A few good (bow) men


Super Anarchist
I found this deep in the archives, I know it came from SA but it was quite some years ago and it still makes me chuckle...

The Bow Speech:

Bowman : You want answers?

Crew Boss: I think I'm entitled to them.

Bowman: You want answers?

Crew Boss: I want the truth!

Bowman: You can't handle the truth! Son, we race on a boat that has head sails. And those head sails have to be set and doused by men with harnesses. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Trimmer? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for that spinnaker halyard and you curse the foredeck. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that spinnaker halyard’s death, while tragic, probably won the race. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins races...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at the beer tent, you want me on that bow. You need me on that bow.

We use words like “gybe-set”, “Mexican”, “floater”...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent achieving something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to an after-guard that race and win under the very mark roundings I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide them! I'd rather you just said "thank you" and got me a Bundy. Otherwise, I suggest you go down below and pack a ‘chute. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Crew Boss: Did you order the Samurai douse?

Bowman: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Crew Boss: Did you order the Samurai douse?




Super Anarchist
I like this one. It has it's own JPEG but I couldn't find it.

"Good day and thank you for calling the foredeck. Right now, all our friendly foredeck staff are busy packing chutes or helping other crewmembers.

Please press one for a headsail change...two for a spinnaker peel...three for a windward douse...four for leeward douse...five for a hoist...six for a gybe or leave us a message and one of our courteous bow-people will get back to you as soon as possible.

In a hurry? No problem. Simply email your request to [email protected] and we'll respond within twenty-four boat-lengths. For answers to frequently asked questions, please visit www.shutthefuckupbackthere.com. Thanks again and have a great race!"