Dock Nazi's and the Duck Man

[Clove Hitch]

Got to love the dock denizens. Here are some characters in my little part of the pond

• The Dock Nazi: Dude is a boat cleaner covered in tats. Of note are the "SS" lightning bolts displayed proudly on his left pec. Hobbies include "fishing" for sea-gulls with table scraps.
  
• The Duck Guy: A short, swarthy live aboard. Tends to mutter to himself. He filled his cockpit with water and bred some mallards. They shit all over his boat all the time. . . like ducks do.
  
• Skipper: Every marina with live aboards has a guy like this, it seems. Friendly, salty and grizzled. Has a white beard coarse enough to clean his stancions with the shavings. Knows damn near everything about cruising there is to know.
  
• The Doc: Could be an opthamologist, but seeing how full of shit he is, probably is a proctologist.
  

who's around your dock?

 

[swan70]

Mr. Clean (not SA's) Boat maintenance fanatic with a serious case of OCD. Never stops cleaning the boat..............yet the boat never leaves its slip.

 

[lord_nougat]

Got to love the dock denizens. Here are some characters in my little part of the pond

• The Dock Nazi: Dude is a boat cleaner covered in tats. Of note are the "SS" lightning bolts displayed proudly on his left pec. Hobbies include "fishing" for sea-gulls with table scraps.
  
• The Duck Guy: A short, swarthy live aboard. Tends to mutter to himself. He filled his cockpit with water and bred some mallards. They shit all over his boat all the time. . . like ducks do.
  
• Skipper: Every marina with live aboards has a guy like this, it seems. Friendly, salty and grizzled. Has a white beard coarse enough to clean his stancions with the shavings. Knows damn near everything about cruising there is to know.
  
• The Doc: Could be an opthamologist, but seeing how full of shit he is, probably is a proctologist.
  

who's around your dock?

Wow, here I figured our marina was the coolest, most filled with weird characters one around. We have this one liveaboard on something that resembles a Cal 25 but it never sails because there is gross crap [like bottles of piss] all over the deck and you wouldn't want to be spilling those! He had family visiting one day, so they set up their hibachi right on the dock, and now there is a hibachi-shaped burn on the dock right there in front of his boat.

Then there was the guy who ran his old Hinckley 30 aground, damaging the garboards, and tied off to the end of the most outer edge of the marina, where he then just stayed, living there rent free for a couple years.

Let's see... we have the skipper too of course, a few of them even, but the most accomplished one with circumnavigations and stories of pirates and fights with giant islanders and egyptian cops to tell about.

Then, of course, there's those kids with the huge powerboat that never leaves it's slip - it's just for drinking on!

 

[papa]

Mr. French: real nice guy with a smaller cruising sailboat, and a never-ending pan-o-rama of beautiful crew.

Mr. Suspicious: A bike riding character that seems to have a key to all the docks, and a reason to be there.

Mrs. Handy: Here is a real nice gal, a little older, liveaboard, but strong as an ox, and knows boats like no other.

Mr. and Mrs. English: British to the core, sailed everything at one point in time or another, and always ready to crew.

Mr. Fantastic: Very firendly, real gq, lovely wife and child, dripping with success, and a nice day boat on the hydro-hoist.

 

[Clove Hitch]

Mr. French: real nice guy with a smaller cruising sailboat, and a never-ending pan-o-rama of beautiful crew.Mr. Suspicious: A bike riding character that seems to have a key to all the docks, and a reason to be there.

Mrs. Handy: Here is a real nice gal, a little older, liveaboard, but strong as an ox, and knows boats like no other.

Mr. and Mrs. English: British to the core, sailed everything at one point in time or another, and always ready to crew.

Mr. Fantastic: Very firendly, real gq, lovely wife and child, dripping with success, and a nice day boat on the hydro-hoist.

I want to be on your dock.

the Jar-head: A retired career marine. Some think he is an total asshole, while others claim it is merely a complete lack of any personality at all. Works at West Marine. It's unclear why, as the only time he has ever been seen on the water he was sea sick going to the pump-out station. Lives aboard. Has an emaculate boat that never leaves the dock. This is a good thing, as he has a two bow anchors with a hundred feet+ of chain coiled on them loosely. Were he to actually take his precious clean boat into a sea-way the first wave would drop a couple hundred feet of chain. . . and his anchors.

 

[kent_island_sailor]

Mr Houseboat : has plants on the boat. The boat moves exaclty one time per year to get the bottom painted. No idea why since the boat NEVER moves for any other reason.

Has several dinghies that seem to sink all the time.

Mr GoFast: has a fast boat with twin 502s. His gas bill must be higher than my mortgage, he is out all the time. Busted him making out with much younger girl one time in his cockpit :lol:

Mr Can't_Tie_a_Knot: Has a very nice 30 foot or so Grady White fishing boat worth big $$$ that seems to be "tied up" with spare clothesline and is always hitting the dock.

 

[FreeFlight]

Old Yeller: Liveaboard Dogs that never stop barking

 

[Thatcher]

Mad Max: Super nice guy but a little out there and sometimes the eyes don't quite focus. Sails his beat-up Kirby 36 like it's his last day on earth, frayed and faded sheets coming apart in a good gust. Hell of a sailor and doesn't mean no harm. Pisses off the up-tights by sailing into his slip.

The Professor: Sails a big-ass, 40+ Catalina. Teaches the Yachting Association courses at all levels. Has been there and done that. Only person I've ever seen tie knots by looping the line in the air (i.e. not using hands). Super competent, super humble and nice as pie. He's the go-to guy whenever anyone at the club has a question. Respected by all, friend to all.

Mr & Mrs Tipple: Racers. Hell-raisers and shit disturbers. Perpetually drunk. Matching red-noses to go with their matching red offshore jackets.

The Crazy Admiral: Getting *way* up there in age and a starting to show the signs...and maybe a little dementia. Has a list of accomplishments a mile long and twice as wide. Still races his hardcore, old school Farr like a hellion, charging anyone who gets in his way. Raised a number of sons who all went on to be great sailors in there own right, all the way to the AC level. Don't think he ever leaves the club. When he dies they'll have him stuffed and propped up in the bar.

 

[Micawber]

Mr. Rainbowflag- Rounded up everyone from BoysTown to come hang out on his powerboat, wear speedos, drink fancy frozen drinks, listen to Cher and Diana Ross, swim and giggle loudly. Every Saturday. (NTTIAWWT)

 

[J24Soup]

Funny thread.

Mr. Saving it for the Kids - J24 that hasn't moved from the slip in 20+ years, complete ecosystem grown on/under it. When approached about at least getting it out of the water, "Too much trouble", and "I'm saving it for the kids". I'm sure they would've preferred the check for $50k of moorage spent + interest...

 

[sailone]

I used to live on a boat in New Orleans next to the Bally's Casino. Here are just a few:

Eight Ball: This guy had the highest pitch voice I have ever heard from a 40 year old man. It turns out that his girlfriend threw an eight ball at him and hit him in the throat.

Crazy Duck Hunter Guy: This guy was my next door neighbor. One morning he popped out of his forward hatch with a spear gun and shot the duck swimming in front of his boat. Then he tells me, "Them makes good eatin"

 

[cbm]

Mr. Clean (not SA's) Boat maintenance fanatic with a serious case of OCD. Never stops cleaning the boat..............yet the boat never leaves its slip.

We have one of these, the only guy I have ever seen strech his shore power out in the carpark and turtle wax it ! :lol:

 

[foulbottom]

Frosty the Snowman - a black dude, seemed like a nice guy, lived aboard his powerboat down the dock from me. Always had a friendly smile and hello when we passed. Then one day the SWAT team came in by land and by sea, body armor, M16s, everything, and took him away. Turned out that other liveaboards noticed that he had a lot of visitors who would come by his boat for about 5 minutes, then leave.

 

[Mojo31]

We have the guy every one here wants as his neighbor - Mr. Stip Club Owner.

The dude has a 100' houseboat (yes, on a small Texas lake). The story is that he wanted a covered slip for it, but the marina didn't have one that big. So, he agreed to pay for it, and forked over $40,000.00 to build it - in CASH.

Parties held on board all summer, complete with bands and plenty of drink (and who knows what else). The entertainment is always the girls that work for him.

 

[Jollymon]

Not exactly at our marina, but just downriver a few feet:

Mr. Waterworld: He has an old 24' cuddy cabin boat with plywood around the back of the boat, a chunk of styrofoam tied alongside, and a beat up dinghy to get ashore. He has been parked on the hook just outside the channel for over two years. Guess it has better security than being homeless in the city!

JM

 

[DriverEd]

Mr and Mrs Beverly Hillbillies - They have their benehuntalina loaded down with a full enclosure, davits, 16 jerry cans of fuel on the deck, two bikes in the 14 foot dinghy with a 25 HP engine hanging off the davits. The water line has been raised 16 inches to accomodate the vast amount of stores down below. Have cruised to the windwards and back, yet the one time you went sailing with them they couldn't figure out which way to wrap the winch and didn't understand that a boat could sail higher than 120 degrees off the wind.

 

[shaggy]

Pissed off power boat guy: Nice guy, sometimes tries to join the racing crowd, but does not quite get it. He holds all sailors in disdain because he chose to buy a powerboat and not learn to sail. Complains to mgmt and all who will listen about the Sailors getting all the breaks, good slips/parking, breaks from rangers for minor infractions, beer on the dock etc. Tries to enjoy said breaks but can't quite get over the hump. You can usually see the pissed off look on his face from across the harbor as the sheriff checks his boat for life jackets, as you head out, beer in hand and 20 people on board. Might be a small lake phenomenon, but has been seen at different local's lurking in the YC on race nights.

 

[LostDaggerboard]

Mrs. Opti: perpetually angry mother of two or three kids that sail for the yacht club. she's at every regatta, every picnic, and will never stop bragging about their kid's mediocre accomplishments. Insists on sitting in the RC boat [which is usually a white RBI] at every 420 outing, but refuses to tow the boats back. Feels it is completely necessary to wear a white sweater tied around her neck as though she were a Kennedy and drives either a Volvo wagon, minivan, or a large SUV (something in the Yukon/Suburban catagory).

New Yorker: selfish bastard that comes in only on the weekends, hops in his 30-foot cruiser with three buddies and a 30 rack for each, brag about his stupid fucking Jets, Mets, and Yanks, and possesses no regard for "No-Wake" signs. Comes back to dock about two hours later with pussy-sized fish, the incapability to throw away trash by leaving it next to the hose (which never has been touched) and has a weak bladder that can't stay in the bowl.

Stubborn Old Bastard: Old (or elderly) man that smokes about three packs a day, drinks wine from a box, and mocks how you "rig like a Nancy" and "paint like his cunt sister" as he sits in a camping chair in the cockpit of his Hunter 34. There is sometimes a wirey mutt that circles around his craft, but you see the dog for a few days, and it will sometimes disappear.

"Goddamn it" Bill: that guy at the regatta party that has an awful time holding his liquor and ends up doing something morbidly embarassing, or equally stupid, which results in the phrase, "Goddamn it Bill."

'Ello Jack: British guy who know an absolute shit-load about sailing, but has the sketchy awe about him that makes you wonder if all the epic stories he tells are actually true. Own a classic racing boat, and a pile-of-crap Whaler 14.

 

[Bill E Goat]

Mr Talk it Up The bloke that tells stories about big time boats he was on, making sure they were long enough ago that his audience had no chance of being there as well, but not realising that the owners son in law is listening and know he is talking bullshit

Mrs. Opti and Mr Opti Parents who have never sailed and think their kids should be Olympic champions and stand on the balcony screaming at them so much they cry and give up sailing, whilst the parents who have sailed before stand around with a beer and let the kids enjoy themselves