Best Laugh When Sailing

Laser1

Super Anarchist
1,647
682
Westcountry
Last one from me. 
Nooooo,  dunno if you were BN at the time.  AC Aluminum 44 footer.  Owner always had a 'heavy right foot' coming into the packed marina, look at me, look at me with my flash boat.

Until after coming in after a race his reverse gear decided to shit itself and it was blowing old boots up the chuff as well.

His slip was towards the middle of the line at a 90 degree turn.  He missed that one, next stop was the pontoon going across to the gangway.

He made it stop all right.  Never seen a boat jump so high. :lol:

Edit: being his neighbor was never a good thing if you valued your stanchions.

 
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Not for nothing

Super Anarchist
2,887
597
jupiter
A crew brings his good looking (big breast) girlfriend on a race, during the race, as I put her next to me, she is asking what I can do. I kept telling her when the time right I'll tell you, heading to the finish line a J-35 is about to pass us. so, tell her here's what you have to do, show them your tits, we won the race!

Don't you love good crew that listens to the captain?

 

F_L

Anarchist
816
147
Canyon Lake, TX
Well, it seems that we have demonstrated conclusively that sailing is not funny.  
In a lot of cases you need to be there to see the humor.

Galveston Bay NOOD many years ago:
Big, bad thunder storm approaching. 2 shrimp boats are chatting on the VHF and are talking about the inevitable big blow.
One Captn says "Joe, I know what you and I are doing out here. We're trying to make a living. What the hell are are the blo-boats doing?"

 

Sail4beer

Super Anarchist
9,658
3,169
Toms River,NJ
^^This! We were out there for a National regatta a couple of times including this time when Houston Yacht Club got wiped out-we were staying there…

Ugly Hurricane coming and the race committee had us go out like fools that they were. We finally retired while they waited for the wind to settle in one direction with massive lightning strikes. The shrimpers were saying the same exact thing on the vhf. 
 We got to the boat lift first, hauled the boat and took off for home. The yacht club was wrecked that night. Glad we didn’t stay there!

 
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SloopJonB

Super Anarchist
65,767
10,895
Great Wet North
A crew brings his good looking (big breast) girlfriend on a race, during the race, as I put her next to me, she is asking what I can do. I kept telling her when the time right I'll tell you, heading to the finish line a J-35 is about to pass us. so, tell her here's what you have to do, show them your tits, we won the race!

Don't you love good crew that listens to the captain?
I heard of an all female boat name Pussy Galore - using that technique they could have won every race they entered.

 

Grande Mastere Dreade

Snag's spellchecker
i would have to say it was during a sea scout outing.. ...  we were anchored for the night , finished the dishes , and settled in for the night

Skip and his wife head forward to turn in...     couple of us start to play cards..   Charlie , climbs into a pipe berth above the settee and turns in too..

about an hour later , Charlie suddenly sits up, but hits his head on a shelf above his head and promptly knocks himself out..  this woke Skip up and he comes out asking what happened and we tell him    he doesn't believe us and spent the next 30 mins topside dbl checking everything..

Charlie woke up the next morning with a nice lump on his head wondering who beat him up...  when we told him what happened he didn't believe us either...  but he slept in the opposite direction the next night,   just in case..

 

Steam Flyer

Super Anarchist
40,964
7,987
Eastern NC
A crew brings his good looking (big breast) girlfriend on a race, during the race, as I put her next to me, she is asking what I can do. I kept telling her when the time right I'll tell you, heading to the finish line a J-35 is about to pass us. so, tell her here's what you have to do, show them your tits, we won the race!

Don't you love good crew that listens to the captain?
Excellent qualities in a crew, agreed.

My wife and I were racing my Santana 23 with another couple. So we had aboard two good looking women with nice figures if I may say so. We were punching well above our weight and came into the leeward mark overlapped with a couple of bigger boats, and my friend's wife was reaching and stretching to help douse the spinnaker when her top came askew with both lovelies on full display.

Well things were busy for the next couple of minutes but we emerged in good shape, race-wise, and her with modesty recovered, and she turned to the back of the boat and said "Did you see that?"

Without missing a beat I said "See what?"

About 5 minutes later, one of the same boats were coming at us in what would be a close cross, and we were deciding whether to tack on them, I said "Would you mind, again...." and my wife and the other lady both said instantly "NO!"

- DSK

 

Baldur

Super Anarchist
On a springtime passage from the Abacos to LIS, out in the middle somewhere, lovely sunset, nice breeze and smooth seas. Everybody's in a good mood, just finished a big spaghetti dinner, and I graciously agreed to wash the dishes. There was a slug of sauce left in the big frypan, and the fridge was on the blink, so I handed the pan up to the fellow on watch and said, "Hey Jim, toss this over will you?" He took the pan and said, "Throw it over?" I said, "Yeah," whereupon he promptly threw the pan into the drink. I paused open-mouthed for a second or two, then screamed "WTF?!" He gave me a really innocent look, and goes, "Well, you told me to throw it over!" And then the laughing started.
Day 2 of a Desolation sound trip and handed the coffe percolator to one of the crew to, "Dump over the side" He dumped the grounfds overboard, and all the parts inside the pot too. Campfire coffe for the next 10 days.

 

mccroc

Anarchist
565
329
Sydney
Funniest start I ever had was on a 24 foot Ranger - a gaff design from the 1930s. It was "The Ranger Intergalactics" (because AS wouldn't let us use the term Worlds.

I was crewing on one of the slowest ones, but steered by Harold Cudmore, so the rest of the crew and I were really looking forward to see how good he was.

At the start signal, we were stopped, pointing 180 degrees the wrong direction.

We all laughed, and even more once Harold started telling stories!

 

JTE

New member
Was part of a throw-together crew delivering Merlin back from a Transpac a few decades back.  After launching we discover propane is empty.  Navigator or captain decides we’ll just pop in to Pearl Harbor at midnight to fill up.   This was my first ocean sailing trip, I didn’t know anything.  I was up on bow helping find channel markers when several larger navy boats came up very fast and in nearly synchronized fashion lit us up with lights bright enough to take an x-ray.   We were taken to a dock and the serious talking started.  Captain replied that we had a propane leak and it was an emergency.  Turns out we’re on a fuel dock.  Navy guy says we have two options - stay and get boat seized or sail out immediately.  Slide on out and back to Waikiki.  That one still makes me laugh.

 

Grande Mastere Dreade

Snag's spellchecker
Was part of a throw-together crew delivering Merlin back from a Transpac a few decades back.  After launching we discover propane is empty.  Navigator or captain decides we’ll just pop in to Pearl Harbor at midnight to fill up.   This was my first ocean sailing trip, I didn’t know anything.  I was up on bow helping find channel markers when several larger navy boats came up very fast and in nearly synchronized fashion lit us up with lights bright enough to take an x-ray.   We were taken to a dock and the serious talking started.  Captain replied that we had a propane leak and it was an emergency.  Turns out we’re on a fuel dock.  Navy guy says we have two options - stay and get boat seized or sail out immediately.  Slide on out and back to Waikiki.  That one still makes me laugh.
60 years later and the navy is still touchy about sneak attacks , who figures..

 

fan

Super Anarchist
1,869
103
San Diego
We had a guy that was loosing his eye sight pretty bad.  We are doing a Puerta Vallarta Race on an RP50 day three or so the foulies come off.  He comes up the stairs with a wierd look on his face and we ask whats up?  He tells us the new wet wipes are supper burny.  I don't think so I used some earlier.  SO he says no these are defiunately super burny here try them and preceeds to hand us a pack of lysol disinfecting wipes haha

 
We had a guy that was loosing his eye sight pretty bad.  We are doing a Puerta Vallarta Race on an RP50 day three or so the foulies come off.  He comes up the stairs with a wierd look on his face and we ask whats up?  He tells us the new wet wipes are supper burny.  I don't think so I used some earlier.  SO he says no these are defiunately super burny here try them and preceeds to hand us a pack of lysol disinfecting wipes haha
Haha. I can confirm as I was on watch with you. Still laughing. Also, same race, same blind guy goes to make us some coffee. Usual order (Starbucks Via, Baileys and a little Swiss miss). He mistakes the Swiss miss with theraflu. We drank it anyway. Also we won. Great race. 

 
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