A Message From The Queen

HRH Elizabeth II

New member
6
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To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
The new Prime Minister, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

 

mikewof

mikewof
45,868
1,246
Hi Queen!

How's the yeast infection? We have his really delicious Australian-style yogurt here in the Colonies, it should fix you right up. Eat half and smear the rest down on the Canary Islands.

 
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White Lightnin'

Super Anarchist
5,154
149
Anacortes, Wa
I think this is a great idea. Nothing unites us like threatening us. It would be an easy war with few casualties. Plus it would give us the perfect platform for flattening the rest of the Your A Peein' Union!! ;)

WL

 

Bent Sailor

Super Anarchist
14,395
404
Lake Macquarie
JBSF said:
WTF is it with you aussie's and being so worried about what happens in someone else's country??? You seem to have enough of your own problems at home.
Any chance of you accepting the answer this time or should we expect the same question to pop up in a day or two when your short-term memory fails you again?

 

Shibby

Super Anarchist
3,415
1
Brilliant, I have a problem with 10. Gillian Anderson has the worst British accent and I'd rather have my ears removed with a cheese grater.

​On a related matter, kindly transport all US elected officials to Australasia.

 

ShortForBob

Super Anarchist
35,404
2,924
Melbourne
Excuse me your majesty, you forgot Jam. Jam (Jelly)shall be served on scones(Biscuits), together with clotted cream ..whenever afternoon tea -ish occasions arise.

With TEA.

Well I thought the OP was most amusing :) Imagine.

 
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dreadom

Super Anarchist
4,169
156
Geelong
JBSF said:
Excuse me your majesty, you forgot Jam. Jam (Jelly)shall be served on scones(Biscuits), together with clotted cream ..whenever afternoon tea -ish occasions arise.

With TEA.

Well I thought the OP was most amusing :) Imagine.
What's the difference between "jelly" and "jam"?

You can't "Jelly" your dick into some girl's ass........ :eek:
Fuck the Queen! Then again I'd love to see you stupid cunts learn how to spell. Arsehole

 
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ShortForBob

Super Anarchist
35,404
2,924
Melbourne
JBSF said:
Excuse me your majesty, you forgot Jam. Jam (Jelly)shall be served on scones(Biscuits), together with clotted cream ..whenever afternoon tea -ish occasions arise.

With TEA.

Well I thought the OP was most amusing :) Imagine.
What's the difference between "jelly" and "jam"?

You can't "Jelly" your dick into some girl's ass........ :eek:
Jelly is made with gelatin.and assorted artificial (or natural) flavourings.Jam is made with fruit and sugar and added pectin if needed.

 

mikewof

mikewof
45,868
1,246
Jelly is made with gelatin.and assorted artificial (or natural) flavourings.Jam is made with fruit and sugar and added pectin if needed.
Jelly ...

Bill-Cosby-Jello.png


Jam ...

946601_o9SgH8Jt.jpg


 

dreadom

Super Anarchist
4,169
156
Geelong
JBSF said:
Fuck the Queen! Then again I'd love to see you stupid cunts learn how to spell. Arsehole
I'm confused about the punctuation..... are you calling me an asshole? Or just wishing I would spell asshole correctly? ;)
I am sorry that my poor utilisation of punctuation is causing you to labour over this and for the use of colourful language.

Arsehole!

 

random

Super Anarchist
6,057
365
I read the OP and thought it was just funni, now I think it is less crazy than proceeding with the next election.

America is well fucked now. The crazy is in the open, best to let it ride just to see what happens. It will be fun.

 

HRH Elizabeth II

New member
6
0
To WhiteLightnin' from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

I think this is a great idea. Nothing unites us like threatening us. It would be an easy war with few casualties. Plus it would give us the perfect platform for flattening the rest of the Your A Peein' Union!! ;)

WL
One might assume you are recalling my address to the United Nations General Assembly in preparing your post.

"I know of no single formula for success. But over the years I have observed that some attributes of leadership are universal and are often about finding ways of encouraging people to combine their efforts, their talents, their insights, their enthusiasm and their inspiration to work together."

It is commendable however I fear you are merely expressing insolence in protest of your fate. The Governor for America will be informed and you shall be required to present to the national "Metric Is Easy" call centre and work in the capacity of Tea Lady. In preparation, kindly reference item 15. above.

 

ShortForBob

Super Anarchist
35,404
2,924
Melbourne
I beg to differ

Jelly is filtered and has no pieces of the fruit

Jam has the pieces but most are mashed

Preserves have recognizable pieces of fruit

The cook may or may not need to add pectin to make the jelly set. That friends on the fruit, cooking temperatures, and what other additives like sugars are mixed in.

Some people add pectin to jams and preserves to create a more firm product.

Courrant jam makes mighty tasty peanut butter sandwiches
Currant. :rolleyes:

jelly ..meat or fruit.. true it is a clear substance made jelly like from either pectin or natural gelatin. maybe americans are not familiar with Jam.

PS you dont "mash" the fruit in jam..but a scone with Jelly is an abbomination

 
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HRH Elizabeth II

New member
6
0
To Bridget666 from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Excuse me your majesty, you forgot Jam. Jam (Jelly)shall be served on scones(Biscuits), together with clotted cream ..whenever afternoon tea -ish occasions arise.

With TEA.

Well I thought the OP was most amusing :) Imagine.
I do appreciate Commonwealth support in these ghastly matters. Such a good girl.

 

ShortForBob

Super Anarchist
35,404
2,924
Melbourne
To Bridget666 from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Excuse me your majesty, you forgot Jam. Jam (Jelly)shall be served on scones(Biscuits), together with clotted cream ..whenever afternoon tea -ish occasions arise.

With TEA.

Well I thought the OP was most amusing :) Imagine.
I do appreciate Commonwealth support in these ghastly matters. Such a good girl.
You are welcome Your Majesty...But I'm a peer of the old dart..not colonial born..thus know how to keep myself nice. :D

 

HRH Elizabeth II

New member
6
0
To JBSF from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

JBSF said:
Awww jeez, likely another pusstrailian sockpuppet. And the yeast infected cunt is not even very original...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018494981

WTF is it with you aussie's and being so worried about what happens in someone else's country??? You seem to have enough of your own problems at home.
Goodness! what a wretched little twerp of a man you are.

The Governor for America will be informed and you shall be required to present to the national Vegetable Peeler Registry where you shall be responsible for issuing permits to those wishing to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

In preparation, kindly reference item 5. above.

 




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