5 things men should know about sailing with women

Rasputin22

Rasputin22
13,894
3,453
My racing weekend with the cute urologist only got weirder as the regatta went on... 

What was that fancy microscope designed for looking at (into)?

 

IStream

Super Anarchist
10,859
3,039
Cells in fluid suspension, so particularly good for blood, mucous, urine, sperm, and disaggregated solid tissues obtained by fine needle biopsy (e.g. prostate).

 

Left Shift

Super Anarchist
10,532
3,271
Seattle
Lesson 1 for women:
I am not yelling. If I talk in a conversational tone from 30 feet away in 25 knots of wind no one will hear me.

Lesson 1 for men:

Your wife can handle the 2 pounds of force needed to turn the wheel and the 1 pound needed to move the throttle way easier than hauling up a nasty muddy heavy anchor ;)
This is true and quite rapidly learned.  But not at the first time out of urgency or of necessity.  We worked things out and I transferred a bit of my experience in practicing, and then we were good to go.

My wife also always drives when anchoring.  And I always speak loudly from the bow.  Again, practicing in no-pressure situation, not in a "Here, honey, you better grab the wheel....I'm gonna leap off the boat" moment.

She has bad knees, so she's always docked the boat at low piers and I jumped.  I docked when it is an easy step off.

We all learned sometime and we all have fucked up.  Taking the fucking up out of the equation is a trick that cannot always be done.  But taking the "embarrassment" out of fucking up that is a trick that can be done.  

For the rest of the time, sailing with women is like sailing with any team.  Match strengths and skills and who cares how people pee.

 

LionessRacing

Super Anarchist
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592
Myrtle Beach,
In generalizations: 

Older women are not as used to being yelled TO, and often presume they are being yelled AT when voices are raised. Explaining and demonstrating the volume needed to rise above background from helm to forestay is useful 

Many women are used to speaking softly and not necessarily TO you, and thus in wind, their inputs are lost, requesting that they speak towards the person and confirm that it was heard is useful 

The younger men tend to be more aggressive and will on occasion either interrupt with explanations or physical assistance, and need to be reminded NOT to take the job away, but to assist. 

 

Left Shift

Super Anarchist
10,532
3,271
Seattle
In generalizations: 

Older women are not as used to being yelled TO, and often presume they are being yelled AT when voices are raised. Explaining and demonstrating the volume needed to rise above background from helm to forestay is useful 

Many women are used to speaking softly and not necessarily TO you, and thus in wind, their inputs are lost, requesting that they speak towards the person and confirm that it was heard is useful 

The younger men tend to be more aggressive and will on occasion either interrupt with explanations or physical assistance, and need to be reminded NOT to take the job away, but to assist. 
This last is VERY true.  The worst thing you can do is take a line away from someone who is doing the right thing juuuuuuust a liiiiiiittle to slowly for someone's taste.   The other is unnecessary mansplaining.  

Both are crew killers.  I may have lost a very, very useful new crew this way.  If I had to pick between the "skilled" grabby boy and the "getting skilled" girl between the two, I'd pick this particular girl every time.  

 

fastyacht

Super Anarchist
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This last is VERY true.  The worst thing you can do is take a line away from someone who is doing the right thing juuuuuuust a liiiiiiittle to slowly for someone's taste.   The other is unnecessary mansplaining.  

Both are crew killers.  I may have lost a very, very useful new crew this way.  If I had to pick between the "skilled" grabby boy and the "getting skilled" girl between the two, I'd pick this particular girl every time.  
 the the great fly fisherman Lefty Kreh said he could teach any woman to fly fish better than a man except his wife or girlfriend. I may be paraphrasing.

 

fastyacht

Super Anarchist
12,928
2,596
The younger men tend to be more aggressive and will on occasion either interrupt with explanations or physical assistance, and need to be reminded NOT to take the job away, but to assist. 
 many moons ago as a Outward Bound many moons ago as a Outward Bound instructor trainee I learned the concept of " be a resource" so that your skills and knowledge would flow outwards rather than simply up into the rigging.

 

Not My Real Name

Not Actually Me
43,037
2,823
This is true and quite rapidly learned.  But not at the first time out of urgency or of necessity.  We worked things out and I transferred a bit of my experience in practicing, and then we were good to go.

My wife also always drives when anchoring.  And I always speak loudly from the bow.  Again, practicing in no-pressure situation, not in a "Here, honey, you better grab the wheel....I'm gonna leap off the boat" moment.

She has bad knees, so she's always docked the boat at low piers and I jumped.  I docked when it is an easy step off.

We all learned sometime and we all have fucked up.  Taking the fucking up out of the equation is a trick that cannot always be done.  But taking the "embarrassment" out of fucking up that is a trick that can be done.  

For the rest of the time, sailing with women is like sailing with any team.  Match strengths and skills and who cares how people pee.
There is never ANY jumping involved when we dock the boat. We step off the boat or we take another pass. We take very few second passes.

I've been trying to get my wife to take the helm for docking and anchoring for years. She has been...resistant.

 

Not My Real Name

Not Actually Me
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If the helm & bow are that far apart, get a couple of head set walkie talkies or some sort of Bluetooth setup so you can speak normally.
Meh. We've been doing it with hand signals forever. Never felt the need for walkie talkies or radios. The few we've tried did not work well.

Our biggest comm issue from center cockpit to bow is the hard dodger, which acts like a band shell and captures anything I may say unless I stick my head out to the side and yell.

But hand signals work.

-----------------------------

The only time we really wanted radios on the bow was crossing the middle of a lagoon in an atoll in the Tuatmotus, where you put someone on the bow to watch for coral heads and tell the helm where to go, as they are basically uncharted.

We improvised with a couple of VHF radios on low power.

The chart looked like this, though we dsicovered the little blue splotches did sort of correspond to areas the depth went from 90-100ft to "coral head".

image.png

The Vector charts were worse.

image.png

Also there were pearl farms.

 
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Elegua

Generalissimo
There’s no point in yelling. It just makes the yeller hoarse, the yellee annoyed and announces to the public something interesting is about to go down they should watch.

My wife and I use hand signals. We practiced in an empty harbor until we got it. We also do a lot of things like lead the bowline back and catch the mooring/dock next to the cockpit. Everything’s at hand. 

 

Not My Real Name

Not Actually Me
43,037
2,823
There’s no point in yelling. It just makes the yeller hoarse, the yellee annoyed and announces to the public something interesting is about to go down they should watch.

My wife and I use hand signals. We practiced in an empty harbor until we got it. We also do a lot of things like lead the bowline back and catch the mooring/dock next to the cockpit. Everything’s at hand. 
We talk through almost every landing before we get close to the dock anyway, even if it's utterly routine. Even saying "Standard starboard approach, OK?" saves drama and let's everyone know what we're doing.

At night you need to make sure a light is on you hands when you're signaling. We try to avoid timing our arrivals so we're anchoring in the dark unless we know a place well anyway.

 

kent_island_sailor

Super Anarchist
27,215
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Kent Island!
+1 on no jumping.
"I will put the boat up against the dock and you can step off"

Easy way - crew steps off from midships with a short spring and ties it off. You can then hold the boat right against the dock with the engine while you rig the lines at your leisure.

 

Elegua

Generalissimo
We talk through almost every landing before we get close to the dock anyway, even if it's utterly routine. Even saying "Standard starboard approach, OK?" saves drama and let's everyone know what we're doing.

At night you need to make sure a light is on you hands when you're signaling. We try to avoid timing our arrivals so we're anchoring in the dark unless we know a place well anyway.
We’ ve got to work on our night maneuvers.  Spreader lights means I can see what I’m doing on deck, but nothing else. With headlamps I can see what I’m doing and where we are, but we’re constantly blinding each other when we look at each other. So far we’ve stuck with headlamps. 

 

JohnMB

Super Anarchist
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Evanston
I find I often need need some kind of light source, when doing fiddly things like operating the windlass, reading depth markers on the chain...etc...
Red headlamps can help for this, the light is enough to do the fiddly work, and they don't blind other people when you look at them...

 




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