I'm involved with a developer community with a reasonably strict code of conduct, LLVM. Consequently, it's actually a pleasure to be around that community. I was at a conference and someone tapped me from behind and asked, hey Olsonist, what are you working on? I turned around and it was frickin' Chris Lattner who is just the nicest and smartest guy you'll ever meet. Nice begets nice. It's nice when the guy at the top is nice.
I was involved with another community, Linux, and that boy needs help. Too toxic. One of my brothers worked with him at Transmeta and said he was personable in person. So apparently being a dick to his community is a choice. Ugh.
Speech codes are largely generational. My 14 year old niece is really good at dissecting my language and finding my errors. I'm OK with that. I'm in favor of a LOT of it, particularly singular they. Just LUV singular they.
So let's take an example from the Stanford list, white paper => position paper. Sounds fine, done. Still, I wouldn't that take as code, but rather more what you'd call guidelines.
One that I hated was transposing everything to be female, just to be fair this time. Secrets of Sand Hill Road was written that way and did it ever suffer from clunk. Singular they has no clunk. Shakespeare used it, he of the lack of clunk.
You may not agree with this but the kids will get it right.