass C7 country to loan us money and then go bankrupt at the end of the regatta! :lol:

How about SeaLand? All the hard work is already done.

 

The history of Sealand is a story of a struggle for liberty. Sealand was founded on the principle that any group of people dissatisfied with the oppressive laws and restrictions of existing nation states may declare independence in any place not claimed to be under the jurisdiction of another sovereign entity. The location chosen was Roughs Tower, an island fortress created in World War II by Britain and subsequently abandoned to the jurisdiction of the High Seas. The independence of Sealand was upheld in a 1968 British court decision where the judge held that Roughs Tower stood in international waters and did not fall under the legal jurisdiction of the United Kingdom. This gave birth to Sealand's national motto of E Mare Libertas, or "From the Sea, Freedom".

 

The Principality of Sealand

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We need a name, something believable, wholesome and marketable. How about Atlantica? And we need a cause to support - sponsors love that. Maybe we could support AIDS research. That would get trojan on board. And that gives us a direct seguay into the porn industry. Any thoughts gentlemen? By the way, no ladies have posted to this thread. Have we offended them? Speak up girls!

Hey Bro! Atlantica is already taken, remember? That was the name of the schooner I worked on last year. How about "Lunatic Fringe" then we can have a theme song as well!!

 

Just imagine the video of the boat coming at you during the opening bits of the song, and when the first guitar riff plays show the crew loading he kegs!!

 

As knoble as the AIDS thing is, that means we would have to be ok with same sex stuff and be in support of alternate life styles? Could be a bit of a downer at the shore side parties. <_<

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Aids research is a cause people can get behind (no pun intended). Should draw a lot of Hollywood celebrities to our camp. Good on us.

 

We could have the "Fab 5" do the boat decorations and design the team uniforms. May be a little homo, but would fit the cause. Perhaps Bravo would pick up our team and do some TV coverage that may not make it to network TV. Of course, for good TV coverage you would have to have "Niles" and "Luke" somewhere on board throwing the occasional gay hissy fit. Throw in some hot lesbo hugs and kisses, and some hetero grinder spanking, and you have some good TV drama. Not that I am promoting that lifestyle or that "there is anything wrong with it", but it would help us in the ratings and would help us with Trojan as well.

 

Atlantica is good for a name. If we end up with a two boat campaign, we could name the other "Pacifica." Might be able to use that to leverage a little MB/Chrysler money.

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So who's dumb enough to volunteer for foredeck?

I'll do it (I'm crazy anyhow) but I get the twins first.

I'm sorry but the twins stay with the management. Since I've already stated that I'll be too busy with the twins to do anything but drive the support boat, I'm afraid you'll have to find your own twins. There should be plenty for everyone. :)

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Dooooods;

 

 

I've been in technical development of the MOST IMPORTANT piece of equipment for the boat. I'm pleased to report that the Fully Gimbaled 3 Axis Gyroscopic Stabilized Hookah is complete and working up to the "High" Standards of the Anarchist Sailing Society (Team ASS),,,,, now, it's just ME that keeps falling over,, oh well,, it's For The Team.

 

 

It's COOL that the Turkey Slapper Conglomerate has stepped forward to do the pointy end stuff,, but,, you guys from Down Under,,, umm,, we are a NORTHERN hemisphere group,, and like,, are you guys going to have to stand on your heads to do foredeck?? won't that make you dizzy or something?? But not to worry about the Rum,, we can put in a couple of Rum dispensers upside down at the headstay.

 

Oh Turkey Slapper,, by the way,, If Foredeckchick shows up to help you guys out,, ummm, try to be careful to NOT Piss her Off. I mean,, like,, it wouldnt look real good on TV if she is kicking the crap out of the fordeck crew over a silly misunderstanding when one of you guys gets a belly full of Rum and says " 'Ere now luv, Show Us Your Tits"

 

 

 

(gurgle gurgle gurgle)

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And DOOOOOOODS!

 

I don't know if y'all REALIZE how much CREDIBILITY Team ASS has just picked up by the Blessings of Hiz Royal Teakness !!

 

Undisputed King of Tuvalu

 

Grand Poobah of the Ancient Order of Fivehead.

 

 

 

Doooods,, which OTHER Syndicate has a Head of State ?? NONE! That's how many.

 

 

We are going to have to do this up RIGHT, ya know, when he comes to Sail with us,, something along the lines of having an Official Welcoming Ceremony, with Island Girls all playing the Ukalele, Singing and Dancing Naked along the Gangplank as Hiz Royal Teakness Grandly steps up and Majesticly Reclines into the Barcalounger (with built in Vibrator) Stern Seat.

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Well fordeckchick will toe the line once given a perfectly weighted "Turkey Slap" to the forhead, and then she can get on with it as long as i have room past to get to the rum dispencers im happy. There will have to be a video linked jumbo plasma screen on the front of the mast as not to miss any of the rearguard action (these ac boats are long arnt they?) and for proof of every forward hands knowledge that bow problems originate from the back of the boat. And an Axe to remove troublesome shutes that go in the tide. Happy days.

 

All for Rum, Rum for all.

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Would you sail for these?

Hell, I'd sail for just one of them. For both I'd be the greatest sailor ever. Well, maybe not ever, but certainly for an hour or two. Well, maybe not that long, ah hell, I'd just fuck the shit out of them and call it good.

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Does Tuvalu have facilities to host the AC?

 

If we win, we will really have to get to work. I would suggest that Tuvalu immediately begin enacting the legislation legallizing nude dancing with on site liquor sales and public drug consumption. KInda like Bourbon Street ut taken to the next level. Will have to have the proper atmoshpere when the country hosts the next AC.

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If we win, we will really have to get to work.

 

I wouldn't worry much about that. We're $97 million, 60 sails, 30 staff, 17 rock stars, two boats and ond compound short of a serious campaign. On the bright side, the media exposure would be 20 to 1 and the fun factor would be 1,000 to one. B)

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If we win, we will really have to get to work.

 

I wouldn't worry much about that. We're $97 million, 60 sails, 30 staff, 17 rock stars, two boats and ond compound short of a serious campaign. On the bright side, the media exposure would be 20 to 1 and the fun factor would be 1,000 to one. B)

Its oright guys!

i got the 17 rock stars......

and dont forget plenty of COOPERS!!!!!!!

who really needs sails when uve got coopers neway?

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Does Tuvalu have facilities to host the AC?

 

If we win, we will really have to get to work. I would suggest that Tuvalu immediately begin enacting the legislation legallizing nude dancing with on site liquor sales and public drug consumption. KInda like Bourbon Street ut taken to the next level. Will have to have the proper atmoshpere when the country hosts the next AC.

As Tuvalu has facilities, and we will be then be able to take over a bigger island called australia, then we will have the best facilities in the world, only pubs, everyone crewing on the ASS Team & chicks with big tits are allowed to be formed on this new island that we are going to be taking over.

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We could change the name to IACC Land and have HRM King Teaky declare that the cup will be sailed there for ever. Better still, we could just decline every future challenge and simply refuse to give the Auld Mug back. Eventually, Bush would probably invade us.

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  • 1 year later...

Ok.. Enough of the crap. I've been reading this thread from the start, and the original idea could be achieved,,, "Eddie the Eagle" in Valencia.

First, there is no limit on the entry date.

Second, the boat has to be AC ruled, (That's easy to be arrainged).

Third, there is no rule that makes away regatas compulsory.

Fourth, it'd be a fucking great kick in the ass to the organisers money men if we could do it.

Fifth.... I am possibly in a position to get it rolling.

Sixth, This is not a fucking joke ,,,believe me.. Let's fucking do it.

Seventh, the boat must be called: anarchymoviesailnorthsouthernvodafonefuckitnomoreroomforsponsors,CHALLENGE

eight'th. compulsory party and press night on board each minute of the campaign, (races excluded) except in cases of bad weather or rest days,, or both.

Now you may laugh at the idea,, but a hell of a lot of spaniards will laugh and either cough up a few bob or just laugh and get behind the project.

But it really is something we could do.

Cheers,, Angus,, Valencia.

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Imagine...

 

 

Priceless! I"d pay money to watch that on TV!

 

Anyone remember DC talking about Blackaller and Cayard sailing by in the Pre-Start during the '87 Cup throwing beer cans and cussing at him?

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Mr Bedford . . . cool idea!

 

All we need is Quervo to sponser the Tequilla, the United Citris Growers to sponsor the mixer attachment for the grinder post . . . the rest will be history. Of course a lime green boat with a "Parrot" logo on the sail and Jimmy Buffet tunes wouldn't hurt. Geez just a 1 dollar donation from all of us Parrot heads and we could build a new boat! Anybody have Uncle Jimmies number?

 

There is still time to do this!

 

One problem though . . . an Ice machine in Valencia? Gonna have to import one!

 

P

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ok i'm in, but i'm gonna suggest we depart from the whole mt.gay thing and look to america's most popular sport for a business model... that's right nascar. get a couple of SKOAL kites, some Busch t-shirts and plaster DeWalt all over the boat. maybe HomeDepot fiberglass patches?

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I think we should shoot for the one after Valencia. There will be lots of legal IACC boats on the market cheap after that. I also agree it's totally doable. But we have to maintain secrecy. If the powers-that-be get wind of what we're doing, they will find a way to ban us. I don't care what the rules say, they will find a way.

 

The first thing we need is a sponsor. Going the traditional route knocking on doors and asking for money isn't going to fly. Most large companies return proposals like ours unopened. If anybody knows someone in a position to commit funds, let me know.

 

Once our performance bond is accepted and we have secured a boat, we can show our true colors.

 

Here's the areas we'll need to cover:

 

Legal

Accounting

Marketing

Logistics

Legal

Human Resources

Purchasing

More legal

 

We could get all our shit together and announce our challenge within a month of the Cup wrapping up in Valencia.

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We could get all our shit together and announce our challenge within a month of the Cup wrapping up in Valencia.

 

Even better: if we do it within 10 minutes, we are Challenger of Record. With the right to determine the boat, the race format etc... that's how the Deed of Gift works. Potential Good Times, eh?

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Even better: if we do it within 10 minutes, we are Challenger of Record. With the right to determine the boat, the race format etc... that's how the Deed of Gift works. Potential Good Times, eh?

 

Lelyvlet olympic -> America's Cup Class

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Challenger of record? That would be cool but I think we need to keep a lower profile. Besides, could you imagine our crew showing up loaded at all those stupid meetings and getting in fights? We'd get banned for sure long before we even got to sail.

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I think we should shoot for the one after Valencia. There will be lots of legal IACC boats on the market cheap after that. I also agree it's totally doable. But we have to maintain secrecy. If the powers-that-be get wind of what we're doing, they will find a way to ban us. I don't care what the rules say, they will find a way.

 

The first thing we need is a sponsor. Going the traditional route knocking on doors and asking for money isn't going to fly. Most large companies return proposals like ours unopened. If anybody knows someone in a position to commit funds, let me know.

 

Once our performance bond is accepted and we have secured a boat, we can show our true colors.

 

Here's the areas we'll need to cover:

 

Legal

Accounting

Marketing

Logistics

Legal

Human Resources

Purchasing

More legal

 

We could get all our shit together and announce our challenge within a month of the Cup wrapping up in Valencia.

 

uhmm, as a lawyer i think i can take care of those areas, besides sailing, the booz, the twins and all the rest implied. oh, and we could nominate da-woody our official photographer, provided he takes his yellow watercraft to valencia. :P

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I don't really think this is so hard as it seems when looking at the logistics of the thing. There are probably two boats going for begs withing the next couple of months and one of them is sitting in valencia already. The monetary point of view is really simple. There are a lot of sponsors out there who are just as pissed as all the rest of us and who will not consider shoving money down the drain to syndicates who will likely walk away with millions at the end of the day for doing sod all in return. Challenge "Anarchy"(Buy your sail space now) would actually free those sponsors into releasing funds for the simple reason that "win or lose" the team would be in the public eye on a continual, rumbustious nature. That's what they want. Talking about "win or lose" wouldn't it be lovely to win and designate the next AC design as an open restricted design based on the VOR70. They could experiment till their little balls burst into flames and still have a rescue boat to come and pass out the rum punches at the leeward mark. Go for it I say.

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Here's the areas we'll need to cover:

 

Legal

Accounting

Marketing

Logistics

Legal

Human Resources

Purchasing

More legal

Bowguy

 

 

We could get all our shit together and announce our challenge within a month of the Cup wrapping up in Valencia.

I got the last one covered.

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Even better: if we do it within 10 minutes, we are Challenger of Record. With the right to determine the boat, the race format etc... that's how the Deed of Gift works. Potential Good Times, eh?

 

Lelyvlet olympic -> America's Cup Class

Possible... but I was thinking more about opti's... Would be fun if Dennis Conner puts in a challenge :).

 

Oh wait. No place for beer. Sorry, stupid idea...

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Sod the OPTI, there is still a lot of time to get into this now and to stuff the syndicated money machine right up the associated peoples assymetric asses. Why does it cos 50 or 60 millions to make a basic campaign? Why does a boat cost 20 millions and yet you need two? why are these assholes turning our sport into a bloody stock exchange?

The time is right to stop all of this.

It doesn't matter a shit if the race is held in Valencis, Mallorca, or lake Chad, it's the sport of it that matters. I'd rather see the AC won by a Fireball racing on the TOUS reservoir behind my house than by a money loaded bunch of wannabe round the world tryouts who are only in it for the money.

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  • 2 months later...

BUMP - That's some funny stuff! Haven't read it all yet but I object to post #188 - this has to be an equal opportunity boat. Girls like blow jobs too ya know! :D

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BUMP - That's some funny stuff! Haven't read it all yet but I object to post #188 - this has to be an equal opportunity boat. Girls like blow jobs too ya know! :D

 

I'm sure we can accomodate you K8.

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I agree with the equal oppourtunity thing, the more chicks we have around, the greater number of times we can get laid!

 

Onboard? Erm... get them somewhere softer... aye, something like spis rolled up? Must be very, very soft... large spis, of course. :rolleyes:

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BUMP - That's some funny stuff! Haven't read it all yet but I object to post #188 - this has to be an equal opportunity boat. Girls like blow jobs too ya know! :D

 

As a Dive Master, I go deeper and stay until the job is done. Also, I have an eight inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.

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BUMP - That's some funny stuff! Haven't read it all yet but I object to post #188 - this has to be an equal opportunity boat. Girls like blow jobs too ya know! :D

 

As a Dive Master, I go deeper and stay until the job is done. Also, I have an eight inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.

 

Aye, Bat Ford :P So you're superman or something? Cool man... is there anything in the rules about superheros onboard? Yeah... there isn't I suppose... so it should be legal B)

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. How about "Lunatic Fringe" then we can have a theme song as well!!

 

Been there, done that, got the shirt....

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  • 1 year later...
  • 2 years later...
mambo i think you're missing the point matey.....we dont give a fuck about developng the sport.

 

we just want to get drunk and make a complete mockery of the americas cup.

 

btw, bedford i disagree about not needing a compound....after all, where are we going to set up the hydroponic system???

 

:P:o :o so this was EB's idea all along, he got it from SA!

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