Can The Easily Panicked Be Taught To Sail?

[Borax Johnson]

Scrolled to the bottom.

Unless she provides "ornamental skills", is an important relative or employment enhancement possibility?

No. 

 

[Laurent]

Take her out in a double handed dinghy(420 or similar) plane the boat and capsize it again & again until it breaks her panicky habit or quits sailing all together. 
 

Most of us cherish every opportunity to go for a sail. Why bring someone that will consistently ruin it for you. Leave her on the dock. 

A loooooong time ago, when I was a sailing instructor in a small sailing school in Normandy (a 16 years old me, instructing 9 and 10 years old kids), we had a kid who was simply terrified of capsizes. Having never experienced it, he thought it would be the end of his world... We had the kids sailing by group of 3 in dinghies.

One day, after a more "brisk weather" afternoon, I see him walking back the beach and coming back to me. He then stood up in front of me, swaggering and smiling ear to ear: "Laurent, I capsized!!!"

Once he realized it was not the end of his world, fear was gone.

 

[VWAP]

get her 1 of these

https://www.squeasewear.com/shop/pressure-vest/

 

[Navig8tor]

But my scaredy-cat friend jumped on the helm and steered us into some rail-burying runs.  And she was elated.

I'm glad I didn't choose psychology as an occupation.

Perhaps you missed a calling there Jules,  scaredy cat buries the rail and develops an elated shit eating grin.

Sounds like you're winning .....or she's gleefully trying to kill you all. 

 

[Jules]

Perhaps you missed a calling there Jules,  scaredy cat buries the rail and develops an elated shit eating grin.

Sounds like you're winning .....or she's gleefully trying to kill you all. 

I think the fact there was someone more scared than her gave her confidence.  The wife of the 80 year old couple had that roller coaster fright face every time the boat heeled.  I think that gave my friend confidence. 

On another note - that 80 year old woman immediately asked for a life vest when she got on the boat.  But when we gave her one, she set it on the seat next to her.  I told her it does no good there.  She said, "I just want it near in case I need it."  To which I replied, "By the time you need it, you'll already be in the water."  Didn't matter.  She refused to put it on.

But what was funny was she said she wanted one because she's afraid of deep water.  I told her if the boat sunk, we would all be sitting on the cabin top since there's only a few feet of water under our keel.  While she's afraid of deep water, I'm looking to avoid running aground.

 

[Steam Flyer]

It's smart to be afraid of the right thing.

These days I almost always wear a vest type life jacket. I got used to wearing one racing dinghies, then setting an example for junior sailors. One exception is in our motorboat, where I'm almost always inside (pilothouse).

You're smart IMHO to try to make your guests comfortable and not argue with them. Do you think Miss Oo-I'm-Scared-Then-Buries-The-Rail has any serious interest in really learning to sail? She could end up being all right.

Bear in mind that some people never get it. I've known spouses of sailors who really wanted to go along, and I think they really wanted to like sailing, but something in their brains started shrieking DANGER DANGER and they would rather be locked in a burning building than on a heeling sailboat. Nothing could ever change that, including in 2 cases i worked with, people who definitely wanted to learn to sail, doing a series of easy calm capsize drills in dinghies. I've also known a lot of people who wanted to learn to sail but could never learn to steer (meaning, actually hold a course).

Sailing ain't for everybody

FB- Doug

 

[TwoLegged]

As an aside, that’s how things worked out with my marriage. She lost interest in sailing and me and now she doesn’t have to bother with either

Sounds like my former neighbour Eamon, who loved his pigeons.  I'd hear his wife calling him in from the pigeon lofts: "Eamon, your dinner's ready".

Then I realised it was a month or so since I'd heard her call.  So I stuck my head over the fence: "How're ye, Eamon".

"Grand thanks, and yerself?"

"Grand too.  But I was worried about you.  Hadn't heard your wife's voice for a while.  Is she okay?"

"She told me it was her or the pigeons ... so I told her to feck off".

 

[davesimon]

The interpersonal dynamics between you and your friend make it very unlikely she will substantially un-panic  by gaining her sailing experience only with you.  That's OK...the conversation should be, "I really want to sail together with you, and to do that we need for you to become more comfortable with sailing.  I believe the best way for that to happen is for you to sail with Bob and Sally for a few sessions, and I have taken the liberty of arranging that along with the wine and snacks for the first outing with them.  Have fun!"

 

[Steam Flyer]

The interpersonal dynamics between you and your friend make it very unlikely she will substantially un-panic  by gaining her sailing experience only with you.  That's OK...the conversation should be, "I really want to sail together with you, and to do that we need for you to become more comfortable with sailing.  I believe the best way for that to happen is for you to sail with Bob and Sally for a few sessions, and I have taken the liberty of arranging that along with the wine and snacks for the first outing with them.  Have fun!"

That's actually a great idea... benefit of being in a sailing/yacht club, makes it easier

FB- Doug

 

[frozenhawaiian]

sure the easily panicked can be taught to sail. not the kind of people I'd like to take offshore though. 

 

[Sail4beer]

Sounds like my former neighbour Eamon, who loved his pigeons.  I'd hear his wife calling him in from the pigeon lofts: "Eamon, your dinner's ready".

Then I realised it was a month or so since I'd heard her call.  So I stuck my head over the fence: "How're ye, Eamon".

"Grand thanks, and yerself?"

"Grand too.  But I was worried about you.  Hadn't heard your wife's voice for a while.  Is she okay?"

"She told me it was her or the pigeons ... so I told her to feck off".

It was the boat life or her life sitting on the beach sleeping in the sun all day. I had enough of the beach as a little kid. 

 

[LB 15]

Sounds like my former neighbour Eamon, who loved his pigeons.  I'd hear his wife calling him in from the pigeon lofts: "Eamon, your dinner's ready".

Then I realised it was a month or so since I'd heard her call.  So I stuck my head over the fence: "How're ye, Eamon".

"Grand thanks, and yerself?"

"Grand too.  But I was worried about you.  Hadn't heard your wife's voice for a while.  Is she okay?"

"She told me it was her or the pigeons ... so I told her to feck off".

I was lucky enough to get to tickets to a rugby test and when we got to our seats there was an old guy next to me with a empty seat next to him. I said how amazed I was that someone wasn't there given it was a sell out. He said that was his wife's seat, that they had not missed a wallabies test match together in 20 years, but she had recently passed away. I asked him if their wasn't a friend or relative he could have asked to come along with him and he replied that they were all at the funeral.

Thank you, I will be here all week.

 

[Caliente]

From someone married three times to hot women, trust me you cannot fix the crazy. Why is it that most women cannot even remember how to wrap a line around a cleat unless they grew up around boats? Be satisfied to let her join you and drink wine without touching anything. Or get a dog, better company on a boat. 

 

[olaf hart]

I was lucky enough to get to tickets to a rugby test and when we got to our seats there was an old guy next to me with a empty seat next to him. I said how amazed I was that someone wasn't there given it was a sell out. He said that was his wife's seat, that they had not missed a wallabies test match together in 20 years, but she had recently passed away. I asked him if their wasn't a friend or relative he could have asked to come along with him and he replied that they were all at the funeral.

Thank you, I will be here all week.

Were you in Noo Zilland?

 

[olaf hart]

Jules, you just need to reframe your problem.

Tell yourself she uses sailing as foreplay, and see how it goes.

 

[Danceswithoctopus]

 

[retroSail]

Cool headedness is key on the water. I think people can attain this through life challenges and experience on the water which she might be lacking. I'd say give her another chance but tell her she has to buy a case of beer for each time she freaks out from now on.

 

[LB 15]

Were you in Noo Zilland?

Kiwi's are scared of getting cancer of the balls because they heard the doctors take their test tickets away.

 

[craigiri]

I've got a friend I've taken out exactly three times.  Every time we've been out she panics at some point.  But when we get back to the dock she always says how much fun it was and how she wants me to teach her more.

Personally, I don't think she's learned anything other than I will always do whatever has to be done to stop her from freaking out.

She frequently bugs me to go out again and I always find a way not to go.  I've even told her she has to overcome panicking but all that comes from that is the promise she won't.

Is it possible for her to learn to sail without me wanting to throw her overboard?

FWIW, I'll tell a short tale.

My spouse is the ultimate in panic....even my voice from behind has her jumping out of her skin. She is scared of everything and anything. 

However, when we were sailing on my 19 sloop in the heaviest conditions - she ONLY liked it when we were heeled over 20 degrees or more.  Now, obviously this was because she must trust me. But we were over 30 degrees sometimes - staring down at the water.

BUT, there was this old stoner dude who claimed he'd teach her sailing - he put her on a sunfish on a windy day and pushed her around a bit in shallow water....then he pushed her off and told here to sail. That freaked her out - she had no idea what she was doing.

She has since recovered and still sails w/me - we were out today on a Hobie. 

Here is my summary, tho - the Panic can be gotten over. What cannot be corrected for is those many people that have absolutely no idea of the mechanics of things - or don't want to learn. A non-thinking (the type who doesn't want to know which way is south, how that was made, etc.) makes a poor candidate for sailing

So I'd more use the "mechanic" scale - does the person learn things and are they excited by knowing more and more and putting their knowledge to work in the real world. 

 

[PurpleOnion]

Here is my summary, tho - the Panic can be gotten over. What cannot be corrected for is those many people that have absolutely no idea of the mechanics of things - or don't want to learn. A non-thinking (the type who doesn't want to know which way is south, how that was made, etc.) makes a poor candidate for sailing

So I'd more use the "mechanic" scale - does the person learn things and are they excited by knowing more and more and putting their knowledge to work in the real world. 

I had a situation 20+ years ago when I thought it would be good to get a bareboat charter certificate. You get forced to take basic sailing + whatever follows.
A husband and wife were in the course. When the wife was driving or performing some task HE would get nervous and intervene.  She was typically doing the right thing or close enough to it.  His anxiety would overwhelm him and he'd grab the tiller and pull it the wrong way. It was an odd situation for the instructor and everyone else who recognized it. I wonder what happened to those too. Anxiety is a tough thing. Displaced anxiety even weirder.